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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman yelling at me because I wanted to avoid her dog

343 replies

Matleave2022 · 26/03/2022 12:33

I was walking along a reasonably narrow path with trees either side this morning and I had DS (4 months old) with me in a reclined buggy.

I spotted a couple (maybe in their late 50s or early 60s) coming towards me with an agressive looking breed of dog. I decided that I didn't want to take the risk, so without saying anything to them, I politely stopped in the path, stood in front of DS's buggy and waited for them to pass.

I want to stress that I said absolutely nothing to them as they were approaching. However, as they got close, the woman in the couple started yelling at me about how "My dog isn't going to eat your baby." "My dog is fine". "I think you are being overprotective".

My response was that I didn't know her from Adam, so why on earth would I trust a random stranger telling me that her dog was OK.

She continued to yell about me being overprotective and that me stopping in the path was "scaring" her dog. My only response was to tell her that she was being ridiculous to expect strangers to trust her assertions about her large dog, and I walked on once she had finally passed me.

I could have understood her reaction if I had said something like "keep your dog away from us" when I stopped, but I was silent and patiently waiting for her, her partner and the dog to pass.

It seems batshit that she got offended by me silently choosing to stop and not take the chance that her dog could go for the buggy. AIBU?

OP posts:
eastegg · 28/03/2022 19:02

[quote Matleave2022]@Sagared please read the thread properly. It was an open faced reclined buggy, not a carrycot.

An open buggy is not safe from dogs, hence why I stepped in front. Several PPs on this thread have had experience of dogs jumping into buggies to take toys or food from small children, or even just randomly going for the buggy because they were spooked by it.

As it's been two days of responding, I am going to bow out from responding further. Some of the posts about eye rolling etc. have certainly given me an insight into what goes through the minds of a minority or owners (like the woman I encountered) who seem to think that not offending dog owners should trump any concern that I have small risk of harm to my DS by letting a random dog get too close.

While I am slightly irritated that, as people have suggested, I should now go through a performance of pretending to fix the buggy to avoid antagonising these types of owners, I will be doing this in future, as it does seem a sensible way to avoid getting random abuse from dog owners who take parents being cautious personally.

Plenty of dog owners have also posted to say that they don't understand what this woman's issue is, and I particularly like the PP, a dog owner, who said "it's not as if the dog is going to be offended".

I will end by saying that any dog owner who thinks that "it's OK, he's friendly" is an answer to a stranger being unhappy with the proximity of their dog, should either stay silent or replace that response with "I am sorry that my dog invaded your personal space".[/quote]
As you’re leaving OP, I’m going to take the opportunity to say I agree with every word you’ve said (see my very similar experience upthread).

MabelsApron · 28/03/2022 19:07

So you stop and stand in front of the buggy when any dog passes you by? It must take you hours to go anywhere.

Honestly OP the pair of you sound utterly dramatic and I don’t even like dogs!

eastegg · 28/03/2022 19:47

@bagelsandcheese

I have a largish breed. Probably one that people think looks like she is strong. personally I would have thought you were crazy, rolled my eyes and smiled to myself, but I wouldn't have said anything to you, I'd just assume your not very knowledgable about dogs. I do think though as your child gets older if you carry on standing in front of the pram every time a scary looking to you dog walks past your going to teach them to be scared of dogs which will be a nightmare when there older.
I don’t see why someone not being knowledgeable about dogs would also have you thinking they were crazy and rolling your eyes. After all you yourself have just given a rational explanation for their behaviour.

And even if someone is ‘knowledgeable about dogs’, they are not to know what a stranger’s dog is going to do.are they? So no need for eye rolling at all.

PixieLaLa · 28/03/2022 20:04

I do think though as your child gets older if you carry on standing in front of the pram every time a scary looking to you dog walks past your going to teach them to be scared of dogs which will be a nightmare when there older.

Totally agree.

phoenixrosehere · 28/03/2022 20:14

*So you stop and stand in front of the buggy when any dog passes you by? It must take you hours to go anywhere.

Honestly OP the pair of you sound utterly dramatic and I don’t even like dogs.*

Your post sounds dramatic and likely that you didn’t bother to read OP’s post. It was a narrow path and a large dog. She let them pass and the owner reacted aggressively towards her for doing so. I highly doubt she would have done the same if the path was wide and she could remain a distance from a dog.

surreygirl1987 · 28/03/2022 21:04

I do think though as your child gets older if you carry on standing in front of the pram every time a scary looking to you dog walks past your going to teach them to be scared of dogs which will be a nightmare when there older.

Not as scared as my son, when he got attacked by a dog when sitting in his pram at 8 months old, or the little 2 year old at forest school who got knocked off her feet (literally hurtled through the air) when a dog raced across a field towards her and into her!

I hope my boys won't grow up scared of dogs, but wary, yes. I want my boys to understand potential danger. And if they do end up scared... well, better scared than mauled to death!

LexMitior · 28/03/2022 21:44

You did right and were reasonable - the owner of course is the over sensitive, immature one because she can't see that her dog is not loved by everyone, and that people think differently.

No one has to like someone else's dog, and they present a risk to children.

cowskeepingmeupatnight · 28/03/2022 21:52

..better scared than mauled to death!

