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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Woman yelling at me because I wanted to avoid her dog

343 replies

Matleave2022 · 26/03/2022 12:33

I was walking along a reasonably narrow path with trees either side this morning and I had DS (4 months old) with me in a reclined buggy.

I spotted a couple (maybe in their late 50s or early 60s) coming towards me with an agressive looking breed of dog. I decided that I didn't want to take the risk, so without saying anything to them, I politely stopped in the path, stood in front of DS's buggy and waited for them to pass.

I want to stress that I said absolutely nothing to them as they were approaching. However, as they got close, the woman in the couple started yelling at me about how "My dog isn't going to eat your baby." "My dog is fine". "I think you are being overprotective".

My response was that I didn't know her from Adam, so why on earth would I trust a random stranger telling me that her dog was OK.

She continued to yell about me being overprotective and that me stopping in the path was "scaring" her dog. My only response was to tell her that she was being ridiculous to expect strangers to trust her assertions about her large dog, and I walked on once she had finally passed me.

I could have understood her reaction if I had said something like "keep your dog away from us" when I stopped, but I was silent and patiently waiting for her, her partner and the dog to pass.

It seems batshit that she got offended by me silently choosing to stop and not take the chance that her dog could go for the buggy. AIBU?

OP posts:
again2020 · 27/03/2022 16:09

YADNBU Op. I would have done exactly the same. Please don't feel bad or ridiculous.
I'm not a dog lover (at all, full on cat person and I have a slight dog phobia since childhood) and where I live there are so many big dogs. I'm a runner and we live near countryside/open fields and when I run or take DD for a walk there are loads of big dogs. Not on the paths but on the surrounding roads. Most are no problem and most owners understand to control their dogs around children but a few don't care. There's a man nearby who owns a Japanese Akita (banned breed, I think) that always twirls and jumps and barks. The man looks at me like I'm insane when I take DD off to the side when we are walking but I don't understand what parent would not be wary with their child around a big strong jumpy dog with their child?
People need to understand that not everyone likes dogs and that is fine!
The undertone on the thread that OP was nuts makes it sound like people put their dogs before childrens safety. That in itself is nuts!
If you do ever find yourself in this position again I would stop and try to look like you are fixing something on the buggy rather than simply stand to try to avoid looking confrontational.
It's a shame but I do often avoid areas where I know large dogs are likely to be to avoid these issues.

cowskeepingmeupatnight · 27/03/2022 16:14

This is just bizarre. Why do people get so wound up by dog owners, as if babies and toddlers and buggies have a god given right and dog owners are just lucky to be allowed out? We all share space. I am probably one of the people that @2Gen would consider ‘defensive’, but I’m really not. I was bitten by a dog as a child, requiring stitches, and spent many years afraid. Now I have an extremely well trained dog that has all her training certificates, and I’d always recall them if someone was uncomfortable. But I still believe - and I’m entitled to say - that the OP’s reaction was excessive. If she’s going to spend her whole life assuming her child will be mauled by a dog then it’s going to be a miserable life. I personally don’t like to be governed by my fears, especially when they aren’t actually proportionate to the risk. Yes yes, we all know sometimes children are fatally attacked by dogs, which is tragic, but planes also drop out of the sky. At some point you have to make the choice just to live while you’re alive.

Original poster
Matleave2022 · 27/03/2022 16:37

@cowskeepingmeupatnight there is no suggestion that buggies trump dogs in a park, but that dog owners should mind their own bloody business if a stranger with a small child prefers to give their dog a wide berth (in a way that does nothing to obstruct the dog owner's route).

You seem to be bizarrely preoccupied by the fact that others may have different risk preferences to you.

OP posts:
cowskeepingmeupatnight · 27/03/2022 17:09

Ok, I don’t think there’s really anything else to be achieved here and it’s getting nasty. I wish you and your new baby well, OP. Genuinely sorry I can’t validate your AIBU on this occasion. You seem to already be clear in your views through, so not entirely sure why you asked.

