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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect family money being passed on

390 replies

Soffana · 23/03/2022 11:21

Am I being AIBU if I think that parents that had an inheritance and profited on that when it comes to property investment should pass money on to the next generation and not spend it all?

That money should be passed on from generation to generation?

For example helping next generation buying property?

OP posts:
Original poster
Soffana · 23/03/2022 12:45

@EmpressCixi

YANBU If a family has sufficient wealth to help grand parents, parents onto the property ladder, then yes money should be passed down generation to generation to also help today’s children onto the property ladder. Or to pay uni fees. Whatever seems to be family tradition.

Now it’s not unusual for someone in the family to inherit and break with family tradition. They may have had their schooling paid for and helped with buying their first home but choose not to pass this benefit on to their children. I think whether this is unethical or unfair on the next generation depends on the amount of money and whether there is realistically enough to help their children or not. If they are struggling with ill health and need the money to retire early and pay for added costs of care....then yes the children lose out, and it’s not fair but also the parent isn’t doing anything wrong they are simply unable to do the same financial boost for their children that they received from their parents.

But if the parent inheriting just wants to spend it on holidays, flash cars, or expensive hobbies, then YANBU to be critical of them for pulling the ladder up behind them and not helping their children get a good start in life.

Agree.

Obviously is a mindset, if I get sick or unemployed and have to sell my house to survive I could not help that.

It is a matter of mindset and an obligation to future generations, a matter to respect former generation.

OP posts:
BeccaNotBecky · 23/03/2022 12:46

If I inherited I’d spend it on the house to improve it for my family and holidays and experiences for my children. Money is the cause of lots of problems in families so my kids will expect nothing but have had a great life growing up

Original poster
Soffana · 23/03/2022 12:47

@thinking123

I won't be getting any inheritance of any sort, but for years I worked in a building society, I met so many elderly people who where living on a shoe string so that they could leave the money in their savings to their children. It was so sad to see, I'm sure most of their children would want them eating well and heating their homes and maybe having a holiday or two
That is very sad and not how it is meant to be.
OP posts:
crepesncream · 23/03/2022 12:47

So who gets the joy of spending it then? If it just sits in the bank waiting to pass it on to the next generation....what then? Should the next generation miser it away to give to the following generation? Surely it has to be enjoyed.

Original poster
Soffana · 23/03/2022 12:50

@Pumperthepumper

The value of money changes so quickly though, do you adjust for inflation? Also house prices have risen massively where wages haven’t, so do you take that into account too? Does it have to be a certain amount for it to be worthy enough?
It does have to be a certain amount.

If it is only a few thousand it could be spend for fun.

Inflation has to be considered. The inheritance could not of course be the same as you were given. Property values change. It is more of a mindset.

OP posts:
HeadNorth · 23/03/2022 12:51

@godmum56 - why would you want to 'make sure I had spent every penny' rather than have your children receive a share of your moveable estate? Bear in mind, if you spent it on cars and consumables, they could still get some of it - why does that bother you so?

justanoldhack · 23/03/2022 12:51

I agree with you OP. And would think less of any parent that decided not to pass on the good fortune that they had enjoyed and benefited from to their own children (which presumably they had out of choice). Seems like we're in the minority though!

Pumperthepumper · 23/03/2022 12:52

If your daughter needed to stay at home into her 30s to be able to be able to get a mortgage I'd be wary of handing down a big inheritance that you're expecting her to be able to pass on because her money management can't be that great.

How much did you buy your first house for @girlmom21 and how old were you? Did you do it alone?

kittensinthekitchen · 23/03/2022 12:52

I've never known anyone but MNers to have this obsession with inheritance.

If the person is still alive, there's no inheritance. If they've got some and want you to have it when they die, grand. If not, make your own way in the world.

BadgeronaMoped · 23/03/2022 12:53

This is such a personal topic. I plan on helping my dc as much as I can financially, if I were ever to inherit any money. I wouldn't want them to struggle or be stuck renting till they're 40 (like me). I've been saving a deposit for years, and I'm nearly done retraining, so I can (hopefully) spend the next 25 years paying off a mortgage Grin

Pumperthepumper · 23/03/2022 12:53

If it is only a few thousand it could be spend for fun.

Surely then it would be better to spend it on them while you’re alive, on a holiday or something?

2DogsOnMySofa · 23/03/2022 12:54

No I don't think so. Inheritance is a gift, not a given.

