That this is exactly why I don't ask for help with things

[Fiehc]

I was a single parent from when my DC were small. No family of my own, and no close/ reliable friends. So I muddled through. Always paid for childcare/ babysitters until DC old enough to be left alone, always paid for everything else, or did it myself, or did without. I only learned to drive a couple of years ago, prior to that me and DC would use public transport of walk everywhere, even when it took 3x as long as by car, never asked for lifts - I'd accept if they were offered but I wouldn't expect it.

I've seen quite a few people I know over the years doing the helpless female bit, oh X doesn't work, can someone help me. Or even when DC were at school, there would often be mums on the school WhatsApp group asking for favours picking up or dropping off kids, or minding them for a few hours and so on. I've never done any of that, always tried to be self sufficient.

So, I'm now in a situation where I do need some help. I need to collect an item from a local store, which doesn't provide delivery of this particular (bulky) item. It's too big to go in my car. I've tried other retailers, and I can't get it from there either, except for one which is charging £40 more for the item (which only costs £60). All local man with van services charge a minimum of £50.

I mentioned this dilemma to eldest DC (21), a few days ago who said ah, Jo's dad has got a big van, and I know often helps people out with stuff, I'll ask if he can do it.

Jo is DCs best friend who I know well and has been to our house many times. I've never met Jo's dad. However they live about 3 miles from us. DC messaged Jo who said 'yeah I'll ask my dad but he should be able to do it no problem'. That was 2 days ago. Since then nothing.

I need to get the item by Monday because it's needed for some work I'm having done (and the person working for me doesn't drive). I have asked DC who just keeps saying Jo's dad hasn't replied to Jo yet about it. I feel bad now chasing DC. However it is stressing me out.

So now I'm in limbo. I don't really know anyone else to ask, and if I do will probably end up in the same uncertain situation. At this rate I'll end up with me and DC having to carry it home (store is 2 miles from my house) AIBU to think this is exactly why I don't ever ask anyone for help or rely on anyone because the one time I do this is what happens?

@Fiehc this guy owed you nothing, your son having to pay because the random guy didn't respond is not right. He didn't need to respond, he had zero obligation to you.

You've come on AIBU and when people have said yes you are, you've argued and argued that you're not.

You may be upset because of time of year, but that drip feed came well into the thread. You may be being unreasonable because of this, but no one knew!

Anyway I presume your son had to pay the £50 for a man and can and not the £40 for the shop that delivered. Next time be more organised before you allow people to order a n your behalf and find the cheapest delivery option for your son to pay..

@HELLITHURT most of your posts on this thread either deliberately or obtusely misrepresented everything I'd said. You're at least consistent in your lack of comprehension skill because despite me saying in my post of 15.11 that I had

Negotiated a cheaper* price with a man in a van

(*Cheaper as in cheaper than any other alternatives)

You're still querying it! But to be clear it was less than £40. So cheaper than any other option 🙂

And unless you're new here, the nature of AIBU is that the OP generally thinks they're not BU. There's no obligation on me to fall on my sword because SOME people think I am. Quite a few people don't think I was BU, and have said as much. Maybe you should have changed your view to fit in with them? No? Well then why should I change mine?!

As for allegedly drip feeding about why I find this time of year hard again if you read what I've said, I hadn't necessarily considered how much it had affected me until yesterday when I put 2 and 2 together. I did say in my OP that I have no living parents so no drip feeding there either.

And for the final time, because despite me repeating it time and again you seemingly don't or won't get it, I HADN'T ORDERED THE ITEM NOR HAD ANYONE ORDERED ON MY BEHALF!

I'd like to think that should now be clear but probably not 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP, you didn't need the whole whingeing 'I've never asked for help like other useless females, now a stranger I've never spoken to isn't replying, woe is me!'

You could have just said 'I need to get something bulky home from a shop as part of some work on the house. A handyman is doing it but he doesn't drive. DC's friend asked his dad who hasn't responded after 2 days and the deadline is coming up. I can't afford a man with a van £50 is what they are asking and that's outside my budget and the shop would charge £40. I would have given the friend's dad £20 for time and fuel. I have called local taxis who said they don't have suitable vans.' Suggestions please!

