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Original poster

Mother’s Day Disappointment…

283 replies

5upermum · 27/03/2022 09:37

Mother to toddler and currently 10 days overdue with second baby. Husband has basically made zero effort for this awful thing called Mother’s Day, despite me asking him to book something nice like a lunch or ANYTHING for us to do that isn’t exhausting at this stage of pregnancy.

My gifts were a watering can, which has been sat in the car boot for a month and I’ve seen it every time I open it, even though I already own one, and an empty picture frame. No flowers, no breakfast, no cup of tea, no taking toddler so I can have a lie in.

I’ve had quite a difficult end of pregnancy and have been quite unwell, now very uncomfortable and overdue. His reasoning for not booking or doing anything was “in case baby comes”, but I wasn’t aware this stopped him from at least bringing me a cup of tea or saying “Happy Mother’s Day”.

I know lots of people don’t celebrate it, or think it’s a load of rubbish, but I’ve always made such a big deal for Father’s Day and he knows that I wanted at least some fuss given that I’m feeling miserable and huge. He’s apologised for not doing anything, but I’m just upset that I feel so overlooked. Motherhood has been such a struggle recently and one day of fuss would have really cheered me up.

Pathetic, I know. Just needed a rant I guess, I don’t feel I’m being totally unreasonable but maybe I am?

OP posts:
phishy · 27/03/2022 17:03

I will make sure LOs do something for him

More fool you, OP. The kids won’t know, don’t reward him like this for shitty behaviour.

SugarHorse · 27/03/2022 17:17

@Onlyforcake

I've got to go to CAMHS with one child who recently took an o erdode, highlighting my absolute shit parenting. Not a surprise I've got no cards really. All i deserve. I've got work later, I don't normally work Sundays but it's a case of my manager fucking up but SHE has COVID. So off I go at 8.30 pm.
I'm so sorry to read this, @Onlyforcake. Please try not to be too hard on yourself, whatever you think you did wrong, it can't be all your fault. Life can be very difficult and hard sometimes and I'm sure you are doing the best you can in your circumstances. Thanks ☕️ 🫖 for you.
Benes · 27/03/2022 17:19

Also it’s being a really crap role model for sons and daughters.

I completely agree with this.

FlawedStars · 27/03/2022 17:27

I got upset, told DH I'm going for a run... started running thought f* this. Ran to the shop. Bought myself a little bar of green and blacks, a mini can of G&T. Now sat on a footpath in the middle of nowhere. With mumsnet, chocolate and gin. I'll head back in an hour... he can do dinner, bath and the witching hour.

Riverlee · 27/03/2022 17:43

@FlawedStars. Good for you!

SanFranBear · 27/03/2022 18:08

Quatrophoenix - never fails:

250g plain flour
7g packet of dried yeast
170g warm water
1tbsp oil

Mix flour and yeast. Make a well and add water and oil. Mix into a blob. Knead for 5-10 minutes on a very floury surface.. keep adding flour as you knead as it'll be quite wet. Bung back in the bowl, cover for about an hour in a warm place and voila, lots of lovely pizza dough 🍕

SanFranBear · 27/03/2022 18:09

170ml of hot water, obviously. Oops!

CornishGem1975 · 27/03/2022 18:15

I've decided next year I'm booking myself and my teen into a spa for the day. DH just asked if I've had a shit day and I said, well I've sat here all day mostly on my own scrolling through my phone. "Should I have booked somewhere?" Err yes, it would have been nice to have been able to go out on Mothers Day for the first time since 2019 and the first time since having our DS.

PollyDarton1 · 27/03/2022 18:38

Wow.

So ex DP did nothing for me from our 5 year old DS.

What's more? He introduced his girlfriend of 7 weeks to our child.

He has made me agree to a 4-6 month rule before introducing partners to our child, which should be discussed with the parent beforehand for disclosure. He did neither. I only found out because my son told me daddy's girlfriend brought him a present and used her name.

Porkmore · 27/03/2022 18:56

YANBU

We're skint at the mo and DH helped them make me 'vouchers' - a foot rub, head massage and 1 hour television time. My point is it's not fucking difficult to do something, anything. For us it's small gestures, a gentle nod to say thanks for running about like a mad woman for 364 days of the year. Like PP said, he should be doing more anyway. Tell him then next weekend hand him the kids and go to bed with some posh chicks and a cuppa. I'm sure he'll cope.

swallowedAfly · 27/03/2022 21:44

He might be a bit shocked at you going to bed with some posh chicks Grin

Porkmore · 27/03/2022 21:51

@swallowedAfly well next year he'll remember to do better Grin

Sandra2010 · 27/03/2022 22:43

Having already posted about my crappy Mother's day, and being probably older than most of you, I'm going to say it. You need to train DH/DP. I honestly don't give a f about valentines, and I'm not even that fussed about our wedding anniversary. I do feel, though, that our birthdays and mothers/fathers day should be acknowledged and celebrated. The reason I've had a crappy mother's day (and a less than satisfying birthday last week) is that I've been too easy going over the years and hoped they would see, from the effort I put into their birthdays and father's day, that I think it's important. I was wrong, they don't see. I should have been honest from the start and told them I expected more. So, young uns, don't be afraid to tell them you expect consideration, care, and pampering on your special days. Then, when they do it, make a big fuss that you love what they did and make them feel good about doing it. It's a bit like raising a puppy, really. Positive encouragement.

Parentcarerandcrazy · 27/03/2022 23:57

YANBA
Mother's Day isn't about the commercial side of things, it's about being appreciated for the mothering role you undertake. If you have small children and a partner, the partner should be the one to get their backside into gear and do something to say thank you on everyone's behalf.

