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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DH BIU- to talk with DSIL about planned baby name

677 replies

fringely · 26/03/2022 10:40

DSIL is 34 weeks pregnant with first DC.
A few weeks ago her and her DP announced the planned baby name.
The actual 'sound' of the name is fine, but it is heavily associated with something which DSIL and her DP were not really aware of. They have been made aware of the association since (as it's pretty common knowledge- not sure how they hadn't heard of it tbh!) but are of the opinion most people won't make the association. DH and I are of the other opinion that most people will definitely make the association, it's not a good association, and genuinely worry that it's not fair to give a baby that name and it's fully possible it could lead to bullying when older.

Whilst DP and strongly agree on the huge issue with the name and agree it's unfair to lumbar a baby with it, I don't think DH should say anything. DH thinks he should have a proper talk with her about his concerns on the name and why he doesn't think it's fair to give to a DN. I think nothing good will come and we should stay quiet.

(So far we have said very little about it. We were notably shocked when told what it was, and clarified 'X' as in X'?? But other than that have nodded and smiled).

OP posts:
MarthaFokker · 26/03/2022 11:03

Of course I know lots of people will ask the name. And of course I'm not going to post as ludicrously outing. I'm hoping among the 'what's the name?!' There will be some helpful perspectives and advice.

I don't see what advice anyone can give except mention it once and then leave it?

ParisLondonTokyoSlough · 26/03/2022 11:03

@Qwill

I think Isis is a lovely name, and won’t have the connotations for the next generation. I know one that’s had no issues at all.
I know an Isis too that I met after Isis became famous - I have to say it’s the first thing I think of each time I say her name. Although it’s a lovely name there will be a generation for whom that name will be associated with terrorism.

But I agree with you- I doubt it will have the same associations for future generations.

custardbear · 26/03/2022 11:04

I wonders isis too - if it's similar then maybe just point out what it means to them if they don't know - their call though

irishfarmer · 26/03/2022 11:04

I think I would feel the same as you in this situation. However, if I was you DH I may also feel the same as him! As in I would say to my SIL once about the names connotations, and drop it. But my own sister, if I really thought it was an awful name to inflict on a child I would have to have another chat with her.

By inflict I mean a proper awful name with bad associations, not just a name I didn't like the sound of/ knew someone I didn't like with that name.

bellac11 · 26/03/2022 11:04

Not Isis but close? Isis is the name of the Thames anyway and a goddess

What about Jesus, common name in latin america and is the latin for Joshua.

Mohammed, very common name anyway with lots of spellings.

Stalin?
Pol Pot?
Herod?
Mussolini?

Original poster
fringely · 26/03/2022 11:05

@MarthaFokker

Of course I know lots of people will ask the name. And of course I'm not going to post as ludicrously outing. I'm hoping among the 'what's the name?!' There will be some helpful perspectives and advice.

I don't see what advice anyone can give except mention it once and then leave it?

Ok, thank you for your input 🤷🏻‍♀️ if you think the thread is useless now then you can leave
OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 26/03/2022 11:06

Osama - I did know one at work and the connection didn’t seem relevant as this was a different person who just happened to have the same name. It made me realise it’s quite a nice name! But kids are horrible, so...

Original poster
fringely · 26/03/2022 11:09

@irishfarmer

I think I would feel the same as you in this situation. However, if I was you DH I may also feel the same as him! As in I would say to my SIL once about the names connotations, and drop it. But my own sister, if I really thought it was an awful name to inflict on a child I would have to have another chat with her.

By inflict I mean a proper awful name with bad associations, not just a name I didn't like the sound of/ knew someone I didn't like with that name.

Well that's the thing- if it were my sister I would probably talk more with her because we have that sort of relationship. DHs DSis is very very sensitive- another reason I think best not to talk to her. OTOH DH has pointed out that once the baby is born and she's out and about introducing 'Baby X' and inevitably gets many many looks and questions, as a sensitive person she is going to find this hard. So is it kinder to push a little more now while there js still time to reconsider?
OP posts:
JaneIsInsane · 26/03/2022 11:09

If it is, Isis, then no. Yes, the river and the mythology is longer lasting but right now, in our times, there’s just so many other beautiful names to choose without saddling your child with those connotations.

