Mother’s Day Disappointment…

[5upermum]

Mother to toddler and currently 10 days overdue with second baby. Husband has basically made zero effort for this awful thing called Mother’s Day, despite me asking him to book something nice like a lunch or ANYTHING for us to do that isn’t exhausting at this stage of pregnancy.

My gifts were a watering can, which has been sat in the car boot for a month and I’ve seen it every time I open it, even though I already own one, and an empty picture frame. No flowers, no breakfast, no cup of tea, no taking toddler so I can have a lie in.

I’ve had quite a difficult end of pregnancy and have been quite unwell, now very uncomfortable and overdue. His reasoning for not booking or doing anything was “in case baby comes”, but I wasn’t aware this stopped him from at least bringing me a cup of tea or saying “Happy Mother’s Day”.

I know lots of people don’t celebrate it, or think it’s a load of rubbish, but I’ve always made such a big deal for Father’s Day and he knows that I wanted at least some fuss given that I’m feeling miserable and huge. He’s apologised for not doing anything, but I’m just upset that I feel so overlooked. Motherhood has been such a struggle recently and one day of fuss would have really cheered me up.

Pathetic, I know. Just needed a rant I guess, I don’t feel I’m being totally unreasonable but maybe I am?

@Sailfin

My 19 year old son didn't bother. I'm trying to rise above it.

I do sympathise

Same. Mine is 17.

I think it might be a good thing to just brace yourself for disappointment like this OP, as you said not everyone marks the day. Then if any of the feckless fuckers do ever remember the day treat it as a bonus?

@FarFarFarAndAway

Thing is, you can care about someone and do things for them without spending money or preparing in advance. My girls got up, put on the washing, made me a menu, cooked breakfast, stacked the dishwasher and then took me out for a lovely walk. No money, but I feel cared for and appreciated. He should be looking after the toddler, bringing you cups of tea in bed at the very very least. I don't care for cards or presents particularly, but I do care about being cared for.

That's lovely, well done girls.

You are not pathetic. You really deserve a bit of fuss today. I wouldn’t be putting as much effort into Father’s Day this year!
Good luck with the new arrival I hope it puts in an appearance soon.

@Pinkflipflop85

Currently crying in my bedroom because I got sweet fuck all.

I don't care about a gift but cards from the kids would have been nice.

Happy Mother's Day to you Pinkflipflop85 💐

I can kind of understand him not booking a table at a restaurant as you are overdue as most round here require you to pay a deposit.

What is not acceptable is no Happy Mothers Day, no cup of tea. He could have helped your toddler make a card for you and made you a roast dinner and nice breakfast.

I find subtle doesn’t work with men so you will have to be blunt with him.

Get him a mop for Father’s Day!

I’ve had a shit one too OP. I’ll have a glass of wine for you later and I’ve got a feeling that baby is coming tonight… good luck!

Possibly forget the birthdays of all the DHs and stroppy teenagers? When they complain you can say you assumed all the "special days" no longer to be celebrated.

@5upermum

Mother to toddler and currently 10 days overdue with second baby. Husband has basically made zero effort for this awful thing called Mother’s Day, despite me asking him to book something nice like a lunch or ANYTHING for us to do that isn’t exhausting at this stage of pregnancy.

My gifts were a watering can, which has been sat in the car boot for a month and I’ve seen it every time I open it, even though I already own one, and an empty picture frame. No flowers, no breakfast, no cup of tea, no taking toddler so I can have a lie in.

I’ve had quite a difficult end of pregnancy and have been quite unwell, now very uncomfortable and overdue. His reasoning for not booking or doing anything was “in case baby comes”, but I wasn’t aware this stopped him from at least bringing me a cup of tea or saying “Happy Mother’s Day”.

I know lots of people don’t celebrate it, or think it’s a load of rubbish, but I’ve always made such a big deal for Father’s Day and he knows that I wanted at least some fuss given that I’m feeling miserable and huge. He’s apologised for not doing anything, but I’m just upset that I feel so overlooked. Motherhood has been such a struggle recently and one day of fuss would have really cheered me up.

Pathetic, I know. Just needed a rant I guess, I don’t feel I’m being totally unreasonable but maybe I am?

