To expect family money being passed on

[Soffana]

Am I being AIBU if I think that parents that had an inheritance and profited on that when it comes to property investment should pass money on to the next generation and not spend it all?

That money should be passed on from generation to generation?

For example helping next generation buying property?

I agree with you op. Obviously legally there is no reason why a generation shouldn't spend absolutely everything they have, but I agree where some of that is inherited it's morally right to try and help the younger generation.

Certainly I don't agree with looking for inheritances and peoples money is their own. But I do think it's different when it is unearned wealth.

Personally I find the attitude of “I hope they spend it all” pretty awful

Yes I find this attitude odd and unbalanced tbh. I suppose if they made their own money and never received any inheritance, it isn't so bad, but if someone has inherited from someone, who has saved previous inheritance, for the next generation, I think that it is awful to just fritter it away.

[quote bingoitsadingo]@Blossomtoes
Why? What’s so terrible about enjoying money? That’s what it’s for.
Well, the fact that you conflate “enjoying money” and “spend it all” is exactly what I dislike. You can enjoy money without consuming it all.

Also, I’m not that convinced that “enjoyment is what it’s for” is true. Personally I see it as a tool for security. If invested wisely, it can be both.[/quote]
I didn’t conflate enjoying money with spending it all.

I inherited from my parents. Their big thing was holidays and my dad’s mantra was “Do it while you can”. If he looked down and saw me sitting on a heap of money and not enjoying some of it he’d be mightily pissed off.

I’ve seen my son right from my inheritance, he got 25% of it. I don’t feel remotely guilty about enjoying the rest with a chunk set aside for care home fees. He can have that if it’s not needed.

I don't think there is a 'should' in this case. There's a legal argument: it's their money to do with as they wish. Then it comes down to 'morals' and it's going to be dependent on all kinds of things and everyone will have a different opinion.

My mum comes from a long line of frugal but well-off, well-educated people. She was given money to help buy a house when she got married. It gave her a huge step up in life and a lot of security to take risks - to move for promotions, etc. She and my dad have worked hard and are now enjoying a very comfortable retirement but aren't big spenders.

My mum has already helped me and my sister to each buy a house. She has also recently given some money in trust for my children (either for education or house deposits when they need it). She absolutely wanted to do this but also very much felt that this is simply her turn to pass on the gift financial security that she herself benefited from. If something awful happened and I was not able to help future generations, that would be one thing, but I couldn't fritter away my 'family money' with a clear conscience. It is separate in my mind from the money I earn for myself. I will expect my children to also pay forward to their children. The money has been given with this expectation clearly expressed. Legally, there would be nothing my mum or I could do if they didn't. But I would be disappointed in them.

We decided to give 25% of DH’s inheritance to DD so she could afford to buy a better house and get out of rented, it’s far more useful to her now than in 20+ years time as she was able to buy a ‘forever’ home and will also be able to downsize later on. Hopefully she will inherit our house but should the one of us remaining need care then it’s by no means certain. Our wills stipulate that our Grandson gets 20% of our estate so he should have enough for a house deposit too.

The earlier in life you receive a significant lump sum, the easier it is to maximise your chances for the future.

So, for example, if I were to inherit £1m, I would give a 25yo child 100k at the earliest opportunity and have a merry old time with the rest.

I'd offer support, advice, a roof if necessary, but if a normal 25yo can't make their own way in life with a 100k head start, then they have no business hanging on for a bigger share of whatever's left of 900k when I'm gone (when they'd get property etc anyway).

@thecatsthecats The thing is, £100K doesn't get you very far these days. I couldn't just give my child one tenth of an inheritance and "have a merry old time" with the rest!

I'd making sure I was going to pass that £1M on - I might use it to buy a house which I would get to enjoy living in, and then pass that house on (before I die, so as to avoid inheritance tax). Or I might invest it and spend the interest, but pass on the capital (again, before I die).

No way would I enjoy the benefit of a windfall that I knew my child wasn't going to benefit from in the same way.

The thing is, £100K doesn't get you very far these days

It’s a hefty deposit on a flat or house. Anyone who sneers at that doesn’t live in the real world.

[quote Fr0thandBubble]@thecatsthecats The thing is, £100K doesn't get you very far these days. I couldn't just give my child one tenth of an inheritance and "have a merry old time" with the rest!

I'd making sure I was going to pass that £1M on - I might use it to buy a house which I would get to enjoy living in, and then pass that house on (before I die, so as to avoid inheritance tax). Or I might invest it and spend the interest, but pass on the capital (again, before I die).

No way would I enjoy the benefit of a windfall that I knew my child wasn't going to benefit from in the same way.[/quote]
But you don't know when you're going to die! I've had two family members die within 6 months of a diagnosis and two within a matter of weeks.
And who is to say you won't need care?

@HelloSpringIveMissedYou

I feel that each generation should be in a better position than the one before, but I think that should be made up of bringing children up with a work ethic, making good life choices and if there is inheritance using it wisely.

Although it is up to each individual to make their own decisions. Some people feel strongly about leaving a monetary legacy others a SKIing one. (SKIing = Spending Kids Inheritance).

You make it sound like the parents are robbing their kid's piggy banks! This phrase (SKIing) assumes that all children are entitled to a pot of money being handed down, and damns those who spend their money on themselves by whooping it up somewhere rather than living parsimoniously in order to pass it on. My mum is 86 and worries about spending money because she feels she needs to pass on pretty much all she has saved to me. I am 64, no kids and all I want is for her to live forever; however, as that is impossible, I want her to spend it all on herself because she worked bloody hard all her life for it.

