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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend asking to use swimming pool

839 replies

bakedbeansandgravy · 29/03/2022 16:20

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

OP posts:

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 29/03/2022 17:05

mucked

Winkydink · 29/03/2022 17:06

Insurance (or lack of) is also a serious consideration. Invalidating home and contents insurance and public liability if something happened to her or her daughter.

dfendyr · 29/03/2022 17:06

But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

Of course you can - woman up and say No

Suzi888 · 29/03/2022 17:06

@Londono

I think as they have used it before and not been careful then the answer is no.

^ Just say no.

Horst · 29/03/2022 17:06

Also the only reason her dd would be disappointed is if mum is telling her they can use it because your away when she hasn’t even asked you. That’s on her not you.

She will keep pushing her luck while you keep letting her get away with it.

Tooclosetothewind · 29/03/2022 17:06

Change the gate code, but don’t tell her and just go away, turn your phone off and so you can’t answer her calls.

Or just say no, give whatever excuse you want and if she says her DD was looking forward to it and will be disappointed, point her in the direction of the public swimming pool.

I’m inclined to think maybe she had a pool party whilst you were away and that’s why there wasn’t a lot of water in the pool when you came back.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/03/2022 17:06

She massively takes advantage of me in many ways

I thought that would probably be the case

There's no point in mentioning insurance/maintenance or whatever to folk like this because they'll always have an answer, so just tell her the way she left it last time means it's now a no, and as PPs have said change your gate code

She won't like it, but if she's a user what's to lose?

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 29/03/2022 17:07

She has the gate code (she wanted it for using the pool before and in case of any emergency ever).

You have to change the code. Don't give it to her - if there's an emergency then you can text it to her if you need to.

You need to tell her your DH said no as the chemicals were all wrong last time and going forwards, he won't let anyone else use it/do the chemicals - also the heating will be turned off while you are away.

No negotiations. Your DH had decided.

Drinkingallthewine · 29/03/2022 17:07

''my DD was soo looking forward to using the pool but now she cant and will be so very disappointed''.

Suggest the local community pool when she does pull that manipulative shit. So her DD isn't disappointed like.

If you do find out that it was used while you were gone, I'd be telling her about the "funny" story about DP and all his friends who all pissed in it the night before you went away as it was getting drained anyway.

TitsInAbsentia · 29/03/2022 17:08

No. But if you need more than no, it's having a mega dose of chemicals that it needs while you are away so is unsafe to use....which should stop her potentially popping round while you are away (if she knows the gate code).

user1471439310 · 29/03/2022 17:08

When you tell her no and she says her daughter will be so disappointed, tell her you'll be disappointed if someone drowns and you get sued. Change the lock numbers or add another lock. She'll go anyway no matter what you say, she isn't a friend. She is a user.

Festivalpartygirl · 29/03/2022 17:08

Well if her DD is that disappointed she’ll have to take her to a council one then, not sure where you are but we have the choice of 3 and a water slide park.

peasandcarrrots · 29/03/2022 17:08

I of you can't be brutal honest and just say no I would say you have someone coming in for an annual service while you are away and they will be carrying out maintenance and repairs and regularly testing the water. Make out like it will be unusable.

HollowTalk · 29/03/2022 17:08

Look, if you don't change the code she will definitely turn up when you're away and won't tell you in advance. Change the code and put a cover on the pool. Set up a CCTV which notifies you if someone is there.

my DD was soo looking forward to using the pool but now she cant and will be so very disappointed' - direct her to the nearest public pool.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 29/03/2022 17:09

“DD will be so disappointed”

“Oh that’s a shame. If you’d checked with me first… still, she’ll be welcome when we’re back”

Drinkingallthewine · 29/03/2022 17:09

I’m inclined to think maybe she had a pool party whilst you were away and that’s why there wasn’t a lot of water in the pool when you came back.

I'd put money on that happening the last time. And if so, I'd set up a camera on the pool that I can check on an app.

motherofcatsandbears · 29/03/2022 17:09

Just say there is no insurance cover for anyone using the pool while you’re out of the country and won’t risk anything happening.

Blinkingbatshit · 29/03/2022 17:09

What @BringBackCoffeeCreams said on page 1. Your insurance company precludes the use of the pool whilst you are not at home. Simples.

Abra1d1 · 29/03/2022 17:10

With fuel prices the way they are I think it would be very understandable not to have the pool in use while you're away.

TeapotCollection · 29/03/2022 17:11

@Mumsnut has it, I was going to say that - tell her you’re giving it a shock treatment while you’re away and it won’t be safe to swim in. And add that even if that wasn’t the case you’ve decided you’re not letting anyone in whilst you’re away anymore

You really do need to stand up to her OP or she’ll walk all over you forever

Courante · 29/03/2022 17:11

I'm not even vaguely surprised that she is likely to use emotional manipulation on you. She can take her daughter to the public pool.

Do you get anything out of this friendship?

Riverlee · 29/03/2022 17:12

“ my DD was soo looking forward to using the pool but now she cant and will be so very disappointed''.”

Not your problem, and she can use the local public swimming pool if desperate.

Just tell her your insurance no longer permits it - homeowners have to be home (and change the gate lock number if she already knows it so she can’t sneak in). And that you won’t be heating it etc

Riseholme · 29/03/2022 17:13

We have a pool.
I would say that she can use it if she pays for a professional to come in once a week and check the chemicals.
Book the professional and take the money up front.

puffyisgood · 29/03/2022 17:13

I can, of course, see how this would be awkward/difficult. But I think I'd probably bite the bullet and tell her the full story about DH/last time/chemicals etc, make out that it's his decision which you can't question.

If you genuinely like her then invite the friend/the friend's kids over for an all-day/sleepover/mammoth pool session at some point in June.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 29/03/2022 17:14

How secure is the pool? If you really don't want to tell her no, could you say yes, but change the gate code so she can't get in?

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