Big hugs, OP 💐 Zero effort from my family too (kids 9 and 12), did not even look up from their screens this morning when I got up. None of them understood (or cared) why I burst into tears and went back to bed. No one even asked what was wrong... Being a parent is a thankless task at the best of times, but on a days like today the sting is unbearable. I don't care for any gifts or materialistic stuff but when your existence doesn't not even matter to your nearest and dearest, there is not a lot in the world that is worth living for 😢😢😢

Most years I try to remember it's just another day, however most years I always end up having a little cry as I do on my birthday and Christmas.
I'm a single parent and although my kids are a little older now and are able to go in a shop and buy stuff if I give them money, it just isn't the same.
Their dad is absolutely useless and couldn't even manage to pick them up a card for me yet will moan and create holy hell, if he doesn't get fathers day/ birthday card.

Quite honestly I give up, I've booked a table to take my mum out for dinner so will just try to enjoy the day as best I can.

Happy mother's day to all

I understand your upset feelings but I also think Mother's day has changed hugely since I was a child. Then, it was something the children did for their Mum. (When they were old enough to understand.)
I'm not sure a toddler would count.

Certainly when I was a child, the most my mum would get was a card made at school and maybe a bunch of flowers that my dad would buy from my pocket money when I was old enough to understand.

I know this isn't what you asked, directly, but now it has become so much more commercialised. You are your DC's mum, not your DH's mum. (and yes, you are the mother of his children, but there is a difference.)

I really appreciate the support from you all - at least we mums have each other’s backs! I’m glad you all (mostly) don’t think I’m totally unreasonable. It isn’t about huge, grand gestures (although it would be nice, and I do think I gave enough hints of silly things like breakfast etc I’d like!) - it’s about showing the bare minimum amount of appreciation for making, birthing, and caring for his children everyday, and just making a fuss when I feel pants. Isn’t that what marriage is about - taking care of your best friend when they’re having a hard time?

I think I find it most hurtful because he isn’t a bad bloke - he has the capacity to be very sweet and caring, but recently he’s just been thoughtless when I need him most. That’s why today is disappointing.

I have told him that it’s upset me and he does understand. I then left him with toddler, took myself out and got my favourite foods, and have come back and cooked myself a feast and eaten it in front of Netflix. Now I plan to sit in the sunshine and read and eat chocolate. If he won’t make the day for me, I shall take it for myself!

And LOVE the watering can suggestions - what a treat he will have for Father’s Day!! Although I will make sure LOs do something for him, mostly because I want them to grow up knowing that it’s kind to show appreciation (even if it isn’t always deserved from me!!). I’ll make it clear it’s not from me and he better pull his finger out next year!!

I’m sorry for all of you who are having a bad day, whether that be through thoughtless men or missing loved ones. Love to you all.

@Dimples13

My 17 year old didn’t bother, although has ‘offered’ to make breakfast that I no longer fancy. Disappointed 😢

So he did bother, just not doing EXACTLY what you wanted him to …

I also appreciate I’m not his mum, and when LOs are bigger expect them to take on the role, but I do expect him to at least do something from LOs until they can. He knows that’s what I do for Fathers Day, and I had said I expected a bit of a fuss this year (mostly because I’m very very pregnant and very very tired and need a bit of TLC). Just a cuppa and a nice breakfast would have been enough to be honest, forget the lunch or watering can lol.

Crap one here too - aside from being with my two kids. Card but no flowers. ‘DH’ has gone out for a run. Bah. Friends of mine get a whole day off, spa treats or courses they’re interested in. Mothers Day is a crock.

@SheeceRearsmith

Crap one here too - aside from being with my two kids. Card but no flowers. ‘DH’ has gone out for a run. Bah. Friends of mine get a whole day off, spa treats or courses they’re interested in. Mothers Day is a crock.

“All I want is a card and to know they appreciate me”. Honestly - most of the husbands here can’t win.

kids got up early and make fairy cakes and iced them whilst I was sleeping. I opened the door to washing up in the sink some err interesting cakes and homemade cards - they could have brought me flowers but didn’t - they have money to do so - Mother’s Day like Valentine’s Day is a commercial idea - it’s meaningless. Tell them what you want or don’t want. My eldest is out all day with her friends and youngest on his kindle - I’m loving lazying around and no one fussing or asking me to do anything.

