To be ashamed of these awful feelings?

[lecreusetpeppermill]

I do feel ashamed, and loathe what has become of my mind in this situation. It is to do with where I currently live. I'm sure many could hack it, but I simply can't, and I know that I need to change how I'm dealing with it.

Grew up quite privileged, went into a creative career, then self employment for past 17. Have a DP of 10 yrs, we are happy but not too fussed about marrying yet. No kids, and both of our parents are no longer with us.

Problem: About 5 yrs ago I moved town to be close to a relative who was unwell. As I wfh, this was no problem. I had previously lived in a village in Shropshire, then a larger village in Lancashire. I have also lived part time in Keswick on and off with partner.

This latest town is my problem, but due to a dip in income recently I may have to hang on a while to make the move (and DP could do with waiting a good year or two for work related reasons). We are renters by choice, so thankfully free to go, but this place is so awful it has made me ill and depressed for years now. The relative we were assisting passed away, so whilst nothing is keeping us, we don't want to risk moving at the moment.
I do have good savings but prefer not to decrease them.

But what I am so ashamed of is my thoughts and opinions. I never used to have them, and suspect they have grown this way due to feeling low and trapped.
The place has become run down, town centre almost derelict. A lot of drug and antisocial issues but not on our doorstep. We do have close neighbours with dogs trapped in gardens day and night who bark constantly, nobody is bothered, and trash piles up all around.
All I can hear, day and night is screeching, loud bike and car exhausts. The atmosphere is very male, aggressive, a lot of drink related issues and mental health stuff here.
Someone planted a warehouse 20 feet from the front door, so excessive impact noise from 7am-6pm every day. A car garage opened a few doors away and people go in and out, speeding, revving engines and so on.
It isnt the kind of place one keeps a window open.

We sold our vehicle when we moved here as we are central, and prefer not to invest in another just yet, but there is literally nowhere to go, no safe or nice walks, it is just one concrete street after another, hemmed in by busy roads. We have bikes which we love but the decent paths are filling up with dog crap and more asbo stuff.

But worst of all is how i have come to judge the people. I know that my better self doesn't think these things, and never did before, but they are so unfamiliar to me and perhaps this is the issue? People shout, scream, slam, allow dereliction to pile up. The streets stink of skunk and the pavements are full of spit.
I have come to loathe them with such a passion, yet they do me no direct harm.
I have begin to loathe them for being working class, and this is fucking dreadful. Every sound is aggressive, people thrown cans, wrappers down with no shame. There are never nice sounds, like birds, laughter, fun, music, just shouting, neglected dogs, occasional police sirens.

I've come to judge them for not caring about education, about keeping stuff nice, about them being such a huge majority - and that's the issue isn't it? I suppose we are outsiders. It's like they shit on everything good.
And I know it should not be about class, I never even thought about bloody class prior to coming here. I know people are NOT all the same, but sadly they are here.
I know we will move back to Shropshire eventually, and I need to calm the hell down, but right now it is really taking it's toll on me.

The guy at the back of us keeps 2 handsome german shepherds trapped in a 6x6 yard, they have never been walked in their lives. They are so nervous and stressed out that they just bark savagely all day and night. He only comes home for a few hours and is back off again. He allows them to shit in shared areas and has been reported to council but still does it again.
My life is just watching other people's neglect, listening to pallets smashing as i wfh all day, the stench of revving cars comes in through the hallway.

How do you cope with this and not loathe the fuckers?
I can't understand what kind of life that is, to just throw money on fuel and scream around small terraced streets. To keep aggressive animals and ignore them. And everyone is apathetic, they don't care, and when we offered to get together to report the spilled rubbish we were looked at as if we had three heads.

It is very difficult to do the Eckart Tolle calming shite in this kind of environment
I stopped doing yoga, i used to meditate, I never judged people and now the disgust and anger is consuming me. How to stop this?

