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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect family money being passed on

390 replies

Soffana · 23/03/2022 11:21

Am I being AIBU if I think that parents that had an inheritance and profited on that when it comes to property investment should pass money on to the next generation and not spend it all?

That money should be passed on from generation to generation?

For example helping next generation buying property?

OP posts:
Thoosa · 23/03/2022 11:36

@Soffana

I know it is not legally "should". But consider this:

Great-grandparents and grandparents helped next generation with buying a house, that has made parents' life easier.

Should not the money be passed on to generation after that? Would you not help your children get an easier life?

Personally, if I inherited substantial funds I hadn’t earned, (which I might or might not), i would want to enjoy some of it, and also pass the benefit of it down the generations, in the spirit of gratitude that grandparents etc made it possible for all our lives to be slightly better or easier. That seems almost good karma to me. So I do know what you mean.

It’s very obvious that not everybody has that approach, though. Not everyone is family orientated. You even read on MN that some people plan to kick their kids out at 18 with no further financial or practical support.

So there is no “should”, legally or otherwise. There’s just selfless v selfish. I know which type I think more highly of, though.

Original poster
Soffana · 23/03/2022 11:37

@Lou98

What would be the point though in inheriting money to just keep passing that money down and nobody ever spending it?

If they've bought property with it, surely they'll then leave that property to somebody.

If they haven't and they've wasted it all away, it was their money to do with as they wish

Money is growing in property. I am not saying the same 20k should be passed on.
OP posts:
AuntieMarys · 23/03/2022 11:37

No. I'm spending all mine

Echobelly · 23/03/2022 11:38

I think it should be unless the inheritors have really done something to not deserve it.

I don't know if (assuming I live that long) I'd leave to kids so much as grandkids - my siblings and I have benefited a lot from our grandfather's estate so I expect my parents may leave more of their estate to our children in turn, as they will need it more because, please God, they'll be adults when my parents die and will need the money more than we will.

DaisyDeli · 23/03/2022 11:38

I voted YABU because noone has the 'right' to inheritance that was left for someone else, however, I shared my inheritance with my DC (deposits) because I wanted to share, it wasn't expected.

5128gap · 23/03/2022 11:38

No. I think ideally there should be no such thing as inheritance, as the idea of getting a head start from unearned handouts exacerbates societal inequalities, and the more wealth accumulates through the generations, the worse that gets. But I'm given to believe this is not a popular view.

Bdhntbis · 23/03/2022 11:39

I think people should be able to spend their own money how they want but in the context of todays society where saving for a deposit is so hard I’d want to help my children and ideally do that before I die. My fil parents are still alive and he is late 60s so if he’d relied on that money he’d be getting it pretty late in life

Ifailed · 23/03/2022 11:40

money should be passed on from generation to generation

What's the point of playing pass-the-parcel with money down the generations, no one gets any use of it?
I inherited some money when my Dad died, we spent it on improving our home. Should I've just left it lying around to pass it on (presumably split in half) to my two sons who presumably would be expected to do the same?

BanjoKnockers · 23/03/2022 11:41

I have some sympathy, OP. It's the "golden rule" of ethics. Do unto others as you would be done by. It seems unreasonable for one generation to take advantage of inheritance from the generation above them, but then to spend everything they've got and not to pass anything down to the next.

But looking at it more closely, are they just spending what they inherited (maybe the housing equity of their parents) but keeping their own housing equity to pass on down to you? In which case they are doing as they were done by.

pizzaandgin · 23/03/2022 11:42

No completely unreasonable.

My parents and I will not be receiving any inheritance from any family. However my parents have already stated that they will be leaving everything to all the grandchildren. I have repeatedly said I hope they enjoy their money first, and not to worry about the children as that is mine and my siblings responsiblity

MsSquiz · 23/03/2022 11:43

But won't the children likely inherit the parents house/assets when they die? Therefore some of the inheritance will be passed on.
Just possibly not at the convenience of when the children would like it to

robocracker · 23/03/2022 11:43

No.

