Woman yelling at me because I wanted to avoid her dog

[Matleave2022]

I was walking along a reasonably narrow path with trees either side this morning and I had DS (4 months old) with me in a reclined buggy.

I spotted a couple (maybe in their late 50s or early 60s) coming towards me with an agressive looking breed of dog. I decided that I didn't want to take the risk, so without saying anything to them, I politely stopped in the path, stood in front of DS's buggy and waited for them to pass.

I want to stress that I said absolutely nothing to them as they were approaching. However, as they got close, the woman in the couple started yelling at me about how "My dog isn't going to eat your baby." "My dog is fine". "I think you are being overprotective".

My response was that I didn't know her from Adam, so why on earth would I trust a random stranger telling me that her dog was OK.

She continued to yell about me being overprotective and that me stopping in the path was "scaring" her dog. My only response was to tell her that she was being ridiculous to expect strangers to trust her assertions about her large dog, and I walked on once she had finally passed me.

I could have understood her reaction if I had said something like "keep your dog away from us" when I stopped, but I was silent and patiently waiting for her, her partner and the dog to pass.

It seems batshit that she got offended by me silently choosing to stop and not take the chance that her dog could go for the buggy. AIBU?

Well to be fair it did cost you more than 30 seconds, because then you got embroiled in an argument and now you’re clearly still thinking about it as you’re discussing it here (which I understand, because that woman sounds awful and it’d still be on my mind if I had a spat like that too).

Anyway, I think you were excessive and probably came across as a bit socially awkward, but your risk tolerance is for you to decide and it’s got sweet FA to do with me. Maybe give narrow paths a wide birth for a while though, and just pick your battles.

@cowskeepingmeupatnight the point is that I was doing absolutely nothing to this woman. I wasn't blocking her path, nor did I say anything to her, but because she picked up that I considered her random dog a potential risk to my DS she started yelling at me.

In your view, that makes me the "excessive" person who should now avoid narrow public paths?

I’ve already said I think the woman was out of order. But at the same time, I think you’re actions were disproportionate to the risk. If you’re going to act like that every time you see a dog on a walk then you’re going to be a nervous wreck, which is why I suggested you steer clear of narrow paths. Because you were worried, right? Your whole case here is based on the premise you were worried, so I’m just suggesting you find some strategies to deal with that.

I have two staffies so I'm fairly used to people crossing the road etc to move away from us while drawing looks (even when I'm with my own buggy). They're always on the lead when around other people and they walk calmly next to me without caring less about who's walking past. I agree with you that they overreacted saying something to you, there was no need, wasn't going to benefit the situation in any way and they knew that. Personally I just ignore, it makes no difference to me if people want to cross the road etc.

However, had it been me walking past you I would have thought you were dramatic standing in front of the buggy with my dogs walking calmly next to me on a lead (unless they were lunging etc but doesn't sound like it from your posts). As I say though, I wouldn't have said anything, I'd have left you to it and had an internal eye roll to myself on the inside

OP, you did nothing wrong. Carry on doing what you're doing. I say that as a dog owner.

Well to be fair it did cost you more than 30 seconds, because then you got embroiled in an argument and now you’re clearly still thinking about it as you’re discussing it here (which I understand, because that woman sounds awful and it’d still be on my mind if I had a spat like that too).

Yes... but because the dog owner is a nut-job!! How was the OP supposed to know that they were going to behave so irrationally towards her! You said 'you're (your) actions were disproportionate to the risk'. That is a really ignorant thing to say, considering the 'action' was literally a couple of steps, and the risk is (yes, in rare, extreme circumstances, I know - but it is still there) death or life-changing injury. Weighing that up... it's surely a no-brainer!

And as for avoiding places where this might be an issue, which was your suggestion to the OP... seriously?! One would never leave the house! Much more sensibly than your nonsensical suggestion, the OP has chosen to stop, wait, and step in front of the pram, which seems far far more common-sense to me! I can't understand why you can't see that!

You don't have to justify your actions in any way.

There are some batshit entitled dog owners. You should just laugh and move on.

I hate this type of person. Not everyone likes dog. Me for example i dont like dogs! I cant stand near dogs. I have traumatic experience with dogs and i dont want near them now. But dog owner sometimes think their dog is sooo cute and everyone would think the same aswell.

