7rd old fucking football

[footballfckers]

I just wrote out a whole post and then accidentally deleted it.

Really pissed off about football for seven-year-olds and really upset. I am not a person who cries but today I cried. I had a cal from a private sports club who run football training once a week. My son who is 7 was having a 3 week taster and they called today to say he isn't good enough abs can't come back. I am so upset for him. He is such a sensitive little boy who just wants to play and learn.

He plays in a small after school club once a week but can't get him into the village football club either. To get in the village club it seems to be either who you know or sending a WhatsApp at the right moment. My husband has offered to do the Coaching qualifications and now I am thinking maybe we need to make a 'donation'.

He was offered a space in November but was having eye surgery so I asked if he could come in Jan. Tbey said yes and then ghosted me in January.

I don't want to be 'that' parent but my 7yr old needs someone to speak for him and sort these things out. He just wants to play football with his friends.

It's fucking ridiculous.

If your ds is a standard player interested in fun/teamwork and not a technically skilled player your options are; setting up a team to coach yourself (our club would be very open to this) or to join a football skills weekly session that someone puts on for profit.

Kids football is brutal. They get organised in to leagues at a very young age and some teams can be very competitive. They rely heavily on parents coaching and this does mean they are not always fair on entry. Also, the kids playing together do need to be a similar standard from about age 8 as they just don't pass to less skilled kids on the pitch after this. Like I said it's brutal!

I do think there's a big gap for kids who want to train and play for fun.

My ds is 9, has been in his team since he was 4, is a skilled player (gets offers from other teams regularly), plays non-stop at school and at home, and his dad is on the football team board. We book our holidays around football and we are considered quite hands off as kids football families go!

There are times when the kids go from five a side to seven a side and so on which means there's more space in teams so you might get a place then.

There seems a bit more flex in tennis, rugby and cricket for the balance of skills and fun so possibly they might be the way to go for interest and skills?

Start your own team!

@nodogz we tried going to a for profit organisation and they kicked him out as they didn't think he was good enough. This was after 2 sessions abs I had explained he had played very little before.

@arethereanyleftatall

There is no value to anyone in players of different abilities being on the same team. Even at 7, they know. The less able kids don't get passed to, the more able kids get frustrated and hog the ball. It benefits no one. For sure, there should be a team for all types, but they're generally volunteer led, so unless you're doing the volunteering, you can't really complain. I think on this thread you can really tell which people don't volunteer for anything and have no real understanding of it at all.

I commented upthread about DS's experience. I'm already tied up with Scouting, Guiding and organising junior parkruns. You tend to find with volunteers that they'll often do multiple things, but there's a limit to what they can take on. I'm full. I also know that football has up to 11 players including a goal keeper, you kick the ball towards your goal and swap ends at half time, and that's about it. Girls weren't taught boys' sports at my school, not that I had any aptitude for team/ ball sports. DH grew up in a country where soccer was not the priority sport so he'd also be pretty useless at volunteering, so we can't solve DS's issues that way. I've already bailed out his Beavers then Cubs in the face of leader shortages while maintaining my Guiding unit.

Just volunteer yourself isn't that simple. You need appropriate skills and the time to commit. More could do it, but it's not a viable solution to everyone.

Can't believe the company said he couldn't continue.

I thought these companies made money by coaching kids, surely if they have one less kid, it is less money?

There is no value to anyone in players of different abilities being on the same team. Even at 7, they know. The less able kids don't get passed to, the more able kids get frustrated and hog the ball. It benefits no one.
Well that, I would say, depends on how they have been coached. When my DS was playing junior hockey their team varied from kids who were in the regional and county squads, to brand new starters and a couple with learning disabilities. They all got a great deal of value from it, as players, and more importantly, people.
And had any of the higher level players ever behaved how you describe they would have had plenty of time to reflect on their behaviour from the bench. But they didn't, because that was not the ethos of the club and they knew it.
They regularly didn't win of course, but whether you view that as important or not depends on what you think the purpose of grassroots sport is I suppose.
Interestingly, not only has that particular club been over represented for years in the county squad and above, it's produced more than it's fair share of county captains and "players' players" etc. Surprising, for coaches who adopt a strategy that is of no value to anyone. Or then again, maybe it's not surprising at all.

