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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bully has Facebook friend requested me

413 replies

planetme · 22/03/2022 22:19

At school, there was a girl in the year above with a reputation for being really "hard". She didn't even know me but when I was about 13 she beat me up in front of loads of people walking home from school. I just remember her pulling me about by my hair and just slapping and punching me over and over again including in my face while all her mates were laughing and encouraging it

I think The worst part was I was with my so called friends, they walked away really fast and let it happen. I think they were scared they'd end up getting hit as well

I never told my parents or school, i wish I had as if it happened to any of my ex (god forbid) I would go to the police. I was too ashamed, I blamed myself

I don't understand why she'd try to friend request me but part of me actually wants to accept her. So I can send a message asking if she remembers what she did to me. Or let her find out from my page that I now have a lovely family, own a very successful, profitable business, drive a Porsche and have a damn good life

Both are pointless so I'll do neither, I am best to just block her

I guess seeing her name pop up has bought it back a bit and I just wanted to get it down.

OP posts:
Mfsf · 24/03/2022 18:41

See , I’m more of a “revenge dish served cold “ kind of person . Do you know anything about her ?
I would confront her about what she did ,if she apologised I would just leave it at that, if not I would follow it up by probably finding everything I could about her and make her life her .
But I truly hate bullies and I don’t forgive easily

HarlanPepper · 24/03/2022 18:42

Quickly learn kung-fu and then challenge her to a rematch.

Hankunamatata · 24/03/2022 18:42

People rewrite history in their heads. They day it was banter, everyone has a scrap at school, it was just a joke etc etc

Hashbr0wn · 24/03/2022 18:42

This reminds me of the story recently about Sam Fender whose bullies want him to play their weddings and he tells them to fuck off...Poetic justice 😂

Jellbones · 24/03/2022 18:43

I am so sorry that this happened to you. Look forward - not back. Hard to do but worth it. x

downbythewoods · 24/03/2022 18:43

My bully did that to me and it turns out he wanted to apologise. He explained about his troubled childhood and other factors that made him feel threatened by me (I was dating his friend). He took 100% responsibility and was incredibly regretful for the 5 years of abuse he threw at me. At my request, he even contacted his friend (my ex) and various other people to express regret and take responsibility for it all. It felt so good to set the record straight and get closure. I get the feeling he was in therapy and had been advised to right past wrongs... apparently that's a common thang in AA. So you never know...

maria57 · 24/03/2022 18:44

[quote Skiornottoski]@maria57

Surely you’re blaming the wrong person
The sister should have out her sister straight!![/quote]
Well she did'nt... so she was at fault! In fact both of them where! The point is I got the last say on the matter...does not matter how long it took!!

alwaysontheloo · 24/03/2022 18:46

@ValerieCupcake What a vile thing to bring a horrible school nickname her bully boyfriend told her into work. Sounds like they were well matched Angry

@MrsPetty
Your friend sounds ace! I wish I'd had a friend like that. I hope you find her!

vinoinveritas · 24/03/2022 18:50

So glad to hear you have moved past it all and got a happy and very successful life now. Things normally work out well for nice people. I’m sure she’s just being nosey and jealous. It will annoy her more if you just totally ignore her!

OMG13 · 24/03/2022 18:54

You don’t have to accept her request to get in touch, I believe that you can simply message her. It might make you feel better to simply ask why she would imagine that you’d want to be in touch with her again after the appalling way she treated you at school. Or has she forgotten? Just a thought.

Tillyboo123 · 24/03/2022 18:55

I would send a message saying
Hi there given you were such an awful bitch to me, I am really quite surprised as to why you have sent a friend request?
Even if it is as other have suggested "triggering" she can't hurt you and you can have the last laugh...... maybe I am just petty!

ElizabethBoland · 24/03/2022 19:01

Send her a message telling her what a vile person she was, wait for her to read it then block her

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 24/03/2022 19:02

Tell her what she did and how it affected you are tell her you don't have dogs like her on your Facebook.