One day i went to park and there is dog stand up and licking my 2 years old. I was frozen and very scared. And the owner dont even say sorry. She said “awww isnt he cute. He wants to say hello. Do you want to say hello”. I was soo pale and frozen. I guess in here everyone must be a dog persob. I am the weird one 🙃

Is it this week a baby was killed by a family dog? I can never take chances with dogs for myself or baby. I stand aside with every dog only because I'm not a friend of dogs and I'm petrified by them either big or small but I never respond to owners defensive comments.

I have a largish very fluffy wolfy looking rare breed.
If someone with a pushchair is going to pass me, I stop, keep my dog in a sit, (with treats :D) until they pass. It doesn't cost me anything and I know some people are scared of dogs.
Mine isn't remotely dangerous to babies, but she loves my grandchild and thinks all prams might contain him, so I don't allow her anywhere near a pram incase she aims for a lick!
I don't expect any stranger to appreciate my dog so keep her under control . However by the same token I HATE it when people go 'ohh look at that fluffy dog' and allow their tiny children to approach! Assuming she is 'safe' is as daft as assuming she is dangerous!

What dog is it @StillMedusa? I have a fluffy wolf bear dog and have the same problem. He doesn't like strangers, that's been bred into his breed for centuries. Some people don't even believe me when I say he's not friendly/they can't stroke him. "But he looks so lovely and happy". He's happy because he's on a walk, he won't be if you get any closer. He's an American Akita.

EricScrantona She's a Eurasier. A fairly modern (60 years) breed.. looks quite Akita like :) (originally a Chow/Wolfspitz cross called a Wolfchow until they were accepted as a pure breed)
She's a wonderful dog, but the breed is reserved with strangers 'aka don't try and touch me!' She is utterly devoted to her family and anyone introduced gently to her, but does not want randomers trying to pat her!

But people see her as a beautiful (she is stunning) unusual dog and feel they should be able to just launch at her and rub her head! I don't want strangers hugging me either!

She looks happy..because she IS having long walks in the countryside with me! I now say 'please don't touch, she's nervous' cos that's more polite than ' don't touch my dog, she doesn't know you!'

@StillMedusa

I have a largish very fluffy wolfy looking rare breed. If someone with a pushchair is going to pass me, I stop, keep my dog in a sit, (with treats :D) until they pass. It doesn't cost me anything and I know some people are scared of dogs. Mine isn't remotely dangerous to babies, but she loves my grandchild and thinks all prams might contain him, so I don't allow her anywhere near a pram incase she aims for a lick! I don't expect any stranger to appreciate my dog so keep her under control . However by the same token I HATE it when people go 'ohh look at that fluffy dog' and allow their tiny children to approach! Assuming she is 'safe' is as daft as assuming she is dangerous!

And with a dog that cute I aim my buggy away in case my TODDLERS go in for a lick 😂

Beautiful @StillMedusa and what a lovely colour they come in!

DDog is exactly the same around strangers. Not warm and cuddly with us but clear that he loves us.

*How was the OP supposed to know that they were going to behave so irrationally towards her! You said 'you're (your) actions were disproportionate to the risk'. That is a really ignorant thing to say, considering the 'action' was literally a couple of steps, and the risk is (yes, in rare, extreme circumstances, I know - but it is still there) death or life-changing injury. Weighing that up... it's surely a no-brainer!

And as for avoiding places where this might be an issue, which was your suggestion to the OP... seriously?! One would never leave the house! Much more sensibly than your nonsensical suggestion, the OP has chosen to stop, wait, and step in front of the pram, which seems far far more common-sense to me! I can't understand why you can't see that!*

They don’t want to because they assume every seemingly well behaved dog will never be a danger or they have never had the experience of having a big dog barrelling at them or at them and a pram (had both experiences unfortunately). It is easy to fight off a small dog but a dog that is half as big or bigger than you is not. I’ve had owners who allow their dogs to run up to me with pram while I’ve been talking to a friend who also had her pram and neither of us were impressed. We didn’t say anything to her, but we definitely did eye roll, ones where I have been walking in the opposite direction and just as I have passed, dogs on leads have darted for my basket or towards my ankles forcing me to stop so I don’t trip because if I trip I’m either going to fall on top of the pram and it going towards me or it going away from me. I’ve also had dogs (again on lead) jump at my autistic son while I was walking him home from school. No engagement from us only walking past and the dogs jumped on my son who they were just at face height with trying to lick him. I held him to reassure him he was ok using my arms as a barrier between them and his face. Looked up and the dog owner was on his mobile and had the leashes in one hand so wasn’t paying attention, he mumbled a sorry while looking at his phone. Couldn’t even be bothered to look at us. A part of me wanted to smack his phone and tell him off but I needed to get my son home.