You should try, where ever possible, to be financially stable and ensure you have enough money pension wise without having to rely on inheritance.

I'm actively trying to convince my dad to enjoy his retirement and spend as much of his money before he pops his clogs. Mum died 4 years after retiring, what's the point in not enjoying life. Spend the money, you can't take it with you.

dentydown · 23/03/2022 12:54

My grandmother came into an inheritance recently and promptly shared it amongst the family. She gave her son a big chunk and me and my father smaller amounts for “helping her”

It all depends on the person.

Original poster
Soffana · 23/03/2022 12:55

@BeccaNotBecky

If I inherited I’d spend it on the house to improve it for my family and holidays and experiences for my children. Money is the cause of lots of problems in families so my kids will expect nothing but have had a great life growing up
I hear you, but if you could use the money to help them get on the property ladder instead of renting would you not consider that?
OP posts:
Original poster
Soffana · 23/03/2022 12:55

@justanoldhack

I agree with you OP. And would think less of any parent that decided not to pass on the good fortune that they had enjoyed and benefited from to their own children (which presumably they had out of choice). Seems like we're in the minority though!
Looks like it, which is making me a bit surprised!
OP posts:
VerveClique · 23/03/2022 12:56

People / families who really are wealthy have family trusts established to manage assets from one generation to the next - in line with the wishes of whoever established the trust. There are ways to do this.

Gonnagetgoing · 23/03/2022 12:57

OP - it's up to parents what they do.

Grandparents inheritance - was just gifted to me by DM and as I'd just got on the property ladder a year or so earlier I didn't need it. I did use part of it for a deposit when DM wanted to buy a BTL to share with me and DB.

DockOTheBay · 23/03/2022 12:57

So you think you deserve to have the money and spend it all, but they don't deserve to spend it. Why is you spending it all on what you want (a house) OK but not them spending it on what they want?

Or should the money just be passed from generation to generation but not actually spent by any of them?

I guess if the person they inherited from, wanted you to have it, they would have given you some in the will?

Pumperthepumper · 23/03/2022 12:58

Inherited wealth also leads to social imbalance, therefore making the house market more and more unfair.

Original poster
Soffana · 23/03/2022 12:59

@Blossomtoes

Not untouched. I mean spend the money wisely in property or university fees and try to make sure next generation can do the same.

OP posts:
Prisonbreak · 23/03/2022 12:59

No way!
My mum inherited a crazy amount of money and it’s making my heart happy to see her enjoy it.
Meanwhile I’m busy making my own money. Perhaps focus on how you can better your own life financially

Original poster
Soffana · 23/03/2022 13:02

@DockOTheBay

So you think you deserve to have the money and spend it all, but they don't deserve to spend it. Why is you spending it all on what you want (a house) OK but not them spending it on what they want?

Or should the money just be passed from generation to generation but not actually spent by any of them?

I guess if the person they inherited from, wanted you to have it, they would have given you some in the will?

That is not what I mean.

I think there is spending and there is investing.

If I buy a house, that is investing for future generations.

OP posts:
Siepie · 23/03/2022 13:02

@crepesncream

So who gets the joy of spending it then? If it just sits in the bank waiting to pass it on to the next generation....what then? Should the next generation miser it away to give to the following generation? Surely it has to be enjoyed.
This. I don't understand the point of just passing it on from generation to generation.

It might be different if there was one exceptionally rich relative, e.g. if I had a 'normal' job but inherited millions, I'd want to share those millions with DC. But since I'm not in the line for millions (unless the heir hunters come knocking!) why would I squirrel away e.g. 50k just so that my DC can squirrel away the same 50k for their DC and so on?

luckylavender · 23/03/2022 13:04

@Soffana

I know it is not legally "should". But consider this:

Great-grandparents and grandparents helped next generation with buying a house, that has made parents' life easier.

Should not the money be passed on to generation after that? Would you not help your children get an easier life?

What about care home fees?
girlmom21 · 23/03/2022 13:05

@Pumperthepumper

If your daughter needed to stay at home into her 30s to be able to be able to get a mortgage I'd be wary of handing down a big inheritance that you're expecting her to be able to pass on because her money management can't be that great.

How much did you buy your first house for @girlmom21 and how old were you? Did you do it alone?

£150k at 24 and I had a partner.

A single adult working full time living with their parents can save a good deposit in a couple of years.

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