Mother’s Day Disappointment…

[5upermum]

Mother to toddler and currently 10 days overdue with second baby. Husband has basically made zero effort for this awful thing called Mother’s Day, despite me asking him to book something nice like a lunch or ANYTHING for us to do that isn’t exhausting at this stage of pregnancy.

My gifts were a watering can, which has been sat in the car boot for a month and I’ve seen it every time I open it, even though I already own one, and an empty picture frame. No flowers, no breakfast, no cup of tea, no taking toddler so I can have a lie in.

I’ve had quite a difficult end of pregnancy and have been quite unwell, now very uncomfortable and overdue. His reasoning for not booking or doing anything was “in case baby comes”, but I wasn’t aware this stopped him from at least bringing me a cup of tea or saying “Happy Mother’s Day”.

I know lots of people don’t celebrate it, or think it’s a load of rubbish, but I’ve always made such a big deal for Father’s Day and he knows that I wanted at least some fuss given that I’m feeling miserable and huge. He’s apologised for not doing anything, but I’m just upset that I feel so overlooked. Motherhood has been such a struggle recently and one day of fuss would have really cheered me up.

Pathetic, I know. Just needed a rant I guess, I don’t feel I’m being totally unreasonable but maybe I am?

@Onlyforcake
You are not responsible for your child taking an overdose. You are not a shit mum. Your child is a person with their own thoughts, reasoning, autonomy etc and as such are the drivers for their own actions as are we all

OMG just going through all the other posts on here I want to hug you all ❤️❤️❤️

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO YOU ALL xxxxx

Ah man OP I think it's completely understandable that you're upset. 10 days overdue and a toddler - that's tough and it's not a stretch to imagine you'd have appreciated a bit of a fuss. He sounds thoughtless. I'd make a mental note to be a bit more directive and demanding in the future. Set the bar a bit higher for yourself and I would expect your DH will rise to it. You shouldn't have to, but if he's not going to do it himself then make sure you do.

@Minfilia

At least you got something. I got fuck all!

It’s not a race to the bottom. We don’t have to be grateful we get “something”

@Clymene

Ah Mother's Day! The day when women on Mumsnet berate other women for having any expectation whatsoever that their partners will show how much they appreciated they are for giving birth to and raising their children.

If your husband/partner can't be arsed then he's not only showing you that he doesn't especially value you, he's also showing your kids that there's not much value in you either.

I feel sorry for women who think that's acceptable. It's not.

See I don't think it's "acceptable". I just read thread after thread and think why have so many women chosen to breed loads of kids with selfish useless men, and then complain about it

DS is with ex until 4ish and then we will have a meal together with my Mum.

Exes ex (and mother of their eldest) told me this morning that ex has sorted nothing for her from eldest, so whilst I'm not 100% sure I would assume Ex will have also done nothing for me from 5 y/o DS. It hurts, but it's not unexpected. It was me who always arranged Mother's Day gifts/cards from DSS when me and ex were together.

At Christmas ex didn't even get me a card from DS.

@AnastasiaRomanov

Why is DH expected to behave as if you are his mother? The baby isn’t even born! My OH has never done anything for Mother’s Day. On the basis that I’m not his mother. It’s up to my children now to mark it and often they don’t do much! It’s just a made up day to make money. Father’s Day is a bit of a non event in our house too. I would never have thought of making a fuss of my OH on behalf of our children.

A parent is responsible for fulfilling the duties of their underage and non-compitent children.

From feeding/changing them to fulfilling social constructs (taking them to parties, buying gifts for others, etc...) so yes it's HIS job to organize mothers day on behalf of the toddler, or do you genuinely think a TWO-year-old should be doing it.

Oh and this is the same ex will have helped his new girlfriends kids loving create a spread for their mum and be wishing her a happy Mother's Day (and probably telling her she's the best mum he knows, something he told me before)

First of all , hope you do feel better. Really selfish that he could not be bothered to allow you enjoy mother’s day. No one should feel that way. Please set higher standards, don’t let him off easily.

All the posters saying it's not the DHs job to sort out Mother's Day!

Who else is supposed to do it then for the tinies? My own dad used to sort my girls cards and presents out for me, when they were little...because I was a single mum with a SHITTY ex-H. My lovely dad would take my girls to the shops ('in secret' 🥰🤣) and let them choose cards and flowers etc. He also cooked a lovely lunch (for me and my mum) and really looked after us. I miss him 💗

Of COURSE the OP's husband should do this ffs!!! That's what parents and partners do...step up to show that they care!!

@Flickflak

Well, he’s getting the same treatment right back for Father’s Day isn’t he?

That wouldn't work here as DH is not at all bothered about Father's Day or any other occasion and it just doesn't occur to him that other people (me, his parents, siblings etc) are bothered and that he needs to make an effort.

@internetpersonme

I would be re gifting that watering can on fathers day.

