AIBU- Can't afford to work

[MissRja]

Just trying to work out a return to work after having a baby In December ( also have a 4 year old in full time school ) unfortunately, my original plans for childcare have fell through, which now means we are looking at paid childcare. My current job have declined My flexible working request , which means I am looking for another job. Due to school pick up/ drops offs I am looking returning on reduced hours over 5 days or term time only. Have worked our I will be bringing home roughly £1200 after tax per month. Nursery fees will be £1100 for a four week month, or £1375 for a 5 week month. This does not include before / after school club fees. If I was to use my wages alone to pay childcare fees I would actually be losing money to work , especially when factoring in petrol , work clothes etc. Surely this can't be right. How in this day and age can I not afford to go to work !! Its ridiculous. The whole reason I am going back is because we can't afford to live off DP wages alone , but it doesn't seem like it will make a difference if i do go back to work. Am i missing something here ? What does everyone else do to work around this ? Would love to hear your experiences / advice !!

I know this was a few years ago, but I was able to claim 70% of all childcare back, as long as the childcare provider was ofsted registered via benefits

Are you a single parent?

Sometimes you need to take a break until your child starts school or alternatively seek a job back to back which is what me and my dh does.

Have you looked at Tax Free Childcare (government top up 20%)? That fee does sound expensive if you’re not working long days? I pay £700 for a 3 day week term time only but often long days. Have you looked at childminders rather than nursery?

If you were working you’d be paying NI towards your ‘old age’ pension though, and would you be paying towards a private pension too ?
Sometimes you have to think about the long term benefits, and I know that’s hard when it seems a long way off.
But personally, I was SAHM for a couple of years, then started working the odd shift when DH was home.

Are you including the childcare tax allowance in your costings? You get 20% off childcare costs per year up to a maximum of £2k.

In terms of 'losing money to work' are you factoring in pensions, holiday, sick pay, career progression?

YANBU
Worked in benefits and related fields and it’s really hard and the reason so many get trapped in the benefit cycle. It’s often easier to wait until your children are older.
I’ve friends who have returned to work in order to get NI conts and pension but it’s cost them to work or they’ve been effectively working for £20 a week after childcare etc. Things have improved once the children are in school.

Your calculation is wrong (unless you're a single parent). 50% of childcare costs should come from your salary & 50% from your partner's

Childcare is expensive, but it's a joint expense and shouldn't just be judged against the mother's salary.

It's up to you and DP to decide on arrangements but it's not necessarily as simple as not working because childcare is expensive. You might want to consider how easy it would be to find work again, career progression, whether DP can work flexibly.

DH and I are both reducing our hours, he earns more than me so will do a 4 day week and I'll do 3 days, then pay for 2 days.

What do you do? I returned to work Ft after both, and have worked to pretty much 'break even' on return, but - we utilise the Tax free childcare scheme, our FT nursery bill is £230 a week, we pay £184 because of this - since returning to work after having DS1 5 years ago my salary has increased by 10k, I have had promotions and also DS2 in that time, so for a few years it was tight, it's still going to be tight for another 12 months while DS2 is in FT nursery until her gets his 30 hours, but it's been so worth it for pension and progression purposes.

I became a SAHM for this reason. I went back to work when my eldest turned 3 and entitled to free childcare. Sadly childcare is very expensive.

You can claim tax free childcare so get some back & will get free hours after they turn 3.

On the one hand me returning to work didn't make sense if you counted childcare from just my salary. However I wanted too & I still got pension contributions & I got a promotion so the few yrs struggle paid off.

Only though I appreciate my DH earned well which helped.

Can you work when your DP is at home if he's home evenings and weekends etc? That way you won't need to pay for childcare as he will be there and you won't struggle as much on the one wage? I'm aware it may not work depending on his working hours but just an idea?

Assuming you have two salaries coming in, you can afford to work. Why should your career take the hit and potentially leave you with nothing in old age?

You might be better if working longer hours less days if nursery is a flat fee type. Or cm can be cheaper.
Share the drop off and pick ups - they have a dad. Could he adjust his hours to drop at school to save childcare costs.
You say DP so not married. Are you fully clued up on implications - CAB has a guide. So you definitely need own pension as no provision to share his if you split, no widows allowance if he dies etc. If you split you get child maintenance there’s no mechanism like divorce to reflect fact you’ve been a sahm.

