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AIBU?

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Original poster

40th Birthday disappointment

254 replies

Mumof3boysand1girl · 23/03/2022 23:50

It’s my 40th today , my partner didn’t get a card for the kids to give me. Had nothing planned or arranged for me.

His 40th I went all
Out and threw a 40th party with his family and friends and my family too. I made it all about him, took him for food tasting , designed his cake , took him shopping for his outfit, made a playlist , got a back drop and a gorgeous balloon arch for his stage and cake and desserts table .

I know I would get so much for my 40th but I did hope I would get a cake that wasn’t bought last minute .

OP posts:
HELLITHURT · 25/03/2022 19:39

@Kjpt140v

Get rid or don't complain..
And it's that simple.......?
Babdoc · 25/03/2022 19:41

OP, I don’t know if you remember the children’s tv programme “The Magic Roundabout”?
The characters were bringing presents to Ermintrude’s birthday party.
Dougal the dog arrived with nothing, and said loftily:
“Well it’s the thought that counts. And I thought I wouldn’t bother.”
You are married to a Dougal. He can’t be bothered, and is telling you in the clearest possible way that he doesn’t give a shit about your happiness and can’t even be arsed to buy a card.
Please, do yourself a favour. Ditch this selfish uncaring lump and give yourself ten years to find a new loving partner who will pull out all the stops for your 50th.

Kjpt140v · 25/03/2022 19:49

Yep.

DazedWifelet · 25/03/2022 19:50

LTBThanks

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 25/03/2022 20:11

This has given me a knot in my stomach, what a thoughtless bastard he is. I'm afraid this tells you just how much he thinks of you. I'd be reassessing my marriage if I were you. Make sure your 41st is brilliant and not with him!

DuesToTheDirt · 25/03/2022 20:11

@Babdoc, "OP, I don’t know if you remember the children’s tv programme “The Magic Roundabout”?
The characters were bringing presents to Ermintrude’s birthday party.
Dougal the dog arrived with nothing, and said loftily:
“Well it’s the thought that counts. And I thought I wouldn’t bother.”

And what did Ermintrude say? I need to know!

Babdoc · 25/03/2022 20:18

Gosh, Dues, I last saw it nearly 30 years ago, when my DDs were wee. I don’t recall whether Ermintrude commented, I think Florence just sighed, as it was so typical of Dougal to be an idle shit!
I only remember Dougal’s rude remark because it became a family catch phrase.

Stars2theside · 25/03/2022 20:21

OP does IBS stand for "Ignorant Bastard Syndrome " ??
I'm so sorry this has happened to you, must be so so upsetting!! Happy Birthday. Go and celebrate it properly xx

Booboobagins · 25/03/2022 20:28

It could be worse, my DH died 6 days before my 50th. I kniw its chappy when you don't get tge birthday you'd like, but I've since got by on being grateful for my kids. This year was tge first I actually celebrated, 6 yrs later!

Booboobagins · 25/03/2022 20:28

Crappy not chappy wtf!!!

bluebeach · 25/03/2022 20:42

My partner of 20 years did nothing for my 40th birthday. I knew he wouldn’t though as presents and fuss are just not his thing. So I threw myself a party, organised my own cake and chose some lovely presents for myself. It was lovely. Don’t rely on him to make you happy, do it yourself! Happy birthday by the way 😁

Bunnyfuller · 25/03/2022 20:51

You’re 40 not 4.

Am not a fan of people making a huge deal of adult birthdays

DuesToTheDirt · 25/03/2022 21:01

@Babdoc

Gosh, Dues, I last saw it nearly 30 years ago, when my DDs were wee. I don’t recall whether Ermintrude commented, I think Florence just sighed, as it was so typical of Dougal to be an idle shit! I only remember Dougal’s rude remark because it became a family catch phrase.
Pretty good catch phrase actually! Grin
JudgeJ · 25/03/2022 21:02

@holidayplanner2020

And absolutely don't make so much effort for him again if this is all he's done for you.
Actually I would prefer his lack of plans to the OP's cringe-worthy effort, unless he likes that kind of thing.
user1496146479 · 25/03/2022 21:06

@HoppingPavlova

Sorry, 40th and 50th it should have said. Once you get past that not worth celebrating as such Hmm.
BiscuitHmm
MrsSkylerWhite · 25/03/2022 21:08

How old are your children?

Echobelly · 25/03/2022 21:20

TBH, I would never expect DH to organise anything for my birthday, and if I did I would ask and then he probably would do it. He's just not an organiser (we've both come to realise it's because he probably has ADHD like DS)

It never occured to me to expect cards from the kids as a given on my birthday, so it doesn't necessarily occur to everyone as something that's obviously expected.

I guess the question for OP is whether DH shows her he loves her in other ways, he may be lovely but just crap at this. Or he may show her now damn respect at all, and it really is all about work and going to the loo and this is another display of that - so I'd want to know if there is more to him before drawing conclusions about entire relationship from this. Though admittedly it doesn't look good.

Ozzie2020 · 25/03/2022 21:23

Gosh, so sorry to hear this. Happy birthday, I’m sure you have a lot of reasons to celebrate. The exact same happened to me! I felt I had a lot to celebrate turning 40, we have 3 kids, have been married for 12 years but I got a Fitbit and a card to mark my 40th birthday 🤦‍♀️. Thought it was a joke but no. I did in no uncertain terms tell my husband exactly how I felt. I was so disappointed though

Gardeningcreature · 25/03/2022 21:23

I agree he is teaching by your children that you don't matter. If you have a son the message is clear; your wife/partner just isn't important.
Sort out plans for Christmas in good time. Don't spend time or thought on him this Christmas, and don't buy his family anything.

Mumof2xoxoxo · 25/03/2022 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

TheJade · 25/03/2022 21:40

I would be super hurt by this. My OH was like this, ‘forgetting’ Christmas presents and Mother’s Day things for me. It’s really unthoughtful x

AllTheYoungGoodyTwoShoes · 25/03/2022 21:42

Belated happy 40th birthday! Hope you got to celebrate with others, you deserve to be spoiled. FlowersCakeWine

Stephthegreat · 25/03/2022 21:46

I’d make it clear he needs to make it up to you with a spa weekend or something else as a treat for you and friends!

I didn’t celebrate my 40th, other friends went to New York and made big plans though. I really didn’t care, it’s just a number to me.

If you want to celebrate though you should, take control and plan it.

Wills · 25/03/2022 21:58

@Bunnyfuller

You’re 40 not 4.

Am not a fan of people making a huge deal of adult birthdays

Ahhh get over yourself - yes we shouldn’t blow our own trumpets etc, but equally we should also celebrate those moments were we’ve achieved. Yes 40 isn’t so fab but its better than those who don’t get there and with each decade after it gets more and more wonderful that we do. My next is 60! My mum’s just had a stroke but is recovering and will make her 80th. Let’s celebrate her achieving it! So get over yourself!!! In this day and age celebrating life shouldn’t be frowned upon. Get over yourself!!!
Verity226 · 25/03/2022 21:59

Football, work, clash of clans and spends ages on the toilet.. bloody hell I think that's my OH Grin

I'm sorry he has been so shit OP. I can completely understand your disappointment, especially when you went to so much effort for his birthday.

I'll second going on a shopping spree. Treat yourself to some lovely things that make you happy.

Happy birthday Wine