@MrsAvocet you have put it far more eloquently than me. But you're right - this is what I was trying to say. Football doesn't teach that ethos at all - and you see it in the school playground and on the pitch from a very young age. It comes from the parents, the kids and the coaches.

And then it comes through to the professional game too.

It's very sad. Change will start from the grass roots too. But it would appear that those in the 'less-than-beautiful' game don't appear to see it as a problem which is, itself, the problem.

It's odd how sports such as rugby and hockey can play in mixed ability teams and yet footballers can't?

Our boys played football and rugby. Both were coached by "competitive dads" and, even when they thought they weren't, couldn't really get out of the mindset that winning matches was what they were there for. That naturally lead to playing the best players for longer and recruiting for better players over time.

For me, subjecting under 11s to that mentality is mercilessly cruel, and over 11s still pretty mean, although by secondary school age they are at least a bit more aware of their own abilities and frailties at sports.

One problem is, football is culturally enormous - and a brilliant sport. Playing lacrosse or hockey or orienteering might seem like a more pleasant alternative, but it's not football. Kids want to play football.

Another problem is that no-one wants to play in a team where everyone is even more shit than them. Our boys wanted to compete with players of their standard, not a poorer standard.

We took ds1 out of the village football club as it was too competitive and a drag driving him around to festivals all over the place every weekend when he just wanted a kick about. Instead we put him into training for kids at Goals, do you have one nearby as they might have similar, we only knew it was on because dh plays there too.

Interesting thread. Very sorry for your boy @footballfckers, no sport should be about making a 7 year old feel bad about themselves.

But football is such a massive cultural thing for small boys. My DS is a big rugby player and loves it, but at primary school would still participate in a football kick about with his mates at school as a social thing.

So I guess the question is what your DS wants from football? Does he want to be respected by his peer group, to play a sport he's mad about, or to win games? Or is it something else?

Someone asked how rugby is able to accommodate a wider range of competence and I think the answer is partly a) bigger teams b) it needs a greater variety of skills, especially as you get older. So there are a lot of opportunities for kids to develop quite niche but valued skills, and feel they contribute in that way.

Rejection of your children is so painful. Don’t ever go to an audition or for tryouts unless you are certain that you can all handle a no.

We’ve been there several times. We just had an incredibly painful and totally unexpected rejection when DD was assessed out of a programme she got into last year, it was a royal dream opportunity and she’s been so proud. She tried four times before the yes finally came. Now I have to break it to her thag they don’t want her.

That’s the price of admission so to speak, children will learn from it even if it is crushingly painful in the moment.

Tell your son to try again! There is extremely poor correlation between success at ages 7-9 and long term success. Keep going! Stay resilient and don’t give up

*real not royal

[quote footballfckers]@nodogz we tried going to a for profit organisation and they kicked him out as they didn't think he was good enough. This was after 2 sessions abs I had explained he had played very little before. [/quote]
Try another for profit session? Its very unusual they would turn down the cash. I've seen some of the siblings from our football team who were absolutely hopeless (and disinterested) in football spend years at soccer tots or whatever (until their parents gave up and let them do something they were interested in)

Football clubs pay subs (we have monthly direct debit or a charge of a few £££a a week) but no profit is made.

Our local football team has a charitable trust that put on paid-for football clubs at all school holidays. I've seen kids of all abilities there and it's a solid five hours of football a day.

