AIBU- Can't afford to work

[MissRja]

Just trying to work out a return to work after having a baby In December ( also have a 4 year old in full time school ) unfortunately, my original plans for childcare have fell through, which now means we are looking at paid childcare. My current job have declined My flexible working request , which means I am looking for another job. Due to school pick up/ drops offs I am looking returning on reduced hours over 5 days or term time only. Have worked our I will be bringing home roughly £1200 after tax per month. Nursery fees will be £1100 for a four week month, or £1375 for a 5 week month. This does not include before / after school club fees. If I was to use my wages alone to pay childcare fees I would actually be losing money to work , especially when factoring in petrol , work clothes etc. Surely this can't be right. How in this day and age can I not afford to go to work !! Its ridiculous. The whole reason I am going back is because we can't afford to live off DP wages alone , but it doesn't seem like it will make a difference if i do go back to work. Am i missing something here ? What does everyone else do to work around this ? Would love to hear your experiences / advice !!

Have you run through the UC calculator? Do you own or rent?

Have you had a look at what other working options are available to you?
Supermarket evening work/ pub shifts/ weekends in retail will mean you and your partner can alternate with little to no childcare required.
Your partner doing the morning drop off and you doing an early morning shift that finishes at lunch will mean only morning childcare needed, rather than a more expensive lunchtime cover.
Your partner requesting flexible working and reducing one day, and you looking into longer shifts may mean that you can fit 30 hours working + into 2 days worth of childcare.

It's rarely worth it to drop down to a reduced day, unless it eliminates your need for childcare except for school holidays. You're getting the worst of all scenarios.

Why can't your DP do either drop off or pick up?

Why is childcare just coming from your salary while your DP keeps up with career progression, pension and NI payments?

@Gentlemanwiththistledownhair

Why can't your DP do either drop off or pick up?

Why is childcare just coming from your salary while your DP keeps up with career progression, pension and NI payments?

All of this. You're looking at this wrong OP.

You are very low paid so it's going to be tough now but will mean you are bringing in money when they are both at school. You must have considered this when having another baby?

It's worth looking to see if you might be entitled to UC. They include 80% of childcare costs (up to a certain amount) before deductions for earnings are made. The online calculators are apparently unreliable though so it's best to try to work it out yourself if you can.

Not just NI but pension contributions, women are always behind when they become sahm wrt pensions for all the time they are off ...but with pensions even if you put a little in early on, over a long period makes a difference.

What is your occupation? Is there any way you can temp in the hours you mentioned? I know its not guaranteed but it's better than no income. I do feel for you though because after I had our daughter I brought home £1381 and her child care was £1000 to start with per month but I needed to keep my career - good job too because I ended up divorced from her Dad.

...is this where you drip feed your partner is a high earner so you are not entitled to UC but is just leaving you to carry the emotional, professional and financial burden of having children?

I never saw childcare as my sole cost and saw it as split between me and my husband, if you take the same view you will be 600 odd pounds a month better off by working. I really don’t see why you compare it to just your wages and not solely to his or joint. I’m guessing he’s not doing the same mental arithmetic on his salary?

Don't forget that if your child is under 12 child benefit payment can give you national insurance credits and they count towards your state pension so you don't need to worry about that side of things

its worth it to keep working i have to say! It might be hard to get back into work in a few years!!

we aren't much better off with me working - but i won't have a gap on my CV and I enjoy my job

As other said, where is the father in all of this? How is he contributing to childcare costs and actually getting involved in the day to day stuff?

I guess depends if you work for the fun of it or the money

Yanbu. There is to his huge gap between paid maternity leave ending and childcare being affordable that everyone seems to turn a blind eye to and it is keeping women and families in poverty.

The best way around this is to alternate shifts with your partner. You won't have much timwe together as a family if you do this but at least you won't be broke 😟

But yes - childcare costs are not just your responsibility

As above, you (and your husband) need to look at bein flexible.

If 5 days' childcare is so expensive, can you do 4 days by working longer hours for 4 days?

If your husband drops off at nursery every morning, can you start work earlier so you can still do a full day (and get paid for a full day) but still pick up from nursery? Thats what we used to do - I left v early to start work at 7.30am so I could leave at 4.30pm to get to nursery /after school to do pick up. H dropped off in the morning, got to work for 9.30am and so worked until 6/6.30pm so we both did "full" days.

