To expect family money being passed on

[Soffana]

Am I being AIBU if I think that parents that had an inheritance and profited on that when it comes to property investment should pass money on to the next generation and not spend it all?

That money should be passed on from generation to generation?

For example helping next generation buying property?

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for the who inherited the money to do whatever they want with it.

However, if I was financially well off and comfortable and I inherited money, and my fictitious children were struggling, I would want to help them out. I would hope my family would feel the same.

@Ifailed

money should be passed on from generation to generation

What's the point of playing pass-the-parcel with money down the generations, no one gets any use of it?
I inherited some money when my Dad died, we spent it on improving our home. Should I've just left it lying around to pass it on (presumably split in half) to my two sons who presumably would be expected to do the same?

I would say improving your house is a way to invest in family and future generations.

If you spent all that money that you inherited on booze and drugs that would not be helping the next generation.

Why are you worried about what other people think then? If you want to pass on your money to your children, good luck to you. Other people may choose to spend their money to enjoy their own life. Each to their own.

Yanbu but people on MN have a very ‘black and white’ approach to family money and inheritance

I agree don't ask Mumsnetters! They have all bought yachts and handbags and believe inheritance is for spending. I believe it should be ring-fenced as much as possible and passed on.

I inherited some.money from a family member. Not a fortune but enough to make life comfortable and worry free. I am in line to inherit from parent if its not all swallowed up in care home fees. I lead a simple life and not a big spender. I would like to pass some money on to my kids while I'm still alive so I can see theirs and their children's lives become more financially secure

Did you post about this with specifics a couple of days ago?

I wish my parents would hire a cleaner, eat out regularly, go to the theatre and all the classical concerts they could, go on luxury holidays and leave me nothing, rather than how they are currently living.

I feel that each generation should be in a better position than the one before, but I think that should be made up of bringing children up with a work ethic, making good life choices and if there is inheritance using it wisely.

Although it is up to each individual to make their own decisions. Some people feel strongly about leaving a monetary legacy others a SKIing one. (SKIing = Spending Kids Inheritance).

@FrownedUpon

Why are you worried about what other people think then? If you want to pass on your money to your children, good luck to you. Other people may choose to spend their money to enjoy their own life. Each to their own.

I am not worried, I am more interested.

Ethically it’s irrelevant. No laws are being broken. They could spend the lot on cheese if they want. It’s their money and it’s got nothing to do with anyone else. Nobody else has a right to any of it.

YABU. It's not your money. We actively encourage our well off PIL's to spend all they can on holidays and we will do the same when our time comes to retire. Our children can work for their own money, like we had to. This entitled attitude baffles me.

@Soffana

I know it is not legally "should". But consider this:

Great-grandparents and grandparents helped next generation with buying a house, that has made parents' life easier.

Should not the money be passed on to generation after that? Would you not help your children get an easier life?

That isn’t how it works. If people wanted their grandchildren to have their money they’d leave it to them and cut out the middle man.

And by your logic nobody would ever spend it, it would keep getting passed, untouched, to successive generations.

[quote Hmum0fthree]@Soffana but you didn't ask that did you!

Would I pass the money on to my own DC? Yes!

Would I EXPECT my own parents to pass it on to me? No![/quote]
Why would you not expect your parents to do as you are going to do for your children?

I agree OP. If people have benefited by being gifted or left money from the previous generation, I think that morally they should do their best to do the same for those who follow after them. Obviously, life sometimes dictates otherwise. But there's a vast difference between what's possible & what's reasonable in any particular situation.

It depends on if the kids are CF who expect GM to provide free child 247 care or be dumped off at the nearest oldies home, like some on another thread would do.

No. Maybe on mumsnet every second person has had help with their house deposit but my dh and I didn't. We worked hard to save and held off on having kids and going abroad, basically made sacrifices until we could . Highly unlikely I will get an inheritance and would rather my parents spend and enjoy their money when they get to retirement age. If I did I'd probably spend it on house improvements or a holiday so they'd indirectly benefit anyway. I don't see it as my job as a parent to get them on the housing ladder, I will support them in their education and encourage them to consider careers that are well paid, I would allow them to stay home paying nominal rent to allow them to save.