Crikey, what a depressing way to live. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Mrsmch123 · 28/03/2022 22:00

I hate when people are like ohhh my dog is fine...it won't bite ect....yeh until it does.If you were uncomfortable then I think it's fair enough to stand in your daughters way.

surreygirl1987 · 28/03/2022 22:09

Crikey, what a depressing way to live. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry

Why on earth would you laugh at that?! You are aware of the little baby girl who got mauled to death by the family dog last week aren't you?! How disrespectful can you get?! I've also had a dog attack my child when he was 8 months old and had to wrestle the thing off my baby while it was going for his face. It was terrifying. To this day, I can't believe how close he may have been to being killed. Trust me, this is NOT funny. I can't believe you would laugh at this; how despicable!

Questiontellme · 28/03/2022 22:11

@oviraptor21 of course there are...going back to one of the first comments on the thread most dog owners are entitled a-holes.....as this thread so wonderfully demonstrates.

surreygirl1987 · 28/03/2022 22:11

I hate when people are like ohhh my dog is fine...it won't bite ect....yeh until it does.If you were uncomfortable then I think it's fair enough to stand in your daughters way.

Yep, precisely. It's amazing how many dog attacks on kids follow with the words 'he's never done anything like this before'. Yes, there is obviously always the first time! Some people are utterly moronic not to realise this, and to criticise parents for putting their children's safety above the feelings of dog owners who get offered because not everyone loves their 'precious fur babies' 🙄

Questiontellme · 28/03/2022 22:12

@cowskeepingmeupatnight have you kept up with the news recently??

surreygirl1987 · 28/03/2022 22:13

going back to one of the first comments on the thread most dog owners are entitled a-holes.....as this thread so wonderfully demonstrates
Yep!

surreygirl1987 · 28/03/2022 22:13

@cowskeepingmeupatnight have you kept up with the news recently??

Apparently it's funny...

cowskeepingmeupatnight · 28/03/2022 22:57

Okay, pretty sure you all know I’m not laughing at recent news. I am laughing at a PP’s attitude of ‘better scared than mauled to death’, as if those are the only two options in life.

Anyway, I give up. The fear mongering here is just hysterical.

surreygirl1987 · 28/03/2022 23:31

You really don't get it, do you. And you're giving up because so many people are disgusted by your attitude. Bye.

mehwhatislife · 28/03/2022 23:40

YANBU at all!! My husband was attacked by a dog at the start of lockdown, ever since I have been very cautious of dogs around my toddler. I will pick him out of the way of any dog! I would have the done the same as you in this case

Boofoof · 29/03/2022 00:09

I don't think you did anything wrong. I own a very large, strong breed of dog and I am always very aware that she may appear intimidating or scary to others, even though she adores people. That's why i keep her on a lead, and when small children or people who look nervous pass by I will shorten the lead and move her to the side of my body furthest from them, to try to reassure them that I have good control of her. Where I've been in situations where people might not want this big dog walking close behind them I stop at the side of the path with her in a sit to let them pass by comfortably. It's my responsibility as a dog owner to keep her safe and happy, and to keep others safe from her.

You did what you thought was best. I'd much rather someone take your approach than the people who let their kids come running up to my dog to "pet the doggie" without checking with me first!

blueberryporridge · 29/03/2022 00:10

You were protecting your baby.
You don't have to explain yourself to anyone.

This. Sounds like she was one of those entitled dog owners who thinks every one should love her dog. Well, not everyone trusts dogs, especially around young children. I like dogs but I do not trust strange dogs. Something to do probably with the large dog that tried to get a grip of my throat when I was 18 years old.

yellowsuninthesky · 29/03/2022 10:45

@PixieLaLa

I do think though as your child gets older if you carry on standing in front of the pram every time a scary looking to you dog walks past your going to teach them to be scared of dogs which will be a nightmare when there older.

Totally agree.

Totally disagree. Dogs can and do injure and even kill humans. It is sensible to be wary of them. Of course, if all owners kept their pets under close control it wouldn't be an issue.
13cap · 29/03/2022 12:56

I’ve offended lots of dog owners by refusing to let son stroke them when he was 1/2 years old. Just because my child’s smiled at the animal many people offered directly (not even asking me)saying “there very friendly would you like to stroke him?”

I don’t trust strangers dogs with little children . The response I last got in an angry tone “he’s not going to hurt your child he’s not aggressive” how do they know my toddler won’t pull the tail or touch them in the wrong place and they bite him?
Some dog owners seem to think everyone loves there pets, I also don’t want them running upto me and jumping at my child, “oh it’s fine he’s friendly “ 🙄🙄🙄

13cap · 29/03/2022 13:00

I also stood in front of my toddler at the park when a jack Russell came running towards barking at us on a long lead. It should not be in a play park anyway but The owners were so offended and said loudly (on purpose) “well I don’t think she was impressed was she” the other woman replying “ yes well I’m trying to train him” well don’t bloody bring your dog in the park especially untrained. I don’t think your being unreasonable btw!

PixieLaLa · 06/04/2022 23:37

@13cap
I also stood in front of my toddler at the park when a jack Russell came running towards barking at us

Out of interest would you also stand in front of your toddler if another child came running up towards them screeching?

maddening · 07/04/2022 00:02

@PixieLaLa

I suspect the dog is more likely to bite and cause injury than a dog.

If a much larger child was running at Your child and seemed malevolent then you would likely stand between or protect your toddler.

Also if a young child were running at a small dog screeching I would hope that the nearest adult would intervene.

Anything running at something making an aggressive noise will probably illicit a defensive reaction particularly where there is risk due to size and ability differences.

Dog owners need to control their dogs and accept that not everyone wants to be near them and where they select breeds that are overwhelmingly in the majority for fatal dog attacks that others may be particularly wary, and it is their right to be so.