AIBU for not wanting to give up my current life for my former Au Pair family?

[FormerAupair]

AIBU?

When I was 20 I did 1.5 years Au Pair job for a family, the conditions where not great but they are nice and we are still in contact. Now in my late twenties I live in the same country as them. They had a planned baby last year and they ask me if I can leave my online job and babysit the baby because they don’t have another option. Now I have 7 years of experience as a nanny/nursery teacher, related studies and also living by myself for a while. With my experience families normally offer me £ 11-13 but they were in a hurry so I told them that I can drop the price until £ 9.5 (the minimum wage). They were upset with my offer saying that was too much, unreasonable and that I should be there for them.

They are wealthy and can afford a nanny so I don’t know why they don’t understand that I have to pay my bills and that the job offer sounds dodgy to me: half of the minimum per hour, being on call Mon-Fri, not a minimum of hours guaranteed, no contract. Even suggested to give it to me by cash so I don’t have to pay taxes so it’s cheaper for me (this is not true because: no tax/no contract = no rights/benefits). Or as an alternative give up my apartment and go to live with them as an Au Pair again.

The problem is that we are not even friends to ask my such a huge favour but I don’t want to ruin our relationship, specially with the kids.

What would you do in my position?

This isn’t a big deal?

Almost a decade after you leave, old employer approaches you to see if available
They are not offering a price that you are happy with
You decline

Beginning middle and end

No way. Their behaviour is disrespectful and an indication of how you would be treated. Of course they have other options! Paying less than minimum wage wirh no guaranteed hours for someone your age and experience is insulting.

Haha the nerve of them.

@Rickrollme

I can see why you are torn but of course you have to do it! Any decent person would. And it sounds like a fantastic opportunity for you. It’s a win-win!

Eh? Are you the cheeky parents?

I have no idea why you are even having to ask OP. Of course you don't drop everything to "help" out these people. Just tell them sorry you are not available.

I’d turn it down!

They clearly think they can exploit you.

You owe them nothing.

You have your own life and job, your own home, qualifications and they need to look elsewhere if they want a super-cheap au pair!

Just say no.

I think it was a mistake to have even opened negotiations with them rather than thanking them for the offer but saying you have moved on to a different stage of your life. I think just keep being slightly sympathetic and also slightly disinterested saying that you hope that they find the right person for them soon.

She is being pretty cheeky to try to get an experienced person for a proper nanny job at au pair rates. That's not what an au pair is for. Plus au pairing is not a long term thing, they stay until their English (or whatever language) is good enough to move on to a proper job. I was always happy for our au pairs when they moved on to something better. One of them still lives fairly nearby and we keep in contact and I would never expect him to drop everything to do something for me because he's a friend now not an au pair.

I would politely tell them to get fucked!

@DinaofCloud9

Haha the nerve of them.

To offer minimum wage?

I mean it’s not exactly a compelling offer!
But i can’t see they’ve done anything wrong
They offered minimum wage
The op doesn’t want to accept

Op you say you’re living in same country as them. Are we taking about the UK?

@Rickrollme

I can see why you are torn but of course you have to do it! Any decent person would. And it sounds like a fantastic opportunity for you. It’s a win-win!

😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

@Rickrollme

I can see why you are torn but of course you have to do it! Any decent person would. And it sounds like a fantastic opportunity for you. It’s a win-win!

Huh?

You'd have to be bonkers to say yes.
They aren't your friends.
They want to exploit you.

They can get in the sea.

Thanks again for your kind comments. It's helping me a lot.

I'm based in the UK. The minimum wage here starting in April is 9.5/h but they don't want to pay near close to that. Anyway I have 7 years experience now and college qualifications so it doesn't make sense working illegally when I'm paying taxes a few years now.

The mum was quite a piece of work when we were living together and apparently it's the same again.

@emu85

You need to reread the OP's posts. They didn't offer minimum wage.

@Moodycow78

Just don't do it, they don't respect you or your time and just see you as cheap childcare, you don't owe them anything. Block and move on, they're not friends and they clearly don't see you as such.

100% this.

@FormerAupair

Thanks again for your kind comments. It's helping me a lot.

I'm based in the UK. The minimum wage here starting in April is 9.5/h but they don't want to pay near close to that. Anyway I have 7 years experience now and college qualifications so it doesn't make sense working illegally when I'm paying taxes a few years now.

The mum was quite a piece of work when we were living together and apparently it's the same again.

I'm at a loss trying to understand why you would think you are being in any way unreasonable?

Why are you even asking? You had a job which was fine, you left the job, also fine, they want you to go back for less money and think you owe them something? Thats batshit...you say no of course.

You should 'be there for them?' Tell them to jog on.

This is a 'them' problem not a 'you' problem and honestly I don't know why you are considering this at all.

Do you let people walk all over you in other areas of your life? You need to work on your boundaries.

@FormerAupair

Thanks again for your kind comments. It's helping me a lot.

I'm based in the UK. The minimum wage here starting in April is 9.5/h but they don't want to pay near close to that. Anyway I have 7 years experience now and college qualifications so it doesn't make sense working illegally when I'm paying taxes a few years now.

The mum was quite a piece of work when we were living together and apparently it's the same again.

In that case I have to ask, why did you even entertain this, or offer to work for minimum wage?

If you know she's a piece of work, and you know what you're worth based on your experience, why do you need to even ask if you're being unreasonable?

I'm not having a go, I promise. I hope that you will have the confidence in yourself to recognise a situation that's clearly bad for you and say no, rather than needing reassurance first.

Just don't even consider it OP. You genuinely doesn't owe them a single thing. I once worked as an au pair for a woman who in your words was 'quite a piece of work' - looking back I wish I had just quit instead of sitting out the arranged duration I was going to stay with them as she was awful. You have your own career I genuinely am baffled as to why you would even consider dropping that to go and work for them, even for decent pay and conditions never mind below minimum wage, illegal cash in hand no taxes no benefits, zero hours etc - absolute madness to even entertain it for a second. People like this don't give a stuff about you and your life all they are thinking about it what is most convenient and cheap for them.

YABVU for even considering this! Why on earth would you possibly agree to this?!

Absolutely not. They say they don't have another option, but they do ... they can employ someone (not you!) at the going rate for the job. Just say that your life has moved on and that you cannot give up your job and home as a "favour" for them.

Be firm and polite. If they don't like it, that's their problem.