To expect family money being passed on

[Soffana]

Am I being AIBU if I think that parents that had an inheritance and profited on that when it comes to property investment should pass money on to the next generation and not spend it all?

That money should be passed on from generation to generation?

For example helping next generation buying property?

There is always someone who is a blip. I have a great Aunt who will inherit at least £2million when her mother dies. One of her daughters lives in a rental property and I would say that daughter is in a controlling relationship with 3 small kids. I am pretty certain if that daughter was not financially dependent on her H then she would leave. I know said Great Aunt will not give a single penny to her daughter, she has already earmarked the c£2.5million for her own life of luxury. It’s a sad shame.

YANBU
If a family has sufficient wealth to help grand parents, parents onto the property ladder, then yes money should be passed down generation to generation to also help today’s children onto the property ladder. Or to pay uni fees. Whatever seems to be family tradition.

Now it’s not unusual for someone in the family to inherit and break with family tradition. They may have had their schooling paid for and helped with buying their first home but choose not to pass this benefit on to their children. I think whether this is unethical or unfair on the next generation depends on the amount of money and whether there is realistically enough to help their children or not. If they are struggling with ill health and need the money to retire early and pay for added costs of care....then yes the children lose out, and it’s not fair but also the parent isn’t doing anything wrong they are simply unable to do the same financial boost for their children that they received from their parents.

But if the parent inheriting just wants to spend it on holidays, flash cars, or expensive hobbies, then YANBU to be critical of them for pulling the ladder up behind them and not helping their children get a good start in life.

Yes I would pass some of a large inheritance down to my children 100%. I dont understand why you wouldn't! Especially if I was older and more financially sercure. My children need it more than me! Everyones different though!

I wish my parents had spent my inheritance. I wish they'd had many more holidays and been extravagant. They both came from poor backgrounds and weren't used to spending.

Absolutely unless it makes parents' current or future life difficult financially.

I inherited a chunk and it's meant I can have a more comfortable life. I could spend on fancy holidays but I have purposely squirrelled away funds to help towards property purchases or university for DC.

If life events mean I have to spend it on care or similar then I will but I think I have a duty to try and help DC as my parents were helped.

@Soffana

Am I being AIBU if I think that parents that had an inheritance and profited on that when it comes to property investment should pass money on to the next generation and not spend it all?

That money should be passed on from generation to generation?

For example helping next generation buying property?

It belongs to someone before it becomes your inheritance.

Your inheritance doesnt actually exist until the person leaving it to you dies

I think it's reasonable to be a little disappointed not to receive any inheritance. I would feel a little disappointed.

But you have to accept that in life we aren't entitled to anything.

I wish my parents would spend their money enjoying their life now. It's their money, not mine.

They don’t have pockets in shrouds, people should be able to enjoy their money in life however they want.

My Nan was so hung up being “fair” in her will that she didn’t spend on herself during life, even though the close family who cared for her would have much rather seen her living than worrying about keeping lines aside to be fair

You’d have to review the math and the economic times. It’s easy for money to be lost vs it growing.
Investments that crashed in 2008 could have wiped out many inheritances. Just like this next recession.
I believe the average is 5 generations from a wealthy family to bog standard.

@RantyAunty your comment is exactly what I saw happen.
The kids were not happy with what was on offer took advantage financially and demanded all sorts including child care as and when it suited them. Never called to just visit. They show no care. They are likely to inherit accordingly.

It'd be nice but it's up to them.

This is something I'm on the fence with. My parents have had a small inheritance ( they are separated) my mother has worked hard all her life and they have spent their retirement going on wonderful holidays. I'm not expecting her to leave me anything.
My dad on the other hand. Has his money sitting in the bank. It's not a huge amount and it makes me sad that he hasn't enjoyed it and done the same as my mother. If it doesn't go on care fees, tbh it's not really going to help me, as it will late to use it as a deposit.

My parents are welcome to spend their own money my inheritance.

Tbh, it is pretty likely to all go in care fees anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️

YABU legally but morally YANBU!

I am trying not to SKI too much as I want to leave my DCs at least as much as I will inherit!

I think each person can only speak for herself as it's so fact and people dependent. In my own case I look at the fact that earnings in my profession are lower in real terms for people starting out or climbing the pole than they were 'when I were a lad'!. This means that the reasonable expectation that you'd study at uni, work your butt off but be able to afford a nice house in the city I live in, car, holidays etc by your thirties isn't a given anymore. Given that's the case, I anticipate that my kids would benefit from a leg up in due course if we can manage it whether that's contribution to house deposit or whatever.

@Skiptheheartsandflowers

We live in a different country from them and are not close. I used to do loads for them until I had my dc and realised that not only would they do nothing for us, they intended to sit and criticise everything we did.

Since then I decided to put in as much effort into our relationship as they did, which has resulted in my not having seen them for several years...

I really don't give a damn about money, for me it is just another way of helping each other within a family. When I had lots of money to spare I handed it out whenever someone needed it (including to pil). When I didn't, I didn't, but helped in whatever ways I did, provided I felt I could count on those people if I needed them (although most tell me I am terrible at asking for anything for myself). When I felt people were taking the piss or it was just a one way street I withdrew.

Over the years that has whittled down my relationships a fair bit...

Our children will inherit our house (unless something unforseen happens and we dont have it)

If my parents or PIL choose to spend all their money or give us money that makes no difference to my plans for our children's inheritance. I would hope they cover their funeral costs but other than that the money is theirs to spend or to leave. And it doesn't matter if they inherited from their parents or not either.

@Itloggedmeoutagain

YABU for thinking you have any say in how money that is not yours is spent

But I wasn’t their either. I inherited an income producing property. Friends are constantly telling me to sell and make my life easier, nicer. But the house saved me during hard times and was passed from my grandmother, who was a scrub woman and buying it was her life’s achievement, to my father, and. Ow to me. I benefit from it—but cashing out doesn’t feel right. I intend to pass it on.

One reason why i got on the property ladder was that dd would have something to inherit. I'm sure i can have fun in my latter years without spaffing all my money on crap. What parent dosn't want to provide for their kids?

I'm going to have to disagree with you. DH and I have inherited money and chose to use it to help our DC but there is no "should' about it. If I had thought that the DC expected it or felt entitled to it they wouldn't have seen a penny of it.

If the relation who died wanted the money to skip a generation they would have written that into their will.

I'd be in favour of 100% inheritance tax to be honest.

It seems unfair that person A gets an easier time/better start in life than person B purely because Person A's great granddad was a saver.

What about people who are brought up in care? Or where there is no money to be passed on?

@EatSleepReplete

I agree OP. If people have benefited by being gifted or left money from the previous generation, I think that morally they should do their best to do the same for those who follow after them. Obviously, life sometimes dictates otherwise. But there's a vast difference between what's possible & what's reasonable in any particular situation.

Yes, of course if you really need to spend it on care etc you should. And not live in poverty to pass on lots of money. But it should be a mindset.

I personally hope to pass what I'm able to on to my child, but I think it's mentally healthier for people to not expect to receive a substantial inheritance. Unless the child is disabled or has a similar reason for not being able to make their own way in the world, it's better to plan to stand on your own two feet so you don't feel resentment about a parent not passing down what you think they "should" have. I find this attitude goes a long way to maintaining family harmony and a positive mindset.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Did you post about this with specifics a couple of days ago?

No.