@thecatsthecats

The earlier in life you receive a significant lump sum, the easier it is to maximise your chances for the future.

So, for example, if I were to inherit £1m, I would give a 25yo child 100k at the earliest opportunity and have a merry old time with the rest.

I'd offer support, advice, a roof if necessary, but if a normal 25yo can't make their own way in life with a 100k head start, then they have no business hanging on for a bigger share of whatever's left of 900k when I'm gone (when they'd get property etc anyway).

Interesting! As generous as it is to give 100K, when you say you will use 900K to have a merry old time wouldn't that be a waste?

Having a merry old time is never a waste.

@Blossomtoes

Having a merry old time is never a waste.

I can admit that having a merry old time for 10k is not a waste, but how is it even possible to spend 900k...

My mum is 86 and worries about spending money because she feels she needs to pass on pretty much all she has saved to me. I am 64, no kids and all I want is for her to live forever; however, as that is impossible, I want her to spend it all on herself because she worked bloody hard all her life for it.

That's exactly how I felt about my Mum. I wanted her to live forever and to use her money to make herself comfortable as she got older. I'd rather be struggling and have her back than have inherited a penny.

It’s their inheritance. If the people who bequeathed it to them had felt strongly about the next generation received a share, they would have made provision in their wills. They didn’t. YABU.

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

My mum is 86 and worries about spending money because she feels she needs to pass on pretty much all she has saved to me. I am 64, no kids and all I want is for her to live forever; however, as that is impossible, I want her to spend it all on herself because she worked bloody hard all her life for it.

That's exactly how I felt about my Mum. I wanted her to live forever and to use her money to make herself comfortable as she got older. I'd rather be struggling and have her back than have inherited a penny.

I can see your point at that is not exactly what I mean. I am more thinking about the inheritance they got and to pass that on.

@MrsSkylerWhite

It’s their inheritance. If the people who bequeathed it to them had felt strongly about the next generation received a share, they would have made provision in their wills. They didn’t. YABU.

True, but if you did inherit money to help you buy a house, would you not want your children to benefit from that too?

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

My mum is 86 and worries about spending money because she feels she needs to pass on pretty much all she has saved to me. I am 64, no kids and all I want is for her to live forever; however, as that is impossible, I want her to spend it all on herself because she worked bloody hard all her life for it.

That's exactly how I felt about my Mum. I wanted her to live forever and to use her money to make herself comfortable as she got older. I'd rather be struggling and have her back than have inherited a penny.

💔 quite!

Interesting! As generous as it is to give 100K, when you say you will use 900K to have a merry old time wouldn't that be a waste?

You don't win "life" by passing on the greatest amount of cash.

It would be worse to deny your children shared experiences just because you want to preserve an inheritance to pass on when you're dead. You can give them so much more when you're alive.

I would get much more happiness from doing that than I would from spending the money on myself. Don't really understand people who don't feel the same way
I get much more happiness from knowing that I've given my kids the education, ability to make the right choices and to work hard for what they want rather than just gifting to them.

My experience is that those who get things from their family are the least satisfied ones because they always seem to want more, but more importantly because ultimately, it's not their achievement.

I was so happy to buy my first house, but the main part of that happiness was knowing that I got it because of the sacrifices I made to get there. I was proud and that gave me the motivation to continue to strive to self independence.

My kids would not want me to buy their first flat because they too want to do it themselves.

Interesting! As generous as it is to give 100K, when you say you will use 900K to have a merry old time wouldn't that be a waste?

Well, bearing in mind that this 1m is fictitious...

No, absolutely not a waste. I'm not one of those MN people who thinks that "100k isn't all that much really".

No, it won't set you up for life, but at 25, you could put 50k down as a deposit and use 50k to support retraining.

I don't have 100k, or 50k. I saved up 50k with my husband (whilst our salaries were 35k and under), bought a house, and my share is now worth 80k. I saved another 20k and used it to tide me over when I burned out and am working part time now whilst retraining to go freelance.

We're managing our money with a plan to retire from employment at 55 (with some odd bits of income generation we're building up now).

I will teach my children that you earn to live, not live to earn. That hoarding up vast amounts to put your kids on the same employment treadmill as you were on is needless. That there's so much more to life than work, and money and your possessions don't own you.

Not make them think that 900k is something worth jealously guarding. Money is only any good when it's spent.

By the way, my Dad now looks back on his life and wishes he'd done the same. Thought more about how to trade off time and money, rather than simply being employed and saving up.

He's really pleased that my husband and I are working on breaking out of that mindset.

We will help our DCs as much as possible without going without ourselves. I also got given a decent amount of cash from grandparents - some of which I have put aside for us, some has gone to the DCs

@Blossomtoes
I didn’t conflate enjoying money with spending it all.
Well I said I dislike the attitude of "spend it all" and you replied asking what's wrong with enjoying money

Threads like this make me glad nobody in my family has ever had enough money to pass on. Nobody owned a house before my parents. My dad's mother had a "life insurance policy" which matured two years ago (she died in 2001, I don't understand how this worked) and it came to £800. He gave half to me and half to my sister. That's about the level of "inheritance" we have to deal with. Thus: no rows, no sense of entitlement.

When my parents die, I am sure they will leave their house to me and my sister but frankly it sounds like more of a pain in the arse than anything else, to me, to have to deal with it.