To be ashamed of these awful feelings?

[lecreusetpeppermill]

I do feel ashamed, and loathe what has become of my mind in this situation. It is to do with where I currently live. I'm sure many could hack it, but I simply can't, and I know that I need to change how I'm dealing with it.

Grew up quite privileged, went into a creative career, then self employment for past 17. Have a DP of 10 yrs, we are happy but not too fussed about marrying yet. No kids, and both of our parents are no longer with us.

Problem: About 5 yrs ago I moved town to be close to a relative who was unwell. As I wfh, this was no problem. I had previously lived in a village in Shropshire, then a larger village in Lancashire. I have also lived part time in Keswick on and off with partner.

This latest town is my problem, but due to a dip in income recently I may have to hang on a while to make the move (and DP could do with waiting a good year or two for work related reasons). We are renters by choice, so thankfully free to go, but this place is so awful it has made me ill and depressed for years now. The relative we were assisting passed away, so whilst nothing is keeping us, we don't want to risk moving at the moment.
I do have good savings but prefer not to decrease them.

But what I am so ashamed of is my thoughts and opinions. I never used to have them, and suspect they have grown this way due to feeling low and trapped.
The place has become run down, town centre almost derelict. A lot of drug and antisocial issues but not on our doorstep. We do have close neighbours with dogs trapped in gardens day and night who bark constantly, nobody is bothered, and trash piles up all around.
All I can hear, day and night is screeching, loud bike and car exhausts. The atmosphere is very male, aggressive, a lot of drink related issues and mental health stuff here.
Someone planted a warehouse 20 feet from the front door, so excessive impact noise from 7am-6pm every day. A car garage opened a few doors away and people go in and out, speeding, revving engines and so on.
It isnt the kind of place one keeps a window open.

We sold our vehicle when we moved here as we are central, and prefer not to invest in another just yet, but there is literally nowhere to go, no safe or nice walks, it is just one concrete street after another, hemmed in by busy roads. We have bikes which we love but the decent paths are filling up with dog crap and more asbo stuff.

But worst of all is how i have come to judge the people. I know that my better self doesn't think these things, and never did before, but they are so unfamiliar to me and perhaps this is the issue? People shout, scream, slam, allow dereliction to pile up. The streets stink of skunk and the pavements are full of spit.
I have come to loathe them with such a passion, yet they do me no direct harm.
I have begin to loathe them for being working class, and this is fucking dreadful. Every sound is aggressive, people thrown cans, wrappers down with no shame. There are never nice sounds, like birds, laughter, fun, music, just shouting, neglected dogs, occasional police sirens.

I've come to judge them for not caring about education, about keeping stuff nice, about them being such a huge majority - and that's the issue isn't it? I suppose we are outsiders. It's like they shit on everything good.
And I know it should not be about class, I never even thought about bloody class prior to coming here. I know people are NOT all the same, but sadly they are here.
I know we will move back to Shropshire eventually, and I need to calm the hell down, but right now it is really taking it's toll on me.

The guy at the back of us keeps 2 handsome german shepherds trapped in a 6x6 yard, they have never been walked in their lives. They are so nervous and stressed out that they just bark savagely all day and night. He only comes home for a few hours and is back off again. He allows them to shit in shared areas and has been reported to council but still does it again.
My life is just watching other people's neglect, listening to pallets smashing as i wfh all day, the stench of revving cars comes in through the hallway.

How do you cope with this and not loathe the fuckers?
I can't understand what kind of life that is, to just throw money on fuel and scream around small terraced streets. To keep aggressive animals and ignore them. And everyone is apathetic, they don't care, and when we offered to get together to report the spilled rubbish we were looked at as if we had three heads.

It is very difficult to do the Eckart Tolle calming shite in this kind of environment
I stopped doing yoga, i used to meditate, I never judged people and now the disgust and anger is consuming me. How to stop this?

I am ashamed of this, I don't like it, and wish I could do something to change how it affects me. I am happy with everything else in my life, we are healthy and love our careers, but having got stuck in this shit pit has shaved a lot of that from us.

christ sorry it's so long

I don't think this is about class as such. Lots of working class people don't live like this. (And be prepared for a bashing when people think you're generalising an entire class group).

I'm not surprised you're finding it a tough area to live in environmentally though and given that it's affecting you so much I think you should look to move sooner than later.

Only got about halfway through that, but what you are realising is that the world is different to what you thought it was. What you are experiencing is the privilege bubble popping, and all your lofty ideals, that you had because you were privileged enough never to find out life was any different, suddenly don’t match up to reality. What you describe isn’t news to those of us who have always lived with the deprivation and trapped feeling that comes with living in a shitty backwater working-class town.

Thank you. Still, I have said i am shamed of those thoughts, am ashmed of hating them, i dont' like it.

I know it's situational, but I have lived in different places, more diverse places, and there are definitely 'types'.

It feels virtuous to slap someone who says these things, i know.

@Itwasntmeright

Only got about halfway through that, but what you are realising is that the world is different to what you thought it was. What you are experiencing is the privilege bubble popping, and all your lofty ideals, that you had because you were privileged enough never to find out life was any different, suddenly don’t match up to reality. What you describe isn’t news to those of us who have always lived with the deprivation and trapped feeling that comes with living in a shitty backwater working-class town.

I wouldn't say a bubble popping, I've had a mix of different experiences and am no stranger to WC, but this is a shit place.

However i do see your point, and agree with you that many people are stuck with this.