I've had an up and down day. I did get breakfast in bed, flowers and cards but after that, nothing. I took kids out for the day with my mother while DH stayed at home nursing a hangover. I got home and he hadn't lifted a finger or got off his backside at all. I tidied up, did the dishwasher, made tea, put laundry away, and basically all the usual daily shit. So much for a day off. The laughable thing is I was still up earlier this morning than he usually is any other weekend. I then had an argument with my eldest at bedtime and spent the rest of the evening feeling like a shit mother anyway 😪

liveforsummer · 28/03/2022 07:15

@Clymene

Ah Mother's Day! The day when women on Mumsnet berate other women for having any expectation whatsoever that their partners will show how much they appreciated they are for giving birth to and raising their children. Hmm

If your husband/partner can't be arsed then he's not only showing you that he doesn't especially value you, he's also showing your kids that there's not much value in you either.

I feel sorry for women who think that's acceptable. It's not.

I doubt OP's husband has been amazing every other day either though. At 10 days overdue with a toddler he should be facilitating lie ins and bringing a cup of tea every day that he can. The Mother's Day part is a bit of a red herring here.
mcplant · 28/03/2022 08:48

Where did all these thoughtless men come from!

I'm also a disappointed mother. He didn't even get our 4 year old to wish me a happy Mother's Day. I didn't want anything but to not even get this!!!!! Words cost nothing but thought.

I know he's tired and over worked but as am I. I got our DD to make cards for grandmothers and godmothers. Reminded him to ring his own mother yesterday. I actually had to buy her card as I got fed up asking him despite him buying his lunch everyday from Sainsburys.

I've had it out with him this morning as I'm still pissed. So shit day yesterday and shit day today as I'm still feeling so sad about this.

He said you shouldn't have to but why didn't you say anything yesterday....

I look after all his family birthdays despite reminding him and if I don't sort something his sister usually does so he never had to do anything.

He wasn't always like this but it's definitely getting worse & yesterday took this biscuit. At least I didn't get a gift of something I have said I didn't want which I've had 3 of recently. He hears what he wants to hear 🙄

Benes · 28/03/2022 08:53

I look after all his family birthdays despite reminding him and if I don't sort something his sister usually does so he never had to do anything.

Then stop. Seriously, why does a grown man need you to organise his family birthdays.

If he doesn't respect you enough even acknowledge Mother's Day then why should you go out of you way to organise his life for him?
Time to draw a line in the sand!!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 28/03/2022 09:15

The worst time to feel unappreciated, I think, is when you have tinies. Babies, preschool, infants. After that it isn’t so awful if you don’t get such a big deal as you can make your own day nice more easily. It doesn’t need someone else to be taking the kids off your hands physically for you to get a rest.

I’m a single parent now and as up thread I did get the amount of fuss that suits me. But I was happy to book my own lunch out in a relaxed cafe with the kids and then spend time with them in the afternoon. But when you’ve got a baby you need someone to physically take them and say “you have a lie in now” or “I’ll make lunch”

mcplant · 28/03/2022 09:23

@Benes

I look after all his family birthdays despite reminding him and if I don't sort something his sister usually does so he never had to do anything.

Then stop. Seriously, why does a grown man need you to organise his family birthdays.

If he doesn't respect you enough even acknowledge Mother's Day then why should you go out of you way to organise his life for him?
Time to draw a line in the sand!!

I agree with you on family birthdays and that's why I ask him to sort but then it comes down to last minute and he can't do it for whatever reason. At least he did write the card. On occasions he hasn't even when I've left it out with a pen beside it. It's really not good enough.

My MIL did thank me a few years ago as she said she knew if my DH didn't send a card that she knew I did it and appreciated it and that her other DIL wouldn't bother.
I would hate anyone feeling as rubbish today as I do that I could have put a stop to.

But you've nailed it. Lack of respect.

Hopefully this is the end of it and he takes on board what I have said.

At the end of the day I've said how would you feel if our 4 year old didn't acknowledge you on Father's Day.

I'm a SAHM as well so everything I do revolves around him and the kids

Crumpledegg · 28/03/2022 10:19

I dont think men realise how much things like mothers day means to mums. Last year, my DP booked an afternoon tea for us...and only remembered 3 days after mothers day (on MD we didn't do anything). This mothers day we didn't do anything either. It makes him a shitty person but I cant change that. I can change my expectations for the future though.

thewhatsit · 28/03/2022 10:21

@Benes

I look after all his family birthdays despite reminding him and if I don't sort something his sister usually does so he never had to do anything.

Then stop. Seriously, why does a grown man need you to organise his family birthdays.

If he doesn't respect you enough even acknowledge Mother's Day then why should you go out of you way to organise his life for him?
Time to draw a line in the sand!!

One of my friends started taking over her DP (now DH)’s family gifts from as soon as they got together! He had been remembering to get birthday and Christmas perfectly well until her and then she decided to take it on, go all out every year (they were very minimalist presents before) and get upset EVERY YEAR that he efforts weren’t appreciated. I honestly don’t understand why she did this but now 15 years down the line she can hardly opt out.

I didn’t get involved at all where DH’s family presents are concerned. I didn’t think he’d want me to.

SartresSoul · 28/03/2022 10:27

Very selfish, especially since you asked him to book something and you make a big deal of Father’s Day. I personally wouldn’t do that this year, buy him an empty photo frame and card and leave it at that.

bigbak · 28/03/2022 13:03

I took my son (5) and his mum (my ex) out for brunch yesterday and paid.
If I can do that, he can make a cup of tea for someone carrying his next child.

Mygirlruby · 28/03/2022 17:39

@internetpersonme

I would be re gifting that watering can on fathers day.
Absolutely this.
Dragonella · 28/03/2022 17:50

Don't you dare do anything for Fathers Day... He's a real disgrace

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