Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for not wanting to give up my current life for my former Au Pair family?

349 replies

FormerAupair · 23/03/2022 07:59

AIBU?

When I was 20 I did 1.5 years Au Pair job for a family, the conditions where not great but they are nice and we are still in contact. Now in my late twenties I live in the same country as them. They had a planned baby last year and they ask me if I can leave my online job and babysit the baby because they don’t have another option. Now I have 7 years of experience as a nanny/nursery teacher, related studies and also living by myself for a while. With my experience families normally offer me £ 11-13 but they were in a hurry so I told them that I can drop the price until £ 9.5 (the minimum wage). They were upset with my offer saying that was too much, unreasonable and that I should be there for them.

They are wealthy and can afford a nanny so I don’t know why they don’t understand that I have to pay my bills and that the job offer sounds dodgy to me: half of the minimum per hour, being on call Mon-Fri, not a minimum of hours guaranteed, no contract. Even suggested to give it to me by cash so I don’t have to pay taxes so it’s cheaper for me (this is not true because: no tax/no contract = no rights/benefits). Or as an alternative give up my apartment and go to live with them as an Au Pair again.

The problem is that we are not even friends to ask my such a huge favour but I don’t want to ruin our relationship, specially with the kids.

What would you do in my position?

OP posts:
emu85 · 23/03/2022 11:03

I’m guessing that they are trying to get you in order to pay you whatever they paid you on previous country - with much lower living costs and wages

Op. This is a no brainer
You’ve had little to do with them
Don’t like the mother
And the children are much older than when you looked after them
Just decline and move on

katepilar · 23/03/2022 11:04

Please decline the "job offer" and keep the job you are currently in. You dont deserve being treated like this however they try to make you feel bad about it.

TabithaTittlemouse · 23/03/2022 11:07

No, if they want you that badly they need to pay for you.

Fnrrrrrf · 23/03/2022 11:07

Will you be insured if you work cash in hand? I'm self employed in a different industry in the UK and need 3 types of insurance (indemnity, liability vehicle) to do my job, as well as a clause on my home insurance.

You'll surely also need a DBS certificate and some sort of registration - particularly if tye are able to claim for any eyfs funding / tax rebate for childcare.

Surely working below MW is modern slavery?! It makes it harder for employment like this to be viable for others too.

2bazookas · 23/03/2022 11:07

They don't care about you, your job, your flat or your independence; they just want to use you . Once you have no home or other income they'll no doubt cut that dismal pay or start charging you rent.

Live your own life, leave them to live theirs.

Bellyups · 23/03/2022 11:08

Time to grow some balls

Lockdowndramaqueen · 23/03/2022 11:12

Definitely say no thank you politely. Suggest that a new au pair who would benefit from the opportunity might be best as they don’t have the budget for a professional (or choose not to). Send them a link to an au pair agency and wish them luck and say how fondly your think on your time with them at that stage in your life and how it was a good foundation for the career you have developed subsequently. Don’t feel bad about saying no though as they clearly don the respect you are a proper grown up with bills and experience.

Febrier · 23/03/2022 11:14

With my experience families normally offer me £ 11-13 but they were in a hurry so I told them that I can drop the price until £ 9.5 (the minimum wage).

This makes zero sense to me.

Meatshake · 23/03/2022 11:15

@Rickrollme

I can see why you are torn but of course you have to do it! Any decent person would. And it sounds like a fantastic opportunity for you. It’s a win-win!
What the fuck are you smoking?
Febrier · 23/03/2022 11:16

I think we're all being Rick Rolled on this this thread.

jollygreenpea · 23/03/2022 11:17

They're not even offering minimum wage as they think it's too much?

They are awful people that think they have found an idiot in you that's considering doing it, more fool you.

Find your backbone and some gumption because life is full of cf's like these, the only way to deal with them is to say a very strong firm NO every time.

Excited101 · 23/03/2022 11:18

You do realise they’re showing you how little they think of you with a wage that low, right?