Yes I asked my parents to put my son in their will rather than me so that he would have money to buy a property
They put conditions that a certain amount had to be used as a deposit for a property so he can’t just blow it on crap

I have a house and there is no way my son would get a deposit unless he inherited it from me or my parents
He works hard but in a lowish paid job and he is buying on his own
It’s a lot of money around 200k but I am happy that my son will be able to buy a home

If he waited for me to die he would probably be waiting a long time 😂😂

Probably.

I will definitely make sure some of the money I inherited goes to DD. Some if it I am ‘selfishly’ using myself now instead of working full time, so that she doesn’t have to be in childcare, and to give us different priorities. She isn’t involved in that decision, and nor should she be. As the adult, I am making a decision for the good of our family. Later, she will have more support than other children in my income bracket, and less than she might have had if I hadn’t used some while she was young. But who can say what effect that would have had on her childhood and my mental health and ability to parent well? I’m making the best decision I can with the information I have.

It’s a fine line, between helping out your children and passing on your good fortune, and raising entitled brats who think the world owes them a living. I’d rather err on the side of the former, as I feel it would make a child happier, more equipped to deal with life and better person who will make the world a better place. I also don’t want to live it up at the expense of my child’s struggles, or to pull the ladder up behind me. There are good arguments for both, I think.

With parents, well, I don’t know. But I’m inclined to say it’s up to them. You have to let people be wrong. Prolly makes the parents a bit grabby, but to call them out on it makes oneself a bit grabby. People can be right assholes, no question about it.

@Blossomtoes

I mean more in the line of if you inherit family money, you invest in property that can benefit both you and the next generation, not spending it all on things that has no value.

[quote Soffana]@Blossomtoes

I mean more in the line of if you inherit family money, you invest in property that can benefit both you and the next generation, not spending it all on things that has no value.[/quote]
Your idea of “no value” and mine are probably pretty different. I’ve done some pretty nice things with my inheritance that have great value to me.

You have every right to believe and live by that principle @Soffana but you can't make other people believe and live likewise. So what you can do is to write your own will to leave your own assets to a Trust which operates to provide assistance to each succeeding generation. So rather than leaving your estate to your children you leave the assets to a trust which then makes life-time loans to your children, repayable to the trust when the recipient themselves dies, and the trust subsequently repeats this with loans to grandchildren, great grandchildren etc. Or the trust can buy and own homes on behalf of the beneficiaries. But the management fees for such arrangements are seldom worth it when the capital sums involved are relatively low so most people just leave the money to their children and hope that they succeeded in raising a child with high enough sense of responsibility and low enough sense of entitlement and selfishness that they choose to act honourably without these legal instruments to enforce it. Maybe your grandmother left a large sum to your mother in the expectation and hope that the same sum would come down to you eventually but if nothing was done to enforce this legally then the legal owner has every right to dispose of it as they choose.

I think people are being deliberately obtuse in answering the question. There is a difference between saying that someone should be able to spend their money how they please and saying that it is okay to disinherit your children.

@toomuchfruit

YABU. It's not your money. We actively encourage our well off PIL's to spend all they can on holidays and we will do the same when our time comes to retire. Our children can work for their own money, like we had to. This entitled attitude baffles me.

Same. I genuinely don't understand why adults who would no doubt purport to be independent, and are capable of earning money to fund themselves, would think it was their right to receive a chunk of money from someone else for doing absolutely nothing. And in all the discussions about inheritance, no one has ever explained the thinking behind it.

As I can read here you will all spend your money and not give anything to your children?

I'm fully intending to make sure my children are as comfortable as I can before I die but I wouldn't begrudge my lovely dad some round the world cruises or a posh new car if that made him happy because it's his money.

@CatherinedeBourgh

I intend to pass on the inheritance I received. However, I am not expecting pil to pass on the inheritance they received (and know they won't).

If my dc were expecting me to pass mine on I would be less inclined to do so.

They're entitled to do what they want with their resources, whether those are time, money, effort or whatever - and so are you. So keep in mind that while It's your PILs choice to share their wealth with you, or not, you can also choose how helpful and amenable you are to them. It is surprising how often parents become 'what's mine is mine, but what's yours should be at my disposal also'. They expect to be able to 'enjoy their retirement' however they please, not be providing childcare etc. for their own children - which is fine - but then expect their grown up kids to be at their beck and call to do jobs around the house, run errands, provide all sorts of physical care too, when they themselves wouldn't have made that effort. Set your boundaries according to how you are treated.