MuggleMadness · 27/03/2022 17:13

@Saucery

Blimey, there’s a lot of these threads about. I’m sure they all actually happened though, because to capitalise on the horrendous death of a toddler by posting multiple anti-dog fantasies wouldn’t be something anyone on here would do, surely…..
No. Surely not!!
MuggleMadness · 27/03/2022 17:25

@MyWinterRose

You were being a protective mother and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, how many stories of babies being mauled by vile dogs do there have to be before people wake up and realise these animals can turn at any time.

I personally think it should be law that all dogs are muzzled when outside.
Don't worry about those people, they are just typical entitled dog owners.

How many stories of small babies being randomly attacked in their prams at the park, by a dog, have there been ever?

More babies harmed by humans than dogs, maybe we should muzzle and handcuff all people -in parks & in their homes.

Original poster
Matleave2022 · 27/03/2022 17:57

@cowskeepingmeupatnight
Your posts keep repeating your view that people are going to somehow ruin their lives if they aren't precisely as chilled out as you personally are regarding the risks posed by random dogs. I would say that you are also pretty fixed in your views on this.

I asked about this issue on AIBU, as I was taken aback by the woman's reaction and wanted some insight into what about the interaction had made her respond so bizarrely.

What I have gleaned from the thread is that the majority of voters don't see an issue with stepping between a buggy and a dog, and they understand that some parents are more risk averse and prefer a better safe than sorry approach to unknown dogs.

However, if I want to avoid a small minority of batshit owners taking issue with this, then I should pretend to be fixing something with the buggy. This is very useful advice that I got from this thread, and something I will be doing in future for the sake of avoiding confrontation with crazy dog owners like the woman I encountered (who clearly lacked empathy and common sense).

OP posts:
hdjdjehhdhdvsv · 27/03/2022 18:09

@AlanBrazil

Why do we need to know the ages of the couple?
because an aggressive teenager is a different dynamic to an aggressive 80 year old. Also if she didn't put in the age she would be accused of drip feeding.
HarlanPepper · 27/03/2022 18:11

what's the point of this thread, exactly?

KarmaStar · 27/03/2022 18:12

You must have looked ridiculous.yabu.

HarlanPepper · 27/03/2022 18:12

Though, to be fair to the OP, I guess 99% of AIBU threads are people who have had some mildly uncomfortable social interaction and want their feelings about it to be validated

hattie43 · 27/03/2022 18:14

@elenacampana

Maybe I’m going against the grain, but I find your actions there ridiculous sorry OP. I have a 4 month old as well and it wouldn’t enter my head to do that.
This
PenguinPup · 27/03/2022 18:17

OP, I would have done the same as you. Not all dog owners are the same of course, some are trustworthy and sensible, some not so much. You have no way of knowing which is which when you meet one in the street. If it makes you feel better to move to one side, out of the way, then do it. I have no idea why other people have to get so annoyed about it and take it so personally.

Original poster
Matleave2022 · 27/03/2022 18:22

@PenguinPup exactly! I really don't understand the angry reaction. If it's your sister refusing to visit your house because of your dog, then I could understand why someone would be offended, but why the outrage that a total stranger doesn't trust your stock "it's ok, he's friendly" statement, when they know sod all about you as a person, and your competence in assessing what risk your dog does or doesn't pose to others.

OP posts:
SexyLittleNosferatu · 27/03/2022 18:24

You have been asked countless times now and you won't answer - what breed of dog was it? You've also been asked to clarify if the dog was on a lead?

Newjourney2894 · 27/03/2022 18:27

This post is hilarious. I am sorry but i would understand if the child was walking alongside you that you either picked them up or stood in front of them.. but YABU to stand in front of the pram like the dog was already trying to access your “precious little bundle” in the pram Hmm

If the dog was pulling towards the pram or something I would stand in front of it but otherwise you just look like a crazy first time parent who is far too protective of your baby.. what would you have done if the baby was in a sling turned around and faced the trees until the dog passed 🙄

phoenixrosehere · 27/03/2022 18:36

You seem to already be clear in your views through, so not entirely sure why you asked.

