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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: Friends want me to dog-sit, but...

228 replies

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 18:30

I have family friends (her mum was my mum's best friend and she was like a sister to me when we were young) who took early retirement in 2019 and moved to the Devon coast, in a house with a beautiful garden overlooking the sea. I visited them before lockdown and it's lovely there. They acquired two dogs over lockdown. A cockerpoo and a terrier cross. I've seen loads of photos and videos and they seemed happy, playful dogs. I was looking forward to spending some time with them.

They contacted me in January to ask if I'd dog-sit for a fortnight over Easter. They're visiting her husband's family in Italy for the first time in three years. I said yes. I need a break and I can work from their home as easily as I can from my own. I had plans to take the dogs out to interesting places to walk, explore the coastline and generally turn it into a bit of holiday.

We've just been on the phone organising the finer details and they've dropped the bombshell that the dogs can't be left alone in the house or car, even if crated. The cockerpoo suffers abandonment anxiety and shits and howls if left. Neither of the dogs can be trusted off lead when out walking. Neither has been properly socialised and both are quite reactive and bark and lunge at other dogs when they're on a lead. The terrier is an escape artist and has to be on a long extending lead even in the half-acre garden.

I said that did she mean that the dogs couldn't be left, even for an hour, and she said yes, and that she'd recommend I didn't take them out walking on my own either, as they are both quite difficult around other dogs. So it'll basically mean that I'm stuck in the house and garden for two weeks, unable to go anywhere. They have a neighbour who will take the dogs for an hour or two but no longer — and not more than once or maybe twice a week. Otherwise they put them in kennels, where apparently the cockerpoo howls herself hoarse, or pay a dog-sitter to look after them at home.

I asked them how they cope and she just sighed and said they'd had a professional advise them and were working on the situation, but the cockerpoo was still a nightmare. When they'd asked me to dog-sit in January they'd hoped the dogs would be easier to manage by now, but there's been little improvement.

I think she picked up my concern because she suggested I bring a friend with me to make it easier. I can't think of anyone who's available for a fortnight and would want to spend time alone with the dogs while I have a morning or day out.

When I started saying that I wasn't sure and this sounded like a job for professional dog-sitters my friend got upset and said it was a bit late to arrange that now.

AIBU? Could I say that I'll do it, but they have to organise kennels or a dog-sitter twice each week so that I get a couple of days off to explore and have some time out to myself?

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 24/03/2022 02:48

Kennels, it’s the only answer and way forward, nothing else will work.

LollyLol · 24/03/2022 03:09

I know a couple in a similar situation; they holiday separately so they can see family overseas whilst their rescue dogs are being rehabilitated. It can take years to undo the damage to some of these poor animals.

I doubt the dogs would want to be with you for two weeks anyway, it sounds awful. If she insists on going on holiday, you are not the solution. They need a dog sitter or a kennel, end of.

Riseholme · 24/03/2022 03:20

Surely the terrier could go in kennels for a few days then you could take the cockerpoo out on your own.
Our dog got bitten 5 years ago and since then will occasionally lunge. Fortunately she’s food oriented so if I see another dog I get a treat out and feed it as we walk past and ddog doesn’t even notice the other dog.

Merrymouse · 24/03/2022 06:16

When I started saying that I wasn't sure and this sounded like a job for professional dog-sitters my friend got upset and said it was a bit late to arrange that now.

It’s a bit late for them to tell you that their dogs have numerous problems and aren’t trained or socialised, and you will be confined to the house for 2 weeks.

PiscesScot · 24/03/2022 06:29

If you can’t walk them together (by your friend’s suggestion) but can’t leave one of them alone at all….then you would only be able to walk the one with abandonment issues, and the other wouldn’t get walked at all?!

I know that training dogs is hard work but I hate that people don’t take this on, to the detriment of their pets. You’re obviously not being unreasonable.

cooldarkroom · 24/03/2022 08:55

Trustedhousesitters worked for me, (they'd need a couple)BUT, my dogs dont howl when left alone.

FinallyHere · 24/03/2022 08:56

What can people be thinking, to expect a 'friend' to unexpectedly undergo house arrest which two such high needs dogs for a fortnight.

And you are expecting to WFH in these circumstances? Good luck with getting any work done.

If you were in their position, OP, would you leave these two with a stranger, so you can have a holiday.

I can understand you bending over backwards to help if one were I'll or going into Labour. For a holiday ? Would your friend do the same for you?

The answer to that question is sort of the point. You wouldn't ask, would you?

Cheeserton · 24/03/2022 09:00

Fuck that. They're completely out of order for not telling you immediately. That's not just 'hey will you mind our dogs please' territory. Idiots.

GoldfinchTart · 24/03/2022 09:29

I talked to my DSister last night and she and DBIL would love a few days in Devon over Easter so they will come down before Good Friday and stay. I also have a friend who lives in Cornwall who'd like the chance of a break and has suggested coming for a couple of nights after my DS and DBIL have left.

I'm contacting the Devon friends this morning to say that I'll come to look after the dogs if I can have people staying and if they find someone locally (who they'll have to pay) to do respite dog-sitting for four hours twice each week. I won't hold back on my astonishment that they were proposing that I spend a fortnight locked down with their dogs.

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 24/03/2022 09:47

@GoldfinchTart

I talked to my DSister last night and she and DBIL would love a few days in Devon over Easter so they will come down before Good Friday and stay. I also have a friend who lives in Cornwall who'd like the chance of a break and has suggested coming for a couple of nights after my DS and DBIL have left.

