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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: Friends want me to dog-sit, but...

228 replies

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 18:30

I have family friends (her mum was my mum's best friend and she was like a sister to me when we were young) who took early retirement in 2019 and moved to the Devon coast, in a house with a beautiful garden overlooking the sea. I visited them before lockdown and it's lovely there. They acquired two dogs over lockdown. A cockerpoo and a terrier cross. I've seen loads of photos and videos and they seemed happy, playful dogs. I was looking forward to spending some time with them.

They contacted me in January to ask if I'd dog-sit for a fortnight over Easter. They're visiting her husband's family in Italy for the first time in three years. I said yes. I need a break and I can work from their home as easily as I can from my own. I had plans to take the dogs out to interesting places to walk, explore the coastline and generally turn it into a bit of holiday.

We've just been on the phone organising the finer details and they've dropped the bombshell that the dogs can't be left alone in the house or car, even if crated. The cockerpoo suffers abandonment anxiety and shits and howls if left. Neither of the dogs can be trusted off lead when out walking. Neither has been properly socialised and both are quite reactive and bark and lunge at other dogs when they're on a lead. The terrier is an escape artist and has to be on a long extending lead even in the half-acre garden.

I said that did she mean that the dogs couldn't be left, even for an hour, and she said yes, and that she'd recommend I didn't take them out walking on my own either, as they are both quite difficult around other dogs. So it'll basically mean that I'm stuck in the house and garden for two weeks, unable to go anywhere. They have a neighbour who will take the dogs for an hour or two but no longer — and not more than once or maybe twice a week. Otherwise they put them in kennels, where apparently the cockerpoo howls herself hoarse, or pay a dog-sitter to look after them at home.

I asked them how they cope and she just sighed and said they'd had a professional advise them and were working on the situation, but the cockerpoo was still a nightmare. When they'd asked me to dog-sit in January they'd hoped the dogs would be easier to manage by now, but there's been little improvement.

I think she picked up my concern because she suggested I bring a friend with me to make it easier. I can't think of anyone who's available for a fortnight and would want to spend time alone with the dogs while I have a morning or day out.

When I started saying that I wasn't sure and this sounded like a job for professional dog-sitters my friend got upset and said it was a bit late to arrange that now.

AIBU? Could I say that I'll do it, but they have to organise kennels or a dog-sitter twice each week so that I get a couple of days off to explore and have some time out to myself?

OP posts:
Dollyparton3 · 23/03/2022 19:42

The really sad thing here OP is the disregard for the dogs safety if you're not totally on it for looking after what sound like high maintenance dogs.

My beautiful fur baby (best buddy, love of the family and brilliant family member) is adorable, but he's not great at recall if I'm not there, is whistle trained to come back but training someone else to get on board with that is a BIG ask and he's very reactive to loud cars and bikes on a walk. But he can be left alone for a couple of hours and is the sweetest pooch to cuddle up with in the evenings.

When we go on holiday the only person we trust him with is my sis in law who has an equally lovely dog who's a bit of a bellend and we know that either of us can handle the other's dog with the same patience as one of our children because we're alert to each other's doggy nuances and we're "on it" to know our own dog AND pull the other one into line if we need to because we're used to it.

This is not the same. They're skipping details in at the last minute and basically suggesting that you don't leave them for a second for a fortnight having not really had the chance to get to know either dog's flighty moments before they leave you in charge. Not OK on any level but also not OK because there are so many people I could ask but I wouldn't feel safe leaving many people with the responsibility of my dog.

PS we're going away for the first ever week since we got our 3 year old dog this summer and I'm really going to miss him and worry every single day! They should feel similarly especially with two special needs dogs

Schoolchoicesucks · 23/03/2022 19:42

If the house and location are lovely and she could arrange for a dog walker to come a few times a week, as well as the neighbour a couple of times a week, I think I would still do it. Can the one dog be left at all while you take the needier one out alone? Are there any dog socialisation classes you could take the dogs to while you are there?

Polyanthus2 · 23/03/2022 19:44

If you can't walk them together and...... you can't leave them alone - that's an impossible situation - unless all 3 of you stay locked up in the house for 2weeks!!!!

godmum56 · 23/03/2022 19:45

@SirenSays

As a pet sitter I'd expect a bloody good wage for that. How do they work around it, they must leave the house sometime?
My old dog is the same. I am retired and live alone, I have got a family memeber who visits often and they take care of my boy while I do essential things like go to the dentist. When he was less wobbley he would come for a ride in the car and sit in the car for short periods but he can't get in now and I can't lift him. So yes I stay home. I have never been one for needing to go out and I loathe supermarkets so I get deliveries. For me its a time limited thing. He's 14 and a half and I owe him a great deal so i am happy to have him live out the rest of his life in peace and without stress. I read and garden do loads of craft and generally have a peaceful life. Once he is no longer with me of course there are things I will enjoy doing again but for now its fine.
Hawkins001 · 23/03/2022 19:45

All the best op, although if one dog is an escape artist, why haven't they secured the garden better ?

godmum56 · 23/03/2022 19:46

@Dollyparton3

The really sad thing here OP is the disregard for the dogs safety if you're not totally on it for looking after what sound like high maintenance dogs.

My beautiful fur baby (best buddy, love of the family and brilliant family member) is adorable, but he's not great at recall if I'm not there, is whistle trained to come back but training someone else to get on board with that is a BIG ask and he's very reactive to loud cars and bikes on a walk. But he can be left alone for a couple of hours and is the sweetest pooch to cuddle up with in the evenings.

