To expect family money being passed on

[Soffana]

Am I being AIBU if I think that parents that had an inheritance and profited on that when it comes to property investment should pass money on to the next generation and not spend it all?

That money should be passed on from generation to generation?

For example helping next generation buying property?

What’s the point in people just hoarding money and passing it on and no one ever really feeling the benefit of it?! Does it just keep going until it’s passed onto someone who doesn’t have kids and then they can just go wild and enjoy themselves?!

Only if you view money as something you consume. If you view it as something to invest (in property or other assets) then it can benefit generation after generation.
Also, even if it literally is passing down savings, the psychological benefit of a financial safety net is incredible. It lets you take risks, or make decisions that might not pay off financially for a while.

Personally I find the attitude of “I hope they spend it all” pretty awful

Personally I find the attitude of “I hope they spend it all” pretty awful

Why? What’s so terrible about enjoying money? That’s what it’s for.

Very surprised by the poll! I completely agree with you OP.

Surely at the very least you should give your children the same help you were given, especially because young people have it so much harder these days than we did.

I wasn't really given anything by my parents but I am saving and working like a dog so that I can buy my two DC their own flats one day. And then when I've done that I will keep working until I drop so that I have enough to pay for my future (fingers crossed!) DGC's education, and hopefully get them on the property ladder too.

I would get much more happiness from doing that than I would from spending the money on myself. Don't really understand people who don't feel the same way.

@DaisyDeli

I voted YABU because noone has the 'right' to inheritance that was left for someone else, however, I shared my inheritance with my DC (deposits) because I wanted to share, it wasn't expected.

Same. There is a middle ground between "should" and "no way".

I did too - voted yabu despite spending mine on my kids’ education. No one ‘should’ do as op suggested but if they wish to - that’s a different matter

@Blossomtoes
Why? What’s so terrible about enjoying money? That’s what it’s for.
Well, the fact that you conflate “enjoying money” and “spend it all” is exactly what I dislike. You can enjoy money without consuming it all.

Also, I’m not that convinced that “enjoyment is what it’s for” is true. Personally I see it as a tool for security. If invested wisely, it can be both.

@MotherOfCrocodiles

YANBU especially if that's what the person leaving the money hopes will happen

My mum has been careful with money all her life and prioritised helping me and sibling buy homes. When I inherit her house, I'll be investing the money to help dc buy homes, in line with her expectations- not sloshing it on holidays DM would not have allowed herself, or donating it all to a cat sanctuary.

This is what I am talking about. Being careful to not waste to money you got from previous generation. Because they were careful and thinking about you.

[quote LuckySantangelo35]@souffana
I didn’t inherit any money[/quote]
Well then, why reply to a question that is not aimed at you?

It is clearly stated in thread start that I am talking about inherited money.

@Painiscrap

I agree with you OP, in that I want to help my own family, but it is up to the individual what they do.

When my dm died a few years ago, my siblings and I equally inherited her estate. I kept the money I inherited in a separate account, and when the time came, I used this money to gift each of my children enough to pay the deposit on a house (we live in a relatively cheap housing area). In fact I actually ended up using some of my own savings as well as there wasn’t enough in the account.

I know how hard it is to get on the property ladder, so it was important to me to help them out. My dh wasn’t best pleased, but it was my money, so he accepted that I could do what I wanted with it. I am now a widow so not really interested in spending money, so they will also receive an inheritance when I die. I have also opened accounts for my dgc, so they will receive some money too.

I’m not rolling in money, but I have an emergency pot and manage to live frugally and really don’t have anything much I want to spend money on!

That is how I would like to do it as well.

Why wasn't your husband well pleased?

But life is very different now- they may need all their money to live comfortably when they retire (parents/grandparents) as life is more expensive. So there may not be much to give anyway.

@Fr0thandBubble

Very surprised by the poll! I completely agree with you OP.

Surely at the very least you should give your children the same help you were given, especially because young people have it so much harder these days than we did.

I wasn't really given anything by my parents but I am saving and working like a dog so that I can buy my two DC their own flats one day. And then when I've done that I will keep working until I drop so that I have enough to pay for my future (fingers crossed!) DGC's education, and hopefully get them on the property ladder too.