Underfrighter · 26/03/2022 11:09

There was a thread on this recently on reddit where the name was basically 'anal' (think it was from a different culture to where they lived, second letter pronounced a not A). And the consensus was to speak to them again.

It doesnt have to be that he says he hates the name, they are stupid for not listening etc just that he has had a think about it and he is really worried that the child will be bullied. Type the association in to a Google search infront of them and see what comes up

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 26/03/2022 11:09

Read about a couple planning on calling their dc a name very similar to meconium. People should think it through imo.

LittleBearPad · 26/03/2022 11:09

@timeisnotaline

Osama - I did know one at work and the connection didn’t seem relevant as this was a different person who just happened to have the same name. It made me realise it’s quite a nice name! But kids are horrible, so...
So did I - literally never thought about Bin Laden until this thread.

You may be being over sensitive OP

CrushedPistachios · 26/03/2022 11:11

I was going to ask if it’s isis, as I know it’s been used as a name pre the naming of the terrorist grouping

Whinge · 26/03/2022 11:11

OTOH DH has pointed out that once the baby is born and she's out and about introducing 'Baby X' and inevitably gets many many looks and questions, as a sensitive person she is going to find this hard. So is it kinder to push a little more now while there js still time to reconsider?

It might not bother her at all, and if it does she can still easily change the babies name. Plenty of people change their minds about a name even after the baby has arrived.

Thankyoupeter · 26/03/2022 11:12

I know we aren't supposed to be guessing but I think it might be Lucifer too. Tricky one as a really nice name and I would think there are a few about on the back of the TV show.

MargaretThursday · 26/03/2022 11:12

It partially depends on the person as whether they can get away with it or not-and you won't know their personality until later.

I know a lovely Rose Westley, who changed her surname as people associated it with Rose West, and found it a huge problem.

However I knew an Adolf (and he was German, with big blue eyes and fair hair too!) who just used to say something along the lines. "Call me Adi, my parents had a stupid idea I had to be called by the family name. It should have stopped with my father. I apologise." And no one ever (to my knowledge, bearing in mind he was now living in England) ever said anything except laugh with him at the unfortunate name and call him Adi.

JaneIsInsane · 26/03/2022 11:12

You say ‘she’ and I’m struggling to think of any other girls names with such awful connotations. I definitely think he should talk to her again. No matter how much I liked a name, why would I ever want to inflict that level of eye raising for my child? Surely nobody would?

Eesha · 26/03/2022 11:12

Charlie?

LittleBearPad · 26/03/2022 11:13

The terror group wouldn’t be my first thought if someone introduced a baby Isis. It has a much longer history as a name.

Gwenhwyfar · 26/03/2022 11:15

@ParisLondonTokyoSlough

If it’s Vladimir then it’s such a popular Russian name that I think it’s fine. But would be weird if they weren’t actually Russian (like some sort of bizarre tribute).
And the President of Ukraine is also Volodymyr.
Turningpurple · 26/03/2022 11:15

If its Isis I think you I don't think there's an issue.

No one is going to think she is a terrorist group. Or even a terrorist, based on her name alone.

Changechangychange · 26/03/2022 11:16

Jezebel?
Nosferatu?
Noddy?
Bing?
Optimus Prime?

JaneIsInsane · 26/03/2022 11:17

The op has already referred to the baby as ‘she’ so I think Adolf is out as is both Vlad and Lucifer.

Original poster
fringely · 26/03/2022 11:17

Lucifer is another comparable. That and Judas are the most similar. IE not generation, not to do with names being in or out of fashion- they are totally related with one idea of who has the name and it's not a good association.

Ok the message seems to be perhaps one more gentle probe from DH and then leave it. Thank you mumsnet Smile

OP posts:
shockthemonkey · 26/03/2022 11:17

Lucifer?