Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU: Friends want me to dog-sit, but...

228 replies

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 18:30

I have family friends (her mum was my mum's best friend and she was like a sister to me when we were young) who took early retirement in 2019 and moved to the Devon coast, in a house with a beautiful garden overlooking the sea. I visited them before lockdown and it's lovely there. They acquired two dogs over lockdown. A cockerpoo and a terrier cross. I've seen loads of photos and videos and they seemed happy, playful dogs. I was looking forward to spending some time with them.

They contacted me in January to ask if I'd dog-sit for a fortnight over Easter. They're visiting her husband's family in Italy for the first time in three years. I said yes. I need a break and I can work from their home as easily as I can from my own. I had plans to take the dogs out to interesting places to walk, explore the coastline and generally turn it into a bit of holiday.

We've just been on the phone organising the finer details and they've dropped the bombshell that the dogs can't be left alone in the house or car, even if crated. The cockerpoo suffers abandonment anxiety and shits and howls if left. Neither of the dogs can be trusted off lead when out walking. Neither has been properly socialised and both are quite reactive and bark and lunge at other dogs when they're on a lead. The terrier is an escape artist and has to be on a long extending lead even in the half-acre garden.

I said that did she mean that the dogs couldn't be left, even for an hour, and she said yes, and that she'd recommend I didn't take them out walking on my own either, as they are both quite difficult around other dogs. So it'll basically mean that I'm stuck in the house and garden for two weeks, unable to go anywhere. They have a neighbour who will take the dogs for an hour or two but no longer — and not more than once or maybe twice a week. Otherwise they put them in kennels, where apparently the cockerpoo howls herself hoarse, or pay a dog-sitter to look after them at home.

I asked them how they cope and she just sighed and said they'd had a professional advise them and were working on the situation, but the cockerpoo was still a nightmare. When they'd asked me to dog-sit in January they'd hoped the dogs would be easier to manage by now, but there's been little improvement.

I think she picked up my concern because she suggested I bring a friend with me to make it easier. I can't think of anyone who's available for a fortnight and would want to spend time alone with the dogs while I have a morning or day out.

When I started saying that I wasn't sure and this sounded like a job for professional dog-sitters my friend got upset and said it was a bit late to arrange that now.

AIBU? Could I say that I'll do it, but they have to organise kennels or a dog-sitter twice each week so that I get a couple of days off to explore and have some time out to myself?

OP posts:
Pawtriarchal · 23/03/2022 20:42

She’s got time between now and then to train them into tolerating time in a muzzle and wearing harnesses to make walks easier. Unless that minor for her hassle isn’t worth two weeks of your hassle… but that still won’t allow you to go in and out of shops etc. This is a paid job for two people basically.

Billionneeded · 23/03/2022 20:45

I thun

Ottersmith · 23/03/2022 20:48

@GoldfinchTart

Having read some more responses, I want to repeat that the dogs are fine with people. They have had other people stay over to look after them for a day or two, there were visitors over Christmas and they go off to the neighbours and don't create any problems there. Their behaviour with people isn't an issue. They didn't get properly socialised with other dogs when they were young, probably because my friend's husband was shielding from Covid (he's asthmatic) and they didn't go out.

I'm pretty experienced with dogs and have had my own challenging terriers, but I obviously couldn't manage to walk two anxious dogs properly.

I have no doubt that in January, when they consulted a dog behaviourist and started working on them, they thought these problems could be easily ironed out. Clearly that hasn't worked.

I'm going to tell my friend that I'll need extra support and ask them to find me a dog-sitter who can come in either for two 6-hour days a week, or three 4-hour sessions. If I can go for a walk or a swim, go to the shops and just have a few hours out on my own, I should be fine.

And no, no offer of remuneration. Though knowing them there'll be a case of good wine and a fridge and freezer full of good food waiting for me. I've sent messages out to a couple of people who might be up for a few days away. It dawned on me that even if a couple of people come and stay just a few days each, that will help lift the burden.

Yeah I think there are workable ways to do this and still have your holiday. I always find that when a do in anxious when out they are feeding off their owners anxiety so they might be better with you. And I'm sure you'll be able to find the more quiet spots with fewer dogs around.

My SIL dog does a disappearing act and when she visited our house would wriggle through the holes in the fence and my SIL would always be frantic and chase her before she did it. When she visited on her own we ignored her and acted like we didn't care and she got bored of doing it and stopped. They are like sponges aren't they?

