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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friend asking to use swimming pool

839 replies

bakedbeansandgravy · 29/03/2022 16:20

a few years ago DH came into some inheritance and spent the money on a swimming pool We have always wanted one. Friends use it with us and all is good. However, my friend is asking to use the pool when we are due to be away in May. Access to the garden/pool is straight forward as we have a gate with number pad. However:

last time my friend used the pool when we were away (friend asked in advance) we came back to find the pool chemicals had not been done properly and the pool water was a lot lower than usual (can cause issues with the filter system). DH was fuming and it took him ages to get the chemical balance back.

To leave the pool heating on for my friend while we are away is going to cost us money. Money that could be saved from non-use by us while we are away but instead will be used/accrued by my friend. But I cant say we are trying to save costs ie the pool heating will be off while we are away and then turn it back on the minute we get home - if that makes sense.

I don't mind friend using the pool but it will cost us money (and I can hardly charge my friend), if we were here then the pool heating would be on anyways and last time my friend messed up the chemicals.

Any suggestions on what to do/say ?

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 29/03/2022 16:43

Tell her it’s not possible and switch off the heating but don’t tell her. I bet she’ll try to use it anyway and have an unpleasant shock. CF.

godmum56 · 29/03/2022 16:43

@bakedbeansandgravy

thanks for all the replies, some good options here.

The pool maintenance was explained to her last time and she said she understood. When a hell of a lot of green scum started forming around the pool edges, I thought she would have realised something was wrong. But she clearly carried on using the pool. I have no idea how she managed to get so much water out of the pool. It was extremely low.

She massively takes advantage of me in many ways and I feel immensely pressured into saying yes. I'm weak and I know it and so does she.

so not a friend at all. Tell her to fuck off.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 29/03/2022 16:43

Is this conversation over text? If so 'hey no sorry pool is going to be shut down when we are away.' Then a generic what you been up to, change of subject. Then change your code. If she questions you anymore after you've said no she is massivley overstepping.

erinaceus · 29/03/2022 16:43

I think it is totally reasonable to not permit people to use your pool when you are away -- I don't think you actually need to give a reason. It is quite odd to go into someone's garden when they are away, I think. (Would she come round to use your trampoline? Your kitchen? That sort of thing.)

Changing the code on the gate is a good idea.

Tertius3 · 29/03/2022 16:44

I’ve always thought pools must cause lots of problems with people taking advantage. My aunt had one and people constantly turned up to use it without asking. When she moved to somewhere without one, these friends disappeared.

It would cause me a lot of anxiety!

listsandbudgets · 29/03/2022 16:45

Pool chemicals are a pain and most people don't know what they're doing with them. Have you tried a floating tablet dispenser instead as that gives a constant level rather than fiddling about with endless bottles.

It sounds like you'd be happier saying no though.

Original poster

bakedbeansandgravy · 29/03/2022 16:45

@TinaYouFatLard

If this really was a good friend I would be more than happy to have her make use of my pool while I was away.

I think this must not be a good friend.

I don't mind her using the pool if she does the chemicals correctly and looks after the pool. Which she clearly didn't last time, despite the fact she said she understood what to do. I don't even know how to fully do the chemicals, I leave it all up to DH.

OP posts:

Clymene · 29/03/2022 16:45

Actually on second thoughts, reading your last post, I'd tell her the truth.

That you didn't mention it at the time as it was over and done with but she didn't take care of the pool and so she can't use it again.

I bet you'll feel a bit shaky standing up for yourself but you'll feel epic afterwards!

I'd still change the numbers on the keypad though.

Christmas1988 · 29/03/2022 16:47

Tell her the pool is having a deep clean or something so unfortunately it’s not possible.

HollowTalk · 29/03/2022 16:47

She massively takes advantage of me in many ways and I feel immensely pressured into saying yes. I'm weak and I know it and so does she.