My NDNs are scummy benefit scamming parasites and I don't feel at all guilty for thinking that.

Don't be ashamed, your situation sounds awful. I don't consider you a snob, I don't understand such people either, they appear to have no consideration for others, I can only assume this kind of life is all they've ever known.
At least you can see a future where you can move away to a better life, I guess most of those people can never do so.

What you describe isn’t news to those of us who have always lived with the deprivation and trapped feeling that comes with living in a shitty backwater working-class town.

Nail on head. And unfortunately when it's your only reality and there's little or no alternative for you, it breeds contempt for your surroundings and neighbours.

Op why don't you see about volunteering locally? Often there are lots of people in deprived areas who really do care and by working with them to help improve things you might come to feel differently about where you live.

@Ionlydomassiveones

All I can say is that I’m firmly working class and I feel like that about where I live. I’m surrounded by people who tarmac over their gardens, let their kids kick balls at cars and put bagged up dog shit in hedges. It’s fucking depressing. Please don’t become a hardened snob though. Not all of us poor people are uncultured criminal dicks.

No worries about becoming a snob (or a tory, lol). I do feel as though if this situation ended i would not feel that way about people. I think it comes form feel trapped.

Sounds awful tbh. If you can, move sooner rather than later. If you are renting can you move to somewhere different within the same town?

You need to just move, why be miserable there? You don't really seem to have a good reason. Just use some of your savings and be happy, there's no point forcing yourself to be miserable like this. Happiness is more important than lots of savings.

I don’t think these people are working class to be honest, I’m from a working class area and only the really rough parts where most people were unemployed were like this.

I live in a working class area and now it’s lovely, absolutely nothing like what you describe. Everyone own their homes and takes great pride in them, they’re sociable and friendly.

@TheLoupGarou

Sounds awful tbh. If you can, move sooner rather than later. If you are renting can you move to somewhere different within the same town?

we need to wait as dp has to remain here for work reasons at least next year or two. I dont want to spend a fortune to move elsewhere in the borough just to move out again later. We hate the town so dont want to just move to the other side of it if that makes sense.

Which town in Lancashire??

There's a family near me, three teen/young adult boys, mum, dad and Nan. None of the adults work, two of the lads work for roofing company. They're the most foul mouthed, skanky, awful people I've ever lived near, thinking the whole street wants to hear their terrible rap music about rape and murder all day and into the night, and everyone wants to smell their weed and listen to them getting drunk and coked up and then screaming at each other. They've got vicious dogs, dirt bikes, no fucking filter or concept of volume control.

I loathe them, horrible motherfuckers

You have money, you have options, and YOU feel depressed and stressed living in a shit hole. Stop making excuses and move out. There is no virtue in living somewhere horrible when you have the ability to go elsewhere.

Working class doesn't mean scummy. I imagine you loathe your neighbours because they are scum, not because they are w/c.

I would feel exactly the same way you do, and it's absurd to say we shouldn't judge people. Of course we should. To not judge people on their horrible behaviour means you have no standards at all, and anyone who says the never judge people, on one thing or another, is lying.

You need to move, op, now. Your environment is destroying your mental health. This is simply untenable. You have savings, use them. You can always make more more, but you will never get back these wasted days of your life.

@Elsiebear90

I don’t think these people are working class to be honest, I’m from a working class area and only the really rough parts where most people were unemployed were like this.

I live in a working class area and now it’s lovely, absolutely nothing like what you describe. Everyone own their homes and takes great pride in them, they’re sociable and friendly.

Mostly people are employed here (possibly warehouse work, food production), rents are around £600/700 pcm. Most owned and rented are working singles or couples, not many children. It's more cultural than income related i think. It's a sort of football mad town, the only restaurants are kebabs and pizza. Anything decent opening up shuts down soon after.

Stop being such a martyr … nobody is stopping you from moving, and the people who live near you don’t need your judgment or approval.

If you don’t like it move, the only person stopping you is yourself, and stop looking for validation from random people on the internet - it’s bizarre.

@HellToTheNope

I would feel exactly the same way you do, and it's absurd to say we shouldn't judge people. Of course we should. To not judge people on their horrible behaviour means you have no standards at all, and anyone who says the never judge people, on one thing or another, is lying.

You need to move, op, now. Your environment is destroying your mental health. This is simply untenable. You have savings, use them. You can always make more more, but you will never get back these wasted days of your life.

I've battled with this. Honestly, but I would rather not burn through savings that fast for one year respite. If we wait we will be much better placed to do it with ease. With the economic uncertainty in the UK coming up, we would prefer to be careful. It isn't an excuse, though, my OP is mostly about how the heck do I deal with it whilst I am here.

I grew it in a town like this and it has vastly influenced my views, and not in a good way. Sick of people who live like pigs and don’t give a shit about anyone. And then you get the wonderful gems within the community who are trying to turn the tide but may as well be trying to sweep the sea off the beach.

@ExtraOnion

Stop being such a martyr … nobody is stopping you from moving, and the people who live near you don’t need your judgment or approval.

If you don’t like it move, the only person stopping you is yourself, and stop looking for validation from random people on the internet - it’s bizarre.

You sound angry, we should be friends

Stop being such a martyr … nobody is stopping you from moving, and the people who live near you don’t need your judgment or approval.

Exactly this, op. Not moving is just fucking ridiculous. You have the money, so go, immediately. You staying in a place that makes you so miserable is just stupid.