Easy to say to avoid such situations but that is a ridiculous thing to say when there are very few areas you won’t encounter dogs outside. It is nothing like swimming or driving since both are things that people can choose not to do nor have to and there is little effect on their lives. A dog is not the same thing and the comparison was ridiculous to begin with.

Yeah, people who are dog phobic definitely deserve to be called strange and have dog owners eye roll at them!!!!

I am half-inclined to start a spreadsheet of all the posters who are sneery and dismissive of people who aren't keen on other people's dogs or who are honestly afraid of them (sometimes after being attacked) and cross-reference it with the shrieky 'spiders are so terrifying!' threads, where (totally irrational in this country) fear of spiders is actively enabled and cosseted. I wonder if there would be some interesting crossovers.

(I love dogs, but thanks to shitty dog owners it's taken about eight years to get my eldest over his enormous fear of dogs. Every time we'd make progress we'd come across some totally irresponsible 'they're just being friendly!' or 'they were fine until your son panicked, that's what set them off, they were under control until then!' twats.)

@JessyRadlett , quite! My DH is a regular runner and several times a year has to deal with these idiotic types of owners.

The usual scenario is the dog is off the lead, or on an extendable lead that hadn't been reeled in, and then the dog jumps at (or on rare occasions even bites) DH. Then the owner tries to make out that it's DH's fault for having the audacity to be out for a run.

This is partly why I am not taking my chances with random dogs now that I have DS in the buggy.

A dog being fluffy does totally reverse the scenario. Most people won’t let their kids near a German shep but a friend of mine has a white long haired one as a rescue and is constantly having to fend off useless parents whose toddlers and small kids want to pet the bear.

Better education on both sides would be a good thing.

A large dog does not necessarily mean an aggressive dog. |The only dog bite I have had during adulthood was from a Jack Russell. I didn't approach it - it ran forward and bit my boot.

I don't think you were being unreasonable. I regularly get between dogs and my DC who is older than yours but my DC is unpredictable around animals. Sometimes owners shout at me that their dog wouldn't hurt a fly or laugh at me. Yet they don't come over and remove their dog from the situation.

We go to a sports field with play park that dog walkers also use. There seems to be a dog walking group of people who just stand in middle of field chatting while their dogs run around. Their dogs run after people trying to run round sports field or up to those playing football/catch etc.

My DC gets skitty round dogs which can cause dogs to get excited. If they jump up at him I'm worried DC will lash out at the dog as it will overwhelm him. The dog might then react. Therefore I try to stop these interactions even happening. The owners clearly think I am overreacting.

I would like to balance this that a wooded walk we often take the dog owners we meet seem to be lovely dog owners. My DC sometimes asks if he can also throw sticks into water for the dogs. The owners seem to have excellent control of their dogs and have good recall. My DC can interact with their dog calmly as they haven't just run over to him and jumped. If my DC is feeling overwhelmed and hides behind me the owners seem to immediately notice and short lead their dog or recall them. Sometimes they then ask if my DC would like to stroke him while the dog is on short lead. This is kind as helps my DC learn how to indroduce himself to a dog.

@Bananabutter

YANBU. If people choose to have aggressive breeds they need to live with the consequences of that, and one of those is that nobody is going to want to go near it no matter how “friendly” and “lovable” they are.

This! YANBU but she sure as hell was!

an agressive looking breed of dog

This sentence alone just proves up know nothing about dogs.
Would you have done the same if you were passing ‘an aggressive looking child’ who was the same height as the buggie? Or is it only dogs who like to eat babies they pass?

@RachelGreep87

These responses are bizarre. A child was killed in their home a few days ago by one of these dogs, it is perfectly reasonable to be distrustful of strange animals.

Yes indeed. It seems some PPs are getting defensive, as if being nervous of dogs, and wanting to protect one's baby is somehow personally insulting them and their dog. It isn't! Just because your dog's not aggressive, or ahsn't been so far does not mean no dg ever attacks a child nor that your dog will never, ever turn one day for some reason. A parent's first duty is to their child, not to tip-toe round strangers' finer feelings. Some dog owners could do with making a bit more effort to consider small children IMO! We don't all have to be dog lovers either! So long as one is not cruel to dogs, one can dislike them and that's OK. Anyway, better to put some noses out of joint than to have a child injured by a dog, or worse.

I think you were ott to stop and then stand in front of your son's pram, like the mafia was approaching you. That could have looked aggressive to them.