I would get much more happiness from doing that than I would from spending the money on myself. Don't really understand people who don't feel the same way.

I am also very surprised!

That is my goal too, with the exception that I inherited money so I could get on the property ladder early.

Now my goal is to help my children do the same.

This is why the Royal family and eg. Duke of Westminster has clever tax schemes and avoid spending their own money wherever possible. Everyone else has to accept that most money runs out within 100 years.

What a weird question. There are no such rules or expectations. You're making them up. People can do what they like with THEIR money.

@Cheeserton

What a weird question. There are no such rules or expectations. You're making them up. People can do what they like with THEIR money.

I know there are no real rules. I mean more of a moral idea that pass on the help you got from past generation.

@Soffana

Interesting. Just to make clear it is not about me, I am just making a philosophical and moral question.

I have inherited and am not spending it all as I want to help my children out. Just thinking what you are planning to do.

As I can read here you will all spend your money and not give anything to your children?

For me that would be morally wrong.

No one in my family had any money for me to inherit so the money I have is all from my working life (don't want to get into a row about how house value has increased.) I can't imagine not wanting to pass most of it on, I do spend some on me. I've already given mine some help with uni/house/weddings.

So legally I agree I don't have to but morally I think I do and as a parent yes it makes me happy to be in a position to help.

Maybe it is easy for me as I don't have expensive taste, my last handbag cost £5 about 4 years ago, I've been debating with myself for weeks about buying a £150 handbag that is reduced to £60, by the time I decide there probably won't be any left.

Obviously there's no legal obligation, but I do feel that if you have received help from your parents then you have a responsibility to use it sensibly. My grandparents left money and a house to my mum, and she saw it as a way to support the whole family and to help my sister and I when she needed it. It wasn't some sort of "unspendable" fund, but she didn't just blow the lot either.

I would like to do the same for my DC - my parents worked hard and missed out on things so that they could help my sister and I, and if I inherit anything I'm not going to just piss it up the wall.

Blimey can’t believe some of these replies. I’m in my 60’s as are most of my friends, so we have all received some kind of inheritance over the last 10 years.
Without exception we have all helped our children with house purchases. Surely that’s what all families do once they have paid off their own mortgage?

@Fairyliz

Blimey can’t believe some of these replies. I’m in my 60’s as are most of my friends, so we have all received some kind of inheritance over the last 10 years. Without exception we have all helped our children with house purchases. Surely that’s what all families do once they have paid off their own mortgage?

Of course it is. But presumably you’ve spent some on yourself as well? I know I have. OP thinks it should be handed on to the next generation intact.

@Blossomtoes Not entirely intact, of course one should not be living in poverty. But the aim should be that try to help as much as you can as an obligation to former and future generations.

As I've said before we received help from both sets of parents in different ways. I have no children so no one to help and the inheritance from my Mum paid off our mortgage. I wouldn't have been prepared to use it to help DH's children.

The inheritance from MIL is giving us a better standard of living. Neither of us feel guilty about not helping his children as they both have homes (one has more than one) and both were helped by MIL when she was alive (I'd actually forgotten that until reading this thread).

I agree. And I think that's how rich families stay rich. Everyone gets their turn to benefit but nobody takes everything. I'd be very annoyed if my mum inherited a large sum of money and pissed it all away without a care for how her children and grandchildren will manage. There was nothing in our family though and she still gives us what she can (reduced food and stuff) she'd never see us struggle while enjoying a life of luxury handed to her.

@Blossomtoes she hasn't said intact afaik - she's said the opposite a few times.

@girlmom21

YABU. If my parents want to piss every penny up the wall it makes no difference to me. I'd like to think they'll have fun doing it.

This

But if you did inherit, would you be happy to piss it away on treats, holidays and fun, rather than put any of it towards a better quality of life for your own children? Even if your DC were significantly less comfortable financially than you?

@JesusInTheCabbageVan, most likely those that don’t care enough to share, didn’t care much as the children were growing up. I’d suspect other deep rooted issues.