You have been no different in your own views. People have given similar experiences on why they are cautious around dogs especially when they are with young children and babies who cannot defend themselves. The owner could have simply eyerolled or continued to talk to the person she was with.?She chose to be aggressive. It is not on the dog owner to police a stranger’s reaction about their dog. The only reasons the owner should be saying anything to OP is if OP had said something aggressive or had tried to hurt her dog. If the dog owner perceives a mother with a baby, letting her past and stepping in front of her pram as a sign of aggression then she is the one who probably shouldn’t be out.

Dogs are still animals at the end of the day and they can still be unpredictable, even unpredictable enough to attack their owners. There are countless owners that have said “I have never seen my dog do xyz before” and this is usually after their dog has tried or has hurt someone or them.

surreygirl1987 · 27/03/2022 18:44

Oh for god's sake. The only thing hilarious about this thread, @newjourney2894, is the minority of people like you who think looking out for for potential danger is 'crazy' or 'overprotective'. Actually, more sad than hilarious. I really can't believe a few people just don't get it!

OP, I thought of you today when I instinctively stood between my 1 year old and a couple of large dogs that were heading towards us. I definitely do not feel I was being 'crazy' or ridiculous' as a couple of other posters have said to you - I feel I was being very sensible and putting the safety of my children first... just in case. The same way I'd stand between my child and a busy road- just in case. The dog owner didn't seem to care either - we exchanged 'morning's and smiles as we passed each other... very unlike your horrible experience with the nut job!

beachcitygirl · 27/03/2022 19:39

Why do a lot of dog owners think everyone else will like their animals.
I'm scared of dogs. No dog would ever be getting near me or my kids. Period.
I would gave done exactly the same OP
a lot of dog owners are beyond entitled.
Yanbu.

eastegg · 27/03/2022 19:55

I haven’t rtft, but I’ve read all your posts OP and it’s ridiculous how much you’ve had to defend yourself for doing basically nothing.

I had a really similar situation, when an owner was running around our local small park and her large dog came running over a number of times to where I was with young DC. I wanted to protect my kids while having absolutely zero interaction with her because I could sense it might not go well. I picked up my 3 year old and turned my back to the dog, and she screamed ‘you don’t own the fucking park you know’. I had said literally nothing and hadn’t even looked at her. Seems a very similar type of person.

Lou98 · 27/03/2022 20:46

@again2020 Japanese Akita aren't a banned breed in the UK. You may be thinking of Japanese Tosa which are.

The man sounds awful though! I have two dogs who are well trained and never go running up to people or dogs but I still always keep them on leads if we're around other people/dogs as I wouldn't expect others to know/believe that they're safe when as others have said, those people don't know me or my dogs

Lonelydaisy · 27/03/2022 20:53

Sad sad person

yellowsuninthesky · 27/03/2022 20:56

@AlanBrazil

Why do we need to know the ages of the couple?
because they tend to be the ones who think they own the pavements. Joined at the hip, won't go single file to let people past. Add in a dog and it's much easier to cross the road if it's an option!
SleepingStandingUp · 28/03/2022 01:24

@Newjourney2894

This post is hilarious. I am sorry but i would understand if the child was walking alongside you that you either picked them up or stood in front of them.. but YABU to stand in front of the pram like the dog was already trying to access your “precious little bundle” in the pram Hmm

If the dog was pulling towards the pram or something I would stand in front of it but otherwise you just look like a crazy first time parent who is far too protective of your baby.. what would you have done if the baby was in a sling turned around and faced the trees until the dog passed 🙄

It's a narrow path. If the dog suddenly lunges towards the open fa e of them pram op would be in the wrong place to do anything about it.
Sagared · 28/03/2022 01:39

YABU
If you'd have said 'a dog' fine. The fact you were wary of a dog is fine. The fact you were wary just because of the breed however, is not. All dogs can be aggressive, smaller ones especially.
Don't go at particular breeds. Typical