To expect family money being passed on

[Soffana]

Am I being AIBU if I think that parents that had an inheritance and profited on that when it comes to property investment should pass money on to the next generation and not spend it all?

That money should be passed on from generation to generation?

For example helping next generation buying property?

The value of money changes so quickly though, do you adjust for inflation? Also house prices have risen massively where wages haven’t, so do you take that into account too? Does it have to be a certain amount for it to be worthy enough?

Nobody owes anyone an inheritance. You only inherit once your parents die and that's only what they didn't spend. My partner's parents are loud and proud about going on multiple holidays a year to spend their savings, and we say bloody good on them.

Earn your own money.

Anything you inherit is great, but don't take it for granted, and never expect it as a given.

I think if the GP wanted to pass the money to grandchildren they should specify in the will (and perhaps make it a condition that they only get the money at a certain age or to buy property etx)

And personally I would rather my mum spent her money on herself

I live in Scotland, where you cannot disinherit your children - all offspring are entitled to a share of your moveable estate. So not your house, but if you have savings, flash cars, jewelry then any children are entitled to a third, by law, regardless of what your will may say. So it certain seems the settled will in Scotland, as reflected in statute, that family money should be passed down.

YABU
They can do what they wish with it. It’s theirs.

You might not do that @Soffana. That’s up to you. That’s your choice.

I don't think it should be an expectation to pass it on, some inheritances are only small. If I inherit anything and I'm not expecting to get a single penny, I intend to hand it directly to my children, I dont think I would be able to help them with house deposits any other way.

I don’t have much of an inheritance coming my way - it doesn’t bother me it’s such as life.
But if my parents or in laws suddenly did I hope they would enjoy life to the full!!
Great believer in never expect anything and anything above that is a nice to have if it does!

@Eeksteek

Probably.

I will definitely make sure some of the money I inherited goes to DD. Some if it I am ‘selfishly’ using myself now instead of working full time, so that she doesn’t have to be in childcare, and to give us different priorities. She isn’t involved in that decision, and nor should she be. As the adult, I am making a decision for the good of our family. Later, she will have more support than other children in my income bracket, and less than she might have had if I hadn’t used some while she was young. But who can say what effect that would have had on her childhood and my mental health and ability to parent well? I’m making the best decision I can with the information I have.

It’s a fine line, between helping out your children and passing on your good fortune, and raising entitled brats who think the world owes them a living. I’d rather err on the side of the former, as I feel it would make a child happier, more equipped to deal with life and better person who will make the world a better place. I also don’t want to live it up at the expense of my child’s struggles, or to pull the ladder up behind me. There are good arguments for both, I think.

With parents, well, I don’t know. But I’m inclined to say it’s up to them. You have to let people be wrong. Prolly makes the parents a bit grabby, but to call them out on it makes oneself a bit grabby. People can be right assholes, no question about it.

Interesting post that summarize how I am thinking. English is not my first language so I could not put it down like that.

If children see parents spending and not working hard, they can inherit that approach to money. If they see parents working hard and then inherit, I think they have respect for money and might be inclined to pass them on as well.

I won't be getting any inheritance of any sort, but for years I worked in a building society, I met so many elderly people who where living on a shoe string so that they could leave the money in their savings to their children.

It was so sad to see, I'm sure most of their children would want them eating well and heating their homes and maybe having a holiday or two

If I inherit anything and I'm not expecting to get a single penny, I intend to hand it directly to my children, I dont think I would be able to help them with house deposits any other way

I think this is what anyone who agreed with the OP should do - or put it into an account if they're under 18.

If you're intending on passing it on and think it's morally wrong not to do so, this is the only way you can be certain of it.

@HeadNorth

I live in Scotland, where you cannot disinherit your children - all offspring are entitled to a share of your moveable estate. So not your house, but if you have savings, flash cars, jewelry then any children are entitled to a third, by law, regardless of what your will may say. So it certain seems the settled will in Scotland, as reflected in statute, that family money should be passed down.

I think you’re missing the point. She’s not talking about disinheriting, she thinks if you inherit wealth you should pass it on, untouched, to future generations.

@EatSleepReplete

I agree OP. If people have benefited by being gifted or left money from the previous generation, I think that morally they should do their best to do the same for those who follow after them. Obviously, life sometimes dictates otherwise. But there's a vast difference between what's possible & what's reasonable in any particular situation.

I agree.

@Soffana

Interesting. Just to make clear it is not about me, I am just making a philosophical and moral question.

