To expect family money being passed on

[Soffana]

Am I being AIBU if I think that parents that had an inheritance and profited on that when it comes to property investment should pass money on to the next generation and not spend it all?

That money should be passed on from generation to generation?

For example helping next generation buying property?

It's selfish and shitty for someone to not do something to help the next generation financially, if they can, assuming there are no extreme circumstances that "justify" not helping them.

It's legally fine but morally wrong, imo, especially if they themselves inherited money or property.

Well, DM and DD built in the 70s what was a modest little house. The whole area became a massive tourist spot with house prices off the scale. So even though there's loads of siblings, each of us would be in line to inherit about 75k or so by house prices today.

However, DM is thinking about moving somewhere less isolated and a smaller place like an apartment or something and hopefully it should give her a nice chunk left over to enjoy her trips as long as she is able. We really don't want her to feel like she's got to scrimp and save to pass it along. We are all in decent jobs and all have our own homes so while any inheritance might go towards an extension or maybe a chunk off the mortgage, we'll get by without it.

We already know that we want DS to fully inherit the family home. Luckily we've only the one so there's no dividing but it's a really comforting thought that he'll always have that security of owning his own home.

Grandad owned swathes of land around this same tourist area I mentioned above when it was just rocky fields. We'd have been fucking millionaires had he not pissed most of it away because it all got eventually zoned residential but by then of course it was other neighbours that were the current owners who cashed in. So yeah that sucks. Fuck sake Grandad!

It seems to be standard practice in a lot of families that inheritance is a carefully thought out process and great care is taken to provide for the next generation. These do tend to be families that are fairly well off though. It’s not unusual for significant provision to be made for educational purposes for example. It tends to follow generation to generation with those who benefited themselves taking responsibility to do the same for the next generation and so on.

The concept is quite alien to me. I was always told once I moved out it was up to me to make my own way and to expect nothing from my parents. I doubt I will inherit much, of anything.

YANBU especially if that's what the person leaving the money hopes will happen

My mum has been careful with money all her life and prioritised helping me and sibling buy homes. When I inherit her house, I'll be investing the money to help dc buy homes, in line with her expectations- not sloshing it on holidays DM would not have allowed herself, or donating it all to a cat sanctuary.

Agree with pp who say that MN has some weird ideas about inheritance.

Only a horrible person would want their parents or grandparents to deny themselves life's pleasures for the sake of leaving behind more money or assets when they die. But it's perfectly natural to feel upset if your parents inherit a fortune, have enough to live very comfortably while still being generous to their children/grandchildren (either during life or after), yet refuse to think of anyone but themselves.

I want to see my parents enjoy a nice lifestyle now and as they age, but it would change the way I felt about them if they burned through a large inheritance without a single thought for their children or grandchildren. They aren't the type to do that, though.

@cptartapp

I inherited. It's all invested so I can retire early and holiday several times a year. Not saying I won't help my DC out, but I certainly aren't saving any to 'pass on'.

Not even if you knew your decision would mean they had to continue working into their 70s, and couldn't afford any holidays?

Makes me wonder why some people have children.

I worked with someone several years back that had inherited shares that were at that time worth a decent amount of money. She was at that particular time struggling with work, very young DC and trying to renovate an old house that she had just bought. Herself and her husband seemed a bit miserable and the shares would have made things so much easier if sold. I still can't get my head around the fact that they struggled so much rather than just make life easier

Their money- they can do what they like with it. DH and I would hope to leave some money for our DC but we certainly won't spoil our own lives to do it.

I don't believe there is any rule that would fit every situation.
There are too many factors to consider including the character of the potential heirs.

If the money was wholly earned by the person giving it, I believe it is theirs to do with as they wish. However, very rarely can we say that someone was solely responsible for their own wealth. I think most of us stand on the shoulders of our ancestors in some way, even when we are unaware of how the choices they made benefited us.

