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Original poster

7rd old fucking football

210 replies

footballfckers · 21/03/2022 11:50

I just wrote out a whole post and then accidentally deleted it.

Really pissed off about football for seven-year-olds and really upset. I am not a person who cries but today I cried. I had a cal from a private sports club who run football training once a week. My son who is 7 was having a 3 week taster and they called today to say he isn't good enough abs can't come back. I am so upset for him. He is such a sensitive little boy who just wants to play and learn.

He plays in a small after school club once a week but can't get him into the village football club either. To get in the village club it seems to be either who you know or sending a WhatsApp at the right moment. My husband has offered to do the Coaching qualifications and now I am thinking maybe we need to make a 'donation'.

He was offered a space in November but was having eye surgery so I asked if he could come in Jan. Tbey said yes and then ghosted me in January.

I don't want to be 'that' parent but my 7yr old needs someone to speak for him and sort these things out. He just wants to play football with his friends.

It's fucking ridiculous.

OP posts:
TheUsualShitshow · 22/03/2022 11:30

That's what a trial is for though, to see how he fits with the existing team.

MrsAvocet · 22/03/2022 12:15

@notanothertakeaway

Rejection of your children is so painful. Don’t ever go to an audition or for tryouts unless you are certain that you can all handle a no

@Catkitkat As we go through life, we have to learn to face rejection. I don't think it's feasible to hide from it for ever

This is very true, but the key bit is "forever". I think that there are key life skills to be learned from competition as a child, be that in sport, music or whatever. Learning to handle failure/rejection is one of those and I don't subscribe to the "everyone's a winner every time" ethos at all. But there should be a hierarchy in any activity, so that everyone can participate at some level. Yes, if you go for county or higher trials as an athelete, or for an associate programme, youth ballet etc as a dancer, you need to be prepared to receive a "no". But that shouldn't stop you from being able to play with a grassroots team or have ballet lessons in a local school. And it seems to be getting on the first step that the OP is having problems with. A 7 year old shouldn't be having to learn to deal with rejection in that context. The point that people have made about capacity is a very fair one. We sometimes have to turn kids away at the sports club I help run for that very reason. But it's always explained that capacity is the reason, not ability, and our selection is made entirely on order of application. Yes, some of our kids do go on to higher levels in our sport and then they definitely will have to go through selection processes and face rejection, which is perfectly reasonable. But in my opinion, nobody should be excluded from any kind of sport at grassroots level on the basis of ability. We need children to be more active and to enjoy physical activity. Telling them they are useless at the age of 7 is hardly conducive to that.
Caiti19 · 22/03/2022 12:35

100% agree @MrsAvocet.

Catkitkat · 22/03/2022 12:47

@Pigsears

Try hockey.

I've found football and ballet to be the most competitive.

Followed closely by gymnastics and boys cricket (not girls so much)

Sport where we live is incredibly competitive (and expensive)- and trying to get in requires some serious negotiation skills, making the right phone calls, putting them on waiting lists, following up, volunteering, fund raising etc

once in, skill does play a massive part in the more competitive teams- however, not every child wants to be a star in the Royal Ballet or an Olympic athlete. Needs to be a middle ground- so hard to find the right club for the right sport at the right time.

I hope you find the right club (a club...) for your son.

Yes! We are in both football and hockey with two of DCs, and compared to their other siblings who are into other sports/activities, these two stand out by a mile. I suppose there is a subjective element to both these when it comes to auditions and tryouts? Particularly ballet will break your heart a hundred times over. Dancing DC has learnt so many lessons and is now very resilient but we always keep an eye on the balance between acceptance/rejection.
Catkitkat · 22/03/2022 12:47

Sorry! That should say ballet, not hockey

Pigsears · 22/03/2022 12:54

@MrsAvocet absolutely 💯

NothingIsWrong · 22/03/2022 13:55

Rugby has been the way forward for us, DS and DD2 both play - more girls getting into it now, and my husband is pushing for a girls Y7-Y11 provision to be set up as our DD is currently Y4 (he is offering to organise and coach, not just letting others do it!)

I have met some good friends at the side of the freezing cold rugby pitch and it's nice for the kids to have friends who they aren't at school with

Courgetteandbeans · 22/03/2022 17:41

Have you got a Grasshopper soccer group nearby? My daughter goes, it's about having fun, not how good you are or who you know grasshoppersoccer.co.uk/#about

Nikkibrad · 22/03/2022 17:44

Mine tried football but loved rugby. Most coaches I have found are very hot on respect and don't take any shit from pushy parents. Plus a lot of clubs play mixed ability teams upto around 14 years..Nice atmosphere with training and matches. Never looked back.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 22/03/2022 17:55

Funnily enough my DS's team coach contacted me today to say he is thinking of splitting the boys by ability. DS would be in the (ahem) "developing" group. I am fine with this - hope DS is too!