I am ashamed of this, I don't like it, and wish I could do something to change how it affects me. I am happy with everything else in my life, we are healthy and love our careers, but having got stuck in this shit pit has shaved a lot of that from us.

im more upset with how ive come to view people than when we move out. It isn't forever but it shocks me how bloody angry ive become

Feeling angry with neighbours who regularly disturb your peace with barking dogs, revving engines, shouting, anti social behaviour, is a completely normal reaction. Why on earth does it shock you that you feel angry with people who persistently act this way? I'd be angry if I couldn't relax in my home or enjoy a walk due to people acting like this.

Emotionally it feels like thst are attacking you, it feels aggressive. Actually they are probably unaware of you, it's just how these individuals choose to live.

If you do stay there another year I'd go easy on yourself for how you feel. But also try and not take the neighbours behaviour personally. And remember living there is a choice you're making to save money on rent.

You're in a rented house op, honestly just move. And move again in a couple of years if you need too. There's no point being miserable for the next 2 or 3yrs. And it does sound horrible!

I lived in the same area since 2004, only moving 'away' (7 miles but a much naicer area) 6 months ago. I still visit the area but see it through very different eyes - hugest amounts of litter, dog shit, crap in front gardens, graffiti, broken glass etc. It has always been like that but I'd obviously got used to it.

I think, if it's affecting you so badly, you should move. You can never get time back, and the last 2 years in particular has shown we don't know what's round the corner. Life is too short to be unhappy

Move house?! You're free to leave as you rent and you've got savings to do so.
Why on earth would you stay???

Just bloody move! It’s not working class it’s well there is no polite word for it that won’t have right on posters jumping down my throat.

We had just one set of neighbours like that and it was bloody awful and we moved can’t imagine more than one hideous family one was bad enough (gangsta rap/large dodgy groups of men/drug dealing / out of control dogs that barked and shat everywhere one escaped and got run over/fights in the street between large screaming women). Did I feel sorry for them? No I did not!

I grew up in a very working class area but the people were largely decent. Hardworking salt of the earth types. It’s not like that now. Great big fat fucking women in leggings bellowing to their badly behaved kids in Asda. Lads in grey adidas tracksuits with their hoods up who look subnormal. Ignorant, rude arseholes. That’s before you even get started on the druggies. However in the firmly middle class area I live in it’s full of wannabe materialistic types who are equally rude and also drink too much. On balance I prefer the smackhead to the wannabe cheshire housewife.

There are a couple of things going on here, with people like this. Some of them are fucked. Profoundly, intergenerationally fucked. Histories of child abuse, drug and alcohol abuse, chaotic lifestyles going back generations. It's always really hard to steer families like this back on the straight and narrow, but with all the support services that could potentially help them slashed to the bone, it's well nigh impossible. So they fester, and hand the misery down the generations.

There's also a strand in British culture of active anti- intellectualism- of being brash, liking shiny ostentatious things (especially cars), of considering anything to do with culture as "not for the likes of us", mocking people who are into that kind of stuff as "up themselves", pretty much celebrating being boorish- much encouraged by the gutter press and media etc. , because an actively ignorant populace aren't going g to be casting too much of a critical eye on what their betters are up to . Many people who live this kind of lifestyle are actually pretty well off, but would still identify as working class.

I find it really, really fucking sad actually, but of course not everyone in a manual/ menial job or on a low income is like this. I live in a row of 5 social houses, and I would say 2 of my neighbours have typical working class jobs and keep their houses nice/ are perfectly courteous, care about the area etc, one family are skint arty alternative types like me (but the dad has a clerical job), and one of the neighbours is your classic ASBO family - revving cars, screaming arguments, piles of shit outside the house (I think they're actually going in for scrap dealing in a small way), possibly selling drugs, kids known to social services. All the rest of us- either culturally or financially working class- loathe them, and we're not going to apologise for that- but I can also empathise with how very very damaged they are- and especially with their kids

Agree that this isn't working class, but the charming British underclass... I remember when Shameless first came out and people thought it was hilarious, but I just couldn't laugh at it as it was just too close to home. There really are people that live like that and there's absolutely nothing funny about the collateral damage and fall out from those lifestyles.

(25 years and 300 miles later I watched it again and thought it was brilliantly entertaining).