@NameChChChChanges1

Your calculation is wrong (unless you're a single parent). 50% of childcare costs should come from your salary & 50% from your partner's

It's "wrong" in a strict sense but not in a cost/benefit to family pot sense.

If family pot has £x/month on one salary and £x-30 on 2 because of increased necessary costs (commuting, childcare, office clothing being the obvious ones) the the family might well have to judge on the difference one person working (Vs doing childcare) can make.

Yes there are long term benefits to work but if working takes money from the already stretched pot it's difficult to look at long term benefits...

Would many people prioritise pension contributions over their children eating? Same goes here in not necessarily counting the long term benefits over can we survive now.

Depending on income work out if tax free childcare or UC Childcare Element might help balance the books.

@2DogsOnMySofa the OP answers your question in the OP

It doesn’t matter that it should be 50/50 split if it’s all household money regardless.

If ops do earned 1,500 and they can’t managed in that her earning 1,300 is then still loosing money or just making ends meet regardless of which wage the nursery fees come out of. Different if he was earning 3,000 and saying she had to cover it all sure but in a family where every penny is combined it wiping out a whole wage is a big deal.

You're not paying childcare alone though. You're paying half.

Instead of working in out by individual incomes, add them together and work out total expenditure. Is there more or less left after total expenses if you are working?

Then factor in the damage to your career by years not working and decide what value working has to you beyond the money. It may be worth having less now in order to have more later.

@NameChChChChanges1

Your calculation is wrong (unless you're a single parent). 50% of childcare costs should come from your salary & 50% from your partner's

What a ridiculous thing to say: what difference does that ‘nominal equality’ make when 100% is coming from her salary+his salary and they can’t afford childcare out of that. It’s a simple sum for most couples making this choice: if the higher earner only just covers bills, mortgage and living costs without anything left. Then the lower earner HAS to cover childcare in order to afford for them both to work.

I hate comments like this which push all the responsibility for structural inequalities onto the unequal partner. Just because you believe it should be 50/50 does not mean it is.

It becomes a huge problem if the higher earner is not earning enough to cover lunging costs either.

Op: The only thing you might be might be missing is tax-free cc? Investigate this, and child minders are generally cheaper. If you know neighbours/friends with similar ages also ask around- informal arrangements with other people’s grandparents are surprisingly common where I am.
But if it’s not working out don’t think you’re going mad- lots can’t go back to work until childcare hours kick in.

We were in the same boat: I made extra cash to keep us afloat by doing odd jobs at home when I could (think: copywriting,tutoring,surveys)
A as bc we found that it is easier to be poor if you take all the numbers in your finances down- do our income was down substantially bc I wasn’t working, but so we’re all the associated costs-car, commute,clothes, food and of. Purse childcare. It was easier to make ends meet struggling on one job than it was when struggling on two jobs.

Can you split drop offs/pick ups with your partner? Rather than you needing to do all the flexible working I'm wondering if one of you could start work early so they can finish early to do pick ups and the other start later and finish later to do drop offs?

That way you would still need to pay childcare but you can minimise the wrap around aspect.

Alternatively as someone else suggested perhaps try to look for a job at a different time of day to your partner. What area do you work in?

I worked evenings to avoid this. I didn't earn a fortune, but at least I had no childcare fees.

I don’t understand why your partner isn’t doing either the school pick ups or drop offs? Has he requested flexible working yet?

What I did is I went back full time on a 4 ten hour days schedule. I did the school drop offs and then worked from 10am to 8:30pm. My DH stayed on five 8 hr days but worked from 6:30am to 3pm so he did the school pick ups. I had alternating Mondays and Fridays off and would use them to catch up on housework.

Start thinking of how to tackle this as a team instead of it being only your job that has to flex.

factor in the damage to your career by years not working and decide what value working has to you beyond the money. It may be worth having less now in order to have more later.

This is important. The longer you stay off work the further down the career ladder you fall. If you are off 5yrs, you are back to entry level. Yes if you go back to work now, you may be working for nothing. But after a year..you’ll have a pay raise...and pretty soon after 3yrs you’ll not be working for nothing and you’ll be moving up the career ladder instead of falling down it.

another one here to say even if you come out slightly "behind" in terms of money earned, the NI contributions and keeping in your job are invaluable.
Also echo the cost of childcare is only 50% yours.
Can your DH drop a few hours?