I'm contacting the Devon friends this morning to say that I'll come to look after the dogs if I can have people staying and if they find someone locally (who they'll have to pay) to do respite dog-sitting for four hours twice each week. I won't hold back on my astonishment that they were proposing that I spend a fortnight locked down with their dogs.

I’m struggling to believe that these two reactive dogs that haven’t been properly socialised who lunge at strange dogs and have abandonment issues will be fine with their owners leaving them with 4 random/ changing strangers for a fortnight?!
TerrierOrTerror · 24/03/2022 09:47

I have a dog with Separation Anxiety and am currently looking for someone to dog sit / board her whilst we are away later in the year. However I am absolutely up front with the fact they cannot leave her in my initial contact - certainly not for an hour and ideally not at all, even shutting her in another room whilst they are home.

I wouldn't expect a friend to dog sit her as it's a massive ask, and likewise I would never try and hide her issues when trying to find someone. It will only end up potentially undoing all of the progress we have managed to make with her.

Your friends are really unreasonable to have not given you all of the facts. I would say the separation anxiety is workable (though you'd need to make sure you had enough food etc for the whole time) but doubled with the reactivity etc it's not sensible.

hoorayandupsherises · 24/03/2022 10:05

Your plan sounds like a decent one, OP. Our dog recently had an operation and had to be with me 24/7 for the first weekend and honestly, I went stir crazy very quickly - especially as it was beautiful weather. After all the lockdowns I found the lack of not even being able to walk around the block really difficult mentally.

GoldfinchTart · 24/03/2022 10:10

I’m struggling to believe that these two reactive dogs that haven’t been properly socialised who lunge at strange dogs and have abandonment issues will be fine with their owners leaving them with 4 random/ changing strangers for a fortnight?!

I've said several times that the dogs are fine with people and have been looked after by others coming into the home for a day or a weekend and looked after by neighbours in their own home without any problems. The cockerpoo is just clingy and wants a human around at all times.

Thanks to those of you who who made helpful comments and suggestions. I'm going to call it a day now. Have a good Easter.

OP posts:
bembridge11 · 24/03/2022 10:13

You must decline - and now! So they have time to make another plan. And if they cant - they will have to cancel their holiday. That is the responsibility they took on!
It is unreasonable of them to not have trained their dogs properly and then expect you to deal with this:

milkyaqua · 24/03/2022 10:14

AIBU? Everyone - NO! I'm gonna do it anyway.

SleeplessInEngland · 24/03/2022 10:15

OP, since you're the one who actually knows these people: do you think your friend deliberately held back that important info until it was too late to say no?

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 24/03/2022 10:37

Please don't use trustedhousesitters.com - they are just an agency and never meet the pet sitters, just put you in touch via the site. If something goes wrong, they won't give you the pet sitters address. Someone locally used them and had a sitter who let 40 of their budgies die, and only used 2 of the 5 dog food tins that had been left. Some of the budgies had been thrown out with the general rubbish :(

TatianaBis · 24/03/2022 11:06

@WhatATimeToBeAlive

Please don't use trustedhousesitters.com - they are just an agency and never meet the pet sitters, just put you in touch via the site. If something goes wrong, they won't give you the pet sitters address. Someone locally used them and had a sitter who let 40 of their budgies die, and only used 2 of the 5 dog food tins that had been left. Some of the budgies had been thrown out with the general rubbish :(
That’s very unusual. What was their review profile on the site?

Did your friends meet the sitter first?

TatianaBis · 24/03/2022 11:09

I’ve never had a problem but I’ve only used people with 50+ positive reviews and met them in person myself.

Also you can do a daily face time with your animals to keep an eye on them.

whynotwhatknot · 24/03/2022 11:56

i wouldnt do it its not a lockdown very unfair to do that to you

Juniper68 · 24/03/2022 12:48

@milkyaqua

AIBU? Everyone - NO! I'm gonna do it anyway.
Grin
Gonnagetgoing · 24/03/2022 13:10

@GoldfinchTart

I talked to my DSister last night and she and DBIL would love a few days in Devon over Easter so they will come down before Good Friday and stay. I also have a friend who lives in Cornwall who'd like the chance of a break and has suggested coming for a couple of nights after my DS and DBIL have left.

I'm contacting the Devon friends this morning to say that I'll come to look after the dogs if I can have people staying and if they find someone locally (who they'll have to pay) to do respite dog-sitting for four hours twice each week. I won't hold back on my astonishment that they were proposing that I spend a fortnight locked down with their dogs.

@GoldfinchTart - I know you're leaving this thread but this is ridiculous - bringing two extra unknown and maybe a third extra person who's unknown to the dogs and will stress them out.
PingPages · 24/03/2022 13:16

@milkyaqua

AIBU? Everyone - NO! I'm gonna do it anyway.
Don’t be rude! This is OP’s life, she’s allowed to ask for other people’s advice and decide for herself what to do without other people getting stroppy! Jeez get a hobby
Hiddenvoice · 24/03/2022 13:30

I’m glad you’ve found a way to make it work and will be nice to have your family there for a few days too!
My dog is reactive and can become quite anxious when left alone. She’s great when it comes to people and is very affectionate. We’ve seen loads of different specialists but there’s been no change to her.
I believe they were trying in January and were hoping the dogs would change by the time you visit and care for them. They’ve been honest with what their reality is like, they’ve told you, maybe not as early as they should have but they’ve said in enough time so you can get prepared.
Think it’s a great idea that you suggest different things for them to have in place so you can have a break too.
Hope it all goes well for you and you can find some time to relax in some hopefully nice weather!

2bazookas · 24/03/2022 14:01

Invite me (All I require is return airfares, taxis to/ from airport, and wine)

Retraining both dogs will take me less than a week :-)