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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To Not Let DPs ExW Use Holiday Home

318 replies

Stupified · 29/03/2022 10:15

Been with DP for 4 years - each have our own children (mine 13 & 10, his 7 & 14) Mine are with me full time, no contact with their dad, DP has 50-50 arrangement.
About three years ago, I came into some money through the loss of a family member and invested it in buying a property in Wales. It’s taken a lot of work with redecorating, etc. to get it just how we want it and we love it. Have spent a lot of time there making it a ‘second home’ and it is particularly special as this is where my DP and I spend time ‘living together’ - as we don’t usually.
DPs ExW has started dropping hints to him that she’s ‘heard all about it’, ‘would love to see it’ and how she ‘can’t afford’ a holiday. DPs son piped up ‘mummy could take us to the Wales house’ and it was all very awkward - DP now feels guilty and said (to me) that maybe we should let her - AIBU to say no way?

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 29/03/2022 16:10

I think I’d let her use it too. Why have it just sitting empty?

Jux · 29/03/2022 16:28

Ask dp if he'd say yes, or contemplate saying yes, to her living in your normal home while you're in Wales? He'll probably say no, but if he doesn't then you have a bigger problem than the holiday house.

tricky29 · 29/03/2022 16:31

Absolutely not.

You’re not being unreasonable....it’s not his place to offer out anyway and it’s just all kinds of awkward. He wouldn’t expect you to let her stay at your main home if you weren’t there. This is no different!

Nanny0gg · 29/03/2022 16:33

@Pumperthepumper

I think I’d let her use it too. Why have it just sitting empty?
Does the OP know her from a hole in the wall?

Or just as her DP's ex?

pinkyredrose · 29/03/2022 16:36

I think I’d let her use it too. Why have it just sitting empty?

Can i use any spare money in your account? No point it just sitting there.

Wotagain · 29/03/2022 16:38

Dis ExW has started dropping hints to him that she’s ‘heard all about it’, ‘would love to see it’ and how she ‘can’t afford’ a holiday. DPs son piped up ‘mummy could take us to the Wales house’ and it was all very awkward - DP now feels guilty and said (to me) that maybe we should let her - AIBU to say no way?

So she’s not actually asked you herself?

You’ve heard this from your partner I assume, and maybe, just maybe she hasn’t even asked at all, and your DP is projecting some sort of guilt/largesse/ whatever about your property, and his right to decide who should be able to use it
I don’t think she’s the one being a CF here.

HellToTheNope · 29/03/2022 16:39

Does the home belong only to you? If it does, I would go off him for even suggesting something so ridiculous.

SpicePumpkin · 29/03/2022 16:41

No no no! What a cheeky bitch!

Pumperthepumper · 29/03/2022 16:45

@pinkyredrose

I think I’d let her use it too. Why have it just sitting empty?

Can i use any spare money in your account? No point it just sitting there.

Except then I’d be without it. If the OP doesn’t need the house for a week, what harm in letting her step kids’ other parent use it?
Pumperthepumper · 29/03/2022 16:45

@Nanny0gg I don’t think the OP said. Although she’ll obviously know her through her step kids.

Pumperthepumper · 29/03/2022 16:46

*know of her

HellToTheNope · 29/03/2022 16:55

If the OP doesn’t need the house for a week, what harm in letting her step kids’ other parent use it?

Because she doesn't want to. Because it makes her uncomfortable. Because it's her house and she doesn't even need a reason. Confused

Wotagain · 29/03/2022 16:58

@SpicePumpkin

No no no! What a cheeky bitch!
I think we’ll find the ex wife hasn’t even asked, but the OP’s partner has thought of offering……
Pumperthepumper · 29/03/2022 17:00

@HellToTheNope

If the OP doesn’t need the house for a week, what harm in letting her step kids’ other parent use it?

Because she doesn't want to. Because it makes her uncomfortable. Because it's her house and she doesn't even need a reason. Confused

So why ask here?
HellToTheNope · 29/03/2022 17:02

So why ask here?

Because she wanted to. If you're so curious, ask her.

Pumperthepumper · 29/03/2022 17:07

@HellToTheNope

So why ask here?

Because she wanted to. If you're so curious, ask her.

The OP asked for opinions, and that’s mine.
thatsgotit · 29/03/2022 17:09

This is exactly the sort of CFery my DH's ex would have pulled (and would probably pull even now my DSD is an adult, tbh) if we were in this situation. I think there must be a factory somewhere churning out these brazen CFs, judging by some of the threads I read on here.

DontBlameMe79 · 29/03/2022 17:15

If you’re on reasonable terms with the ex, I’d say yes. A nice gesture, good for inter family relations and the kids. And especially if she doesn’t have a lot of money.

The visceral “no” reaction on this thread to the idea is very ugly…

WildFlowerBees · 29/03/2022 17:20

Absolutely not! I'd tell my dp it's a no and then ignore any more mentions of it.

TatianaBis · 29/03/2022 17:21

How can OP 'feel guilty' about someone else's house?

Duchess379 · 29/03/2022 17:22

Hell no! And have her snooping through all your stuff?! It makes my skin crawl just thinking of it.

Malibuismysecrethome · 29/03/2022 17:23

She can hire a cottage. The End

DontBlameMe79 · 29/03/2022 17:25

@TatianaBis

How can OP 'feel guilty' about someone else's house?
It’s called being in a relationship.
DontBlameMe79 · 29/03/2022 17:27

@Malibuismysecrethome

She can hire a cottage. The End
Sounds like she doesn’t have the money. Ah well tough on her and the kids then. But MN standards will be maintained.
DontBlameMe79 · 29/03/2022 17:28

@Duchess379

Hell no! And have her snooping through all your stuff?! It makes my skin crawl just thinking of it.
This sounds like projection of what you would do in her place…