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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour from downstairs doesn't stop complaining about my 2 year old.

282 replies

HipsterMum · 27/03/2022 19:18

We are a family of academics with 2 boys who are 5 and 2 years old. We are currently renting a lovely flat in a large block of flats where the walls are quite thin. We can hear a lot happening in other flats and unfortunately, our neighbours from downstairs can hear us too. We are not particularly noisy, my husband is at work full time, my eldest child is at school and after school he is usually quietly playing with his toys. My youngest is still waiting for his place in the nursery and as I am currently working from home, I look after him in the house. He is not particularly noisy, we don't allow scooters, big cars around the house but he did just discover running so he does sometimes run from one room to another although we continuously tell him to walk gently. Yet he is still a child.

For 2 years we had no problem with any neighbours. The couples living next to us are lovely so is the elderly gentlemen who is completely understanding of some extra noise especially during school holidays and weekends. My kids are always in their bed at about 6.30 reading and then straight to sleep. They wake up normally at 7.30 am and we encourage them to do quite activities like drawing in the mornings. If they get too loud or start jumping off somewhere in the mornings for example on Sundays, we stop this straight away. They also wear soft slippers at all times.

A few months back an owner of the flat below ours decided to move back in (it was rented out before therefore we had no problems with previous people). He hasn't stopped coming up to us and knocking on our doors since. The first time he did it, we were all sick with covid for 10 days. He came on day 2 of isolation and asked us to take the kids out to the park as he couldnt listen to their little feet. When I hoover the floors at 3 pm , he starts banging. When my youngest runs to the loo he bangs. We had relatives over who we not seen for 4 years because of the lockdown and the kids were meeting them for the first time and were opening presents and being excited he was at our door at 2 pm on Sunday saying we have to tell our kids to simply stop walking because he cannot stand it.

We talked with our landlord about the carpets (we have some mats around but thats not enough) but he wouldn't pay for them and he doesn't want carpets permanently placed in this flat anyway. Furthermore, our eldest has got a bad dust allergy so carpets are really difficult, that's why I hoover quite a lot. We invested in a couple of more rugs but I don't think it will make much of a difference. He threatens us that he will continue to come and bang on our front door because he cannot enjoy his life because of our 2 year old. He says we are not being considerate of others and we should be able to tell our kids to stop because he can hear their steps from 9 am till 6 pm. But I cannot tie them up to their chairs or threaten to punish them each time they walk in the own flat. I am at my end with this man. This man suggests I tire them in the park because that's what real parents do (I doubt he ever had kids) but I cannot be with them in the park every weekend from 9 am till 6, can I? We are out most of the days and i do tire my youngest out with the scooter but kids still walk after the park.

What I am asking of all of you is what else can this neighbour actually legally do? What else can I do? My husband says I should not open the door when I am in the flat alone with the little one and tell the guy to stop this harassment. We don't mind moving somewhere else, possibly on the ground floor in the future but we enjoy this flat at the moment as it is right next to my sons school and we live a happy life here.

I understand many people don't enjoy children with their annoying little feet but bloody hell they are humans and not robots.

OP posts:
SarahDippity · 27/03/2022 20:51

@Toottooot

So you think you’re better than other people because you are academics?
How rude.
TabithaHazel · 27/03/2022 20:51

@SarahProblem

Jesus. Leave the OP alone about her academics comment.

If she mentioned it afterwards to show she doesn't have noisy job some people would accuse her of drip feeding.

What noisy jobs would people be doing from home though?
Russell19 · 27/03/2022 20:53

A family of academics with professional jobs working from home and looking after a 2 year old full time....yeah very professional 🤔

nocoolnamesleft · 27/03/2022 20:54

I thought most flats had it in the lease that hard floors were banned? Because it makes the noise levels so unbearable?

AlwaysLatte · 27/03/2022 20:55

It sounds like harassment. Start making a diary of the number of times he comes to your door and tell him you're doing it. And perhaps if he doesn't like living amongst people he should move to somewhere more isolated!

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 27/03/2022 21:00

What noisy jobs would people be doing from home though?

Someone in one of the flats opposite is a music teacher. I may have committed murder by now if they were above me!

I do wish upstairs flats had to have carpet. My neighbour has just come home and I know she's taken off her shoes and I can follow her about as she moves around!

TeaKlaxon · 27/03/2022 21:00

To everyone expressing sympathy with the neighbour - it’s worth remembering that the threshold for what is reasonable noise differs depending on the time of day.

We’re talking about the situation between 7.30am and 6.30pm. Those are not unsocial hours and anyone in a flat should expect to hear families living their lives - and that includes kids. Is it pleasant if you live there quietly and have a few kids one story up? Nope. But them’s the breaks and no one is forcing this guy to live in a flat rather than a detached house.

If the OP were describing kids occasionally running or her doing the hoovering at 11pm he might have grounds to complain. But in daylight hours, normal family noise - not constant loud music or heavy machinery - is entirely reasonable.

Summerfun54321 · 27/03/2022 21:01

If you can move I’d move. Arsehole neighbours and children don’t mix. Children will be children and arseholes will be arseholes. You won’t be able to change either.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 27/03/2022 21:02

But them’s the breaks and no one is forcing this guy to live in a flat rather than a detached house.

Typical MN! Not everyone can afford to live in a detached house! Believe me, if I could I would!

tkwal · 27/03/2022 21:05

Could you invest in some really soft soled slippers for indoor use for all of you ? Other than that or a lifetime subscription of cotton wool for your neighbour I don't know what else you can do. Your children have reasonable bedtimes and your neighbour is complaining at 2pm etc. I think he's resentful of having had to move back into the flat and he's taking his frustrations out on you. As PPs have said, take note of every time he approaches your home. If your landlord won't help go to the council. If none of that helps you may need to involve a solicitor.