The fact my kids did anything is bloody lovely. My ex husband never dreamed of doing anything - I’d rather have verbal 10 thank yous then one manufactured card from Tesco.

Tell your husband - take the other child to the park I’m going to lie in bed and watch Netflix. Cup of tea for me when you get back please and dinner - sort that out and I’ll be happy!

It's rubbish! And it's rubbish that other women are defending such rubbishness.

I'm a single Mum of a 15yo boy and my parents were off in Jordan this week but I got a card and a box of Maltesers because my 75yo father never forgets to make sure that ds has something to give me. Their trip was last minute so he had a card for ds to give me and came round and told me to bugger off so he could have a private word with his grandson. Gave him the card and a tenner and instructions to buy me some something for the day.

Ds spent most of the tenner on himself and only got me a box of maltesers but that's not the point - the point is that my elderly dad is making sure that my son marks mother's day. To have to expect less of an actual husband and the father of your child is awful ffs.

I think my DH needed training up for Mothers Day. We always made a big deal of my mum, but his family didn't really have any traditions around it. I gave him some pretty clear instructions - I would love a cup of tea in bed, some cards and flowers. Despite me always getting lovely flowers for my mum and his mum from the florist, he's never got beyond a cheap bunch from tesco for me, but it'll do.

@Onlyforcake that sounds shit! I'm sorry.

Crap one here too. Luckily I stopped off and got my mum some flowers yesterday and my eldest ds 18 was with us so he came with me and got a card and plant which I love and received today. Card which I had to remind DS2 now received.

Re DH - Sorted out his gifts for MIL and he's been there all day. Its not as if he doesn't see his parents he went last week as well.

I feel pathetic to say but what about my mother's day. I spend time and effort sorting everyone else out with no thought given to me. I suppose my gift will be getting deliveroo fish and chips for tea so I don't have to cook. Feel like some 1950's sodding housewife.

Zero from Ds 14. I'd asked him to make me a card.
He's been gaming in his room since dawn.
I've mown the 'lawn' put the bins out, done a load of washing and cocked up- pizza dough.
Has anyone got a REALLY simple, GENUINELY foolproof recipe for pizza dough???

I think you should all stop waiting for your useless husbands to change the habit of a lifetime and put in the sort of effort you think you deserve. Every mothers day, xmas, valentines, whatever there are hundreds of women coming on mumsnet feeling hard done by. Take back control; if you want flowers, buy yourself flowers because you can, you know. Raise your children to be kind and show gratitude towards their loved ones, book a table in a restaurant that you want to go to. Take your friends, your mum, your elderly neighbour out for tea and cake. Stop pretending that your husbands are going to suddenly become the men you read about in chick lit and start showering you with thoughtfully chosen presents. It ain't going to happen. Either lower your expectations or do something about it.

Sorry. I realise I'm ranting. I just hate seeing otherwise strong, capable women reduced to tears because they didn't get a card.

5@5upermum

I was in your situation twenty years ago. My second dc was due on Mother’s Day of that year. Also had a two year old. I may have got a card, but that was probably last minute 0( don’t remember now).

However, I still hold a grudge, and remind dc and dh of my disappointment.

I feel for you,

@WindyKnickers

Sorry. I realise I'm ranting. I just hate seeing otherwise strong, capable women reduced to tears because they didn't get a card.

I know what you're saying. It makes me sad that women settle for so little in men.

I'm single and happily so and I can't imagine giving that up in order to be with someone who can't even be arsed to make sure his own offspring have a card and gift to give to their wife.

It thoroughly depresses me but also confirms for me that people who say oh it must have been so hard for you doing it alone are often in denial or delusion about how utterly shit it is for many women to allegedly do it with someone but in reality be worse off than alone.

My son didn't make a massive effort but he did give me my card and maltesers and spend some time with me and I should think he'll make sure his children get their Mum's something every year because my father has set him that example of how to be a decent man. Many of the kids on this thread won't because their own father couldn't be arsed and their mother accepted that.

I sympathise OP - you know how much effort to put in for Father's Day now!

I got nothing from my 2 (both in their 30's), the same as the last 13 years, not even a text. When I was married to their father he once got me an ironing board cover one year, and then after that, nothing, as he said 'I'm not wasting money on you'.

I hate Mother's Day! Flowers to anyone else who is having a tough time of it.