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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: Friends want me to dog-sit, but...

228 replies

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 18:30

I have family friends (her mum was my mum's best friend and she was like a sister to me when we were young) who took early retirement in 2019 and moved to the Devon coast, in a house with a beautiful garden overlooking the sea. I visited them before lockdown and it's lovely there. They acquired two dogs over lockdown. A cockerpoo and a terrier cross. I've seen loads of photos and videos and they seemed happy, playful dogs. I was looking forward to spending some time with them.

They contacted me in January to ask if I'd dog-sit for a fortnight over Easter. They're visiting her husband's family in Italy for the first time in three years. I said yes. I need a break and I can work from their home as easily as I can from my own. I had plans to take the dogs out to interesting places to walk, explore the coastline and generally turn it into a bit of holiday.

We've just been on the phone organising the finer details and they've dropped the bombshell that the dogs can't be left alone in the house or car, even if crated. The cockerpoo suffers abandonment anxiety and shits and howls if left. Neither of the dogs can be trusted off lead when out walking. Neither has been properly socialised and both are quite reactive and bark and lunge at other dogs when they're on a lead. The terrier is an escape artist and has to be on a long extending lead even in the half-acre garden.

I said that did she mean that the dogs couldn't be left, even for an hour, and she said yes, and that she'd recommend I didn't take them out walking on my own either, as they are both quite difficult around other dogs. So it'll basically mean that I'm stuck in the house and garden for two weeks, unable to go anywhere. They have a neighbour who will take the dogs for an hour or two but no longer — and not more than once or maybe twice a week. Otherwise they put them in kennels, where apparently the cockerpoo howls herself hoarse, or pay a dog-sitter to look after them at home.

I asked them how they cope and she just sighed and said they'd had a professional advise them and were working on the situation, but the cockerpoo was still a nightmare. When they'd asked me to dog-sit in January they'd hoped the dogs would be easier to manage by now, but there's been little improvement.

I think she picked up my concern because she suggested I bring a friend with me to make it easier. I can't think of anyone who's available for a fortnight and would want to spend time alone with the dogs while I have a morning or day out.

When I started saying that I wasn't sure and this sounded like a job for professional dog-sitters my friend got upset and said it was a bit late to arrange that now.

AIBU? Could I say that I'll do it, but they have to organise kennels or a dog-sitter twice each week so that I get a couple of days off to explore and have some time out to myself?

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 23/03/2022 20:09

As a PP says - if they can’t be alone, but can’t be walked together, how will they get walked at all?

The terrier on a lead in the garden is bloody batshit.

If you do it - and it would be a HUGE favour - I’d only do it if relief dog care was lined up for 3 days minimum out of every week, whether that’s neighbours, dog walkers or kennels for a spell.

If the cockerpoo is the main issue the terrier could go into kennels alone - then you’d just be managing one dog.

They’re right though that they’re in a spot now getting alternative care arranged at such short notice.

Ottersmith · 23/03/2022 20:10

Well you could just tell her that you can do it but you are just going to have to leave them alone sometimes as it's not feasible to do what she is suggesting. She obviously doesn't want to resort to a kennel so this is the best offer he is going to get. I don't even think a professional dog sitter would agree to those terms.

I know it's not your job but you could always see it as a chance to sort them out a bit. Their behaviour is because of their owner and maybe with someone else they will behave better. If you were strict and set boundaries for them they would listen I'm sure.
My MIL said her dogs couldn't go for walks and they actually had not left the house in years, they didn't even have a collar, but then my partner took them out one day and they were fine with him.

So I suppose it depends if you can be bothered to do a bit of training with them and put your foot down about leaving them alone. If not, it might be best to decline.

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 20:11

Having read some more responses, I want to repeat that the dogs are fine with people. They have had other people stay over to look after them for a day or two, there were visitors over Christmas and they go off to the neighbours and don't create any problems there. Their behaviour with people isn't an issue. They didn't get properly socialised with other dogs when they were young, probably because my friend's husband was shielding from Covid (he's asthmatic) and they didn't go out.

I'm pretty experienced with dogs and have had my own challenging terriers, but I obviously couldn't manage to walk two anxious dogs properly.

I have no doubt that in January, when they consulted a dog behaviourist and started working on them, they thought these problems could be easily ironed out. Clearly that hasn't worked.

I'm going to tell my friend that I'll need extra support and ask them to find me a dog-sitter who can come in either for two 6-hour days a week, or three 4-hour sessions. If I can go for a walk or a swim, go to the shops and just have a few hours out on my own, I should be fine.

And no, no offer of remuneration. Though knowing them there'll be a case of good wine and a fridge and freezer full of good food waiting for me. I've sent messages out to a couple of people who might be up for a few days away. It dawned on me that even if a couple of people come and stay just a few days each, that will help lift the burden.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 23/03/2022 20:13

You can’t ‘put your foot down’ with a dog who displays such severe separation anxiety, Otter. It takes ages to overcome.

Equally unsocialised dogs who are fear reactive (barking, lunging) to other dogs won’t be trained in 3 weeks by an amateur.