Lazylady76 · 27/03/2022 21:05

@TabithaTittlemouse

I don’t understand why you included that you are a ‘family of academics’ in your post?
This
Margaretmatcher · 27/03/2022 21:07

A family of academics?????

Whatever00 · 27/03/2022 21:10

Install a ring doorbell. Tell him to stop coming to your door because it is harassment. If he has a problem he should contact the local authorities environmental health department.

DeeCeeCherry · 27/03/2022 21:10

I had this when I lived in HA property. My DCs werent excessively noisy at all, we're a no shoes at home family and the flat was carpeted, but my horrid neighbour seemed to expect us to live in total silence.

I started to keep records of his moaning and what he moaned about, then put in a complaint to HA about him.

They wrote to him and told him he should expect 'normal social noise ', and that he should leave me and my family alone.

That was that really.

gogohm · 27/03/2022 21:11

How much of the day is he running about. You mentioned you are working from home, how can you be looking after a 2 year old? Are you letting hiring around whilst you work? A few minutes a few times a day and I'm on your side? He's intolerant but if he's running around for hours then it must be terrible if you live below, especially if working from home. The vacuuming banging is ridiculous though. I think he's being unreasonable but it just depends on frequently

AngelinaFibres · 27/03/2022 21:11

The thing is Op, your neighbour has no control over the quality of his life in the flat he owns He cannot do anything about the ceiling in his flat. Your landlord absolutely can do something about the floor in yours by fitting quality underlay and carpet My father was very allergic to dust. He took antihistamines all his life. Your son could ,presumably, have the same. I don't live in a flat anymore ,hell would freeze over before I bought one. I live in a detached house now, however , during first lockdown, my neighbours bought a collie dog. It was bored. Some days it barked for hours on end. Some days it did a pattern of a few minutes frantic barking, a few minutes quiet, all bloody day. It wasn't my dog. I couldn't control its behaviour. Do not underestimate the stress you are causing your neighbour. The only thing he can do is to bring the noise to your attention. He cannot stop you doing it and, if normal walking from one side to the other, makes noise , it must be driving him insane. In our case the dog barking was bad enough that we could tell them that we would go to the council and start proceedings. At that point they started walking and training their dog. She no longer barks. I have a greater insight into why neighbour disputes end in murder. It really does start to send you round the bend.

PeachesToday · 27/03/2022 21:12

I wonder what the neighbour does for a living

toconclude · 27/03/2022 21:15

@TabithaTittlemouse

I don’t understand why you included that you are a ‘family of academics’ in your post?
Because they are? But how dare people have intellectual jobs. MN inverse snobbery ahoy.
ThatsBullshirt · 27/03/2022 21:17

When we lived in our flat with our two children, both under the age of three, we had a downstairs neighbour who would bang constantly and made one very passive aggressive comment about the noise my children made. This included thumping and shouting shut up at DS playing with his toys or walking heavy footed/crawling along the floor (banging from a year old!) Or my newborn baby crying. I understand that children can be loud but with young children it's next to impossible to get them to walk quietly or not cry and we always did our best to encourage walking/playing quietly but kids make noise and, IMO, they should be allowed to in their own home - within reason.

We did complain to the housing association she rented with, and they told us it was harassment, but nothing was ever done and she never stopped. We moved out when our eldest was 2.5yo.

Living in a flat you have to accept that you'll hear "living noise" from your neighbours. It's not always much fun (we also had kids above us, running around) but it's something that comes with living in a block of flats. Don't engage with him and if he continues report him for harassment.

Whatever00 · 27/03/2022 21:19

Maybe you could as.your husband to go down and listen frim the man's flat ( if he will allow it) so you have an understanding of what he can hear.

Katya213 · 27/03/2022 21:20

I sympathise with him, I lived below a family as what you describe yours to be, it was a living hell. I moved out though, not sure why he can’t or why he won’t just sell.

MarmiteCoriander · 27/03/2022 21:21

I'm surprised that the neighbour is mainly complaining about the children moving about if they are generally just walking. I used to live in a downstairs flat and could sometimes hear the adults walking- but when the kids ran- it was like elephants jumping around! If they are running to the toilet and running between rooms- then yes, it really is annoying.

When would the neighbour prefer you to vacuum though? That is very odd to complain if its in the day time. When you say 'hoover quite alot' how often is it and at what times of the day?

I'm currently living between 2 properties whilst we renovate. A very quiet village and a flat in central London. When I return to the flat, I'm astounded by the street noise, but mainly the general noise of neighbouring flats. It wakes and scares our puppy and I'd forgotten how noisy it is.

Where has the downstairs neighbour moved from? Was it a quiet location, so now the flat seems REALLY noisy to him?

To answer your question, downstairs can't do alot legally if the noise is in the day and not above a certain dB. They could log the noise, dates, time- same as you can do with his complaints. Our council advised that they could install sound listening devices to monitor dB and noise from our upstairs neighbours. Fortunately, they moved out before it was needed. (this was in relation to adults partying at all hours, not the people with children that lived there though).

OnaBegonia · 27/03/2022 21:22

Does he only come to the door when your husband is out?
If so, he sounds like a bully and you seem to be doing your best to be quiet.
Don't answer the door to him and keep a log of every time he comes up or bangs and report him for harassment.

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 27/03/2022 21:23

How can you possibly wfh and look after a toddler at the same time ?

myusernamewastakenbyme · 27/03/2022 21:25

Wow what bitchy comments about the 'academic' reference....op is having a shit time and loads of people wade in to put the boot in.
Hope you all feel smug with yourselves.

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