Upset over partners mortgage AIBU

[Mfsf]

My partner moved in 2 years ago , prior to this I lived alone with my 2 kids and paid all my bills and consider myself quite independent financially .
When he moved in it meant he had to leave his job abroad . He found a job straight away but he earns half of what I do . So basically I kept paying everything as I already did it anyway and he pays some food shopping when he comes shopping with us . I have a ok wage but I don’t have much after paying for everything myself and now 3 children , with covid some months I even struggled this year , but normally enough to visit my family abroad and a small holiday that my kids love and got used too and that we have always done .
We have since had a baby together .
I actually do not mind the financial burden is mostly on me all of the time , with his wages he is paying his mortgage and child support for his child ( obviously this last is 100% fine and essential) .
My issue now is he cannot afford to go on holiday , even if I pay for it he will still have his mortgage and it would mean he would not earn for those weeks .
This has really upset me , this is not something I want to take away from my kids . Why should I stop myself from giving my kids what they are used too so he can have a empty house that he pays mortgage for? He refuses to let it too .
He has this “ idealistic idea “ that it’s something he can leave his son , which is fine but not only he still has 20 years of mortgage to pay but his ex wife is still in the mortgage despite not paying for it since they divorced 7 years ago . So I’m expected to never be able to go on holiday or even contemplate a place together simply because he likes the idea to have a home ?
I love him , the kids love him but I admit the fact he pays towards this completely separate life to us and expects me to make sacrifices is really starting to make me resent him .
To make it “ worse “ my youngest eventually will need some childcare and I’m pretty sure he is assuming I will pay for it or just work with her at home ( I do work from home but I have constant meetings and we did discuss I would need at least a few days a week of childcare as I have meetings and constant phone calls )
Am I being unreasonable to fell upset ?

Didn’t you say his ex sings his praises? Looking at it from her pov, he is a good dad and ex. He sends child support, pays the entire mortgage on their joint property and treats the dc well, visits them, including her first child.

But all of his eggs are in one basket. And it’s not with his current partner and their shared children. It’s like he’s saying - I’ll take care of my former life, you take care of my current one. I don’t doubt he’s a good dad in some ways. But he’s very stuck in rigid thinking.

Then there’s the safety net aspect of the house. Whether or not he cares to admit it, that house is his safety net. You said yourself you think he will leave if you split.

He moved to the U.K. to be with you, didn’t he? That shouldn’t be an excuse to live off you long term and it is ridiculous to envisage this going on until the house is paid off in 20 years. And has he thought about the depreciation on an empty house? It will date and decay if not maintained and kept warm. Costs. Costs. Costs.

@Realbecca I thought the same and even if his ex wife's abroad and living there mortgage free too

There’s something odd about this and I can’t help feeling he is lying to you. Has he mentioned giving anything to the child he has with you as well as his older child? I mean, who would pay towards an empty house when they can’t really afford to, and when getting tenants in would be an easy remedy. Why would he still have his ex wife’s name on the house? Doesn’t make any sense at all, sorry.

all of his eggs are in one basket. And it’s not with his current partner and their shared children. It’s like he’s saying - I’ll take care of my former life, you take care of my current one. I don’t doubt he’s a good dad in some ways. But he’s very stuck in rigid thinking.

This is so true. He probably hasn't deliberately set out to do this, but that's how it's ended up.

He is sponging off you. What happens if for some reason you lose your job? No job is for life even if you work for yourself. He is working so no help from the state for you and your children. You have to make that clear to him. And get him to sort out his priorities. If his child is staying in the house, he should be paying rent to cut the mortgage burden. If the house is empty, he should be selling it.

@Mfsf
1.Absolutely take your kids on holidays!
2.Ask him to rent, air bnb or sell his property
3.Calculate his contribution towards the place he is living now, household expenses and his 1 child and illustrate the gap in your expectations, which effectively his debt to you.The property income+his low wage can help close the gap and repay the debt.
I ve been there, when a woman is a high earner and comfortable men just become so emasculated, dependent and relaxed about the whole thing.Of course you will resent him, stop letting him near you and you probably know how it ends.Act now, but dont deprive your kids.

Yikes. He is mooching off you big time. Is he paying the entire mortgage. Should his ex not be paying half if she is on it to?

Haven't RTFT but sounds like he's still married and wife and child happily residing in the family home.