AIBU To Not Let DPs ExW Use Holiday Home

[Stupified]

Been with DP for 4 years - each have our own children (mine 13 & 10, his 7 & 14) Mine are with me full time, no contact with their dad, DP has 50-50 arrangement.
About three years ago, I came into some money through the loss of a family member and invested it in buying a property in Wales. It’s taken a lot of work with redecorating, etc. to get it just how we want it and we love it. Have spent a lot of time there making it a ‘second home’ and it is particularly special as this is where my DP and I spend time ‘living together’ - as we don’t usually.
DPs ExW has started dropping hints to him that she’s ‘heard all about it’, ‘would love to see it’ and how she ‘can’t afford’ a holiday. DPs son piped up ‘mummy could take us to the Wales house’ and it was all very awkward - DP now feels guilty and said (to me) that maybe we should let her - AIBU to say no way?

No way. YANBU at all!!

That is YOURS AND DPS blended family home. If they went there with their mum regularly, it would really change the dynamic - completely.

If anything, I'd maybe let her go once for 3 nights but make sure she knows upfront it is once and only once.

Personally I wouldn't mind at all, my current partner has two kids with his ex who I get along very well with and I would have no qualms whatsoever about her taking her kids there for a holiday and making lovely memories together. I think it would be lovely for the kids too, they must enjoy going there and would probably really enjoy having time with their mum there. They don't understand the intricacies of adult relationships they just want everyone they love to get on well.
If there is tension between you and the ex I could understand saying no a bit more but otherwise I don't see a problem at all. But that's just my opinion and obviously a minority!

Personally I'm suspicious that the exw has put her son up to saying you ask daddy he might say yes to you ,some women know how to manipulate

@KatsuKatsu that's so blunt and so funny I like that wit

No, given your current circumstances and relationship situation you are not unreasonable. It’s your property not his and if you’re not married and don’t live together normally then you’re not really in a shared finances and property situation anyway.

If you were married and had been together for a long time and got on very well with ex then it would be nice to reach the point where if she genuinely isn’t able to afford a holiday you could offer once every few years just to be nice, because it can’t be nice knowing the the ex and the “step mum” can take your kids on holiday and have fun but that it’s something you’ll never be able to give them. But you don’t have to and shouldn’t feel guilted into it. And the reality is that clearly that’s not the position you’re in. You aren’t married. It’s yours. It’s not his decision and sounds like it would probably be uncomfortable for all involved.

@SeasonFinale

No. If DPs child wants to visit then he can come with you. No way to letting the ex use it!

This

If ive read it correctly the step kids already go there with op so theyr enot missing out its the ex that wants a freebie

I'm not keen on distant family members trying to use someone marrying or in a relationship with another family member for freebies. I've had it numerous times with DP's family - his sister's husband tried to get me to give him free use of my parking space as it was near his work (erm, no I need it myself) and tried to get us let them stay in our house while we were away on holiday (its in a tourist destination, again the answer was "no") and several of them have tried to get free professional advice - his parents have been given it several times and they never, ever give anything back in return. None of them do.

Just a big fat NO

Don't do it. She's a CF for hinting

Ewww no way! So she can sleep in the same bed you and you partner do 😐

@BungleandGeorge

I’m personally not keen on the concept of a ‘holiday house’ being sat empty most of the time. I can see why she’s suggesting it in those circumstances. It’s up to you though

I think that’s a separate point. Maybe true to keep the house used but doesn’t need to be filled with exes! I’m afraid I’m very down on DP on this one. Yes he has an ongoing relationship with ex because of the children but all the more reason to want a special exclusive of ex time with you. He should be grateful for your good fortune and your sharing with him and children and not foist his ex onto you. She is EX. Except for their shared children. I’d be furious and hurt that he even considers her coming to your shared place. Her background has nothing to do with you.

Absolutely no, tell her to bugger off. If they can’t afford a holiday, tough shit .

No point in your DP feeling guilty, he has no say over the house so not his decision to make.

The children go to the house with you and DP so they aren’t missing out, and their mother is a grown woman who needs to facilitate her own holidays.

If your partner feels that his ex should have a holiday with their joint children, he can fund a separate holiday rental for them all.

If you feel put on the spot, the earlier comments about not being set up to let out in terms of insurance and regulations are useful .

Cheeky mare. Your money. Your house. Don't feel bad about it. She'd probably go through every drawer in the place, it would taint it for you. If you were already renting this out some of the time, that's different, she could rent it! You're not though, so no.

^ THIS ^

You did this to earn income from, so earn income from it. No freebies. She only knows you by association. Your responsibility to you DSS is to provide for him, Inc holidays, which might mean a trip to your house in Wales, but his DM has no rights to expect to go and foc too. What a cheek!

Precisely