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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My bully has Facebook friend requested me

413 replies

planetme · 22/03/2022 22:19

At school, there was a girl in the year above with a reputation for being really "hard". She didn't even know me but when I was about 13 she beat me up in front of loads of people walking home from school. I just remember her pulling me about by my hair and just slapping and punching me over and over again including in my face while all her mates were laughing and encouraging it

I think The worst part was I was with my so called friends, they walked away really fast and let it happen. I think they were scared they'd end up getting hit as well

I never told my parents or school, i wish I had as if it happened to any of my ex (god forbid) I would go to the police. I was too ashamed, I blamed myself

I don't understand why she'd try to friend request me but part of me actually wants to accept her. So I can send a message asking if she remembers what she did to me. Or let her find out from my page that I now have a lovely family, own a very successful, profitable business, drive a Porsche and have a damn good life

Both are pointless so I'll do neither, I am best to just block her

I guess seeing her name pop up has bought it back a bit and I just wanted to get it down.

OP posts:
balalake · 24/03/2022 18:01

My response would depend perhaps on how long ago this was. Perhaps also if I had a clue as to the life the bully now lived.

nannygoat50 · 24/03/2022 18:03

I’d delete request and move in and be the better person . You didn’t need or want her in your life then and you don’t now 👍🏻

LoobyLoo515 · 24/03/2022 18:03

Facebook is for friends. She’s not your friend. End of,

KatherineJaneway · 24/03/2022 18:05

You don’t get to tell people how to respond to their own traumas. How rude hmm bullying is very damaging and sometimes that damage is incredibly difficult to fix.

Whenever there is a thread about bullying on MN there are various dissenting voices telling people to basically get over it.

Totally agree. Just because one person is now OK, doesn't mean we all should be.

Gonnagetgoing · 24/03/2022 18:06

Experiences re bullies. My high school bully spent years “finding herself” cue lots of YouTube videos of her (now deleted) where she whines how unhappy she is, digging deep, finding herself, it’s sooooo painful. Yuck. Funnily enough she rediscovered her passion won’t post here as outing but went to college uni late and got a degree good for her. But has worked selling makeup for 3 brands now in a department store as well as her other work. Am tempted to swing by the department store with a friend making comments but not worth my while. She’s lost a lot of weight (was fat as a teenager) and rather than bleached blonde hair is natural. Still has a bitchy sneer on her face. I’m pleased she’s done things like connected with her natural father etc and I know she’s done a few dodgy jobs (think exotic dancing). But I still can’t get over her cornering me in a classroom or a door to the PE block and threatening me. Part of it was because I didn’t want to hang around her and her best mate and found my own friends when I started at her school.

Hobnob90 · 24/03/2022 18:07

100% would just block and not waste anymore time thinking about her. She probably has sent the request to have a snoop on your profile. Although is tempting to see if she has anything to say.

maybloss2 · 24/03/2022 18:11

Hi op, I had something similar happen years ago, though not on social media.. I was walking down the street when I saw heading towards me, the notorious school bully who had made some of my school years hell. She had slimmed down and looked happy and healthy, tho when at school she was fat & unhappy. As we passed she gave me a lovely smile and said hello how nice to see you. I was so flabbergasted I couldn’t think of a quick reply and the moment passed. I berated myself for a while at not running after her and demanding an apology, but eventually realised that the small glimpse of her as an adult had cleared the ‘ghost’ from my past.
Don’t be tempted to revisit. Better to work out any issues with a counsellor IMO.

