Is this rude? Because it drives me bonkers

[MargeSimpson79]

Me, dh and 2 dc. We eat together in the evenings if we can. Pretty much as soon as dh has finished he gets up, takes his plate out and goes to sit in the lounge with the tv on even though everyone else is still eating. He always says that’s how he was brought up and what he prefers to do.

I on the other hand feel like we should sit with the dc while they’re eating - it’s nice family chatting time. Or at the very least I will potter in the kitchen tidying up - it’s open plan. They’re 10 and 7 so it’s not like they can’t be left to eat, i just think it’s really rude to bugger off and leave 3 out of 4 of your family still eating.

Is it? Or is it pretty normal that adults leave the table while others are still eating? In a way I’d be quite happy to hear it’s normal because then I’d probably chill out about it!

I think its rude yes..and also agree with childish...

I think its different if they are getting up to wash up and continue with chores whilst still talking to you all but not to watch tv!

It’s really rude to get up when people are still eating and a terrible example to your children about manners.

YANBU
Your DH is very rude and should be setting DC a better example.

I was always taught that you don't leave the table, nor start clearing the table until the last person has finished eating, then the children ask to "get down from the table". The whole point of family meals is to Foster family time, conversation, learning manners and being polite. I am glad we did it, and still do every night and mine are 7, 14 and 15. It's is one of my favourite times of the day!

Ha! It's rude. My Dad does it. He'll call us over for a family meal, than sod off into the lounge and put the Rugby on really loud to drown the rest of us out.

Rude for sure. My in laws start eating the very second their meal is in front of them, regardless of if I'm bring everyone else's dinners at the same time. Fucks me right off & is the reason that - at my house - they get their dinners served last.

I think it’s rude but then my DP, when he’s finished (we sit with trays on our laps) pushed his tray towards me - really really pisses me off !

Definitely rude. I was brought up to only have meals together as a family. My father insisted on it. Now I can’t imagine eating my food on a couch when there’s a table. My husband was raised differently, but always told him when it’s just the 2 of us, I don’t care where he eats, but as soon as we have children I need meals at the table together. It might be old fashioned, but it’s also good manners and shows family time is the most important priority.

I think it’s rude Op but then, people are brought up differently. We sit at the table until the last person finishes. Hubby doesn’t help with the dishes/tidying up but he sits and chats.

Rude and childish.

It depends on upbringing and it does seem a bit off. However, my dear FIL was used to meals at 6.30 am, 12 noon and 6pm. He would start eating as soon as his plate arrived, never waiting for anyone else to receive their food, no matter where we were or whom we were with. He would then proceed to swallow his food, barely taking time to chew, and then sort of hover, ready to pounce on anyone else's left overs... Even nabbing the odd roastie off the kids plates, saying "did you want that" as he stabbed his fork in!
Fortunately DH does not so this... But am now wondering, if he did, would I prefer him to leave rather than make everyone else at the table feel they are carefully guarding their plate? I think perhaps I would...

It’s rude! My DH does it too… it hints at a desire not to spend time with you or children, that other things are more important to him, or simply to avoid parenting/being asked to do something

I have to keep reminding my DH that children have to ask to be excused if people are still eating and that applies to adults too - unless they are getting tea or pudding for everyone!

Men just don't get that a meal is a ceremonial occasion, do they!

Why is it rude? Why sit watching people eat?

🙄

Like you my husband and I are at work all day and we do feel it’s really important as a family to sit and talk during meal time with our children. Discuss our day - ups and down. It’s only 30 minutes but keeps us all connected and interested in each other. If there’s any issues normally we can hear about them and iron them out. It’s good for your mental health as well I feel. If your husband is stuck in his ways that’s a bit difficult. But I would ask him to stay at the table and if he’s finished put the kettle on and make a cuppa so that he has to stay in the kitchen a bit longer. I feel for you but I think you should persist with your husband waiting until everyone has finished, it’s not only good manners but it’s also inclusive. Hopefully he will understand that.

And this is today’s society’s problem. No manners! I’d take the remote away so he can’t watch tv. It’s NOT normal! You wait until everyone is finished!

Would he be happy if one of the children left the table upon finishing eating?

I was a slow eater and hated being left at take to eat.

@Iseestupidpeople

And this is today’s society’s problem. No manners! I’d take the remote away so he can’t watch tv. It’s NOT normal! You wait until everyone is finished!

Fgs he's not a child OP can confiscate the tv remote from!!

@Iseestupidpeople

And this is today’s society’s problem. No manners! I’d take the remote away so he can’t watch tv. It’s NOT normal! You wait until everyone is finished!

Society has a lot of problems much bigger than this.

Rude. If someone went to the effort to cook a meal you wait until everyone has finished to show your appreciation. It’s called family time.

So what happened to OP I wonder? 🤔🤔🤔🤔

It's definitely very rude/bad manners/disrespectful.
Very bad example to the DC.
I was brought up to remain at the table whilst others are eating.
Also I'd never dream of getting up and going to the loo if I was at a restaurant with someone.
I felt that it's extremely rude and off when others have done this to me!

‘The way he was brought up’ really is a pathetic excuse’ for acting like a spoiled 5 year old.
Just because his parents encouraged unsociable behaviour and indulged his desire to get as soon as he’d finished and go and watch TV or play when he was at home, it doesn’t mean he should carry on with that behaviour now.
He’s a grown up now and should act like one!

Thank you all for your views! Mostly in line with my own feelings as well.

To answer a few of the common questions

He actually is like this at restaurants too - god forbid I have half a glass of wine left when he’s finished his food! He just generally hates to sit around after he’s finished eating. If we have people over he wouldn’t go and watch tv but would probably start clearing up a bit.

Sadly the dc are already in the habit of leaving the table when they’ve finished and dashing off to the tv I’m the only one that stays.

I cook and clean up most days but dh works full time and I’m only part time. He will clean up if asked but I usually don’t bother as he always looks a bit affronted

In all honesty he is not great at spending time with the dc although he would probably disagree, and as a family it must be said we have a bit too much time on screens etc not enough time playing eg board games etc. but that’s one of the reasons I see dinner time as more important. Dh works away or late regularly anyway so it’s only maybe 3/4 meals a week we’re together.

I guess it’s time for another chat about it!

Do you children ask to leave the table when they have finished?

Does your DH say "do you mind if I leave?"

If they and he do not, then that is bad manners and it may just be that you have to start enforcing it. Or in case of DH, tell him that he is just plain rude and does he mind just waiting a while...