GrowingUpIsATrap · 22/03/2022 17:55

My ex runs our son's football team and according to the Football Association it isn't supposed to be competitive until they're much older. Its supposed to be about instilling an understanding of the game and good sporting behaviour. They aren't even supposed to publicly announce the match results until they are at secondary school (this could be a local football association rule though, rather than national).
If your local team won't accept him, is there another you can find that isn't too far away?
It is nice your hubby to offer to volunteer but it is a huge amount of work.... Marking out the pitch, organising matches, accepting that your weekends are football focused between august-april, with other sporting competitions in between, dealing with parents who disagree with coaching decisions to let all kids play for an equal time rather than focus on 'winning', dealing with other coaches who swear and shout at their teams (when the kids were 9/10!!!).
My son is 12 now and the team's broad understanding of the game has definitely helped them to progress and do well, without letting any of the kids feel like they're missing out.
There will be teams locally who have a different mentality to 'win win win', you just need to find them. Some of the kids who were technically poorer when they started age 6/7 are now doing really well and more importantly their confidence has improved.
I hope you find something for him :)

Rover83 · 22/03/2022 18:05

My DD wanted to join an under 6's team, it wasn't a try out though they just let them all play. However all the girls have since quit as it is already very obvious that some of the boys and parents take it very seriously and think they are Ronaldo, my DD just wanted to play for fun really. I will say even at 5 some of the kids are clearly good and some are not. She now goes to a evening franchise group where they play non competitively and she loves it.

Clarabe1 · 22/03/2022 18:16

That’s awful and it it has just bought back a horrid memory for me. I was about that age when our bastard of a headmaster said I couldn’t join the school choir because I ‘wasn’t good enough’ There was me and just one other kid who had to sit out. It ruined my confidence and when I heard he had Alzheimer’s a few years back I was uncharitably rather happy about it.
There are things in life that you have to be rather good at but a 7 year old playing a game of footy? Poor kid, I feel for him.

berlinbabylon · 22/03/2022 18:18

But in my opinion, nobody should be excluded from any kind of sport at grassroots level on the basis of ability. We need children to be more active and to enjoy physical activity. Telling them they are useless at the age of 7 is hardly conducive to that

Also agree 100% and this only seems to be an issue with football (which is odd, as there are leagues with different divisions, so clubs can have different teams at different levels - yet still kids' faces/skills (or their parents' faces) don't fit and they're kicked out).

I'd look for another sport. My son did and ended up representing England.

itsalwayscycling · 22/03/2022 18:21

@BeforeGodAndAllTheFish

Get him signed up to rugby. Mini's rugby doesnt have this nonsense.

I tried to sign my just turned 8 year old up to football and was told they dont take kids that old who haven't played and trained on a team before.
Football coaches take it way too seriously for kids. I think it is part of what creates the nasty culture within football.

Kid's rugby is nothing like that. They'll let kids of any talent join and really work with them to help them learn.

Totally this. In my son's team (U15s) there are boys who've been in the team since they were 4 or 5 up to boys who only started playing rugby this year -and they all get to play.
ivykaty44 · 22/03/2022 18:26

get him into another sport, he will make friends in another sporting area - try cyclings clubs. Many have junior clubs and through the winter do cycle cross and the summer months racings on closed road circuits

try athletics, judo, karate, all these sports he should make friends out of school

If a coach is writing off a boy at sport at 7 years old there is something seriously wrong

ivykaty44 · 22/03/2022 18:26

thats with the coach not the boy

ivykaty44 · 22/03/2022 18:28

Get him signed up to rugby. Mini's rugby doesnt have this nonsense.

agree

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 22/03/2022 18:42

I'd try another sport. Football is very competitive, in my sons team they rarely accept new players. There's loads of teams around here as there's 4 leagues so we're lucky. Many of the boys in his team have been in it for years. The regular matches combined with the tournaments, make it so competitive. Rugby is meant to be so welcoming, I wanted my son to try it but he wasn't interested.

Mandyjack · 22/03/2022 18:48

Unfortunately in life we have to learn to cope with rejection. I know Mums whose kids play football too and they've also had similar rejections. You can't buy him a place because he will get older and what will you do if he's not good enough for the club he tries out for?
Can he not play for a school club instead? Just get him to try again next time and hopefully he will get in.

twinmum2007 · 22/03/2022 19:30

Is there ,a local rugby club he could join. At 7 it's all about running and catching & team.play so he won't get bashed. My kids loved it & preferred it to football.

Okaaaay · 22/03/2022 19:31

That makes me absolutely boil for you and your little boy. I don’t know how helpful it would be but I would want a conversation with the head coach about their selection process / inclusivity policies and the danger of a 7 year old at least training with them. I would also look at the FA guidelines / club values etc and use anything you can from that. Fuckers.

Otherwise, if you have the time, definitely set up a social children’s team - even if just for 7-8 year olds. Drills and skills, then social match play. I’m sure you’ll find other parents who would support and can’t get their children into clubs. I get the school of hard knocks approach, but previous posters are absolutely right, sport is there to be enjoyed - excluding children from playing just because they’re ‘not good enough’ is frankly, not good enough.

Sweetpea1532 · 22/03/2022 19:32

@footballfckers

Not much advice about how to find DS a team, but you might enjoy the film, "King Richard"...it's based on Serena and Venus Williams' father and how he trained his girls to be well rounded people first and athletes second...very touching film..not about football, but heartwarming, nonetheless Flowers

TheUsualShitshow · 22/03/2022 19:43

You'd be that aggressive with a volunteer coach @Okaaaay

Beginning to understand why volunteers give up due to parental attitudes.

TickyTacky · 22/03/2022 19:50

Honestly, go for rugby. It's an amazing team sport and it's non contact until 9-10 years of age. Every week everybody goes to play the matches, 30 min training session followed by several matches in an hour. Then they fist bump, cheer the other team and have a group debrief. After that they all clean up and go the clubhouse for hotdogs/ pasta/ pasties that the home team provide. It's such a social sport & great for resilience. Every child gets the same playing time.