You are renting. Rent somewhere else, perhaps smaller or further out if its cheaper and its only temporary. Perhaps somewhere where your DP can commute to work from?
Its not worth continuing to be miserable. Its not like you are stuck in a house you own but can't sell.

If moving is truly not an option (and I seriously think you should simply leg it somewhere better) could you rent office space? At least then you get some respite. It's not expensive if you share an office and even small private office space can be doable if you search around. Otherwise really good noise-cancelling headphones? To be honest though - I think it's madness to stay.

I think it depends where you live in Keswick. The area my friends live in isn’t anything like the part you have described.

Perhaps look around the area.

Now if you’d been describing, say, Burnley, Todmorden, .Oldham, Fleetwood, Barrow in Furness……..

Have you reported the dogs who never get walked and continued barking to the rspca?
You might be stuck there for now but you could help them.

I'm from a working class background and I'd be utterly miserable living somewhere like that. In fact I have been utterly miserable living in places like that and yes you do judge people who are violent and aggressive, don't do anything with themselves, cause damage to the surroundings, noise pollution etc. You can feel empathy for the fact that they've probably had terrible upbringings and don't know any different, but still want to get the hell away from them. I also sometimes think too many excuses are made, I had a terrible childhood and have never put a brick through someone's window, become a drug addict or set fire to a car, you don't HAVE to do any of those things if you're poor and have had a hard life. Just don't hold any prejudices towards all working class people because we're not all like this.

It's not a class thing. You're allowed to hate scumbags. You don't hate them because of some notion of 'class', you hate them because they're screeching in their 9 word vocabulary at their troglodyte partner in the garden at 8am already drunk. It's OK to be upset.

Well I will be honest and tell you that you should not be ashamed of your feelings. It has nothing to do with you having a privileged lifestyle. You don't belong in the place you live and it's not bringing you any happiness. You view life differently. You see the benefit of things like educating yourself and being a good neighbour. You don't have anything in common with this community. I come from a working class background but I was brought up well. I would not want to live where you live and I don't. Your not judging people. They are every thing you say they are. You are not, so don't feel bad for that! Move as soon as you can to somewhere you love and somewhere you fit in. A lot of what you are feeling is anxiety based and I am not surprised. Ps when you move to your lovely house with a swimming pool you can invite me. I have impeccable manners 🤣🤣😘

If you have savings move, even if it's just a couple of miles away for now. Where we live you can be in a lovely village with lovely housing/people, but then drive a few miles out and you are in some hell hole much like how you describe. If you have the money I wouldn't spend my time being miserable, I'd move to somewhere nicer.

I guess the problem is that you feel you hate them for ‘being working class.’ You’re acting as if the reason for their anti-social (and sometimes criminal) behaviour is because of their class. Hate them for being anti-social or selfish. Plenty of us working class people are not like that - many of us are the people who serve you in supermarkets, clean your homes, look after your kids at nursery, deliver your takeaway food etc. It’s not helpful to suggest that your hatred of them and their behaviour is because they’re working class.

You can afford to move. So move.

They are not working class, they are underclass.

But anyway my advice would be to feel sorry for those people that they live a life style like that. From my personal experience, given the choice between my comfortable, clean lifestyle with wages coming in and plenty to eat or the street lifestyle mine is the preferable one. So I would just feel sorry that they are addicted to drugs/don’t have the opportunity to be educated and work etc. If ever you speak to one of these people you so hate you’ll find there’s usually a long road that’s led them to where they are. Some of us take a different path out of that lifestyle but it’s not easy knowing you’re at the bottom and not knowing any other way to be.

It sounds horrible OP and you sound v unhappy.

So stop beating yourself up and put your energy into getting out of there, now.

And be thankful you can.

Think we’ve established it’s not working class it’s something else. Not sure what the polite word is. Underclass sounds awful but is a fairer description.

Ya. I'm getting more bitter and angry by the day and starting to feel far more judgemental and scathing of people now. I too don't like the feelings. The disregard, the litter, the laziness, the outright lack of respect for other people's property; the scroungers, the concrete...its all taking its toll on me and I have no way out for the foreseeable.
You're lucky you can move soon.

And I'm working class by the way.

You need to move.