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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DF giving £200k to DB

250 replies

PercyGoat · 21/03/2022 21:53

DH & I own our house (mortgaged). We both earn good money and we work hard for it. We lack for nothing and we do treat ourselves.

My older DB lives in a house share. He hates the idea of owing money to anyone. He has a big deposit already but not enough money to buy something outright.

DF called me a few days ago. He is about to retire and his pension is not enough to cover his bills. He owns some assets (~£500k plus) in addition to main house but he does not have enough cash from pension each month. He said he also has cash savings but reluctant to spend. He did not ask but I said - don't worry i can transfer you £500 each month to help out.

Today, DM called me and said she had an argument with DF. DF is using his cash and selling some assets to buy DB £200k to buy a flat outright.

AIBU to be angry?

OP posts:
LJAKS · 21/03/2022 21:57

I think that's his choice and he can do so if he wishes I suppose, but I would absolutely be reneging on the £500 a month offer. That's essentially you then bankrolling the flat for your brother in some roundabout way.

Quitso · 21/03/2022 22:00

Who will own the flat? Might be ok if your DB pays rent?

Otherwise I would stare clearly and unemotionally that this is unfair and to not expect any future help.

Moodycow78 · 21/03/2022 22:04

Well it's unfair to only give to one child, I couldn't do it. If I were you I wouldn't be giving DF £500 a month though, he can afford his retirement he's choosing not to by giving his money away, his choice but not your responsibility.

AnneLovesGilbert · 21/03/2022 22:04

Oh my god. That’s crazy! Of course you’re angry, you’re being taken for a mug.

Blossomtoes · 21/03/2022 22:04

Don’t bother being angry. Just cancel the direct debit. If he has so much capital I don’t understand why you even offered it.

Whitney168 · 21/03/2022 22:07

Why on earth did you ever make that offer to someone with substantial assets and cash savings they just didn’t fancy spending anyway?

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 21/03/2022 22:08

Why are you giving money to someone because they are ‘reluctant’ to spend theirs?
If you want to give your brother money do it directly.

SucculentChalice · 21/03/2022 22:09

Your DF is ridiculous. If his pension doesn't give him enough money to live on then he needs to liquidate his assets in order to provide an income. With 500k in assets on top of his main home, he could buy a pension I think? I'd also be pretty unimpressed by your DB being given 200k for being an idle waster and you nothing.

Absolutely do not give him £500 a month (particularly when you have a mortgage to pay) and I'd be tempted to tell him how you feel as these things tend to fester otherwise.

Surely its also your DM's decision?

Shinyandnew1 · 21/03/2022 22:12

don't worry i can transfer you £500 each month to help out.

I think it’s bizarre that was your first solution to his ‘problem’?!

Not, ‘well, if you can’t afford your bills then-:’
1.Carry on working

  1. Sell some of your assets

Were you planning to give him £500 a month forever?!

Cocomarine · 21/03/2022 22:14

Yeah, I’d be angry.
But I’m so curious as to why you just offered someone with half a million in assets £500 a month.

Original poster
PercyGoat · 21/03/2022 22:14

Oh believe me, I'm stopping the £500. Only made 1 transfer so far anyway.

The flat will be in DB's name. He will not pay anything to my parents.

The assets are in DF's name and he was just informing DM of the plan. DM said that they can't afford to give anything to DB or to me until they understand their own financial situation better. I agree with DM!

OP posts:
Blossomtoes · 21/03/2022 22:14

I'd also be pretty unimpressed by your DB being given 200k for being an idle waster and you nothing

OP hasn’t said her brother’s an “idle waster”. Why would OP’s dad give her anything when she’s well off enough to offer him £6k a year?

CatherinedeBourgh · 21/03/2022 22:15

Maybe your brother is going to give him money every month in exchange?

I know someone who had this arrangement with his father. He got some of the father's assets towards his house, and paid him back in lieu of paying a mortgage.

CatherinedeBourgh · 21/03/2022 22:16

x post!

Original poster
PercyGoat · 21/03/2022 22:17

@Shinyandnew1

don't worry i can transfer you £500 each month to help out.

I think it’s bizarre that was your first solution to his ‘problem’?!

Not, ‘well, if you can’t afford your bills then-:’
1.Carry on working

  1. Sell some of your assets

Were you planning to give him £500 a month forever?!

I was offering £500/month for the time DF would take to liquidate his assets. I had no expectation of repayment but at the same time I never expect him to give a chunk to DB.
OP posts:
Original poster
PercyGoat · 21/03/2022 22:20

@CatherinedeBourgh

Maybe your brother is going to give him money every month in exchange?

I know someone who had this arrangement with his father. He got some of the father's assets towards his house, and paid him back in lieu of paying a mortgage.

No, it'a an outright gift. No repayment or anything.

DB will not have any repayment commitment... don't ask!

OP posts:
Georgeskitchen · 21/03/2022 22:23

I hope you've told him you want the 500 quid back that you've given the cheeky fucker!!

Chloemol · 21/03/2022 22:27

I suppose it’s his choice

But as you have done I wouldn’t be giving him the £500 pm and won’t be helping him later on if he runs out of money as he can go to your db for that

As others have said though if he can’t afford to retire why is he? What’s going to happen once he has got through the £300k left once your brother gets his bit?

Why can’t your father buy the flat in his name and your brother pay rent? Or load the money to your brother and he relays it?

I intensely dislike it when parents treat children differently,

Getoutofbed25 · 21/03/2022 22:32

I would be querying it…..dad, mum has told me you have given DB £200k, I’m struggling to understand why you would do this when you don't currently have sufficient income and I’m helping out? You obviously have enough money to see you through so I’m going to be putting my payment to you on hold until we establish the exact financial position you are in.

Enzbear · 21/03/2022 22:35

Of course your DF can pay his bills, he has £200k spare.
Why on earth would you offer to help someone out who has £500k of assets and cash savings. They don't need helping out. Bizarre if this is real.

OnTheBoardwalk · 21/03/2022 22:41

His money his choice as it is yours. Good on you at stopping the £500

Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns · 21/03/2022 22:41

YescShock

Original poster
PercyGoat · 21/03/2022 22:43

DF has £500k in assets. He also has cash savings but i don't know how much. He said he is worried as his pension does not cover his bills. I thought i was being helpful while he figures out how to liquidate his assets.

I didn't know that he was liquidating assets to gift £200k to my DB!! This was a complete shock. But it's more about how unfair it all is.

I'm the one who always helps out.

OP posts:
Underfrighter · 21/03/2022 22:50

Have you spoken to your brother about it OP? Or is that not an option? I wouldnt take effectively half my parents retirement fund and potentially deprive them of quality care in old age just because I chose not to owe money to someone

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 21/03/2022 22:51

He needs to take proper advice on issues like deprivation of assets should either of them need long term care.

He should also consider if there are Inheritance Tax issues.