Neighbour from downstairs doesn't stop complaining about my 2 year old.

[HipsterMum]

We are a family of academics with 2 boys who are 5 and 2 years old. We are currently renting a lovely flat in a large block of flats where the walls are quite thin. We can hear a lot happening in other flats and unfortunately, our neighbours from downstairs can hear us too. We are not particularly noisy, my husband is at work full time, my eldest child is at school and after school he is usually quietly playing with his toys. My youngest is still waiting for his place in the nursery and as I am currently working from home, I look after him in the house. He is not particularly noisy, we don't allow scooters, big cars around the house but he did just discover running so he does sometimes run from one room to another although we continuously tell him to walk gently. Yet he is still a child.

For 2 years we had no problem with any neighbours. The couples living next to us are lovely so is the elderly gentlemen who is completely understanding of some extra noise especially during school holidays and weekends. My kids are always in their bed at about 6.30 reading and then straight to sleep. They wake up normally at 7.30 am and we encourage them to do quite activities like drawing in the mornings. If they get too loud or start jumping off somewhere in the mornings for example on Sundays, we stop this straight away. They also wear soft slippers at all times.

A few months back an owner of the flat below ours decided to move back in (it was rented out before therefore we had no problems with previous people). He hasn't stopped coming up to us and knocking on our doors since. The first time he did it, we were all sick with covid for 10 days. He came on day 2 of isolation and asked us to take the kids out to the park as he couldnt listen to their little feet. When I hoover the floors at 3 pm , he starts banging. When my youngest runs to the loo he bangs. We had relatives over who we not seen for 4 years because of the lockdown and the kids were meeting them for the first time and were opening presents and being excited he was at our door at 2 pm on Sunday saying we have to tell our kids to simply stop walking because he cannot stand it.

We talked with our landlord about the carpets (we have some mats around but thats not enough) but he wouldn't pay for them and he doesn't want carpets permanently placed in this flat anyway. Furthermore, our eldest has got a bad dust allergy so carpets are really difficult, that's why I hoover quite a lot. We invested in a couple of more rugs but I don't think it will make much of a difference. He threatens us that he will continue to come and bang on our front door because he cannot enjoy his life because of our 2 year old. He says we are not being considerate of others and we should be able to tell our kids to stop because he can hear their steps from 9 am till 6 pm. But I cannot tie them up to their chairs or threaten to punish them each time they walk in the own flat. I am at my end with this man. This man suggests I tire them in the park because that's what real parents do (I doubt he ever had kids) but I cannot be with them in the park every weekend from 9 am till 6, can I? We are out most of the days and i do tire my youngest out with the scooter but kids still walk after the park.

What I am asking of all of you is what else can this neighbour actually legally do? What else can I do? My husband says I should not open the door when I am in the flat alone with the little one and tell the guy to stop this harassment. We don't mind moving somewhere else, possibly on the ground floor in the future but we enjoy this flat at the moment as it is right next to my sons school and we live a happy life here.

I understand many people don't enjoy children with their annoying little feet but bloody hell they are humans and not robots.

Sorry forgot the actual question. Am I being unreasonable to think this man is being unreasonable? 😀

Arsehole. I would think about writing him a calm and measured letter confirming that you do what is reasonable to minimise noise but you will continue to live your lives, that will include moving around your home and undertaking ordinary activities including vacuuming. He must stop harassing you.

As you’re renting and he owns, any neighbour dispute may cause him problems but shouldn’t cause you any.

YANBU. You need to keep a record of his comments and inform your landlord - of what you've done to ameliorate the situation as well as his harassment.

You're doing nothing wrong - it's normal household noise during normal household noise hours.

They will either be joint freeholders or have a shared freeholder - leave it to them to argue about - insist on the quiet enjoyment of your flat.

In the meantime your (dickhead) downstairs neighbour can invest in some earplugs, white noise machine and/or go join a co-working space during the day.

And I say this is as someone who lived under a stomping, guitar-playing, screaming arguments with his girlfriend, shouting asshole of an upstairs neighbour for 18 months during lockdown.