They want you because they know you, and they think you’re a pushover. If they really respected you they would offer a decent wage and fully understand if you still didn’t want to return. Taking this job shouldn’t even come close to being on your radar.

icelollycraving · 23/03/2022 11:18

I’m confused why you are even considering it. What’s in it for you? Shit pay, being taken advantage of before even starting, no contract? Give over.

DameHelena · 23/03/2022 11:19

Sorry, they want you to work for £4.75 an hour?
I don't know why you're even entertaining this idea. You say 'the conditions were not great' and you 'are not even friends'; the best you can say about them is 'they are nice'.
If you want the job, tell them again what your rate is and that you won't work without a contract, you won't accept being on call and you need a minimum of hours guaranteed.
I mean, that is the very LEAST you need to ask for. But given how you describe their response to your communications so far, again, I really don't get why you're spending time even considering it.

CrazyTimes123 · 23/03/2022 11:19

They didn’t plan it very well Grin

Or is this a reverse??

TheseDaysGoBy · 23/03/2022 11:21

To me this is a no brainer. You have to live your own life! You don't have to be a people pleaser. Enjoy your own youth and freedom while you can. It sounds like you enjoy your current job and lifestyle. Do not give that up, you will regret it and be miserable

jay55 · 23/03/2022 11:21

Why would you conspire with them to break the law on minimum wage to your own detriment?
Why should you help them get richer while you get poorer?

theemmadilemma · 23/03/2022 11:24

They are attempting to exploit you and are using your kindness to play on guilt and getting you to agree.

No. Just no. You will not and cannot afford to leave a better paid job for them. If they would like to equal your current pay and benefits you would certainly be happy to consider an offer, otherwise, unfortunately they will need to look for alternative help, and wish them luck. Done.

RantyAunty · 23/03/2022 11:25

What horrible people.
They have plenty of options. They just don't want to pay for them.
She would have a slave if she could get away with it!

You have a lot of experience and qualifications now. You're worth far more than minimum wage. Value yourself and your services more.
You'll find that the more you charge, the more respect you'll get.

I remember when I first started freelancing and barely charged anything, just to get some clients. Those people were the most difficult to work for. Had trouble getting paid. They didn't value me or my skills. They really thought I should do it for free.

Years later, I charge a lot. £ £ £ £ £ £
I have companies begging me to do work for them and they don't blink an eye at my rates.

Value yourself!

billy1966 · 23/03/2022 11:25

@Febrier

I think we're all being Rick Rolled on this this thread.
I agree.

That or the OP is smoking something.
🙄

"What will I do?
Live my life in my nice home or go back to skivvying for some bitch and her family because they haven't used me enough and would like another crack at using the arse off me again???? Oh no, what should I do??"🙄🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️

JackieWeaversLaptop · 23/03/2022 11:31

@Rickrollme

I can see why you are torn but of course you have to do it! Any decent person would. And it sounds like a fantastic opportunity for you. It’s a win-win!
Not sure if I’ve understood your post correctly, but how is it a win-win for the OP?
Notimeforaname · 23/03/2022 11:33

With my experience families normally offer me £ 11-13 but they were in a hurry so I told them that I can drop the price until £ 9.5 (the minimum wage).

This makes zero sense to me.

Yea I dont understand this either.

Just stop answering her. And do not take the job.

If she asks again, just tell her you'll be charging £13 per hour. She'll fuck off then.

GoldenLightNights · 23/03/2022 11:33

Sounds messy … say no

Notimeforaname · 23/03/2022 11:34

I can see why you are torn but of course you have to do it! Any decent person would. And it sounds like a fantastic opportunity for you. It’s a win-win!

Are you mental? 😂

ProudAlly · 23/03/2022 11:34

@Rickrollme

I can see why you are torn but of course you have to do it! Any decent person would. And it sounds like a fantastic opportunity for you. It’s a win-win!
Say what now?
Swipe left for the next trending thread