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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel sad DD doesn't want to go to her prom

206 replies

Noprommum · 25/03/2022 00:10

DD, year 11, has said she is absolutely not going to her prom.

She's been saying for a long time she's not keen but I thought she'd come round. Most of her friends are going and have been trying to persuade her but she says dressing up in a pretty dress is just not for her and finds the whole idea of prom cringe and embarrassing and she doesn't want to go. To be fair, she's not a girly girl, lives in joggers and dresses mainly in black so I get that part of it.

She is a very strong character and genuinely doesn't seem to care what others think. However, I do feel lockdown affected her socially, her friendship group has shrunk, she rarely goes out anymore claiming to have social anxiety (which I do think she has). Her best friend since year 7 dropped her recently, although she says she doesn't care as they'd grown apart.

AIBU to feel sad and worried at her missing out? There's no way I'm going to try and change her mind as she's adamant but I can't help feeling sad. I think I'll stay away from social media that day as I know it'll be full of her peers parents posting prom pics and I know I'll feel sad I can't post any myself which I obviously know is bloody selfish as it's not about me!!! However, it's seen as such a big, special event - school have been banging on about it for months!

Anyone else's child not going/didn't go to prom? Is it really such a big deal?

OP posts:
Dulra · 02/05/2024 08:17

Noprommum · 02/05/2024 07:59

Wow, 2 years ago!

No, she didn't go. She spent the evening with a close friend who wanted to go but wasn't allowed (religious reasons). They watched films and ate pizza. Some friends texted them throughout sending pics and I saw the inevitable photos on SM from some mums but DD has no regrets and says it looked "cringe".

Turns out she had major social anxiety, possibly caused by lockdown & some horrible ex-friends and for which she's now had counselling. Possible ASD too as some traits were highlighted during the counselling but still awaiting assessment on that. It came to a head in 6th form where we discovered she was suffering subtle bullying from these "friends". Her attendance nosedived and she was set to fail her A Levels. So she left and made a fresh start at college and is happier, having made some new friends and on track for good grades. She still lacks some confidence but has hopefully started to find her tribe and is getting there.....

I started reading this thread without realising how old it was. Lovely update and I am delighted to hear your daughter is doing better with a different mix of kids. Sounds like she made the right decision.

DragonGypsyDoris · 02/05/2024 08:22

Be pleased that she's strong enough to make up her own mind and not be drawn into the imported euphoria around 'prom'. Nowadays some nurseries and primary schools have 'graduation'. What a load of tosh.

theblackradiator · 02/05/2024 08:32

Thank you for the update op, lovely to hear your dd is now doing much better and has a new set of friends. My dd has had friendship issues too she does talk to lots of people at school but no real strong friendship bonds except with one girl who is very flaky who very often let's dd down at the last minute if they make plans to go anywhere. Saying that dd is very happy to go to school each day. maybe an anxiety thing with dd too as i think she's not keen on going to prom alone and would rather have a friend to go in with, although I know she will mingle once their.
DD hoping her fresh start at college later this year will mean she'll make new friends and I hope so too.
I suppose I'm more bothered than she is about her missing prom which I know I shouldn't be but for years we are lead to believe it's such a big milestone moment in their lives especially for a dd with the dress etc. it's almost built up to be like a wedding day. I think il have to distract myself on the day from the fact she's not gone.
luckily I'm not big into social media anyway.

Chillilounger · 03/05/2024 16:24

Can you mark the occasion another way? Take her out for a meal perhaps?

notacooldad · 03/05/2024 17:06

I work with teens and plenty dont go by choice and don't regret it.
I never went to my graduation. My nan never forgave me buy I wasn't interested and never regretted that or that after-parties.
Don't be sad for, that's just daft.
If the prom is like any of the ones the girls I know are going to, you have just saved yourself vest part of a grand!
Not only does the dress, bag and shoes cost a fortune but there now make up artist that do make up, hair extensions, eyelashes that would lift you 10 feet in the air if a draft got under them,fake tan etc!

notacooldad · 03/05/2024 17:08

Just saw it's an old thread!
My advice would be the same to anyone whose child doesn't want to go to prom

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