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Original poster

Mother’s Day Disappointment…

283 replies

5upermum · 27/03/2022 09:37

Mother to toddler and currently 10 days overdue with second baby. Husband has basically made zero effort for this awful thing called Mother’s Day, despite me asking him to book something nice like a lunch or ANYTHING for us to do that isn’t exhausting at this stage of pregnancy.

My gifts were a watering can, which has been sat in the car boot for a month and I’ve seen it every time I open it, even though I already own one, and an empty picture frame. No flowers, no breakfast, no cup of tea, no taking toddler so I can have a lie in.

I’ve had quite a difficult end of pregnancy and have been quite unwell, now very uncomfortable and overdue. His reasoning for not booking or doing anything was “in case baby comes”, but I wasn’t aware this stopped him from at least bringing me a cup of tea or saying “Happy Mother’s Day”.

I know lots of people don’t celebrate it, or think it’s a load of rubbish, but I’ve always made such a big deal for Father’s Day and he knows that I wanted at least some fuss given that I’m feeling miserable and huge. He’s apologised for not doing anything, but I’m just upset that I feel so overlooked. Motherhood has been such a struggle recently and one day of fuss would have really cheered me up.

Pathetic, I know. Just needed a rant I guess, I don’t feel I’m being totally unreasonable but maybe I am?

OP posts:
DoubleYouOhEmAyEn · 27/03/2022 15:11

Mine are at the ex's this weekend. I've not even had a text from them. Same as last year. Hmm
I did a flowers & a card for my mum. She appreciated it. Smile

swallowedAfly · 27/03/2022 15:12

Man hands on misery to man
It deepens like a coastal shelf
Get out as early as you can
And.....

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 27/03/2022 15:12

I second what @internetpersonme said.
Give him it back, but keep it somewhere really obvious for a few weeks - just like he did to you.

My DP has done nothing for my first 2 mother's days (despite numerous hints) but I got a card and mug this time. However, I only got that because yesterday my mum gave me a card and chocolates and I burst into tears because she's the only one that bothers. He was inside Asda on the way home from her house for a matter of minutes so can't have put any effort into choosing it.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 27/03/2022 15:14

I think all these mums whose children or partners didn't make any effort whatsoever should announce that when people at work or on facebook or whatever are discussing what they did on Mothers' Day they will be telling people exactly what effort was made for them on Mothers' Day.

WindyKnickers · 27/03/2022 15:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blossom64265 · 27/03/2022 15:27

It took me years for me to get my DH to understand that it wasn’t the present I cared about, it was knowing that he had actually planned and made an effort.

I think that is part of why Mother’s Day is often so fraught. We work so hard at taking care of our families. We want that effort reciprocated on Mother’s Day, but husband’s and partners often don’t understand what that means because they don’t understand the mental load. It’s especially true if your children are young. It’s all so new for both of you and you are at the most intense part.

HangingOver · 27/03/2022 15:30

This thread is on the Independent Facebook page fyi OP

FlawedStars · 27/03/2022 15:40

My First mothers day. I have really struggled this last year. I was a strong independent confident woman with a thriving career. I'm now financially dependant on DP, I nearly died in childbirth and I'm a shell of the person I use to be. I was hoping he would put in the effort to appreciate everything that we've been through and how much I'm trying. No card, no flowers, despite lots of hinting, no lunch booked - as thought I'd be cooking a roast later. Ffs. Decided we could go for a walk at a country estate 55miles away, I agree as a nice beach there and walled gardens- he wouldn't pay to get in the walled gardens and doesn't like sand, so didn't want to walk round the beach. I got a dry vegan sausage roll from the cafe and walked round a lawn. 2.5hrs travelling ... could of walked round the common at home. He's just asked why I'm grumpy.... annoyed as I made a huge fuss of fathers day last year despite having a newborn and being very poorly. I bought MIL beautiful plants, card, and took her out this week. I thought I would at least feel appreciated today.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/03/2022 15:42

@Sagaris

I sympathise OP - you know how much effort to put in for Father's Day now!

I got nothing from my 2 (both in their 30's), the same as the last 13 years, not even a text. When I was married to their father he once got me an ironing board cover one year, and then after that, nothing, as he said 'I'm not wasting money on you'.

I hate Mother's Day! Flowers to anyone else who is having a tough time of it. Flowers

@Sagaris That is so poor of them. They should be ashamed of themselves
littleangel50 · 27/03/2022 15:43

Spot on..she is not his mother but it's partly his job through the years to explain what mothers day is and her fathers day a special day or let's make money from you all ..everyday should be a mothers day, fathers day, valentines day why do we need named days to show our love a cup of tea on a morning running his bath for when he's got in from work treating him her to a little meal out kids free

ChorleyFMcominginyourears · 27/03/2022 15:44

This has made it to the daily mirror on Facebook too 🙄

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/03/2022 15:45

@PurpleMarie
Let’s face it, it’s a bit of a shite Mother’s Day gift that is. He can and should do better for his mother. Let’s expect a bit more of our offspring

JinglingHellsBells · 27/03/2022 15:46

@swallowedAfly

Man hands on misery to man It deepens like a coastal shelf Get out as early as you can And.....
Oh we always have to have someone quoting Larkin :)

You missed out the first few lines....