This is really sad. She's not a friend and you should cut her off if she's treating you so badly.

Change the code and install some CCTV there - I bet she will turn up when you're gone.

stripeyflowers · 29/03/2022 16:47

@Sparklybanana

Just say no. Say what you said above that it took dh ages to fix the pool after "some guests" had used it and he's now banned its use when you're away. Plus it's not going to be heated.

This. As someone else said, not having a pool, I would not know all this about the pool care etc. and would understand your reluctance based on this.

Having said that though, I really wouldn't have asked in the first place.

Gonnagetgoing · 29/03/2022 16:47

Say no and if pressed tell her the reasons why. Change the entry code on your keypad too.

Micawbs · 29/03/2022 16:48

I probably wouldn’t use the maintenance excuse as, even if that works this time, she will ask again in the future. Maybe say it won’t be possible because the heating will be off.
If she continues to push with something like ‘well, can’t you leave the heating on?’ Or ‘I’ll pay you for the heating if it’s an issue’ or ‘I’ll just swim in it cold’… etc.. (and it sounds from your update she is that pushy)
Then say something along the lines of ‘no.. the chemicals and water levels were off last time and it caused issues/damage’.
Good luck.

Pegasussnail · 29/03/2022 16:48

She takes advantage in many ways .. ditch the 'friend'

HomeHomeInTheRange · 29/03/2022 16:48

“Sorry the heating won’t be on while we are away which means the chemicals and filters aren’t operational. Love to see you when we are back!” and change the lock pass code.

Courante · 29/03/2022 16:48

'No, including the pool won't be up to temperature whilst we're away and it's too much hassle with water levels/chemicals etc.'

Avoid saying sorry in anyway...She's being very cheeky asking.

As she is the cheeky type she'll probably push back a bit. 'No, we've thought it through and it's a definite no'

Definitely change the number on the keypad if there is any chance she knows what it is.

HollowTalk · 29/03/2022 16:49

You can blame your husband if you can't stand up to her yourself. Say that he went mad last time as it took him so much time to sort it out - he could also say that with heating costs rising, he wants it turned off when you're not there.

She's not a friend, though, so don't feel you have to keep her happy.

Courante · 29/03/2022 16:49

(ignore including!)

Blossom64265 · 29/03/2022 16:49

Just tell her that you have found that pool maintenance is too finicky to have the pool used when you aren’t home. You don’t have to link it to her specifically. You can add in raising energy costs for an extra reason if that helps.

Ninjaexpress · 29/03/2022 16:49

Op - you DO mind her using the pool because she WON'T look after it properly. Honestly, don't agonise over this. Don't make excuses for her to argue about. Just say no, you don't want anyone coming in while you are away. Change the gate code too if she knows it.
We've got a pool, I can't imagine anyone asking to use it while we were away. If they did we wouldn't have much problem saying no.

StrangeCondition · 29/03/2022 16:49

Stop letting her take advantage of you in massive ways, friends don't do that. Fuck her off and change the code for the gate, let her pay to use the local council or join a health club

ButtockUp · 29/03/2022 16:50

As others have said, you're probably not even insured for someone else to use your pool while you're away.

MsTSwift · 29/03/2022 16:50

Just say no. I was responsible for a pool in a home we stayed in despite carefully following the detailed instructions left the pool turned green and the owner was furious with me. Never again! I wouldn’t want that responsibility she is mental to ask.

SnowyPetals · 29/03/2022 16:51

I would no way want people trooping onto my property while I was away, no matter how close we were. Tell her the pool is out of use while you're away as you have been informed that it isn't safe to leave it heated while nobody is there to attend to it. You need to give a reason why she should never ask again, so avoid the maintence one.

BronwenFrideswide · 29/03/2022 16:51

She's not a friend, though, so don't feel you have to keep her happy.

Exactly, why are you trying to do so, OP? Why are you hunting around for excuses to use when a straightforward 'No' is all that is required?

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