I genuinely don't believe he is trying to control me. I should be clear that he does not actually stop me from doing what I want to do, I just get a bit fed up at being met with a wall of sulking (even if it is through anxiety) every time I am trying to help others on my own terms.
This is an interesting example of it really not mattering a jolt what you believe.
It honestly sounds as if you change your behaviour, or at least would want to change your behaviour to avoid his sulking.
You say how long the sulking lasts. It is actually not long, I will reassure him that I have taken measures so that things don't inconvenience him and then generally he stops.
Sounds a lot like changing your behaviours to stop him sulking to me. If he didn't sulk, you wouldn't 'take those measures'
Don't get me wrong, partners, people in a healthy relationship can and do adjust themselves around each other. He doesn't seem to be able to communicate other than just by sulking til he gets his own way.
Really not attractive is it?
Likewise, he "stops you doing things for your friends and accepts requests for you to do things for his circle without checking with you".
If that isn't an attempt to change your behaviour ...
Your thread would not be the first time someone posts in MN something and then are surprised , maybe even horrified how other people see something that seems ok to them, because they have got used to it. Even expected, as you say you did, mostly people to expect you to prioritise your partner.
I would encourage you to read this several times and take some time to see how it chimes with your experience.
To take just one example, I am usually pretty happy to be asked to do things and delighted to help. But if someone offered my services, without checking with me, in the way you have described, there is just no chance that I would do it, whatever it was.
Because I really do need to be involved in those kind of questions. Even at work, my boss would always ask me to do something, not tell someone else that I will do something. It's a courtesy because I am an independent adult
There is every sign from what you have written that he uses sulking to control you.
Telling us that he doesn't mean to etc matters nothing. What matters is that you change your behaviour in response to his sulks.
That's controlling.
And as for your original question, he doesn't actually begrudge using your time to help people, so long as they are people he has agreed to 'allow' you to help. It's only people you have chosen to help that he begrudges that help (and potential to build your network of help in future when you might need it)
It's really up to you what you do with this information. I'd encourage you to accept it in the spirit of curiosity, consider whether there might be a point.
What happens, for instance, if you say no to him. Does he shrug, say that's a pity and continue his way rejoicing ? Or does he sulk until you comply? Can you think of an example when you have said no to him?
It's a really interesting thing to do, early in any relationship to see what happens.