Fredstheteds · 27/03/2022 15:47

No effort made here either- oh well

Cherryblossoms85 · 27/03/2022 15:50

I didn't get anything either. But I suppose he just thinks since I'm not his mother, he needn't do anything. Sort of fair enough.

user1471538283 · 27/03/2022 15:51

I would be disappointed. All I've ever wanted for mothers day are good wishes, flowers and a hopefully a meal out.

It's not alot to ask but it takes effort and clearly your DH cant be bothered. So do nothing for fathers day.

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/03/2022 15:53

@FlawedStars

My First mothers day. I have really struggled this last year. I was a strong independent confident woman with a thriving career. I'm now financially dependant on DP, I nearly died in childbirth and I'm a shell of the person I use to be. I was hoping he would put in the effort to appreciate everything that we've been through and how much I'm trying. No card, no flowers, despite lots of hinting, no lunch booked - as thought I'd be cooking a roast later. Ffs. Decided we could go for a walk at a country estate 55miles away, I agree as a nice beach there and walled gardens- he wouldn't pay to get in the walled gardens and doesn't like sand, so didn't want to walk round the beach. I got a dry vegan sausage roll from the cafe and walked round a lawn. 2.5hrs travelling ... could of walked round the common at home. He's just asked why I'm grumpy.... annoyed as I made a huge fuss of fathers day last year despite having a newborn and being very poorly. I bought MIL beautiful plants, card, and took her out this week. I thought I would at least feel appreciated today.
@FlawedStars Get yourself back to work ASAP Lovely
LowlandLucky · 27/03/2022 16:30

We only have ourselves to blame, we allow this shit every year and make excuses for the men on out lives. The only way our Husbands and adult children will ever learn is when us Mums stop making a big deal out of their birthdays and at Christmas time. Give them exactly what they gave you. My DS will be getting a unwrapped box of cheap sweets for his birthday as that is exactly what he gave me. I always spend ages finding a lovely gift but no more.

FlawedStars · 27/03/2022 16:40

I am @LuckySantangelo35 19th April. @LowlandLucky sadly I think you may be right. But think DH would happily sit on the sofa, recieve and do nothing.

Love to all those feeling unappreciated and unloved today

MsTSwift · 27/03/2022 16:42

Also it’s being a really crap role model for sons and daughters.

MsTSwift · 27/03/2022 16:45

Dh is amazing at this stuff and love that our teen girls are witnessing that is how a man behaves. I have from him flowers, lunch in garden champagne cream tea. Both teens done own cards and got small thoughtful (charity shop but who cares) gift. If they don’t see parents do this stuff how do they learn?

MsTSwift · 27/03/2022 16:52

And yes I make a massive effort on Father’s Day that he appreciates. That said we had a memorable one a few years ago when the rather grand family next to us in the restaurant had an EPIC family row 😁..”I’ve waited 40 years to tell you what I really think of you daddy”

HTH1 · 27/03/2022 16:53

@SpringIntoChaos

All the posters saying it's not the DHs job to sort out Mother's Day!

Who else is supposed to do it then for the tinies? My own dad used to sort my girls cards and presents out for me, when they were little...because I was a single mum with a SHITTY ex-H. My lovely dad would take my girls to the shops ('in secret' 🥰🤣) and let them choose cards and flowers etc. He also cooked a lovely lunch (for me and my mum) and really looked after us. I miss him 💗

Of COURSE the OP's husband should do this ffs!!! That's what parents and partners do...step up to show that they care!!

Your Dad sounds so lovely 🥰
Dentistlakes · 27/03/2022 16:54

He’s been very thoughtless. It doesn’t take much to make you some breakfast and buy a card. That’s the bare minimum. I always say I don’t need presents or even flowers but it’s showing some actual special care on the day I expect. Small things that cost very little. If he were my husband he would be wearing the watering can as a hat!

HTH1 · 27/03/2022 17:02

@OriginalOrchard

Most years I try to remember it's just another day, however most years I always end up having a little cry as I do on my birthday and Christmas. I'm a single parent and although my kids are a little older now and are able to go in a shop and buy stuff if I give them money, it just isn't the same. Their dad is absolutely useless and couldn't even manage to pick them up a card for me yet will moan and create holy hell, if he doesn't get fathers day/ birthday card.

Quite honestly I give up, I've booked a table to take my mum out for dinner so will just try to enjoy the day as best I can.

Happy mother's day to all

Sorry @OriginalOrchard and me too (in my case because I lost my parents and I was so close to my Mum) so I understand completely Flowers