Poppingmad123 · 24/03/2022 18:11

Same thing happened to me. My so called friends let the bullies push me around on my way home from school and not one of them stuck up for me. They just watched! On one occasion, I was in a classroom with my so called friends & the bully asked one of my friends to get everyone to leave the room, which she did, so that the bully could intimidate me. Bully didnt have the guts to do it in front of everyone because deep down they are gutless shitbags. I had pretty disgusting “friends” too & a couple are on my fb who I will block now. Anyway, I heard the bully got married early, and then divorced because her husband turned out to be a wife beater. I don’t condone that behaviour but sometimes I’m glad karma works!

bellocchild · 24/03/2022 18:12

I think you should block her too - but there is a fair chance she doesn't actually actually remember doing it. It was just what she did then, because she could.

maria57 · 24/03/2022 18:14

I had a problem with a girl from my past who blamed me for the bad behaviour of her sister. She fell out with me and we never spoke again. I was a different person back then and stupidly took the blame which made me ill and I was so upset that she fell out with me.

Needless to say you live and learn and i've worked on myself and wont take shit no more from anyone. Most recently I received a Friend request from this girl...I did not accept it...but I did send her a message saying " I dont understand why you would be requesting my friendship?? You havent bothered in the years that have passed...you blamed me for your sisters behaviour when it was never my fault! I am no longer the person I was back then and would no longer put up with such crap...so I wont be accepting your friendship request...I wish you no harm...good luck for the future. I felt after sending that message it put a line under the situation never to be addressed again.

Littlebittasunshine · 24/03/2022 18:15

Have you checked your 'others' inbox to make sure she hasn't tried to send you a message?

Hmm1234 · 24/03/2022 18:17

Confront her like hey it’s strange you’re friend requesting me remember when you used to bully me. She will probably deny it school bullies tend to come back being nosey especially if your adult life is now better than hers lol

octopuseyes · 24/03/2022 18:18

Defo block and forget her.

PUGMEISTER21 · 24/03/2022 18:20

I would just ignore her. She is not worthy of your time or thoughts.

Theblacksheepandme · 24/03/2022 18:24

KatherineJaneway

You don’t get to tell people how to respond to their own traumas. How rude hmm bullying is very damaging and sometimes that damage is incredibly difficult to fix.

Whenever there is a thread about bullying on MN there are various dissenting voices telling people to basically get over it.

Totally agree. Just because one person is now OK, doesn't mean we all should be.

@KatherineJaneway Did you actually read my response to this?

Theblacksheepandme · 24/03/2022 18:27

maria57
I had a problem with a girl from my past who blamed me for the bad behaviour of her sister. She fell out with me and we never spoke again. I was a different person back then and stupidly took the blame which made me ill and I was so upset that she fell out with me.
Needless to say you live and learn and i've worked on myself and wont take shit no more from anyone. Most recently I received a Friend request from this girl...I did not accept it...but I did send her a message saying " I dont understand why you would be requesting my friendship?? You havent bothered in the years that have passed...you blamed me for your sisters behaviour when it was never my fault! I am no longer the person I was back then and would no longer put up with such crap...so I wont be accepting your friendship request...I wish you no harm...good luck for the future. I felt after sending that message it put a line under the situation never to be addressed again.

What did she say you did to her sister?

munner · 24/03/2022 18:27

Do nothing, let her hang.

Skiornottoski · 24/03/2022 18:31

@maria57

Surely you’re blaming the wrong person
The sister should have out her sister straight!!

cavalier · 24/03/2022 18:32

Don’t fret … I know how this can trigger a person.. ..
just ignore totally … hopefully she’ll go away

alwaysontheloo · 24/03/2022 18:33

Don't delete or block, just leave the bitch hanging on 'friend request'.
She can get to fuck.

alwaysontheloo · 24/03/2022 18:35

@munner sorry just read your reply! Great minds Grin

Parth · 24/03/2022 18:38

No point blocking her. Just reject her Friend Request and move on.

Longleggedgiraffe · 24/03/2022 18:39

She's already wrong-footed you and put herself in your headspace. Ignore and block immediately.

Mandyjack · 24/03/2022 18:40

You could message her without accepting her as a friend but TBH think you should block her and carry on enjoying your life.

maria57 · 24/03/2022 18:40

Well she didnt...the sister was very sly. I have since heard they no longer speak. .. Both of them were at fault.