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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH BIU- to talk with DSIL about planned baby name

677 replies

fringely · 26/03/2022 10:40

DSIL is 34 weeks pregnant with first DC.
A few weeks ago her and her DP announced the planned baby name.
The actual 'sound' of the name is fine, but it is heavily associated with something which DSIL and her DP were not really aware of. They have been made aware of the association since (as it's pretty common knowledge- not sure how they hadn't heard of it tbh!) but are of the opinion most people won't make the association. DH and I are of the other opinion that most people will definitely make the association, it's not a good association, and genuinely worry that it's not fair to give a baby that name and it's fully possible it could lead to bullying when older.

Whilst DP and strongly agree on the huge issue with the name and agree it's unfair to lumbar a baby with it, I don't think DH should say anything. DH thinks he should have a proper talk with her about his concerns on the name and why he doesn't think it's fair to give to a DN. I think nothing good will come and we should stay quiet.

(So far we have said very little about it. We were notably shocked when told what it was, and clarified 'X' as in X'?? But other than that have nodded and smiled).

OP posts:
ThettaReddast · 26/03/2022 10:44

He’s already made his point by mentioning the association. They have that information and can make their own decision, he shouldn’t force the issue.

Original poster
fringely · 26/03/2022 10:45

@ThettaReddast

He’s already made his point by mentioning the association. They have that information and can make their own decision, he shouldn’t force the issue.
Thank you- this is my feeling.
OP posts:
MarthaFokker · 26/03/2022 10:48

You do realise the thread is going to fill up with everyone asking what the name is? Of course you do

Does it really matter though? He doesn't have to make a big thing of it and have a 'sit down talk' or anything.

"Oh sis, do you realise that sounds a lot like 'X'?" Then leave it after that.

ParisLondonTokyoSlough · 26/03/2022 10:49

If it’s something like Karen then I would drop it since you’ve already mentioned it and the association is unpleasant but ultimately harmless.

If it’s something like Adolf then I would probs say “are you sure” once more and then feel I’d done my duty.

Original poster
fringely · 26/03/2022 10:50

@MarthaFokker

You do realise the thread is going to fill up with everyone asking what the name is? Of course you do

Does it really matter though? He doesn't have to make a big thing of it and have a 'sit down talk' or anything.

"Oh sis, do you realise that sounds a lot like 'X'?" Then leave it after that.

Of course I know lots of people will ask the name. And of course I'm not going to post as ludicrously outing. I'm hoping among the 'what's the name?!' There will be some helpful perspectives and advice.
OP posts:
Original poster
fringely · 26/03/2022 10:51

@ParisLondonTokyoSlough

If it’s something like Karen then I would drop it since you’ve already mentioned it and the association is unpleasant but ultimately harmless.

If it’s something like Adolf then I would probs say “are you sure” once more and then feel I’d done my duty.

Much closer to Adolf unfortunately!
OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 26/03/2022 10:51

Difficult to answer without knowing the name.

ParisLondonTokyoSlough · 26/03/2022 10:52

Ohh if it’s actually possibly offensive or something the child could be distressed by on learning the association then I would probably mention it again if I was your husband. I think that’s really unfair on the child.

Justkeeppedaling · 26/03/2022 10:53

I was going to say Adolf!

If it's not that, is it Vladimir? Or Sadam?

It's up to you ILs. And whatever connotations a name has now, the child's peers will likely be totally unaware of.

Treebranches · 26/03/2022 10:53

Associated with SOMETHING rather than SOMEONE? It depends if it positive, negative, weird. If it’s something like bukkake then yes I would do everything I could to prevent the child being called that! Also how closely associated matters, it could be astrid and you think of amstrad which is tenuous to say the least.

CareBear50 · 26/03/2022 10:53

Is it Vladimir?

Justkeeppedaling · 26/03/2022 10:54

Fred West? Harold Shipman? Peter Sutcliffe?

Original poster
fringely · 26/03/2022 10:55

I'm trying to think of examples that a similar to be as accurate as possible without outing.

I'm not talking about something like 'Myra' where the child's generation likely won't remember Myra Hindley. This association will be there his whole life.

The closest I can think of is 'Judas' but the name in question is more synonymous than even Judas is.

OP posts:
ParisLondonTokyoSlough · 26/03/2022 10:55

If it’s Vladimir then it’s such a popular Russian name that I think it’s fine. But would be weird if they weren’t actually Russian (like some sort of bizarre tribute).

Yoohoo778611 · 26/03/2022 10:56

Is the name more known in the UK with this association or is it from overseas.
Such as Fred(West) Peter(Sutcliffe) or Adolf (Hitler) Vladimir (Putin)

GlitchStitch · 26/03/2022 10:56

Isis?

Whinge · 26/03/2022 10:56

I'm guessing it's something along the lines of Alexa?

You've already mentioned the connection and they still want to use the name. Perhaps they'll think differently once they've heard it from everyone else after announcing the name, but I don't think another chat from you or DH is going to change their mind.

Original poster
fringely · 26/03/2022 10:57

@GlitchStitch

Isis?
Not Isis but that's an ok comparison.

Definitely not Alexa- whilst the Amazon connection is annoying it's hardly a bad association is it?

OP posts:
Treebranches · 26/03/2022 10:59

If it’s a real name and it’s just associated with a person I’d just leave it, especially as they already know.

If it is Alexa as a pp mentioned then her partner might get a bit annoyed when they call her and the other Alexa answers but I’m sure it’ll be fine! And if it’s like another poster mentioned and is something like Fred west people will make a comment on first introduction and then forget all about the link.

Turningpurple · 26/03/2022 11:00

To be fair it's impossible to tell wether he should give it another go, without knowing what it is.

Not saying you should say. But whilst you may think it's a big deal, others may not.

Judas is interchangeable with betrayal. I can't imagine that there's a name more synonymous.

TidyDancer · 26/03/2022 11:00

I think there are degrees to this.

Some names are so deeply associated with evil (such as the aforementioned Adolf) that there's no possible way they can be used, ever.

Some are fine on their own but in combination with a siblings name might be awful and the connection should be pointed out imo (you wouldn't want a Harold and Primrose or Fred and Rose for eg).

I appreciate you won't share the name but there's a wide spectrum with this issue so without the name it's really difficult for people to gauge how reasonable or unreasonable you are.

Clarinet1 · 26/03/2022 11:01

You don’t mention whether the parents-to-be know the baby’s gender for definite. If not, and the baby turns out to be the opposite, the name thing will become a non-issue.

Qwill · 26/03/2022 11:01

I think Isis is a lovely name, and won’t have the connotations for the next generation. I know one that’s had no issues at all.

LittleBearPad · 26/03/2022 11:02

If you’ve mentioned the association and they are still keen then it’s up to them.

0wlnoises · 26/03/2022 11:03

If it's Lucifer...great name but probably not the best one to give a child...