Honeyroar · 23/03/2022 20:56

They’ve totally shot themselves in the foot by lying to you. They’re not going to get a dog sitter or kennels at Easter at this short notice. I’ve been trying to find one for a friend at Easter and everyone is booked up. What do they expect you to do if you need a pint of milk? Even if you did feel comfortable having the dogs.

You have every right to say no to them. I feel sorry for the dogs. What a mess they’ve made.

TheGrinchsDog · 23/03/2022 20:59

@NoSquirrels

You can’t ‘put your foot down’ with a dog who displays such severe separation anxiety, Otter. It takes ages to overcome.

Equally unsocialised dogs who are fear reactive (barking, lunging) to other dogs won’t be trained in 3 weeks by an amateur.

This ^ can't believe people are suggesting the OP take over training not knowing how experienced she is. If you get it wrong you compound the problem for the dogs, possibly you make it far worse than it was.

Also gobsmacked at the PP who decided the owners were useless and suggested the OP rehome the dogs while they are away... WTAF?!

My dog is a rehome. He is fear reactive and has separation anxiety. I manage, it's a long road to getting over these issues and I know what I'm doing with him.

I wouldn't ever ask anyone to have him for longer than a couple of hours because he is not an easy dog to manage, but if I did and I came home to find my beloved and well cared for dog 'rehomed' because some idiot who knows SFA decided it was best for the dog, I don't think I'd be responsible for my actions tbh!

OP has stated they are seeking help from professionals ffs.

Anyway... OP no don't do it! Your friends are CFs and this is too big an ask. Separation anxiety isn't fun for anyone and the dogs are going to be vocally distressed without their people in the house. Poor dogs. One of your friends should stay home I'm afraid.

Alliswells · 23/03/2022 21:01

No way would I do that!
Yanbu

dfendyr · 23/03/2022 21:02

Having read some more responses, I want to repeat that the dogs are fine with people. They have had other people stay over to look after them for a day or two, there were visitors over Christmas and they go off to the neighbours and don't create any problems there. Their behaviour with people isn't an issue. They didn't get properly socialised with other dogs when they were young, probably because my friend's husband was shielding from Covid (he's asthmatic) and they didn't go out.

You didnt know they needed constant presence, so maybe there are other things you dont know

I would decline

TheGrinchsDog · 23/03/2022 21:04

@thenightsky

Took me approximately 3 weeks. I must be a pro

Yep, us too. Rescue lurcher with massive separation anxiety, howled if someone just went out of the room to toilet. Fine now, doesn't even lift his head off the sofa arm.

Wow! Amazing trainers! You and the PP deserve medals! Hmm lol.

Seriously though, some dogs take longer to get over these issues than others. It doesn't make you amazing dog trainers necessarily, although you might very well be!
Conversely those that take a bit longer to get their dogs over the separation anxiety aren't necessarily rubbish/worse trainers.

Maybe your dogs separation anxiety wasn't as big an issue for your dogs as it is for other dogs?

FinallyHere · 23/03/2022 21:06

my friend got upset and said it was a bit late to arrange that now.

It's also a bit late to tell you that things have not improved as they had hoped. I would absolutely not go ahead as now described.

TatianaBis · 23/03/2022 21:08

She just needs trustedhousesitters.com.

I would be firm that she should have told you the details.

Seenoevil1 · 23/03/2022 21:09

Sounds very hard-going. There are a lot of issues and the dogs sounds completely untrained - which is a shame because trained dogs are calm and happy.
I'd be tempted to say no...but if you don't want to fall out perhaps a compromise would be saying you'll do a week? It is so intense surely your friend would accept that a fortnight is too much and I'd imagine the dogs would be ok in kennels for a week? Even if they're not great in kennels it would be a short period to get them used to it.
She's not been entirely up-front about the dogs so I wouldn't feel guilty if you decide to pull out altogether.

thenightsky · 23/03/2022 21:15

Seriously though, some dogs take longer to get over these issues than others

Oh yes, I totally get that. But I think what me and PP I quoted are saying is that OP's CF friend could have made a few inroads by now and been honest from the start.

saraclara · 23/03/2022 21:16

Why would anyone from Trsuted Housesitters want to be under house arrest for two weeks any more than OP does? They're not even friends with the owners. What's in it for them?

AKASammyScrounge · 23/03/2022 21:18

She should have been more honest about the dogs' behaviour from the outset. I'd say the OP should

saraclara · 23/03/2022 21:18

To elaborate, sitters from trusted Housesitters aren't paid. They see it as a way to explore different areas of the country or have a holiday rent-free. I've used them several times, and all but once the sitters were single people, so wouldn't be able to leave the house at all.