I plan to help my DC and pass on as inheritance help for to my DGC (if I have any). I can completely understand OP and also doubt she would say this view to parents etc like I would like to think I would not.I do think if you benefit try to pass some of it on. I can honestly say I seldom think about my family inheritance etc as most may go on care etc (would rather that then doing the caring myself) I just concentrated on what I can do for my immediate family etc, those of the younger generation.

I think it's helpful to think of it as creating generational wealth whether monetary or experiential - if you are given a hand up in life by the actions of someone else it's a good idea to do so too. My parents received help which allowed them to buy a better house and get a better education, they've used their resources to help myself and siblings have a decent chance of the same, and I am planning to do the same for my kids as much as I can. It's just about giving each generation the best chance of a good life you can.

I've told my mum to spend all her money having a good life. I don't want handouts or any money from her I want her to have An amazing time spending the money she has.

I think the OP is being pretty unreasonable.

I would like my parents to enjoy the money they’ve earned and have holidays etc rather than finding my life. They’ve been generous and have given us a share in their inheritance, which is lovely but they were not obliged to morally. Guilt tripping the older generation for having money seems to be a theme on mn - give savings to dc, move to a smaller home so families can buy yours etc just no! Let the older generation enjoy their money - they lived through challenges too in the 70s and 80s especially.

Oops so many typos above! Basically I am to help out my DC as much as I can in life and help DGC (if they exist) with inheritance.

Personally speaking I think this generation is the most entitled, most people in previous generations never inherited, or expected to inherit.

I don’t think anyone should feel any responsibility to leave money to their children. It’s your money, to do as you want with in your lifetime. Having said that, I would always use my current money to help my children in the here and now. I just wouldn’t feel pressure to leave money for them to inherit, if it needed to be spent in my lifetime

Inheritance is good for helping this generation get on the housing ladder especially if they are single and want to live on their own, two salaries are needed for a mortgage.

I have inherited and definitely will be helping our children with a lump sum for a property.

I have no inheritance coming my way - not even £1k.

Reading MN highlights just how many people are financially comfortable. I was on the holiday forum earlier and a lot of posters discussed their planned 5 to 8 holidays this year!

My main reason for taking on a mortgage is to pass on something to my dc. Our home is not worth a lot but this will help in some way.

I want to see my parents enjoy a nice lifestyle now and as they age, but it would change the way I felt about them if they burned through a large inheritance without a single thought for their children or grandchildren. They aren't the type to do that, though.

So if they really wanted to do something but it was expensive you would resent them for spending their own money on themselves?

@Pumperthepumper

No thanks.

Just a vague notion of where you (and your partner) bought this house for 150k four years ago with no help from anyone else.

I’m not the person who posted this but I bought a 3 bed detached up North (close to major cities) for 175K in 2019 aged 24, so it is possible depending on where you live.

@Malibuismysecrethome

Personally speaking I think this generation is the most entitled, most people in previous generations never inherited, or expected to inherit.

So many people seem to have missed the fact that the OP is talking SPECIFICALLY about previous generations who HAVE inherited.

Once more for those at the back: this is not about you passing on your hard-earned pennies. This is about whether your DC should benefit from help IF YOU YOURSELF HAVE BENEFITED FROM HELP.

HTH.

My mum is about to come into money from a recently passed family member. She's on about passing decent chunks down to the grandchildren (missing me out 🤣 I think)
To be honest I've said mom just enjoy it don't go dishing it out unless you have spare to do so.
I wouldn't ever just "expect" anything from her.

I will be helping dd on the housing ladder then will get some behind for when/if she wants a family to move to a nice home and if I have grandchild I will open a account for them

I belive wealth should be used to help generations below as the old saying money makes money

id spend it on holidays and fun things with my daughter now rather than keep it for her future - there might not even be much of a future anyway wih climate change and everything so enjoy life now i think is the best way to be

No they have to live, but I do think money should be passed down upon death and you shouldn’t be allowed to isolate a child, it should all be equal no matter what and to all children.

Also marriage to a person who is not the childrens biological parent shouldn’t inherit before the children in my view too, it should always go down to the children.