This . I'd also be handing him the baby and toddler and saying "It's Father's Day. That's when you father, isn't it? While the other parent does sweet FA and has a nice lie-in".

@SummerDays2020 Thankyou, yes it was a lovely surprise. I feel very lucky and so sorry for all the mums that have had no effort made for them at all. Its a bit crap.

@SpringIntoChaos

All the posters saying it's not the DHs job to sort out Mother's Day!

Who else is supposed to do it then for the tinies? My own dad used to sort my girls cards and presents out for me, when they were little...because I was a single mum with a SHITTY ex-H. My lovely dad would take my girls to the shops ('in secret' 🥰🤣) and let them choose cards and flowers etc. He also cooked a lovely lunch (for me and my mum) and really looked after us. I miss him 💗

Of COURSE the OP's husband should do this ffs!!! That's what parents and partners do...step up to show that they care!!

Your DF sounds like he was a lovely lovely person ❤️

@Ledkr

I'd take your self off to bed and order in a nice take away for one which you can scoff in bed whilst he takes care of the toddler. And YES to re gifting the watering can for fathers day and nothing else.

You could make tea, fill the watering can and practise your watering skills on his head.

[quote bravelittlepenguin]@5upermum I'm currently at home sulking because I'm incredibly disappointed too.

I've got two young children under 2 and a month ago sent my husband a link to a bottle of wine and asked him to buy me the wine and a bunch of flowers and book lunch for us. Decided I would make it easy for him to avoid disappointment and upset on the day.

A list of my grievances:

Yesterday he says "oh we need to go to the supermarket to buy some breakfast for tomorrow". We didn't have time to go because we had a family party so I've woken up to literally nothing to eat in the house other than cereal. I texted him to bring me a cup of tea which he did but it was only when I asked him to go and buy me some food that he went. He then comes back makes me some eggs and plonks them down on the table where I have them on my own. Table not set, children half dressed, husband in a huff.

He hasn't organised anything for today. I was hoping he might have arranged for me to have some time alone or some pampering but he goes "you can do whatever you like today- go to the gym or something". Lol.

We've booked lunch later but I had to organise it in the end because he left it too late to book brunch/lunch so I did it.

He got me cards and a picture and a plant. All lovely I'm sure but the plant and picture are not my taste at all and aren't the wine and flowers I asked for. I really hate it when he buys me things that aren't my taste or I don't like as it makes me feel like he doesn't know me at all and makes me feel rubbish about our relationship on top of everything else.

I've just had to suggest to him to take the children to the park so that I can get some alone time! On his way out he's still asking me "do you want me to bring them back for their lunch, what time shall I get them back?" And I had to make the babies bottle. I just wanted a bit of a break from being a full time mother!!

I KNOW I'm probably being ungrateful and awful and I'm sure I'll get roasted on here but I feel so gutted. I feel like I made it easy for him and I'm pretty easy to please. Some breakfast and some flowers would have been enough and maybe just the suggestion "I'll take the kids out whilst you have a bath" but he's not thought of anything like that. [/quote]
Massively ungrateful.

You know what to do for Father’s Day, right? Re-gift the watering can. That’s it.

I absolutely hate mother's day...it's a day that seems to make most of us feel crap for one reason or another.

I feel you OP. My DH didn't know it was mother's day until I reminded him yesterday (slightly incredulously, because he was asking why my mum was going to something I'm doing today. I said well... Why wouldn't she be, it's mother's day? And his face dropped.)

He bought me a card in the supermarket while I was there. He got our little one to give it to me this morning. That's it.

I hear you OP. So far I’ve been given a lie in to the grand time of 8am (which was actually 7am and really and 20 minutes after everyone else got up), was made pancakes but there was no Nutella left as DH has eaten it all out the jar over the past month so they were plain, had to watch DH tend to his allotment while stopping small kids injure themselves and then he smashed my favourite mug (accident to be fair). I did get a card and present but overall it’s not been the best day.

Glad to read other people's stories here and know I'm not alone. I have a 15mo DD and am 5 weeks pregnant, have had Covid for the last 5 days and DH just forgot. Well he didn't forget in relation to his own mother but apparently just thinks of me as his wife and not a mother 😕 Trying not to be too pissed off with him as he's mortified since I pointed it out and has apologised profusely, and brought me some flowers from the garden. Still disappointing though. I'm almost tempted to make my own card with DD.

So sorry to everyone who is having a disappointing day. Motherhood is relentless and sometimes it's nice to have a token of appreciation whether it's a card or text message, it's not unreasonable to want that.

I wouldn’t be making much fuss on Father’s Day then.

Thing is, you can care about someone and do things for them without spending money or preparing in advance. My girls got up, put on the washing, made me a menu, cooked breakfast, stacked the dishwasher and then took me out for a lovely walk. No money, but I feel cared for and appreciated. He should be looking after the toddler, bringing you cups of tea in bed at the very very least. I don't care for cards or presents particularly, but I do care about being cared for.

Order takeout tonight on his card