GoldfinchTart · 23/03/2022 21:18

Maybe your dogs separation anxiety wasn't as big an issue for your dogs as it is for other dogs?

Or maybe it's the breed? I mean, lurchers are half greyhound and greyhounds are pretty lazy and laid back dogs unless something's gone badly wrong. Other breeds are more highly-strung.

OP posts:
RainingYetAgain · 23/03/2022 21:22

I dogsit for a friend's rescue dog, with separation anxiety, who can't be let off the lead as he has no recall. But, I know him and his little ways. He likes me, so is happy to be left at his house with me. How does anyone expect you to be left alone for 2 weeks with 2 strange dogs with problems? Absolute madness and a mega pisstake.

Bluechinavase · 23/03/2022 21:23

What a rotten situation to be in. They sound completely overwhelmed by their situation but are quite willing to dump it all on you on the sly in order to achieve their holiday. I had a ‘pal’ do similar. Or try to. Her dog is dreadfully behaved, constant leg humping, sock chewing (whilst socks still on feet), and real growling with bared teeth. In short a nightmare (of their own making). She asked me if I was busy the following weekend. Usually this would suggest the possibility of a social night out so I replied that I thought I was free. She then said she and hubby were going away for weekend and needed pooch looked after. No way. I am not scared of dogs but I wouldn’t have gotten out of their house without blood being drawn. I still can’t believe she had the audacity to ask and in the same breath say they can’t put him in kennels as he’s so badly behaved!!

user1471538283 · 23/03/2022 21:25

This sounds a nightmare. When we had dogs years ago we either paid for care or we didnt go. I used to have my friends dog for up to a week but she was well trained and a joy to have.

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 23/03/2022 21:26

We looked into getting a sitter for 2 weeks for our rescue pup recently and they all stipulated that he had to be able to be left for at least 2hrs a day. Many of the local ones wanted to carry on their dog walking businesses and so would need to leave my dog for a few hours a day to do that. The farther away ones wanted to come for a holiday so, quite reasonably, they want to be able to see some sights not to mention needing to go food shopping etc. None of these professional paid sitters would agree to a job where they couldn't leave the dog for decent periods. We aren't very confident in his ability to be left for more than an hour so we would have had to hire a relief sitter or dog walker to cover breaks.
We sent ours to a home boarding couple in the end because in fact it was too big an ask.
So please be assured OP that you are in no way unreasonable. Professional sitters would not agree to these term either.

Daisymaybe60 · 23/03/2022 21:26

They haven’t been open with you, I wouldn’t go. We had a friend offer us the use of their lovely house in an idyllic situation while she was on holiday. We knew there was a dog and a couple of cats to look after and were fine with that. It wasn’t till we got there that we were warned never to leave the dog alone, even for half an hour. It had to go everywhere with us, on a lead, lunging at other dogs and anybody we passed. Ever been had? It wasn’t our best holiday, to be honest!

We have friends who house sit. They do it partly because they love animals, and are restricted to leaving the house empty for just a certain number of hours a day, but I don’t think even they’d commit to being stuck there 24/7.

SpikyJugs · 23/03/2022 21:29

Personally I would take on the challenge, and spend the two weeks trying to help with their behaviour.

She says they can't be left alone because they shit everywhere. Well there's a crate, so the worst that can happen is they make a mess that you'll have to deal with. Look up some guidance on how to train a dog with separation anxiety and give it a go. Your friend obviously hasn't tried and is just giving in to her dogs demands.

As for walking them - you can walk two small reactive dogs on a lead. It's hard work, but you can do it. Training them out of their reactivity is hard work, but totally do-able - but I wouldn't attempt it with two of them as you'll have your hands full just coping with the reactivity.

So I'd go - I'd walk them, and just cope with them being reactive. I would leave them crated for short periods of time, and try and enjoy being there.

Furrydogmum · 23/03/2022 21:29

You would not be unreasonable to back out. I have a reactive ridiculous dog (who I love more than anything, and she me) and she comes on holiday with us - we drive to Europe etc. Your friend is being totally unfair to expect you to deal with this.

SpikyJugs · 23/03/2022 21:31

Oh and if you like walking - walk them for miles, they'll be too knackered and ready to sleep in their crate when you leave them to go to the shops

TonTonMacoute · 23/03/2022 21:32

They have deliberately lied to you that their dogs are an unmanageable nightmare, and now they’re trying to guilt trip you!

God, the sheer brass neck of some people never fails to amaze me!