If thats not an option, have you looked at a childminder / shared nanny? I always thought it was more expensive but had an "after school nanny" (a lovely pensioner) who collected the children and brought them home, fed them etc - meant I could work slightly longer and not have the nursery / after school rush.

I think its about looking at this as a couple - both from a financial point of view and also from a shared responsibility point of view and its not good enough for 1 parent to take on the load.

I don't get why people are picking on the OP about 'who' pays the childcare.

If option 1 is DP working on £1200 and option 2 is both working on £2400 but childcare is £1300 then they are worse off as a couple. It is comparing the income extra incoming and outgoing vs the stable status quo, it's not expecting that the woman has 0 money to spend while the bloke is lording it up. It's very easy to see a net decrease in income if you compare just the extra in vs the extra out.

@NameChChChChanges1

Your calculation is wrong (unless you're a single parent). 50% of childcare costs should come from your salary & 50% from your partner's

This. You have to look at the overall picture. As other posters have said, you earning and working isn’t just about your pay packet each month, it is also about your future pension and most critically, keeping your career going so that once kids aren’t dependant on care you are not starting agian from scratch and trying to persuade your partner that you are no longer responsible for all the domestic work and child care.

You are equal partners in this. You both need to ensure you have independent financial stability for both long and short term. You both need to be able to minimise the impact of your parenting penalty (not his- he will get a parenting credit potentially). You both need to take 50% responsibility for child care and raising. You both need to take on 50% of the domestic work

Even 25 plus years ago we were “only” £100 odd better off form me working when kids were little. I still worked for my future protection. I was very glad I did. Sometime later my partner became ill, he was in and out of work for 10 years, and then never worked again. We would have been in an appalling financial situation if I had given up work and then had to start again in my career. I also have a good ensign in my own right that enabled me to take early retirement when being his carer for so long as well as sole breadwinner in a demanding job just got too much and I burned myself out. If I had not paid into my pension for those years of child rearing, I’d not have been able to do that and would have had to continue till it broke me.

Childcare costs are only 50% your responsibility. Everyone of these posts is the same
Seemingly DP has a child then just cracks on with his life, whilst the mother must work her hours, her career, her wage around DC and is exclusively responsible for childcare costs
Did you know that statistically men are more likely to actually get pay rises and promotions after children too.

Can he change his hours? Can he contribute to nursery fees?
Will work be a MH help for you, do you enjoy your job? Will your career be damaged if you take years out? What about your NI contributions
These are all important to consider too

Did your partners flexible working request get declined too? You get the 20% towards childcare and may also get universal credit help if your income is low overall. It’s absolutely manageable while you look for something else, just a bit more research needed.

@lampygirl

I don't get why people are picking on the OP about 'who' pays the childcare.

If option 1 is DP working on £1200 and option 2 is both working on £2400 but childcare is £1300 then they are worse off as a couple. It is comparing the income extra incoming and outgoing vs the stable status quo, it's not expecting that the woman has 0 money to spend while the bloke is lording it up. It's very easy to see a net decrease in income if you compare just the extra in vs the extra out.

Only if you look at short term and totally forget about things like pensions, financial independence, career progression, ability to get a job later when child care costs decline etc, which it appears you’re doing for some odd reason and quite frankly I’m sure her partner isn’t doing the same shit comparison.

factor in the damage to your career by years not working and decide what value working has to you beyond the money. It may be worth having less now in order to have more later.
This.
Why is this just your issue to solve? Has your DH/partner requested flexible working? You should be sharing drop offs/picks ups.

Part of the issue if you are paying full time nursery but only working part time hours.

You might well find the sums work out better if you work (say) 3 full days and put your 4 year old in before/after school club on those days, but only pay for 3 days of nursery.

Can you/your partner change hours so one of you does drop offs and one does pickups?

Have you looked at childminders? You might find that works out cheaper if you just pay for school hours.

Childcare is awfully expensive. Options that may work:
A childminder instead of nursery and afters school club
Work evenings/weekends when partner is home- not ideal but you would have no childcare bill
Longer days at work = less days a week in nursery.

Having children and working is hard but when you get the free hours, it will make a big difference!