Hi OP, on the face of it it does sound like he is being unreasonable. I wonder if you are a top flat or is there anyone above you? Noise from an uncarpetted floor can be really excessive, but that would be a problem with the design of the flats not with you. How about refusing to speak to this man but ask him to speak to your landlord instead? That way he could lobby directly for carpets? At any rate I think your landlord needs to get more involved, either in terms of it being harrassment or if you were causing a nuisance (which I don't think you are) either way it is your landlord's problem.

Ignore him and do not try to pacify him. He is clearly a total dick!!

I don’t understand why you included that you are a ‘family of academics’ in your post?

He’s complaining about you hoovering in the afternoon. When is it acceptable to Hoover then?
He’s harassing you. I’d send a letter laying out all the things you have done and that the noise is normal family life and you cannot do anything about it, constant complaining will be considered harassment. Then stop engaging with him. He won’t ever be happy.

YANBU but, the beauty of renting is that you don’t have to put up with it.

I would move.

I just wouldn’t answer the door. If he caught me on the way out, I’d smoke sweetly and change nothing.

You are not being unreasonable. It sounds like this neighbour who knocks on your door has never had children of his own. There is really nothing you can do to stop a 2 year old who has just discovered running from running around.

This is terrible harassment by him and you do sound quite intimidated. Keep a record of his contact with you, with dates and descriptions of what he has said and ask if you can record him when he speaks to you, otherwise you are refusing to do so.

Its hardly illegal not to have carpets and by the sound of it, I doubt it would solve the issue anyway as he will still complain when you use uncarpeted rooms such as the kitchen.

I suspect he doesn't like kids, renters, etc and tbh he sounds as though he is unsuited to living in anything other than a detached country property. But I don't see how it is the landlord's problem unless you have breached the terms of the lease, because the landlord cannot interfere in your private enjoyment of your property and isn't some kind of social mediator in neighbour disputes. They are also likely just to give you notice if it can't be resolved. Also it is you who needs to report it as you are the one being harassed, not your landlord.

@TabithaTittlemouse

I don’t understand why you included that you are a ‘family of academics’ in your post?

Same Weirdest stealth boast but whatever

I wouldn't direct him to the landlord because if the landlord gets annoyed enough then the quickest solution from his point of view will be to serve you notice.

I'd tell this man that you've done everything you can to minimise the noise however it is impossible to entirely eliminate it and you/your DC are entitled to actually live in your home. Tell him that any further complaints will be considered harassment and a complaint will be made to both the police and the anti-social behaviour team at the local council. If he's the owner of his flat then that should be enough to make him stop as he would have to declare the dispute when he comes to sell.

YANBU about the noise - it's during perfectly reasonable hours. He is simply ridiculous. Write him a letter asking him to direct all complaints to your landlord, and threaten to call the police if he continues harassing you. Do not open the door to him any further.

YABU for writing you are a "family of academics" when it has absolutely nothing to do with your post.

He threatens us that he will continue to come and bang on our front door because he cannot enjoy his life because of our 2 year old.

This is harassment. I would get a ring doorbell or small camera set up to view your own front door, and stop answering the door to this man.

keep a diary of when he does knock and what you were doing, along with time and date

Every time he knocks to complain run the hoover round

The only thing I can think of is maybe the previous tenant said it was too noisy when they handed in notice to leave? Maybe he is cross about that .

Pop a box of ear plugs through his letterbox.

He shouldn’t live in a flat if he can’t cope with the sound of children living a normal life. I’d tell him you’re reporting him for harassment if he comes to your door again. I’m really sympathetic to people experiencing noise in their homes as was in that situation myself at one point, but what you’ve described is completely reasonable and he sounds like a control freak.

@TabithaTittlemouse

I don’t understand why you included that you are a ‘family of academics’ in your post?

Yes, why?

Does he know you’re a family of academics.
I’m certain that if you told him then he would understand you hoovering in the afternoon.
He’s obviously used to working class women hoovering in the morning.

@TabithaTittlemouse

I don’t understand why you included that you are a ‘family of academics’ in your post?

I’d imagine because it’s quite a useful way of summarising the family as intelligent and professional people.

Not to mention quiet.

Your DH is right, don’t answer the door to him and if he doesn’t stop I’d be telling him I was going to report him for harassment!

I took the "family of academics" thing to mean they're a "nice family" rather than a bunch of radge-packets.