Kids football is another world. My DS is 3 and has been training with his team since his 3rd birthday. They've organised a match against other local training camp and I just assumed all kids would be involved and all get a go, but even at this age they're only picking the "better" players. In a session for 3-4 year olds! It's crazy

I'd suggest going further afield if you're able to travel. Also see if the team has any position needs. Are they short of Goalkeepers? Some clubs struggle to get (and keep) GKs but would depend if your DS would be interested in that

This is the ONE time I'm happy my 15 year old is autistic, he plays with a disability football group and they are a brilliant inclusive family.

Both football and beavers are run by volunteers. Best way to get your child a place is usually to volunteer.

Football isn't usually so competitive at such an early age but it is as they get older. It is quite usual to do trials (but normally more like 11+) to join the team as if they aren't fit enough or good enough they just won't get a game anyway.

Football is in divisions. Look up on the fa website your local clubs and see what divisions they have teams in. Maybe speak to managers from the lower division clubs rather than the higher ones.

They have two teams already and my husband has offered to lead a third and apparently there are enough children

I hope your husband can get this off ground.
Am very keen to know where OP lives that everything is so tough to get into.

I think it's difficult to play a competitive team sport and take out all of the competition.

For e.g. you wouldn't have a competitive spelling team with 5 players and have one of the 5 chosen be a terrible speller. And tell the rest of the team it doesn't matter because 'terrible speller' is having a lovely time.
Or a poor swimmer taking up a space on a competitive swim team.

Not that I'm saying that there aren't any issues with the culture in kids football. But competition with no competing (like school sports days with no winners or losers) is a bit blegh.

My DD is 9 (also plays football!) and really wanted to be on the elite (competitive) gym team, but she's not good enough. That's life. She still enjoys it though! She also wanted the singing solo in her dance school's show... again was never going to happen!! Resilience is a good thing and a life-long skill.

If it makes you feel better, I think you're probably in the peak football ages. From this point, lots of the kids drift into other sports, particularly rugby which doesn't start at quite such a young age.

My son wasn't a great football player, and my husband ended up coaching his team so the kids of similar standards got a game. At that time, football seemed to define his school social scene and he was made to feel a bit inadequate by the better players. (Some of the kids weren't "allowed" to join in the playtime game of football as the school insisted on them only having one football so it made it into a big deal).

But, fast forward ten years, and he's a better sportsman than the footballers that were pretty mean to him. Frankly, it's not a big deal other than to make the point that things change and I hope your son doesn't let it knock his confidence.

I am trying to get my head around a 7 year old being rejected from a team as not good enough. That is wrong on so many levels I'm not sure where to even start.

Perhaps fair enough at secondary school age with inter club competition etc - but surely young primary school age should be about inclusivity and trying new things....

I think the football coach should take a good hard look at themselves. Doesn't feel the right vibe at all for 7 year old children...

@footballfckers

Forget about trying to get a doctors appointment, the real problem in this Country is getting into footballl club or beavers 🦫

Speaking as a mum with a 9 year old who has no interest whatsoever in either, I just think they are totally over rated myself [duck and cover]

Give me an impromptu game of rounders in the park any day...

@BeautifulDragon where did I say there was no competition?!? My hockey players were fiercely competitive and so are my boys at rugby. Being competitive doesn’t mean always selecting the best - it means fostering a team spirit and supporting each other, selection at 7 is deluded and fostered by the idea these boys will be playing for Liverpool one day .

The other thing with sport at such a young age is the selecting of the better players skews towards those older in the academic year. As mum to an Aug DS yes he would be developmentally behind a Sept 7 year old when he will still be 6 the following summer. But it was only a glaring problem with football. As I said DS only started hockey at 11 and he's played three years at county level as an older teen. Credit to the club for supporting him as a late starter and the volunteer coaches who gave him match time so he had a fair chance at improvement.

where did I say there was no competition?!?

I didn't say you did?!? Just giving my own opinion, if that's ok

Honestly football is taken far too seriously… find yourself a different sport. Loads of options, if he’s not that talented at football he will just get disheartened.