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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not wanting to give up my current life for my former Au Pair family?

349 replies

FormerAupair · 23/03/2022 07:59

AIBU?

When I was 20 I did 1.5 years Au Pair job for a family, the conditions where not great but they are nice and we are still in contact. Now in my late twenties I live in the same country as them. They had a planned baby last year and they ask me if I can leave my online job and babysit the baby because they don’t have another option. Now I have 7 years of experience as a nanny/nursery teacher, related studies and also living by myself for a while. With my experience families normally offer me £ 11-13 but they were in a hurry so I told them that I can drop the price until £ 9.5 (the minimum wage). They were upset with my offer saying that was too much, unreasonable and that I should be there for them.

They are wealthy and can afford a nanny so I don’t know why they don’t understand that I have to pay my bills and that the job offer sounds dodgy to me: half of the minimum per hour, being on call Mon-Fri, not a minimum of hours guaranteed, no contract. Even suggested to give it to me by cash so I don’t have to pay taxes so it’s cheaper for me (this is not true because: no tax/no contract = no rights/benefits). Or as an alternative give up my apartment and go to live with them as an Au Pair again.

The problem is that we are not even friends to ask my such a huge favour but I don’t want to ruin our relationship, specially with the kids.

What would you do in my position?

OP posts:
midlifecrash · 23/03/2022 12:58

Never put yourself out for her, never put yourself in the power of this piece of work

Touchmybum · 23/03/2022 13:01

They didn’t plan the baby that well if they failed to factor in childcare! They’re users!

pointythings · 23/03/2022 13:04

My DD1 has just taken a job as a part time nanny to stop the gap between end of studies and finding the right job. She's getting £13.50 an hour.

You'd be mad to do this, they're having a giraffe.

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 23/03/2022 13:10

Sounds like this wouldn't work for you.
Things have changed, you have improved your prospects ... put your big girl pants on and don't feel bad about saying no. There is a better future ahead for you.

thecurtainsofdestiny · 23/03/2022 13:10

No, no and no.

NewPapaGuinea · 23/03/2022 13:23

Why drop the price as they are in a hurry? Should work the other way. Anyway, I would not take this job.

BeforeGodAndAllTheFish · 23/03/2022 13:24

Why would you even consider this?

You didnt go to them looking for a job. You owe them nothing. You dont want to do it. So why are you even making this a thing?

I really dont understand this.

Why do you even think this is something you should consider?

You're happy. You have a job. Sounds like you do babysitting on the side for £12/13 an hour. It is totally mad to consider uprooting your life to look after someone else's baby for a bit of pocket money.

You need to grow a backbone. Just stop being in contact with them.

momtoboys · 23/03/2022 13:40

You are more valuable that you are giving yourself credit for. Its time to disengage from this family.

Howareyouflower · 23/03/2022 13:41

@FormerAupair

Thanks again for your kind comments. It's helping me a lot.

I'm based in the UK. The minimum wage here starting in April is 9.5/h but they don't want to pay near close to that. Anyway I have 7 years experience now and college qualifications so it doesn't make sense working illegally when I'm paying taxes a few years now.

The mum was quite a piece of work when we were living together and apparently it's the same again.

Your last sentence says it all! Just say "No thanks, I have other plans, and then block them. Them saying the baby will suffer if left with a stranger is rubbish....you will be a stranger to the baby too.
emu85 · 23/03/2022 13:45

Has the OP clarified whether she is currently in employment?

dexterslockedintheshedagain · 23/03/2022 13:48

I just can't get past the fact that they think 'you should be there for them'! Utter CFs. Run. Run away. Fast.

Mummyratbag · 23/03/2022 13:50

So...

they want to give you a zero hours contract on half minimum wage

they are awful to work for

and they are emotionally blackmailing you

these people aren't your friends they are CFs of the highest order, I think I can see why they are well off...

StaplesCorner · 23/03/2022 13:50

I too am confused why the OP even considered the "offer" or had to ask. But then notice a few posters think its ok ...

Folk are strange.

implantreplace · 23/03/2022 13:53

@StaplesCorner

I too am confused why the OP even considered the "offer" or had to ask. But then notice a few posters think its ok ...

Folk are strange.

I suspect she considered because she isn’t currently employed
GraceandMolly · 23/03/2022 13:59

YABU to even consider it.
“Thanks, but it doesn’t suit me, this is my wage and working terms now. Good luck with the baby! “

nitsandwormsdodger · 23/03/2022 14:02

The mum sounds emotionally manipulative
If you say no and it changes your relationship then you know they never really cared for you anyway

It’s a career move , if it isn’t an upward improvement say no thanks - do you think they got rich by sacrificing themselves to ex employers ??

xILikeJamx · 23/03/2022 14:05

Let them make a list of all the reasons why you're the best and that you're the only viable option for them and their precious babies.

Then you can say "For all the reasons you have listed, my rate is £15 per hour"

Chloemol · 23/03/2022 14:07

Say no

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 23/03/2022 14:07

If the mother 'only wants the best' for her children, she needs to put her money where her mouth is Hmm

DirectionToPerfection · 23/03/2022 14:09

Where are people getting the idea that OP is currently unemployed? Read the thread. Confused

thecurtainsofdestiny · 23/03/2022 14:10

Posters saying that OP hasn't said if she's employed - it says in the OP that she has an online job.

JudgeJ · 23/03/2022 14:11

@Hadjab

Do you even have to ask?
That's what I can't understand! Why on earth does the OP need to canvass strangers for such a clear cut answer?
implantreplace · 23/03/2022 14:13

@thecurtainsofdestiny

Posters saying that OP hasn't said if she's employed - it says in the OP that she has an online job.
So not at all related to her profession despite “7 years of experience” and training in related fields.

Unless virtually nannying of course!

Hoplesscynic · 23/03/2022 14:14

Voted YABU for 2 reasons - you asking this question in the first place (surely you must know the answer yourself) and YABU for "feeling terrible about the kids". If your relationship changes based on you VERY REASONABLY declining their crock of sh*t offer, that's not on you- that's ALL the parents' fault for being CF and manipulators.

implantreplace · 23/03/2022 14:16

I’d put money on this being the situation

The OP is in a low paid “online” job that is in no way related to her profession
The family reached out to see if available before talking money
The op said looking for work
They leveraged fact they know she’s looking for work and offered a low salary
The OP didn’t decline outright and asking mumsnet because she does need a new job, does want to get back in to that profession and is considering but the money situation is putting her off

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