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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: Friends want me to dog-sit, but...

228 replies

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 18:30

I have family friends (her mum was my mum's best friend and she was like a sister to me when we were young) who took early retirement in 2019 and moved to the Devon coast, in a house with a beautiful garden overlooking the sea. I visited them before lockdown and it's lovely there. They acquired two dogs over lockdown. A cockerpoo and a terrier cross. I've seen loads of photos and videos and they seemed happy, playful dogs. I was looking forward to spending some time with them.

They contacted me in January to ask if I'd dog-sit for a fortnight over Easter. They're visiting her husband's family in Italy for the first time in three years. I said yes. I need a break and I can work from their home as easily as I can from my own. I had plans to take the dogs out to interesting places to walk, explore the coastline and generally turn it into a bit of holiday.

We've just been on the phone organising the finer details and they've dropped the bombshell that the dogs can't be left alone in the house or car, even if crated. The cockerpoo suffers abandonment anxiety and shits and howls if left. Neither of the dogs can be trusted off lead when out walking. Neither has been properly socialised and both are quite reactive and bark and lunge at other dogs when they're on a lead. The terrier is an escape artist and has to be on a long extending lead even in the half-acre garden.

I said that did she mean that the dogs couldn't be left, even for an hour, and she said yes, and that she'd recommend I didn't take them out walking on my own either, as they are both quite difficult around other dogs. So it'll basically mean that I'm stuck in the house and garden for two weeks, unable to go anywhere. They have a neighbour who will take the dogs for an hour or two but no longer — and not more than once or maybe twice a week. Otherwise they put them in kennels, where apparently the cockerpoo howls herself hoarse, or pay a dog-sitter to look after them at home.

I asked them how they cope and she just sighed and said they'd had a professional advise them and were working on the situation, but the cockerpoo was still a nightmare. When they'd asked me to dog-sit in January they'd hoped the dogs would be easier to manage by now, but there's been little improvement.

I think she picked up my concern because she suggested I bring a friend with me to make it easier. I can't think of anyone who's available for a fortnight and would want to spend time alone with the dogs while I have a morning or day out.

When I started saying that I wasn't sure and this sounded like a job for professional dog-sitters my friend got upset and said it was a bit late to arrange that now.

AIBU? Could I say that I'll do it, but they have to organise kennels or a dog-sitter twice each week so that I get a couple of days off to explore and have some time out to myself?

OP posts:
Bananabutter · 23/03/2022 19:10

Say no and tell her she shouldn’t have lied.

EatSleepReplete · 23/03/2022 19:10

Ask them how they propose you manage this, given that you can't find someone to come with you, & will obviously need to go for groceries etc at least a couple of times a week. Will they be paying for a dog sitter to cover those times? It's not reasonable to expect you to. And how do they expect you to give the dogs exercise, or allow you some fresh air & exercise?

moonbedazzled · 23/03/2022 19:11

We have a dog that behaves just like this. To be fair, he's better about being left in the car now because I'm very firm with him before leaving. But it is a pain.

Sorry to say, they'd be better to hire a dog sitter who they pay to stay in with them. My sister has a client with a dog suffering from similar problems so she's used to just sitting around watching Netflix and Prime. 😄

DahliaMacNamara · 23/03/2022 19:12

Oh God, no. We sometimes look after a dog who has separation anxiety and other health needs. It's fine, if limiting, when there are other adults in the house, and she's a lovely dog who knows us. One day recently, when I'd been looking forward to a day alone with only myself to see to, it was dropped on me that the dog was coming to stay. I can't tell you how pissed off I was that my day of spontaneity was ruined, and that was one day with a well-behaved sociable dog.
You will be climbing the bloody walls.

Booboobibles · 23/03/2022 19:13

I’d do it because I have a reactive dog and I’m used to it. Reactive, yappy and even lunging dogs aren’t all aggressive for those assuming. Aggressive dogs snarl and bare their teeth - it’s very different.

However, I wouldn’t trust him with anyone except a professional because no one can manage the long leads or read the situation. I’d be more concerned with his safety than anything else.

PhoboPhobia · 23/03/2022 19:13

Absolutely but on. I have a dog with awful separation anxiety and there’s no way Is ask someone else to have him for a prolonged period. It’s not fair on you or the dogs.

She knew what she was doing. As if you can stay somewhere for 2 weeks without being able to go out.

Notanotherwindow · 23/03/2022 19:14

I'd say no you're not doing it. Yes it is leaving them in the shit but they lied to you so they don't have a leg to stand on.

ComeSailAway · 23/03/2022 19:14

Two weeks "trapped" in a lovely house and garden in Devon doesn't exactly sound like hell on earth.
Ok they might have been a bit cheeky but I would do it in light of the long friendship and the fact that I'd already agreed. The man is probably desperate to see his family.
You can choose to be magnanimous OP. Just revise your expectations—you are working in a different location rather than having a holiday.

By the way, you should never leave a dog alone in a car anyway.