Then people could have said "maybe ask the handyman if he has friends who would do it for £20/£30

Your weird OP derailed your own tread.

[quote Fiehc]@HELLITHURT most of your posts on this thread either deliberately or obtusely misrepresented everything I'd said. You're at least consistent in your lack of comprehension skill because despite me saying in my post of 15.11 that I had

Negotiated a cheaper* price with a man in a van

(*Cheaper as in cheaper than any other alternatives)

You're still querying it! But to be clear it was less than £40. So cheaper than any other option 🙂

And unless you're new here, the nature of AIBU is that the OP generally thinks they're not BU. There's no obligation on me to fall on my sword because SOME people think I am. Quite a few people don't think I was BU, and have said as much. Maybe you should have changed your view to fit in with them? No? Well then why should I change mine?!

As for allegedly drip feeding about why I find this time of year hard again if you read what I've said, I hadn't necessarily considered how much it had affected me until yesterday when I put 2 and 2 together. I did say in my OP that I have no living parents so no drip feeding there either.

And for the final time, because despite me repeating it time and again you seemingly don't or won't get it, I HADN'T ORDERED THE ITEM NOR HAD ANYONE ORDERED ON MY BEHALF!

I'd like to think that should now be clear but probably not 🤷🏻‍♀️[/quote]
SOME = 71%, so that's a LARGE MAJORITY.

AIBU is about gauging if you are being U, which 71% think you are, which you were!

Been here long enough to know how AIBU works,

AIBU
71% YABU
OP - No I am not, I don't care about opposing opinions, I am going to ignore them and keep insisting I am right.
Often followed by a flounce

I have no idea why your ds is paying for the delivery but could this not have been sorted out by him just doing that in the 1st place? You pay £20, he pay £20 would have covered the cost of delivery

Ive never read such a hoohaa, And all this tradesman don't own vans or provide materials round these parts, where do you live? space?

Bit bemused why the tradesperson isn't organising this?

That being said, ask on a local fb page for a "man with a van", offer £40 cash and someone will step forward.

@ZeroFuchsGiven

I have no idea why your ds is paying for the delivery but could this not have been sorted out by him just doing that in the 1st place? You pay £20, he pay £20 would have covered the cost of delivery

Ive never read such a hoohaa, And all this tradesman don't own vans or provide materials round these parts, where do you live? space?

Sorry, but that last paragraph made me cackle!

@Bhagal

OP look up the term Social Currency.

Yeah, I'll pass thanks. Having an online presence just to beg for help (and get ignored) I really don't need to publicly humiliate myself like that.

And if you're referring to just putting myself out there in real life (not just online) meaning that people will rush to my aid - well as I've said I already do plenty for others. Not just sitting back and waiting for them to ask, but offering/ volunteering my services where appropriate. I've never had anything back often not even a thank you.

It's nice to think people 'rally round' and help each other, but my parents told me long ago this was an unrealistic expectation and you're on your own in life, and my experiences have matched up to that.

It's nice to think people 'rally round' and help each other, but my parents told me long ago this was an unrealistic expectation and you're on your own in life, and my experiences have matched up to that

Genuinely sorry that that’s your experience, it isn’t mine. We live where we do because we have a community to ‘rally round’, I know for example that if I’m stuck and can’t get my children from school there will be many willing volunteers. I do the same in return.

It's nice to think people 'rally round' and help each other, but my parents told me long ago this was an unrealistic expectation and you're on your own in life, and my experiences have matched up to that.

Respectfully, our parents aren't always right about everything.

It sounds like they modelled wary and mistrustful relationship patterns in friendships, which wasn't very helpful to you and has become a core belief.

There are no perfect friends or perfect people, but it is 'normal' and ok to have friendships with others which are reciprocal and healthy.

@PragmaticWench

There are online services where you post your job (pick up location, end destination, size/weight/value of item) and companies will put up how much they'd charge. Usually gets cheaper as the responses come in. You then choose which suits you. I've done it with a chest of drawers I bought on ebay.

Do this. You don't depend on others then.