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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: Friends want me to dog-sit, but...

228 replies

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 18:30

I have family friends (her mum was my mum's best friend and she was like a sister to me when we were young) who took early retirement in 2019 and moved to the Devon coast, in a house with a beautiful garden overlooking the sea. I visited them before lockdown and it's lovely there. They acquired two dogs over lockdown. A cockerpoo and a terrier cross. I've seen loads of photos and videos and they seemed happy, playful dogs. I was looking forward to spending some time with them.

They contacted me in January to ask if I'd dog-sit for a fortnight over Easter. They're visiting her husband's family in Italy for the first time in three years. I said yes. I need a break and I can work from their home as easily as I can from my own. I had plans to take the dogs out to interesting places to walk, explore the coastline and generally turn it into a bit of holiday.

We've just been on the phone organising the finer details and they've dropped the bombshell that the dogs can't be left alone in the house or car, even if crated. The cockerpoo suffers abandonment anxiety and shits and howls if left. Neither of the dogs can be trusted off lead when out walking. Neither has been properly socialised and both are quite reactive and bark and lunge at other dogs when they're on a lead. The terrier is an escape artist and has to be on a long extending lead even in the half-acre garden.

I said that did she mean that the dogs couldn't be left, even for an hour, and she said yes, and that she'd recommend I didn't take them out walking on my own either, as they are both quite difficult around other dogs. So it'll basically mean that I'm stuck in the house and garden for two weeks, unable to go anywhere. They have a neighbour who will take the dogs for an hour or two but no longer — and not more than once or maybe twice a week. Otherwise they put them in kennels, where apparently the cockerpoo howls herself hoarse, or pay a dog-sitter to look after them at home.

I asked them how they cope and she just sighed and said they'd had a professional advise them and were working on the situation, but the cockerpoo was still a nightmare. When they'd asked me to dog-sit in January they'd hoped the dogs would be easier to manage by now, but there's been little improvement.

I think she picked up my concern because she suggested I bring a friend with me to make it easier. I can't think of anyone who's available for a fortnight and would want to spend time alone with the dogs while I have a morning or day out.

When I started saying that I wasn't sure and this sounded like a job for professional dog-sitters my friend got upset and said it was a bit late to arrange that now.

AIBU? Could I say that I'll do it, but they have to organise kennels or a dog-sitter twice each week so that I get a couple of days off to explore and have some time out to myself?

OP posts:
NorthSouthcatlady · 23/03/2022 18:32

I would decline as that sounds like house arrest! They have mis-sold this to you so it’s on them to find a dog sitter or kennels

Hucklead · 23/03/2022 18:33

Tbh I’d be saying no. Yes it’s late for them to organise something else BUT THAT’S BECAUSE THEY CHOSE NOT TO TELL YOU ALL THE INFO YOU NEEDED!

AndAsIfByMagic · 23/03/2022 18:34

Just say no, OP. They didn't tell you the truth at the beginning.

DisforDarkChocolate · 23/03/2022 18:34

That sounds like hell. I'd decline because it sounds incredibly stressful. How are you supposed to get shopping?

Delatron · 23/03/2022 18:34

Well she hasn’t been honest has she?
People with dogs need to accept they pay for care. I wouldn’t dream of asking friends or family to look after my reactive and tricky dog. The kennels are the safest place for him. He won’t escape, they don’t have him around other dogs and I trust them.

They need to find an alternative arrangement.

NewPapaGuinea · 23/03/2022 18:35

No way are you being unreasonable. They should have been honest up front.

Shinyandnew1 · 23/03/2022 18:36

I would decline-this won’t be a break, it’ll be a confinement. She’s deliberately misled you and she knows it!

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 23/03/2022 18:36

They are fucking insane if they think that's reasonable
They have to pay professional care or cancel their holiday.
Idiots.

Itloggedmeoutagain · 23/03/2022 18:37

I wouldn't dream of asking in the first place

CheshireChat · 23/03/2022 18:37

How on earth are you supposed to watch two aggressive dogs on your own? And who don't know you well either.

Refuse.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 23/03/2022 18:38

Who's to say the dog won't howl when it's owners aren't there if it's abandonment issues? You're a stranger after all!

LittleOwl153 · 23/03/2022 18:39

No I would definitely be saying no to this one. You were clear what you planned to do when you said yes. She knew that wouldn't be possible but left it to the last minute to tell you so - and is now guit tripping you not to drop out - exactly as she knew you would if she told the truth to begin with.

MadMadMadamMim · 23/03/2022 18:40

I'd be telling them I wasn't up to doing this, and I'm sorry if they felt it was short notice, but that was entirely down to them. I'd be saying I was actually really upset at the bombshell they've just dropped on how difficult the dogs are, and felt they'd done this deliberately to try and manipulate me. I'm pretty sure they knew you'd have said 'No' if you'd been given all the information up front, so they are relying on you feeling pressured into looking after the dogs now.

This is a pity, after a long friendship, but I'd be feeling really used in your position.

FOJN · 23/03/2022 18:40

There are plenty of sites advertising house sitters so it might be short notice but I'm sure they would find someone. They should have been up front about the issues to begin with.

How were you meant to walk the dogs if you can't take them out at the same time and they can't be left alone?

LittleGwyneth · 23/03/2022 18:40

Absolutely no way. They should have given you all of this information before they asked you and it's completely unreasonable not to give you the option to back out given that they've not so much moved the goal posts as changed the entire bloody sport. That is not going to be any kind of break for you. Back out while you still can.

Darklightening · 23/03/2022 18:41

That’s really unfair on you and they’ve totally misled you. I’d be tempted to decline. How are you meant to go food shopping?

Hiddenvoice · 23/03/2022 18:42

They should have been honest with you back in January so you could have made more of an informed decision.
Least if they said in January that it would be better to take a friend you’d have been prepared!
Tell them honestly that it sounds like a lot and not something you’re sure you can commit too

Buzzer3555 · 23/03/2022 18:42

As an owner of a very reactive dog I know what a huge responsibility it is. I would say no. I know it leaves her with a problem but they need a professional dog sitting service. It will be a load of stress for you and how would you feel if something awful happened ?

Vapeyvapevape · 23/03/2022 18:42

She's been really unfair to hope that the dogs would be better behaved by the time she goes away. They are her responsibility and she should have sorted out proper care for them.
I wouldn't do it Op , far too much responsibility and stress.

TolkiensFallow · 23/03/2022 18:44

It’s been very mis sold to you. I would say you’ll stay but request they pay for professional dog sitters to do a lot of sitting

HanSB · 23/03/2022 18:45

That’s really terrible of her not to give you the full information upfront. I would decline, it will be truly awful stuck in the house with them and surely the dogs won’t be very happy if not taken out for walks? It’s not what you signed up for so don’t feel bad about decking. It’s on them for not giving you the info and opportunity to say no when they first asked.

Daenerys77 · 23/03/2022 18:46

I'd ask them how much they are offering to pay you for your 24/7 dogwatching services, with no time off and a high risk of getting bitten?

MatildaTheCat · 23/03/2022 18:47

Dear Friend,

It was good to talk today and I appreciate your honesty about the dogs. Unfortunately after some thought I have to tell you I cannot undertake this commitment. It’s beyond my scope by some very considerable distance. I’m sorry this means you will need to make other arrangements but if I’d known the facts sooner I could have discussed it earlier.

I do hope this won’t come between our long friendship.

Love

Goldfinch

LabelMaker · 23/03/2022 18:47

She should have been upfront from the start. She has been very deceitful.

megletthesecond · 23/03/2022 18:48

Do not do it. It'll be a nightmare.