Friend asking to use swimming pool

[bakedbeansandgravy]

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

Just tell her the truth. 🤷🏻‍♀️

and if you are concerned about the friend using it anyway whilst you are away change the number on the gate pad.

I’d just be honest. It might make her think a bit before she borrows/uses things belonging to friends in the future. I don’t mean this in a nasty way just that some people don’t think about the consequences for other people until it’s spelled out to them. I may or may not have been one of these people in the past!

thanks for all the replies, some good options here.

The pool maintenance was explained to her last time and she said she understood. When a hell of a lot of green scum started forming around the pool edges, I thought she would have realised something was wrong. But she clearly carried on using the pool. I have no idea how she managed to get so much water out of the pool. It was extremely low.

She massively takes advantage of me in many ways and I feel immensely pressured into saying yes. I'm weak and I know it and so does she.

Why can't you just say no sorry we are turning the heating off while we are way.

Insurance says no.

Perfect.

I wish I’d a pool. I’d be like a prune.

What with utility costs tell her you keeping it off until late summer when hopefully the sun will warm or for free!

Just woman up and say no, you are turning everything off while you are away so it isn't available. End of.

Is this the kind of friendship you even want to have? You might feel a sense of relief if you just end it altogether.

The pool's not heated while you're away and DH needs to be there to do the pool chemicals, so it won't be possible.

Tell her no because the pool is never maintained properly when people use it when you're away.
And change the code for the gate.

I would tell her the truth. She didn’t look after it last time she used it and your husband was furious it took him a long time to sort it out. Plus you don’t want to pay for the heating especially with the costs rising.

Just text 'Sorry it's too expensive to leave the heating on when we're not there now the electricity cost has gone up so much so the pool will be cold while we're away.'

Oh, just read she takes advantage of you. Time to get tough OP. She sounds like a right cheeky cow.

If this really was a good friend I would be more than happy to have her make use of my pool while I was away.

I think this must not be a good friend.

Why on earth can't you tell her the truth?

What did you say to her after the last time - did you not tell her that she hadn't done what you asked, which caused you/your DH all manner of problems?

Think it’s time for elk her the truth and reference to last time. She’s not a true friend if she’s deliberately taking advantage of you

as I understand it, pool heating is not like turning on a light. If you want to use the pool on a certain day, then the heating has to go on a day or so earlier.
I like the insurance thing if you don't want to just say sorry no.

She massively takes advantage of me in many ways and I feel immensely pressured into saying yes. I'm weak and I know it and so does she.

She's no friend then is she so why are you worried about saying 'No'? Just say 'No' and repeat it if she tries to negotiate, losing a 'friend' who takes advantage of you is no loss.

I’d say that the poo heating is being switched off when you are away with energy bills and environmental concerns.

Would she swim in it cold?

'No, last time you didn't adjust the chemicals etc so it took months to get it back to normal. Sorry. You can come over when we're back though?'

Tell her your dh said no as she nearly ruined the filter last time and the water was horrible when you got back too.

Sod being nice your last comment proves you need to just say it how it is.

Your insurance doesn't cover you for someone using the pool when you're not at home

Change the gate code, and block her on everything, or get your dh to tell her to sling her hook

I would say that you're having maintenance done. And I would also change the number on the keypad