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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Washing my horse

164 replies

Pimpmypony · 29/03/2022 18:03

I have a horse I hate grooming, especially when he's muddy. A friend has a mobile horse washing business and does the equivalent of dog grooming for horses. I booked her to come and wash my boy, and DH has thrown an absolute fit at the waste of money, claiming that because I "don't work", (I am SAHM) it's not for me to waste money on "frivolities".

FWIW, it has led to a row between DH and I, because he has told me that the allowance he gives me is not to be wasted on stuff I can do myself. I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable or not - I don't consider it any different to paying a dog groomer or a cleaner to provide a service. DH says that it's a total piss take and waste of his money.

I gave up my job to support his career, as he works long hours, hence being a SAHM. My horse is my only hobby/indulgence. Who is right here?

OP posts:
Seraphinesupport · 29/03/2022 18:42

To me it would depend what it cost but to be honest your "allowance" Should be able to be spent on whatever it is you want

steff13 · 29/03/2022 18:42

You should have access to all the family money. You said you don't consider it different than paying for a dog groomer or a cleaner, which I think it is, but do you pay for those things? How are your household finances?

Electriq · 29/03/2022 18:42

Oh stop it 😂😂

RedScarfJamjar · 29/03/2022 18:44

Is it like a carwash? Does the horse walk through and come out with an air freshener on one ear? Or is it like a jet wash?

I'll come to the rest presently but those are my initial enquiries. Thankyou for your prompt attention on this matter.

Ninjaexpress · 29/03/2022 18:46

If you both have some money that you can spend as you wish, and you both have the same amount of money to spend - then he's being unreasonable. Being given an allowance is like something out of the 60's, but possibly you kind of agreed an allowance for each of you?
Basically I'm hoping that you have mutually agreed how much you have spare for each of you to spend each month. That it's an equal amount. That even though you have an expensive hobby it all comes out of your allocation. In which case he's being totally unreasonable and you can spend your money as you wish. (But hell you're missing out on a lot if you hate grooming...).

gwenneh · 29/03/2022 18:46

@speakout

gwenneh

Ok - I am not a horsewoman- but I imagined grooming and caring for a horse was important .

I don't move in these worlds!!

It is important to the horse that it gets done regularly. You don't have to be at a particularly high-end livery yard to have basic grooming, and sometimes bathing, included in your regular costs, though. I don't get to the yard every day, that's why I have my horse on livery -- so his basic needs are met when I can't be there.

The OP didn't suggest that they were giving up on grooming, regular or otherwise, at all. They've hired someone one time, to give one bath, and paid for it out of a fund that her DH "thoughtfully" provides as an allowance.

Ninjaexpress · 29/03/2022 18:46

www.thehorseboxspa.co.uk/

Cocomarine · 29/03/2022 18:47

You didn’t stop working to support his career, not if you have a household income that supports am owning your own horse 🤣
You could easily have afforded childcare and to carry on working.

There’s nothing wrong as a family, deciding you’re not going to work. But don’t try to get extra sympathy for horse wash money because you’re not working to support his career 🤣

As to the horse washing… if it’s coming from your allowance and you’re buying less lash lifts and handbags, then tell him to wind his neck in. If you’re asking for more pocket money to cover this, or using money that was previously for children… he has a point.

AgentProvocateur · 29/03/2022 18:49

The idea of a grown woman being given an “allowance” by her husband and being told what she can spend it on makes me cringe.

speakout · 29/03/2022 18:49
  • You don't have to be at a particularly high-end livery yard to have basic grooming, and sometimes bathing, included in your regular costs, though. I don't get to the yard every day, that's why I have my horse on livery -- so his basic needs are met when I can't be there.

Is that expensive?

Cocomarine · 29/03/2022 18:50

I think it’s silly to cry that the horse is your only indulgence. That’s quite some indulgence 😭

AmyDudley · 29/03/2022 18:50

Does the allowance cover polishing his hooves every single day, and bringing him to the horse dentist ?

cherish123 · 29/03/2022 18:51

Allowance 🙄sounds like he treats you like a child.
Maybe you need a job so he can't say things like that.
I would be annoyed with him. However, the flip side is, if I worked FT and my spouse was unemployed, I'd probably be a bit annoyed if they paid someone else to wash the horse.