I have inherited and am not spending it all as I want to help my children out. Just thinking what you are planning to do.

As I can read here you will all spend your money and not give anything to your children?

For me that would be morally wrong.

soooo funny.

@malificent7

One reason why i got on the property ladder was that dd would have something to inherit. I'm sure i can have fun in my latter years without spaffing all my money on crap. What parent dosn't want to provide for their kids?

I'm only 20 years older than my DD. If I take after some of my family members, she'll be 70 by the time she gets my house, with 50 years of providing for herself under her belt. My grandchildren will likely be heading for middle age and, I'd anticipate, also paying their own way by then.

@HeadNorth

I live in Scotland, where you cannot disinherit your children - all offspring are entitled to a share of your moveable estate. So not your house, but if you have savings, flash cars, jewelry then any children are entitled to a third, by law, regardless of what your will may say. So it certain seems the settled will in Scotland, as reflected in statute, that family money should be passed down.

I would make sure I had spent every penny.

I think I’m different to most on mumsnet and think yes it should. If someone has done something nice for you it’s nice to do something in turn.

I don’t think people should expect inheritance however I don’t get why you wouldn’t want to help set your children up for life.

I think most people in real life / in person would get some funny looks if they said screw my kids I’m spending all my money and not giving them any. However MN is a different place and it’s very acceptable.

I have already started bank accounts and putting what we can aside for my children in hope one day it might help them buy a car / deposit for a house etc. why wouldn’t I want the best for my kids?

If I had money surplus to requirements of course I would share with my dc. I come from family who worked hard, earned little and died young so no major inheritance. When we go there will be a modest house, paid up funeral and no debts. All of our dc are financially better off than us and we are proud of them. They would help us if we needed help and we have, in the past, helped them. In a close family money shouldn’t be a bone of contention.

i agree , it wouldnt occur to me to spend the money if i could help my daughter buy herself a house to live in . id not watch her having to stay at home with me until she was in her bloody thirties because its so hard for them to get a mortgage these days if i could help her out ,
cant understand anyone wanting to spend it and not help their child out if they needed it to be honest

Whenever the discussion of inheritance arises the debate seems to be generally rooted in attitudes to wealth, life expectancy, economic prosperity, and family size from 50+ years ago.

There are a lot of families where the potential significant inherited wealth only arose in the 1980s (or later) and the property/capital involved is still supporting a generation now in their 70s/80s with 10-20 years further life expectancy. The following generation are very likely going to be at or around retirement age before inheritance becomes a factor, and there's potentially two further extant generations waiting behind them.

With the complexity of over-lapping generations that's now commonplace, attitudes and approaches to inherited/accumulated family wealth may need to be adjusted to reflect need rather than entitlement. Particularly if resentment is to be avoided about changing political priorities that might be interpreted as older generations lifting up the ladder behind them in terms of access to education, healthcare and opportunity.

I’m due an inheritance this week, a sizeable sum.

Adult DD, who is at university will get a few quid to treat herself. She will inherit from us, her parents upon our deaths which hopefully will not be for a couple of decades and I would anticipate she will inherit a significant amount more than I have inherited from my parents so I do not see the need to pass on my inheritance from my parents to her.

What happens if you pass on the inheritance and they piss it up the wall?

YABU

No one has a right to an inheritance. If you get one you’re just lucky, it’s not because you inherently deserve it.

@chaosrabbitland

i agree , it wouldnt occur to me to spend the money if i could help my daughter buy herself a house to live in . id not watch her having to stay at home with me until she was in her bloody thirties because its so hard for them to get a mortgage these days if i could help her out , cant understand anyone wanting to spend it and not help their child out if they needed it to be honest

If your daughter needed to stay at home into her 30s to be able to be able to get a mortgage I'd be wary of handing down a big inheritance that you're expecting her to be able to pass on because her money management can't be that great.

My siblings and I have never been left money.
However we all give money, in proportion to what we can each afford, to our dc because we recognise that it’s hard for young adults to get on the property ladder now.
My dc don’t expect money and don’t ask but are very grateful for any help.
As for leaving money to charity I won’t be doing that.
Charities are like terriers at the sniff of a legacy.
My friend was executor of a relatives will and two charities were left money. She informed them of the fact.
For the next few months they badgered her for the money even though everything had to go through probate. Not a line of sympathy was given for the loss of her relative just where’s our money on a constant loop.
I prefer to give donations whilst I’m alive and can control them.
My dc will always be my beneficiaries.