Clarich007 · 24/03/2022 19:06

Hi OP
This happened to me, but in person.This was about 3 years ago.
I was queuing in M&S for euros.She recognised me but not me her.
I was so taken aback I just froze, smiled and had a chat.I was so annoyed with myself ,I wanted to rip her head off really .
She was so pleasant all throughout, an told me all about the other girl( monster) who spent months bullying me because I was bright, enjoyed school and did well.
I felt so shaken by it that I had to go to their cafe for a coffee to calm down.
It was horrible, you have my sympathy.I do know this though, that if ever I do see her again, I will definitely tell her .

hellobonsoir · 24/03/2022 19:07

I was bullied at school and by a parent - mental and physical abuse. I'm ashamed to say that at a young age I became a bully and didn't have the strength of character or maturity to cope and to rise above the things that were going on in my life.

I'm not excusing bullying but bullies can change as I have done. I think bullying in the workplace as an adult is very different from bullying as a very young person.

OliveLover01 · 24/03/2022 19:07

My university bullies did this. They didn’t beat me up but they made my life hell and even when I left to go travelling they used to send me emails which reduced me to tears and anxiety attacks. A few years later, when Facebook first started, they friend requested me. I just ignored. A good decision. I had friends who knew them and they were all still clic-y and hadnt changed. I think they just wanted to nose.

This has likely brought up lots of old feelings. Whether you block her or ignore the request or even accept it, those feelings need to be acknowledged and worked through. What she wants isn’t relevant and how she feels at your successes won’t be tangible to you because she isn’t going to tell you she is envious or impressed. So I would suggest you focus on working through those feelings that have come up. Once you do, you’ll surprise yourself at how little it matters to you whether she requested your Facebook friendship or is sorry or jealous… take care of yourself. She doesn’t deserve anything from you. Xxxx

Seema1234 · 24/03/2022 19:08

I'd decline and then forget her. Put her back where she belongs in history.

I had someone at work who was horrible to me. She was rude and dismissive. She sent me a friend invite in FB and I declined it. The next few weeks I could feel her eyes piercing into the back of my head in the office. GrinShe never asked me outright , it was just this elephant in the room. I'm so glad I did it though.

grlwhowrites · 24/03/2022 19:08

I would hope she's done some growing up and would want to apologise for the horrible thing she did to you, but knowing what the bullies were like at my school, she's probably got roped into some shitty MLM and will be only too glad to forget what she did to you in the hopes you'll buy her subpar, overpriced products.

I hope I'm wrong but that's been my experience with a lot of former bullies/mean girls. Check your DMs/message requests and see if there's anything in there.

LYSHB · 24/03/2022 19:13

My first thought was MLM too

1ittlegreen · 24/03/2022 19:17

This happened to me and she requested twice and I blocked both times. You don't need that in your adult life.

HELLITHURT · 24/03/2022 19:19

@1ittlegreen

This happened to me and she requested twice and I blocked both times. You don't need that in your adult life.
How if you blocked her once, did she get through again?

Do you mean declined her once?

energywavering · 24/03/2022 19:25

Bullies are strange and unhappy people.
They tend to envy or idolise their victim to the point they feel unhappy about themselves. If she's trying to add you it's because she still thinks about you. It's weird and I think you should ignore it OP x

Mandyjack · 24/03/2022 19:26

@IVFConfusion

On my 3rd day at secondary school. A much bigger girl 2 years above beat me up in front of lots of people too. All I asked of my so called best friend then was to look after my school bag whilst I was getting battered. She left it in the bush and disappeared. That was worse than the beating.
Hope you dropped as quick as she left you and your bag
Sleepingboynexttome · 24/03/2022 19:29

Send her a message and defend your younger self by telling her exactly why you would never accept her friendship request (and that you hope she rots in hell)

KeepingAnOpenMind · 24/03/2022 19:33

Message her how you feel then block.
Sweet karma.