And i say that as someone who is likely going to need extra to pay off my mortgage. But that's my issue.

My parents don't owe me an inheritance.

I consider myself lucky to have both parents still alive and independent and people who enhance our lives.

Screw the money I don't want my parents to die ever.

Hmum0fthree · 23/03/2022 11:44

@Soffana but you didn't ask that did you!

Would I pass the money on to my own DC? Yes!

Would I EXPECT my own parents to pass it on to me? No!

AlternativePerspective · 23/03/2022 11:44

People’s sense of entitlement to other people’s money never ceases to amaze me.

Christienne · 23/03/2022 11:46

[quote Hmum0fthree]@Soffana but you didn't ask that did you!

Would I pass the money on to my own DC? Yes!

Would I EXPECT my own parents to pass it on to me? No![/quote]
This.

WhatIsThisPlease · 23/03/2022 11:47

I understand where you're coming from OP.

I have inherited a sum of money from my grandparents and i see it as belonging to my DC. I will use it to get them on the property ladder when they are old enough.

I'd feel selfish spending it all on me.

Thenose · 23/03/2022 11:48

I can see why you are asking. I think that it is 'right' for me to pass whatever I can along, but I also think it is 'right' for my parents to spend what they have while they're alive. I'm aware of the contradiction and I haven't anything more helpful to add. Sorry!

musttryharder84 · 23/03/2022 11:48

But if someone has used an inheritance to buy a property, surely this property will be passed on? Unless they sell that house to move into rented housing and spend all the proceeds, but that's not very common

2bazookas · 23/03/2022 11:49

Absolutely NOT.

When I entered my teens my mother impressed upon me that every woman must earn her own money. Take full responsibility for herself, decide her own life, and NOT rely on anybody else to provide it.

I brought my sons up to believe the same thing.

LabelMaker · 23/03/2022 11:49

@Soffana

I know it is not legally "should". But consider this:

Great-grandparents and grandparents helped next generation with buying a house, that has made parents' life easier.

Should not the money be passed on to generation after that? Would you not help your children get an easier life?

You could do but tbh the price of living and care home fees has gone up so much there might not be much left after that. It's not a MUST do but is a nice to do if you can. And anyone expecting an inheritance or kicking up a fuss over it is a CF
Nicholethejewellery · 23/03/2022 11:51

YANBU, it's legal for parents to behave in that way but is unethical. The parents sound very selfish for spending all the money. Doubtless the grandparents would have made provision for their grandchildren if they knew this would happen.

ThinWomansBrain · 23/03/2022 11:51

@Dinorawr22

Yabu and grabby. I hope your parents see this and spend it all out of spite.I
that or leave it to the Donkey Sanctuary. I used to work for an animal charity - we had someone challenge a legacy on the basis that the legator clearly wasn't of sound mind if they'd left their money to an animal charity rather than her. The will was gloriously detailed about why the daughter was excluded.
ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 23/03/2022 11:52

YABU, and I say this as someone who’s DF has changed his Will to remove my siblings and leave everything to all our DC.

It is what is and it’s his money to do with as he wishes.

aSofaNearYou · 23/03/2022 11:52

Somewhere in the middle I would say. There is no "should". I WOULD want to pass money along to my children, but not the point I am not able to live life to the fullest myself. So of course I wouldn't go out of my way to leave them nothing and spend it all, but I don't think anyone should be denying themselves things because they feel they owe that money to their children in inheritance.

Frillyfruli · 23/03/2022 11:53

Nope. My dad died long ago, and my mum is fairly well off via life insurance, owns her house outright and has generous pension provision. It will be helpful financially if there is something left over when she's gone, but I'd much rather her use it now to enjoy her life, and pay for decent care if she needs it. She inherited a negligible amount from her own DPs when they died as they had sold their house some years previously and moved into sheltered accomodation and used the proceeds to top up their state pensions.

I have no DCs, and in the event DH pre-deceases me, when I eventually die my estate will be going to charity, not to my DNs.