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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect family money being passed on

390 replies

Soffana · 23/03/2022 11:21

Am I being AIBU if I think that parents that had an inheritance and profited on that when it comes to property investment should pass money on to the next generation and not spend it all?

That money should be passed on from generation to generation?

For example helping next generation buying property?

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 25/03/2022 15:20

True, but if you did inherit money to help you buy a house, would you not want your children to benefit from that too?

I got my inheritance long after our house was bought and paid for. No help whatsoever. I’m stunned when I read posts about giving kids house deposits and paying university fees, particularly when boomers (who were on their own when it came to their house purchase) are given such stick. Gen Z is far more privileged.

reluctantbrit · 25/03/2022 15:25

Well, if parents use an inheritance to buy or improve a house, have a better family life by enabling shorter working hours/giving up work or go on holidays then everyone has and advantage.

Putting money aside now so small children can have a house later in life while budgeting every penny - what's the point?

DH will inherit at one point. Yes, money may be put aside for DD but we also have to look out for the fact that DH is retiring in 10 years, in 15 years I will retire and loose my work-benefit private health insurance. We would like to travel again. So I would assume the majority of money goes to him to keep his income steady.

DD has already a nest egg from the grandparents as they pay into an investment fonds monthly.

Rainbunny · 25/03/2022 16:21

I personally don't think anyone should have an expectation of an inheritance from their parents but I can understand that you might feel it's a bit unfair that your parents were given a gift to help them get on in life and I guess they're not planning to do the same for you?

That said, I think not having expectations of inheriting anything is a far more healthy mindset to have. Otherwise you're in danger of developing bitterness and resentment which will only impact your quality of life negatively. The other benefit of no expectations is that you're not beholden to anyone either. How many threads have I read about parents "helping" their children get on the property ladder only to expect to move in with them or take a share of the house ownership.

Burgoo · 25/03/2022 16:29

I think the question here is whether the next generation have the right to expect help with getting on the property ladder etc?

I'd politely ask what have they done to earn their inheritance? I don't believe in giving money to people for nothing. If I want to give it then fine, but this idea that we are entitled to get the money of our parents is frankly ludicrous.

My child will not expect that I leave anything to her because my expectation is that she understands the importance of hard work and earning her own money. I got given nothing by my parents and had to work my arse off to get what I have. If I opt to give her my inheritance it is because she has shown to be a good, moral, hard working and compassionate individual. Not just because of some accident of birth.

Plus I may want to spend it because the amount of tax she will have to pay on our property when we die is going to be astronomical. And I won't accept my hard work being given to the damn government!

Hiphophippityskip1 · 25/03/2022 16:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

florianfortescue · 25/03/2022 16:37

As someone who will inherit nothing, I am saving hard on my children's behalf so that I can help them on to the property ladder when they get older. I know it's Mumsnet canon that "no one has a right to any inheritance" but I cannot understand the mentality of people who have benefited from inheritance then think it's fine to fritter it away on themselves rather than trying to help their own kids.

MrsSkylerWhite · 25/03/2022 20:28

Soffana

MrsSkylerWhite
It’s their inheritance. If the people who bequeathed it to them had felt strongly about the next generation received a share, they would have made provision in their wills. They didn’t. YABU.
True, but if you did inherit money to help you buy a house, would you not want your children to benefit from that too?“

We didn’t, we did it ourselves. If we inherited any money now, though, we would be happy to help our adult children out, as long as it wasn’t to our own detriment. They wouldn’t want that either. That’s because our relationships are good. No-one “owes” the next generation anything.

Infinitemoon · 26/03/2022 06:18

How granny and entitled you are. The money is for the person it was left to do with as they see for. It is theirs and theirs alone. You have no say, no right to it and are unreasonable to expect a handout.

I think inheritance is often passed on with the presumption the next generation will also benefit if possible. It makes no sense otherwise. It is childish to think otherwise.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 26/03/2022 07:42

@Blossomtoes

True, but if you did inherit money to help you buy a house, would you not want your children to benefit from that too?

I got my inheritance long after our house was bought and paid for. No help whatsoever. I’m stunned when I read posts about giving kids house deposits and paying university fees, particularly when boomers (who were on their own when it came to their house purchase) are given such stick. Gen Z is far more privileged.

As a boomer myself, I would just point out that house prices were relatively far more affordable when we were in our 20s and 30s. Nobody I know had help, but then most of us wouldn’t have needed it, because it was still possible to buy a reasonable property on just one average salary.

Things are very different now.

Blossomtoes · 26/03/2022 07:55

it was still possible to buy a reasonable property on just one average salary

Not when I bought it wasn’t. I had to wait until I was in my late 30s and got a big promotion. Standard rate tax was 30%, interest rates were 15% and inflation was 20%. All of which completely negated the house price benefit.

Anyway, that isn’t the point I was making. It’s a bit rich to say boomers were the most privileged generation when Gen X is getting everything handed to it on a plate.

fallfallfall · 26/03/2022 17:57

I often read the silent generation we’re the most fortunate. Born between wars, periods of prosperity and more women in the work force.

worriedaboutmoney2022 · 26/03/2022 18:46

My great grandma left her house to my grandma (only child) then grandma left it to my mum and 2 aunties, (mum and 1 aunt deceased) aunt remaining no children there is only me and one sibling so it will be left to me and my sibling but the rule is that it stays as an investment and whoever inherits gets the rental income to invest
It's an unwritten rule but makes financial sense

Parth · 26/03/2022 19:31

Nobody has any right to expect money from their parents. If your parents choose to give their money to you when they pass on, you should be grateful for it. If not, that's up to them.

It's their money. What they do with it is their business.

toconclude · 26/03/2022 19:35

@fallfallfall

I often read the silent generation we’re the most fortunate. Born between wars, periods of prosperity and more women in the work force.
Certainly my parents had a much bigger house and an earlier and cushier retirement than I have/will have ...
Malibuismysecrethome · 28/03/2022 19:38

Worriedaboutmoney very canny and 4 generations have benefitted from the one house

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