Xpologog · 23/03/2022 19:15

I’d say no. They sound clueless about dogs so goodness knows what problems you’ll face.

IncompleteSenten · 23/03/2022 19:15

And when you arrive and learn they never did book kennels?

I'd say no. You will have a miserable time.

Juniper68 · 23/03/2022 19:16

Fuck no. They lied.

Daisydoesnt · 23/03/2022 19:18

Absolutely no way. They should have given you all of this information before they asked you and it's completely unreasonable not to give you the option to back out given that they've not so much moved the goal posts as changed the entire bloody sport. That is not going to be any kind of break for you. Back out while you still can

This

This is absolutely a paid-for job, not a favour from a friend. They have been incredibly deceitful and that's on them if they now don't have cover. I say this as the owner of two dogs so I know what it's like finding dog-sitters. Don't feel guilty they have treated you incredibly badly especially laying on the guilt trip!!!

HellToTheNope · 23/03/2022 19:19

Ok they might have been a bit cheeky but I would do it in light of the long friendship and the fact that I'd already agreed. The man is probably desperate to see his family.

You would have to be the biggest doormat in the world to concede to this. They deliberately lied to the op. Their lack of consideration and respect for her is staggering, and the op did not agree to this. She did not agree to be responsible for two problem dogs and be trapped in someone's home for two weeks. FFS.

pumpkinpie01 · 23/03/2022 19:22

They have left it this late thinking you won't refuse now. I would agree to 4-5 days at a maximum.

Bigpaintinglittlepainting · 23/03/2022 19:22

I think I would do it based on I how close other facilities are, like shops minutes away or knowing the area.

They will be different for you and you may be able to different things with them.

How nice is their house and garden ?

It's a bit of a pain but ultimately they will fucking owe you one after this Grin

rookiemere · 23/03/2022 19:23

I wouldn't do it and we have a lovely dog sitter so I know how much of an issue this will cause them.
It sounds like they don't even really walk the dogs, is that right ?

ComeSailAway · 23/03/2022 19:24

They deliberately lied to the op.

That is a huge assumption. She was asked to dog-sit, that's all we know. Did they sell it as a holiday? Only the OP knows whether these friends are generally honest and respectful. If they are, I would give them the benefit of the doubt.

BoodleBug51 · 23/03/2022 19:26

Those poor poor dogs.

I'd personally go and rehome the poor bastards while they were away. They sound like terrible owners. I've got a nervy reactive dog, and every day involves commitment and training. People like this make me so angry.

Don't do it. They don't deserve the kindness, frankly.

SirenSays · 23/03/2022 19:27

As a pet sitter I'd expect a bloody good wage for that. How do they work around it, they must leave the house sometime?

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 23/03/2022 19:30

@MatildaTheCat

Dear Friend,

It was good to talk today and I appreciate your honesty about the dogs. Unfortunately after some thought I have to tell you I cannot undertake this commitment. It’s beyond my scope by some very considerable distance. I’m sorry this means you will need to make other arrangements but if I’d known the facts sooner I could have discussed it earlier.

I do hope this won’t come between our long friendship.

Love

Goldfinch

I think this is a good way to let them down gently. I think your friend has been very unreasonable not letting you know the facts until now, i think you should definitely say you can't do it. It sounds like a huge commitment and it would be very stressful and tiring. Good luck in whatever you decide.
Wiredforsound · 23/03/2022 19:34

Dear friend,

After our discussions today it has become apparent that I do not have the skills or experience to care for such high needs dogs and I fear the experience would be traumatic for both them and me. I cannot in good conscience come down and try to care for your pets, and would recommend you seek specialist support. Kind regards, etc.

BeHappy91818 · 23/03/2022 19:37

@ComeSailAway

They deliberately lied to the op.

That is a huge assumption. She was asked to dog-sit, that's all we know. Did they sell it as a holiday? Only the OP knows whether these friends are generally honest and respectful. If they are, I would give them the benefit of the doubt.

Even if they didn’t sell it as a holiday I’m sure most people would assume that the dogs could be left for a few hours.

They are saying she can’t leave the house for 2 weeks basically.

godmum56 · 23/03/2022 19:37

@ComeSailAway

Two weeks "trapped" in a lovely house and garden in Devon doesn't exactly sound like hell on earth. Ok they might have been a bit cheeky but I would do it in light of the long friendship and the fact that I'd already agreed. The man is probably desperate to see his family. You can choose to be magnanimous OP. Just revise your expectations—you are working in a different location rather than having a holiday.

By the way, you should never leave a dog alone in a car anyway.

why not?
HoundHound · 23/03/2022 19:40

Would she do the same for you? I'm guessing not.

FizzyTango · 23/03/2022 19:40

Surely the glaring issue in this plan is that the dogs don’t know you? Such high needs dogs are not going to tolerate a stranger looking after them???
They are totally UR btw. But I’d go with that excuse. Dogs with separation anxiety and reactivity are most likely going to be unable to cope with you anyway because they don’t know you and it’s therefore not going to be manageable.

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