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 20:13

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff. The cockerpoo doesn't howl when there's someone in the house with it, only if it's left alone.

OP posts:
Hiphophippityskip1 · 23/03/2022 20:15

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Juniper68 · 23/03/2022 20:16

My dog was very reactive when I got him as a rescue at 16 month. I trained him myself and socialised him pretty quickly. He was a nightmare. I wasn't working at the time and had a fab park over the road. He's 15 now, still hates toddlers but apart from that he's been lovely.

It's very stressful when they react and pretty embarrassing.

PingPages · 23/03/2022 20:16

Very sneaky of them

Juniper68 · 23/03/2022 20:17

@NoSquirrels

You can’t ‘put your foot down’ with a dog who displays such severe separation anxiety, Otter. It takes ages to overcome.

Equally unsocialised dogs who are fear reactive (barking, lunging) to other dogs won’t be trained in 3 weeks by an amateur.

Took me approximately 3 weeks. I must be a pro Wink
MrsSkylerWhite · 23/03/2022 20:18

That would be a no from me. Poor animals. Why are people so irresponsible.

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 20:24

@Booboobibles

I’d do it because I have a reactive dog and I’m used to it. Reactive, yappy and even lunging dogs aren’t all aggressive for those assuming. Aggressive dogs snarl and bare their teeth - it’s very different.

However, I wouldn’t trust him with anyone except a professional because no one can manage the long leads or read the situation. I’d be more concerned with his safety than anything else.

@Booboobibles, yes, this is how she described them. Yapping and lunging, but nor baring their teeth or provoking fights. It seems fairly standard cockerpoo behaviour. Why people think they're easy dogs I don't know. Lots of them seem very neurotic.
OP posts:
queensonia · 23/03/2022 20:28

Tell them to join trustedhousesitters.com

WibbleWobbleWibble · 23/03/2022 20:29

You wouldn't have agreed in tbe first place if they had been honest about what was required. This is on them.

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 20:30

@Suzi888

I have a dog but I’d be wary, dogs can work themselves up into a frenzy.

I’d want a day and night practice run before agreeing to this. Not leaving a dog for a few hours is ridiculous! As is not being able to take the dogs out together- what the hell. It must be a nightmare for them.

I think they go out, her and her husband, with a dog each. It's just that one person can't manage both.

I want to try and find a solution if I can because we go back a really long way and also because I know she's embarrassed by this. She and I grew up with dogs. She knows what a crap situation this is.

OP posts:
thenightsky · 23/03/2022 20:32

Took me approximately 3 weeks. I must be a pro

Yep, us too. Rescue lurcher with massive separation anxiety, howled if someone just went out of the room to toilet. Fine now, doesn't even lift his head off the sofa arm.

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 20:32

@queensonia

Tell them to join trustedhousesitters.com
Just had a look at that site. This could be the solution. Thank you.
OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 23/03/2022 20:33

Very unreasonable and I’d say that to her as you need to be able to get out by yourself.

Alexandra2001 · 23/03/2022 20:34

[quote GoldfinchTart]@DuckbilledSplatterPuff. The cockerpoo doesn't howl when there's someone in the house with it, only if it's left alone.[/quote]
Well, you wont hear it then? lol!

Seriously, you'd be mad to accept, one dog perhaps, you might be able to get in some decent training but two & you work, no chance.

Maybe thats a compromise, take 1 ?

Juniper68 · 23/03/2022 20:34

@thenightsky

Took me approximately 3 weeks. I must be a pro

Yep, us too. Rescue lurcher with massive separation anxiety, howled if someone just went out of the room to toilet. Fine now, doesn't even lift his head off the sofa arm.

Mine is a lurcher too. I recognised he was anxious and that made him reactive. He'd been returned to kennels more than once. I think he'd have had a short life if I hadn't taken him on tbh.
Gonnagetgoing · 23/03/2022 20:35

Based on your update you definitely need another dog sitter there, if not do not go!

Gonnagetgoing · 23/03/2022 20:36

And see this is what happens when people get dogs and can’t be bothered to socialise/get help for their issues etc.

HollowTalk · 23/03/2022 20:37

But why should you be doing all the work finding people who will stay with you? She needs to put the dogs in kennels if she's going away. That's her responsibility. They are her dogs.

BlueOverYellow · 23/03/2022 20:37

Speak up now!

'I would never agreed to housesit if I'd been told I'd essentially be a prisoner in the house for 2 weeks of my precious holiday time.

I'm sorry, but I am not going to be able to look after your dogs until they've been socialised properly via professionals.

I hope you can find a professional to look after them.'

bluetongue · 23/03/2022 20:41

Your friend is a CF. I say that as a dog owner and owner of a dog that suffered from separation anxiety as a puppy who still cries if I walk away from him to order at a cafe and he can see me. I can leave him while I’m out now and he’s fine. When I go on holidays he goes to a home boarder who is aware of his quirks.

Say no and don’t feel guilty.

Thisisit2022 · 23/03/2022 20:42

No no no no no! I had similar. At the last minute was told that though the dogs could be left for brief periods I couldn't walk them AT ALL...only let them in the garden. I felt utterly trapped during a very hot summer.

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