Member869894 · 29/03/2022 18:51

How much does he earn? What are your household expenses and what in earth is the'allowance' ?

HELLITHURT · 29/03/2022 18:51

@AmyDudley

Does the allowance cover polishing his hooves every single day, and bringing him to the horse dentist ?
Neigh
ladydimitrescu · 29/03/2022 18:52

@Cocomarine

I think it’s silly to cry that the horse is your only indulgence. That’s quite some indulgence 😭
This 😂 ffs
AlwaysLatte · 29/03/2022 18:53

Can you invest instead in whatever equipment the horse washing lady uses? Pay for itself after a time? We have a Mud Daddy for our dog. Is there a Horse Daddy, or similar?

dollydimple123 · 29/03/2022 18:54

I get where he is coming from. He obviously already covers your expenses for your horse so you ask you not to spend money unnecessarily when you can wash the horse doesn't seem too unreasonable. I'm a SAHM and if I told DH I was using our money to get things done that I could easily do myself he would probably moan.

Jimtheturtle · 29/03/2022 18:55

@Cocomarine

You didn’t stop working to support his career, not if you have a household income that supports am owning your own horse 🤣 You could easily have afforded childcare and to carry on working.

There’s nothing wrong as a family, deciding you’re not going to work. But don’t try to get extra sympathy for horse wash money because you’re not working to support his career 🤣

As to the horse washing… if it’s coming from your allowance and you’re buying less lash lifts and handbags, then tell him to wind his neck in. If you’re asking for more pocket money to cover this, or using money that was previously for children… he has a point.

Maybe her husband has a problem with paying for childcare as why pay for things ‘you can do yourself’.

What the OP has said amounts to financial abuse but because she appears well off because she owns a horse she’s having the piss taken out of her instead of being supported to contact womens aid:

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 29/03/2022 18:55

@speakout

* You don't have to be at a particularly high-end livery yard to have basic grooming, and sometimes bathing, included in your regular costs, though. I don't get to the yard every day, that's why I have my horse on livery -- so his basic needs are met when I can't be there. *

Is that expensive?

It depends on the yard and what's included in the package.

Our local stables charges £84 per week for full livery but that doesn't include grooming or exercise, both of which are charged by the hour on top.

You can get DIY livery for £30 - you basically pay for the stable and field space and do the rest yourself, but you can pay for ad-hoc extras on top - for example, if you're away on holiday or something.

SallyLovesCheese · 29/03/2022 18:56

I knew I shouldn't have clicked on a thread about someone's bloomin' horse. Although to be fair I thought it might be about a friend riding the horse and not washing it afterwards, rather than the OP not being bothered themselves.

OP, if you've got the money then do what you want. Your DH shouldn't be checking your spending of your "allowance", unless you regularly ask him for more for more mundane things.

Meanwhile, I'll be looking for the poor person's part of Mumsnet, for those of us worrying about how to afford heat and food and petrol

veggiemonster · 29/03/2022 18:56

Horses?! Allowance?! 😂😂😂😂

Where to even begin. My god.

TheAbbotOfUnreason · 29/03/2022 18:56

YANBU for wanting to spend your “allowance” as you wish.

YABU for saying you hate grooming your own horse. Its the basic routine care that comes with being responsible for a horse.

gwenneh · 29/03/2022 18:57

@speakout

* You don't have to be at a particularly high-end livery yard to have basic grooming, and sometimes bathing, included in your regular costs, though. I don't get to the yard every day, that's why I have my horse on livery -- so his basic needs are met when I can't be there. *

Is that expensive?

Depends on the scale of what's expensive.

It costs more than DIY grass livery. Less than full training board. Costs depend on what amenities you need, really. I pay for more amenities like grooming, rugging, and the like because I can't always get out as much as I want between work and DC.

Full livery runs about £200 pw where I am currently.

speakout · 29/03/2022 18:58

My horse is my only hobby/indulgence.

Just wow.

So you can never afford a takeaway or a Costa coffee, you never have a lie in the bath or buy yourself fruit you enjoy? No new clothes, you never visit the hairdresser?

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