When we go on holiday the only person we trust him with is my sis in law who has an equally lovely dog who's a bit of a bellend and we know that either of us can handle the other's dog with the same patience as one of our children because we're alert to each other's doggy nuances and we're "on it" to know our own dog AND pull the other one into line if we need to because we're used to it.

This is not the same. They're skipping details in at the last minute and basically suggesting that you don't leave them for a second for a fortnight having not really had the chance to get to know either dog's flighty moments before they leave you in charge. Not OK on any level but also not OK because there are so many people I could ask but I wouldn't feel safe leaving many people with the responsibility of my dog.

PS we're going away for the first ever week since we got our 3 year old dog this summer and I'm really going to miss him and worry every single day! They should feel similarly especially with two special needs dogs

this exactly
Philisophigal · 23/03/2022 19:50

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

Beautiful3 · 23/03/2022 19:50

Wow that's quite a bombshell. She really should have told you about this at the time she asked the favour.

Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns · 23/03/2022 19:50

I work with pets and this sounds like a nightmare to me.
Id offer a week( just so theres no bad feeling between you) and she can find a dog sitter for the next
She has been sneaky about the details and thats nit your fault. Its also not your fault she, like millions of others got a lockdown dog,its now mental and shes now having consequences
She cant expect you to be under house arrest for two weeks. Thats insane.
Id crate them, leave to do what i needed to : and leave her to deal with the noise conplaint from the neighbours upon her return.

Beautiful3 · 23/03/2022 19:51

I wouldn't go, you'll be trapped in the house! Thats not a holiday!

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 19:52

Sorry to post and vanish. I had an unexpected visitor. Thanks for confirming my gut feeling that this isn't on. Just responding to a couple of points.

I mentioned food shopping and she said they had weekly slots booked for supermarket deliveries and I could use those. No idea what I do if I run out of milk or bread before the next delivery.

I don't think the dogs are vicious or dangerously reactive. I know they're good with people because I've seen them playing nicely with children and getting on well with other visitors (videos). I think, from what she says, that they get stressed when out and about and tend to bark and lunge. She was adamant that they'd never bitten or given any indication of biting.

OP posts:
pictish · 23/03/2022 19:52

I agree with everyone else. She wasn’t honest and you would not be unreasonable to say no.

billy1966 · 23/03/2022 19:54

So dishonest and manipulative.
These are close old friends?

I would be seriously unimpressed with such deliberate dishonesty.

Send @MatildaTheCat text and be done with.

I wouldn't feel an ounce of guilt.

Awful behaviour on their part.
Awful.

LabelMaker · 23/03/2022 19:55

You'd basically be under house arrest

Suzi888 · 23/03/2022 19:58

I have a dog but I’d be wary, dogs can work themselves up into a frenzy.

I’d want a day and night practice run before agreeing to this. Not leaving a dog for a few hours is ridiculous! As is not being able to take the dogs out together- what the hell. It must be a nightmare for them.

Thehop · 23/03/2022 19:59

Too short notice to back out? You tell her you’d have done it a month ago if they’d told you the truth a month ago!

Harlequin1088 · 23/03/2022 20:00

I run a pet care company and based on what you’ve described even we wouldn’t take that job on for dog sitting so how they can expect a friend to do it is utterly ridiculous. They’ve completely mis-sold this to you. Run a mile. You’ll be at your wits end by day 2.

Bananarama21 · 23/03/2022 20:01

It sounds like she hasn't bothered to train them properly, I'd avoid.

Morfil · 23/03/2022 20:03

I’d absolutely decline. The dogs have needs that are far beyond the needs of an average dog. Your friend was unreasonable in not letting you know that upfront.

GucciBear · 23/03/2022 20:05

If they cannot train their dogs properly they ought not to own them. Too many foolish and ignorant owners out there.

gamerchick · 23/03/2022 20:06

If she hasn't been honest about this, there will be other stuff she hasn't been honest about.

Tell her fine, you'll do it for a grand upfront.

Natty13 · 23/03/2022 20:06

I am a total hermit/home body (to the extent that l caught myself thinking before Christmas that I could really do with another lockdown just for the peace) AND dog lover/owner. But even I would not do this.

tkwal · 23/03/2022 20:07

I would suggest they find a dog sitter for a couple of hours at least every other day. You can't be expected to live under virtual house arrest for two weeks.

Movingonup22 · 23/03/2022 20:08

That’s INSANE!!!

and the dogs will be beside themselves if they don’t get a proper walk for two whole weeks!!!!

I would only go on the condition that a dog walker comes and walks them every single day you’re there.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/03/2022 20:08

The key thing is that they've not admitted that they, the owners and full time carers, find these dogs a real handful and have needed to get professional advice.
This is not a simple dog sit, the dogs need an experienced person to look after them.
I don't own dogs but have occasionally dog sat for friends, but these were mannerly well trained animals and even that was a wee bit stressful as I didn't know the dogs or their preferences and habits. I know I wouldn't have been able to cope with being in what amounts to lockdown with them, howling and erratic behaviour, whereas someone who owns dogs might be a bit better prepared.
I would be worried that if you did take this on, that there could be some difficult times ahead under these circumstances.
Also how will you get any work done if they are howling/wanting extra attention because no exercise?

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